If you were to ask someone what’s the first memory they can remember it’s probably not
going to be entirely accurate. I’m no exception. What I do know is that my earliest
memories include Mama. The first 3 years of my life, the majority of each day was just
she and I while Mom and Dad went to work; feeding me, dressing me, playing with
me...feeding me again.
And one of the things I remember most is how 2-3 times a week she’d put me in her
bright blue 1986 Volvo and drive us to the park. She’d hold me as I grabbed onto the
monkey bars, she’d bounce me up and down on the teeter-totter, but my favorite was
the swings. Now once she’d put me in the swings, it became a 3 step phase to get me
out and go home
Phase 1, was she’d tell me it’s time to go and I’d just sit there (I was a stubborn kid, but
hey I got it from my Mama!).
Phase 2, was when that didn’t work she’d move onto her mind games, tell me she was
leaving and slowly start to walk away. Now even though I was only 2 or 3, I knew she
couldn’t leave me so I played along. But every step she took, it would test my comfort
level until….
Phase 3, she’d take that one step too far and I’d panic. Of course I was also stuck
because I was in a bucket swing so I would shout and cry until she’d come walking back
laughing to herself and take me out. I’d be relieved she hadn’t left and we’d get back
into the Volvo and go home.
Eventually Morgan came along and we became teenagers. Now those of you who knew
Mama or have heard about her through us know that she had some peculiar habits and
a stubborn personality. At times it felt like roles were reversed: Morgan and I would be
winding down for the evening and she would be getting ready to go out shopping--
asking if we wanted to join her at 10pm. Her walks around the neighborhood would go
on for hours to the point where we’d get in the car to search for her. She had no sense
of fear being out by herself late at night—even thinking she could outrun a bear if she
needed to. Her friends would be over at all hours, she’d sleep in late and stay up all
night long, seemingly living the same time schedule as a rowdy college student.
Explaining to friends who would have a sleepover was always an interesting time: “don’t
be alarmed if you hear a banging late at night…it’s just my grandmother using her meat
cleaver to chop up some spareribs”.
That’s where Mama found her enjoyment: in food. She was a regular in the stores
spending hours inspecting each piece of meat, fish or vegetable. I think she enjoyed
having Dad, Morgan or I there because we could always get to the bottom of the bins or
were strong enough to carry a bag of rice. Morgan and I being able to drive just meant
we were able to transport more food for her. One time on my way out to UBC she had
me take her to Chinatown, put 6 bags of rice in the car, drop her off and bring the rice
home after lectures. It was the norm to have not only her 2 fridges completely filled, but
half of ours, a chest freezer, and other food stored across town!
But she loved watching other enjoys her food. I would always tell my friends that if they
ate something she gave them, it was a sure fire way to get an “in” with her. No one
else’s food was as good, she could make something better than any restaurant, and you
could never truly be full if you were eating her food--there was always room for more.
In our last moments together, Morgan and I fed her lunch--a poetic moment after all the
years she’s fed us not only food but unconditional love. And while she’s no longer just
downstairs or a “Dinner’s ready!” shout away, we take comfort knowing that she’s in a
beautiful place where the stores are all stocked and everything is on sale. And one day
when we see her again, I’m sure it won't be a “Hello” but rather a “You’re too skinny!
Time to eat!”
I’m really fortunate to have spent more time with Mama than the average person does
with a grandparent. She didn’t just raise me for the first 3 years of my life, she raised
Morgan and I our whole lives and was there for every moment, shaping us into who we
are today. She was up front and center, just as much of a parental figure as Mom and
Dad.
So in preparing for today, I went back to the park and sat on those swings and realized
that she and I are just going through the phases once again: I’m in the swing and she’s
just walked away a little further this time than ever before, so my comfort level needs
time to adjust. Ultimately that 3 year old girl had it right: I know deep down she can’t
really leave me. I knew it then, and I will continue to remember that.
Original Obituary for Mrs. Kay Siu Ho Won
It is with great sadness that the family of Kay Siu Ho Won announces her passing on Friday, May 4, 2018 at the age of 82 years. Kay was predeceased by her husband Thomas (1992) and daughter in-law Jenny (2006). Kay will be lovingly remembered by her sons, Fred (Carmen) and Kerry(Lily). Kay will also be fondly remembered by her six grandchildren, Melissa, Samantha, Shelby, Julianna, Morgan and Justin, by her sisters, Pauline Hui (Kai Wing), May Lee (Peter deceased), brother Shu Kei Louie (Johanne) special cousin Charles Woo (Suzanne) and many nieces and nephews.
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