Mrs. May Yum Lai

First of all, thank you to all of you for coming today to honour our mom. I know some of you have travelled to attend and many of you have taken time from work and your busy schedules. Thank you to everyone for these beautiful flowers and also those who have made donations in her memory. My mom would have been so happy to see you all here and overwhelmed by your thoughtfulness and generosity. Grace and I, would like to thank everyone for their support over the last few years and especially in the last few weeks. All your kind thoughts, texts, cards, hugs and help has meant the world to us. We appreciated it more than you will ever know.

It is the natural order of the world that a parent should precede their children and it is a gift to have our parents with us for whatever length of time we can. If we are fortunate like my sister and I, to be able to have our mom for as long as we have, we then also have to embrace the heartache of saying goodbye. I have come to understand in the last few weeks that this sorrow we experience is also a doorway to our compassion, forgiveness and love. I don’t think it is ever easy to say goodbye to your own mother at any age but I will do my best to honour our mom, the indomitable, one of a kind, Mrs. May Yum Lai.

Our mother, May Yum Lai passed away peacefully on Tuesday April 21, 2026 at Vancouver General Hospital. She is predeceased by her husband, Lai Tsung Hsien; her mother, Wong Ah Kuk; her father, Ng Hon Bui, her sister, Tan Mai Ser and brother, Ng Shun Tak. She is survived by her daughters, Grace Lai (Tom) and Sylvia Lai (Dan); her 4 grandchildren, Olivia, Matthew, Stephanie and Madeleine and her sister Yuk Ying Lo.

Our mom lived a full 92 years on this earth. As a young child she survived the bombings and subsequent 3 years and 8 months occupation of Hong Kong by the Japanese during World War 2. She rarely spoke of these experiences but we know that like many who are survivors of war, she was forged by the fear, deprivation and loss. Post war our mom told us how she feared that she might have to leave school to work due to necessity as her father passed away suddenly leaving her mother to care for 4 young children. Showing the grit and determination which became a core part of her personality throughout her life, she dedicated herself to school, studying very hard as this was a value instilled in her by her own father. Our mother obtained her teaching diploma and became an elementary school teacher in Hong Kong. I have been told that she had the most well behaved classroom which was also because she was also the most feared teacher ! Our parents married in 1959 and the birth of their first child, Grace soon followed in 1960. In May 1967, our mom and dad made the brave decision to immigrate to Vancouver, BC Canada. It was a place our father chose because of its natural beauty after visiting Vancouver during one of his stops when he worked for a Hong Kong shipping company. Like many immigrants of that time, they worked long and hard to start over in their new home. The opportunity of providing a safe and a better future for their 2 daughters was always at the heart of everything they did. As the first on both sides of their families to immigrate to Canada, they also helped to sponsor many of their extended families to settle here as well. Our mom’s exceptional command of the English language allowed her to help family members navigate settling into Canada. She always said that she tried her best to help everyone. In her later years she would continue to help interpret for people in her assisted living community who did not speak English.

Our mom’s resilient and tenacious nature afforded her the remarkable ability to reinvent herself. She was trained as a teacher in Hong Kong. When she came to Canada, she upgraded her education and obtained her Canadian teaching diploma but because she was only offered teaching positions in remote areas, she pivoted to a career in banking. She was very proud of her years working in the foreign exchange department of the Bank of Nova Scotia’s main branch and fondly pointed out that she worked there whenever we drove by the bank’s location on Georgia and Granville Street.

Mom retired early from the bank and decided to open her own business. She started her own kitchen and gift store called "Silver Spoon" at the New Westminster Quay and later with another store called "Buttons and Bows" on Columbia Street. But it wasn't until our mom obtained her real estate license that she really realized her true passion - helping people buy and sell homes! There were many years spent with our dad driving mom to numerous open houses and sales negotiations because our mom didn't drive. They were quite the team. The home that Dan and I live in today where we raised our family, was a home mom found and negotiated the deal for us in 1999.

Our mom's last job and the one that made her most fulfilled was when she became a Po Po. First to Olivia, then to the twins Stephanie and Madeleine, and lastly with Matthew. She loved her grandchildren like only a grandmother could. She stayed for many long hours in the hospital’s waiting room while awaiting their births . She made sure each grandchild received generous Canada Saving Bonds and lucky money with each birthday, Christmas, Chinese New Year and graduation - it was her way to ensure their future would be safe and secure, something I'm sure she wished for herself as a child. To this day each of her grandchildren remember her teachings to " always save your money and invest in real estate ! ". Olivia, Stephanie, Madeleine and Matthew have been fortunate to have been loved unconditionally by Popo who made sure that they were always safe, never hungry, financially secure and knew the value of a good education and working hard.

We are grateful that our mom had the opportunity to really retire and travel the world with our dad. They pretty much covered every continent. There were too many cruises to keep count. We do know they achieved the "Captain's Club" status at some point ! They went to Alaska multiple times, Panama Canal, Mexico, Caribbean, Russia, China, South America, Australia and all over Europe, Canada and the United States. We are pretty sure our mom never missed a buffet or midnight dessert buffet on these cruises. She also brought both of our families on a number of these cruises including a Disney Cruise. There were also trips to Beijing and Shanghai to introduce the grandkids to their homeland. We now have wonderful memories to cherish thanks to her.

Our mom dedicated herself to caring for our father during the last six years of his illness. No easy feat, as his condition deteriorated she insisted on looking after him herself. When our father passed away in 2016, after 56 years of marriage, our mom missed him terribly. In her last year as her world became smaller and her memory waned, she spoke often of wanting to see our dad and her own mother. She would ask us to take her home. When we asked where home was, she said Morrison Road in Hong Kong which had been her original home. She would tell us that we just needed to drop her off at the ferry and they would meet her on the other side and she would be ok. She felt that our dad, our grandmother and many of her beloved relatives who have predeceased her, were waiting for her there. I would like to believe that she has now happily reunited with them all again. All of them boisterously speaking in their Wenzhou dialect, happy, healthy and sitting around a table enjoying dim sum or lining up for a buffet. In her last days in hospital, I encouraged mom to go find dad and her mom who we called Nee Nee and asked her to tell them what a wonderful life they have built for my sister and I. We both have had successful and meaningful careers because of the opportunities our parents gave us as a result of their sacrifices and hard work. We have wonderful spouses (Tom and Dan) who I also know she was so proud to have as her son in laws and often said what good decent men they both are. She would tell her friends her daughter is a doctor, her son in law is a professor and her other son in law is a lawyer. I asked her to make sure to let dad know how wonderful all 4 grandkids are - they have all graduated from university now, all have responsible jobs and most importantly, have all become kind, caring, thoughtful and responsible young adults. That they all still think of Gung Gung and Po Po often and have wonderful funny memories of them. They still go to the Kerrisdale McDonalds as a group and reminisce about when Gung Gung and Po Po used to take them there after picking them up from school and ordering fish burgers, large fries and many many Happy Meals. We know Gung Gung and Po Po would be so proud of them.

After our father passed in 2016 our mom made what was in hindsight another brave and thoughtful decision on behalf of her children as she was aware that she was getting older and would need more help. The decision to move to the Icelandic Harbour Assisted Living where she lived for 8 more years before moving to Point Grey Hospital long term care last year, was her way of ensuring she would not be a burden to her children. We are so grateful for the wonderful care she received at both homes. In the last 2 years my mom was so fortunate also to have Anita as her companion. She very much enjoyed her visits with Anita, who made her days so much happier and allowed her to maintain her dignity till the end. We are forever indebted to Anita, you are truly an angel. We also would like to thank our Auntie Lo and our cousin Ed and his wife Frances for their ongoing support of our mom. Mom cherished Auntie Lo’s monthly visits and weekly phone calls throughout the years. Your many visits and trips to dim sum with mom meant a lot to Grace and I and I know our mom appreciated them as well. And lastly to my sister Grace who selflessly cared for our mom through her many medical challenges ensuring she had the best possible care always. Mom undoubtedly was so proud to have a daughter who is a medical doctor but I think in the end your love, attention and dedication to mom to the very end will always be remembered.

Our mom suffered in her last few years with congestive heart failure and memory loss. It was hard to see her struggle through these challenges as she was always fiercely independent and her mental capacity was important to her. She remained kind to her caregivers, always thanking them for their help despite her poor health. In the last years of her life when our visits were limited to car rides around town due to her mobility, she would always mention how fortunate she was to have her two daughters. In the end we made the difficult decision to transition her to comfort care. We wanted her last days to be free of all the pain and stress she had endured in the last 2 years with the many hospitalizations and the ongoing anxiety she experienced due to her diminishing memory. She passed peacefully having spent her last days surrounded by her family and love, warm and safe. We hope she has found our father and our grandmother whom she missed so much and had in her last year been asking to 'go home' to see them often.

Our mother, a force of nature, fierce protector of her family, has left the surly bonds of earth but will always be remembered and loved. Thank you mommy for all that you have done for us.