Doris Edna Coles

Doris is lovingly remembered by her husband, Ron, her children: Ron (Candace), Brad (Alysha), Lisa, and Krista (Steven), her grandchildren: Justin and Sheena, and Rachael, Naomi, and Mateo, and Thane and Haydn, her great grandchildren: Calysta and Jordan, as well as her siblings: Bob, George, Gordie, Chuckie, Ricky, Tim, Jane, Margo and Shirley.

Doris is predeceased by her mother, Bertha, father, Edward (Eddie), and brothers, Frankie, Billy and Marty.

Doris was a loving mother and wife, a caring sister and grandmother, an adoring daughter, and a blessing.

Mom's childhood was spent in Ottawa, Ontario. In her teen years she left home and found a job as a typist for 3 years with the Civil Service Commission, and then with the RCMP. It was here she met Dad and later married him in BC. Together they raised a family of four. Later, desiring to finish her high school education, Mom attained her sought-after grade 12 diploma. She continued her education at Vancouver Community College in the Nursing Aide program and maintained a 3.82 GPA. Her employment consisted of being a receptionist for an ENT specialist, a care aide for Paramed, and nurse's aide at Holy Family Hospital over a six year period. This vocation of caring for elderly clients, doing home care, gave her fulfillment. It gave her joy. She continued this care of people with family, friends and acquaintances.

Mom had a love for children. She was there in some capacity in each of her grandchildren's lives from birth. She could weave a vivid story.

Her faith began a spark in childhood and rekindled in hard times to sustain her. We miss you, Mom. Your voice, your love and support, your footprints in our lives. To us, that rekindled flame truly shone these last few months.

Thank you God, for giving us such a strong matriarch. Help us carry her in our hearts. Help us roll up our sleeves with her determination and strength.

What I MISS…

I miss her calling me and sending me a card on my birthday

I miss her stories

I miss her tears when playing cards

I miss her catching me up on family news

I miss her and Dad sitting watching the news

I miss the phone calls to cheer me up

I miss her tinnitus (the ringing in her ears)

I miss her hands that sewed costumes and darned socks

I miss her driving a car and securing the steering wheel with a lock

I miss her expecting people to act immediately on what she asked of them

I miss her watering using her thumb on the water stream to make the hose spray

I miss how easy she bruised

I miss how she watched and loved children

I miss her small mouth and the features of her face

I miss her ability to see other’s needs

I miss family camping trips driving there with a folding lawn chair situated between the car bench seats

I miss hearing of my genealogy

I miss going to see antique places that reminded her of her childhood

I miss going to high tea

I miss her faithfulness with greeting cards and visits to watch her children grow

I miss the love in her heart in keeping her family close

I miss all the ta-doo about things she insisted on carrying out

I miss the watchful eye on how things were done

I miss the nightmares where Dad would need to wake her up

I miss the drive to keep the house up ( just in case) to make it easier on us

I miss the desire for her favourite foods

I miss her devotion to look after Dad

I miss her devotion to her church

I miss her knitting in her chair

I miss her questions, though sometimes invasive or hard

I miss what I don’t remember about her, but vaguely still hold to because no one can tell me anymore

I miss asking her questions while sitting on her bed when I was a little girl

I miss canning peaches and picking strawberries

I miss her hidden expectations for my life

I miss her practicality and frugality

I miss her making fudge

I miss her putting lights on the tree

I miss her china dishes though they have been gone for years

I miss birthdays where she made cakes and passed the tradition on

I miss her and Dad golfing or taking a walk

I miss car rides to adventures

I miss her claustrophobia

I miss her need to care

I miss her protectiveness and need to keep us safe

I miss how she got excited about what I did or made like a much younger mom

I miss her faith and candor and chats about these

I miss hearing how she liked the farming life and driving in the countryside

I miss going out to eat with her at one of the many restaurants

I miss her planning and saving up for things

I miss the ticking of her bedside clock

I miss the power and motion of her walk

I miss her ironing on the counter

I miss giving her back rubs and the smell of A5-35

I miss the “Can you remind me of..."

I miss all the planted fruit trees

I miss the freshly laundered sheets on my single bed

I miss the squinting versus putting her glasses on instead

I miss the colour of the fireplace bricks

I miss the conversation about finding just the right picture for over the fireplace

I miss the problems and the figuring-out solutions

I miss her as the backseat driver and her fear of mountainside cliffs

I miss KOAs and # 6 motels

I miss shopping for school clothes

I miss her gifts

I miss her concern for my future

I miss her migraine headaches and getting ice cubes

I miss movies with causes that need to be solved

Some of these things I can think about and some I can of course do, but none of them can be quite the same without her.

I want to take the MISSES and apply them to my life so that there will be many more misses and moments yet to come.

Mom made me feel loved and this is what I will miss the most.

~ Krista

Traces of Character

Any young woman who is a serious Christian is on the lookout for an older woman mentor as a role model (as is mentioned of in the Bible in the book of Titus 2:4 & 5). Another key place in the Bible that draws women who desire to be godly is the renowned Proverbs 31 passage. I was drawn to the verses as a teenager and as an adult, but I often felt that they were an impossible ideal.

“Then they (the older women) can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:4 & 5 NIV

Mom was inspired by the Proverbs 31 woman to set forth a course of direction in her own life. I believe that Mom role modelled aspects of the Proverbs 31 woman; specifically, in her character, morality, industry and resourcefulness.

No one would deny that Mom had a strong and vibrant personality. She determinedly fought for dignity and put her faith into action through countless acts of kindness. This ranged anywhere from desiring to adopt her own brother (Tim) or wanting to become a foster parent to cheering the down and out. It was not uncommon for Mom to reach out to the homeless in Chilliwack by knitting toques and mittens for them, giving out Dad’s clothing, or handing out McDonald’s gift cards. She was motivated to lift the burdens of family and friends by words of encouragement, a silent prayer, or a homemade apple pie (at home or delivered) despite her own personal worries. Many of those who knew her have expressed their gratitude for her generous monetary gifts.

“She’s quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.” Proverbs 31:20 The Message Bible

One of Mom’s principles for life was to avoid being idle or lazy. She worked diligently as a house wife and homemaker and provided for her household in any way that she feasibly could. Her top priority was being a wife and mother, yet she agreeably entered the work force in the 1980s to better our family’s financial situation. Saving helped her work toward obtainable goals, like a second car and purchasing their own home or property. A fitting example of Mom’s industrious spirit is the building of their rancher house in Parksville in the early 1990s. It was built in a mere three months with Mom and Dad wearing the hats as general contractors. They persistently hired and followed through with at least five subcontractors – roofers, framers, dry wallers, insulators and electricians. Not to mention, Mom and Dad also prepped their own driveway and endeavoured to do their own landscaping.

“She’s up before dawn preparing…and organizing her day.” Proverbs 31:15 The Message

“She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.” Proverbs 31:16 The Message

“She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” Proverbs 31:17 NIV

“She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.” Proverbs 31:27 The Message

My whole childhood was filled with numerous instances of Mom’s resourcefulness. It is such a useful quality! I must admit that this area has spilled over to me in my life. Sewing or mending made clothes last and redirect funds elsewhere. Mom made use of her practical seamstress skills to create curtains and childhood costumes for us. I can recall Mom busing around independently to various stores for the “best buys,” all on one transfer. She wisely stocked up ahead of time and stretched her dollar. The recollections of doing without or with little in her upbringing were never far from her thoughts. Mom did not hesitate to create new meals with leftovers and utilized her freezer. The aroma of preserved jams or canned peaches filled the kitchen. Sweet Chilliwack corn on the cob became a favourite to blanch and freeze before the winter months. It became common-place to cook with powdered milk, or to serve it half and half with the regular carton.

“She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing. She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.” Proverbs 31:13 & 14 The Message

“She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.” Proverbs 31:18 & 19 The Message

What stands out to me about Mom is her nurturing qualities in her character. Much of her life was spent extending her love and care into her garden, and more importantly into people’s lives. She offered hospitality and had a welcoming atmosphere in her home. Mom enjoyed planting trees…cedar, plum, pear and apple. She even successfully planted her first potted evergreen Christmas tree on their Parksville property. I consulted Mom about my front garden when I moved into the house in Port Coquitlam in 2007. With pleasure she helped me to choose a crimson Azalea bush, an upright pink Phlox, red heather and cedar shrubs. The big take-away lesson for me then and now is to take the time to invest in other’s lives. This Proverbs 31-like woman is now tangible to me…inwardly strong and determined, wise, welcoming, with a willingness to advocate for the needy. She is exemplified in my own mother – not perfect, but real.

~ Your grateful daughter, Lisa

FAMILY MEMORIES ...

Memories shared from Ron Sr.

A Husband’s Sentiments

Doris was my rock. She has been my supporter and caregiver all of my life. She always had my back. Doris took over the finances and the running of the house. I was grateful for that. She has always been a go-getter. And I’ll love her for the rest of my life.

~ Ron

(Spoken on April 9, 2021, after celebrating 61 years of marriage on January 29th)

Memories shared from her eldest son, Ron Jr.

Mom and Dad celebrated their 61st anniversary this past January (2021). She was in & out the of hospital with her health issues since last December and after one particularly long 3 week stay she was absolutely over the moon thrilled to be out of the hospital. From the moment I picked her up on her release from the hospital she expressed that she couldn’t believe she was actually out of the hospital and immediately began telling me true life stories of her life and how she was so lucky to have met a man like Dad and to have married him, what a great husband he was and it was quite apparent she was exiting the hospital chocked full of emotion on all sorts of topics and she wanted to express all of it. When she got home, she continued being talkative beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. The stories and stories just kept coming out of her. Things I’d never even heard before. She talked so much she had to stop and catch her breath and at one point, she asked for the patio door to be opened to allow some fresh air in so she could breathe. She wanted to tell me about some things she had done way back in ancient history when I was just a little boy and she was a new mom raising her first child (me) and I guess maybe she was trying to clear her conscience or get rid of some baggage she’d been carrying around for a lifetime. She got very serious with me and told me she thought maybe she had spanked me too hard this one particular time that she remembered clearly and it had always bothered her. She was quite emotional in this confession. I listened closely and I could see it was a bad memory she held… but I told her, " Mom, please don’t worry about it, I don’t remember it and I certainly wasn’t damaged or traumatized by it, so Mom you can just let it go." In hindsight, maybe I should have said more, I should have said, "Mom, I love you and it’s okay..." but in a way I guess I did. Mom told many more stories that day and in the days to follow about her life growing up in her own family, about her dad, about her mom and about her 12 other siblings. She also talked about leaving home at 16, starting to work at her first job, and of course meeting dad there, dating him, getting engaged and then married and having a family, 4 kids. All the family photos were out on display while Mom explained each photo and then articulated her stories of her life around them. In my 60 years as her eldest son, this was the most excited and animated I’d ever seen her, not to mention the most emotional, yes there was a bit of crying involved.

I guess my interpretation of what was happening was it might have been her way of coping with, or coming to terms with, what she knew, deep down, was coming. How someone knows that, I don’t know.

I grew up in a family that moved around a lot. This is because my dad would get transferred around with his job. So we would move to a new town or city every so often and then start all over again there at the new place. Now they say this can be hard on kids. But I’ll tell something... we had a secret weapon, we had someone who kept the situation as stable as it could possibly be for our family... that was Mom.

Mom basically kept everything from imploding and she was on top of absolutely everything, and so we survived. We survived all of those moves, we got through starting at all those new schools, we adapted to all those new environments, and we did it with ease. It was all because things were in control, staged and choreographed and fully organized with Mom in charge. She provided that stability and that comfort in what should have been very stressful times. That’s the type of person mom was. It’s been said before but I need to borrow it here, Mom was the glue that held our family together.

Mom also had an interest in watching movies and reading books because she was always interested in a good story.

I inherited my interest in movies, reading books and listening to music from my parents. I saw movies on the big screen that they took us to and the ones on the small screen that we watched on TV. I heard music on the stereo that played from the vinyl records they had in the house.

If you are old enough, you might remember Drive-In Theatres, where you basically drove your car into a large fenced lot, with hundreds of parking spots and you parked next to a post and attached the speaker from the post to one of the side windows of your car. Everybody in each of the cars watched the movie projected on a humongous white screen structure at the front of the lot. Well, Mom and Dad used to load us up in the car, all of us, parents and kids, don’t forget the potato chips and ginger ale and off we’d go to the Drive-In. That’s where I vividly recall seeing this huge Western movie, in colour, on the big Drive-In movie screen, the classic John Wayne film called True Grit. That was the one that did it for me. Ever since, I’ve been a certified movie buff and aficionado. Not just Westerns mind you, pretty much any and every other genre, as demonstrated by my expansive (and what my wife calls excessive or obsessive) home movie collection of Blu Rays and DVDs.

Mom taught me, and the other kids, early on how to operate in the kitchen. She’d have us make soup, cook bacon, stir this item or that item in this pot or that frying pan on the stove. It was all good preparation for the meals to be cooked in the future. Then there’s the obligatory “doing the dishes” routine that has to be addressed in a family of 6, the 4 kids, actually 3 kids to start with (before baby sister Krista came along), we’d all take turns, rotating the dish washing duty every night, and you’d have to trade a night with one of your siblings if you had something important happening and it happened to land on your assigned dish washing night. Mom was very organized in our home and she made efficient use of her kids. Bless you, Mom. We helped with planting grass (from scratch), shovelling top soil around the yard, rolling it flat with a heavy water filled drum, scattering the grass seed, putting up a temporary nylon mesh fence to keep people and critters off of it. We did the front and the back yards on some of the homes we moved into that were newer construction and had no lawn yet. We watered those grass seeds and later we mowed that lawn as it grew. I still recall the first use of the lawnmower lesson I got growing up and it comes to mind every time I cut the grass decades later. We helped Mom and Dad to put in fence posts and build fences, around the backyards, we became familiar with the use of tools and paint brushes.

Trust me, there was definitely an allowance to be collected for this labour. An allowance which we either saved or spent. We were definitely kids learning a variety of things... small things at first that Mom (and Dad) felt would be beneficial down the road in our lives. Later on we learned about the bigger things. The allowance thing was okay but I was motivated to venture out and make a bit more, so I got my first job, a newspaper route. That eventually turned into getting a real job, then several jobs later, I entered into a 35 year career following in the same footsteps as my dad and then just a few years ago, I found a special new job... called retirement.

Mom was the real trail blazer in our family. She took the reins and she rode off to tackle whatever project needed to be done next. Usually there was no waiting around or procrastinating, if a new car was needed she was the one who went out, found it, bought it, and brought it home... while Dad and us kids looked out the window as the new car pulled into the driveway and we were amazed.

Mom showed us kids how to look after a baby sister (Krista) as soon as she arrived home from the hospital. Right away we learned how to look after an infant...we’re talking baby bottles and changing diapers, then as a toddler, getting her to walk, babysitting and all the rest. That’s was an experience of a lifetime. That training also led to a number of babysitting jobs outside the home.

Mom was a hockey mom too. That meant getting her 2 sons up out of bed and driving them to those very early morning minor hockey practices. Sometimes it meant her driving us a very long way to some hockey rink way out of town.

Thanks Mom, thanks for all of that... and lots more that I’ve probably forgotten to mention. You did an excellent job of raising us. Your kids, in my biased opinion, turned out special.

I remember the family road trips to Disneyland and Universal Studios in California and to relatives in Tennessee in the USA. I remember those road trips to Saskatchewan to visit and to spend summers with my grandmother (Nanny) on my dad's side of the family.

I remember Mom and Dad taking us camping... first in tents and then in tent trailers. The end result was this outdoor activity really rubbed off on me. It developed into a love of exploring the outdoors through camping, hiking, backpacking, scrambling, skiing, mountain biking, Jeeping and RVing which my wife (Candace) and I have done in a number of recreation vehicles over the years (a travel trailer, a fifth wheel trailer and finally a Class A motor home).

For a while, Mom and Dad travelled down to the warmer southern states during the winter. Yes, she and Dad were snowbirds, spending the cold and wet Canadian winters in sunny Yuma, Arizona. Mom pretty much organized those trips and did her fair share of the driving. It seems funny now, that I followed right along in those footsteps, because my wife (Candace)& I do the same thing; we snowbird in the winter and we’ve also been staying in Yuma, Arizona. Thanks for that, Mom.

My love of dogs, where did that come from ? Well, I think I know. There’s a story Mom told us many many times about me growing up with a dog stuffie toy that was my absolute favourite as a very young boy. There’s even a photo of me with it. Mom would tell this story much better, but here goes. One night, the dog stuffie toy went missing and it could not be found anywhere. I guess I was really quite upset about the situation, I think it was because, I’d felt that I’d just lost my best friend, my dog, even though it was stuffed. So as Mom tells the story, Mom and Dad conducted this massive search throughout the whole house but to no avail, so the search then continued outside of the house, in the pouring rain. It was not looking good. But... there is a happy ending, the dog stuffie toy was finally located, but in the least likely of spots, that dog was apparently hiding, in a small waste paper basket in the house. Someone (I have no idea and no recollection who) had inadvertently thrown him in there, and it was not spotted in the initial search. I guess it was all quite traumatizing for me as a small boy, to lose my favourite dog and I seriously believe this event, early in life, somehow stuck with me, in my consciousness and was a main influence on me becoming the dog lover I am today. Thanks, Mom.

Ron Jr.'s Eulogy:

Hello, I’m Ron, the eldest son.

Today is a day of reflection. A day to honour and remember my mother.

To start with, I want to thank everybody who has had anything to do with the planning and setting up the events planned for this day, this memorial service at the church and the service at the cemetery that is to follow this afternoon. There has been a lot of work put into it by quite a number of people as well the family members that you see here today.

Also, on behalf of the Coles family I would like to personally send out a thank you, to all people, to all friends, to close neighbours, to all family members, near and far, to everyone, that have taken the time to express their heartfelt sympathy and genuine support about the loss of my mother. This is tangible thing, and we feel it, all this sympathy and support that has been conveyed to us in the many, many cards, letters, emails, phone calls, text messages, and also in the wonderful words, written memories and comments that have been posted on Mom’s Obituary on the Funeral Home website. We feel the love and I’m sure mom does to.

There are just too many to names to mention and thank individually here, but you know who you are, and if you think you might be one of them, you probably are.

We, the Coles family, are deeply touched by the tremendous outpouring of love and appreciation for my mom. We know she was a very special person and we know that she touched many people in the world in her own special way.

Let’s talk a little about Mom for a minute, this is from my perspective as her first born son.

Mom was a mother. Mom had 4 children. They are all present here today. Ron (Jr.), Brad, Lisa and Krista.

Mom gave us life. Mom nurtured each of us. Mom looked after our needs, held our hand and we bonded, Mother and child, children and mother. We all grew up and it was because Mom did such an excellent job of raising us, that all of her kids, in my biased opinion, turned out special.

Then, unfortunately Mom’s health took a turn for the worst. Mom was still a mother of course, but the our roles kind of reversed.

In those stressful days and weeks leading up to Mom’s final departure from this life... it was the Adult Children this time, that nurtured Mom, looking after her needs, bonding with her all over again, and holding her hand, right up until the end.

In a sense, Mom was a pioneer, an explorer, a trail blazer for our family; she was the first of us to venture out...into this final chapter of life, and the first to take this path that all of us will eventually take. Mom showed us how hard and difficult the path can be... but she was very brave and she did it with amazing grace. She also showed us how peaceful it can be.

One of Mom’s favourite country singers was Loretta Lynn. Here are the lyrics from a song called “My Angel Mother”:

I'm writing this song about a girl that I know

She's just as pure as all silver and gold

I might search this world over, oh, but I'd never find

No one to take the place of this mother of mine

Mother, that's the sweetest name of them all

You're an angel on earth and to me you are worth

More than anything else in the world

I love you more day by day, and I could never repay

All the things that you've done for me

Your heart is filled with joyous times

And your eyes, oh, how they shine

That's the story of this mother of mine

Mother, that's the sweetest name of them all

You're an angel on earth and to me you are worth

More than anything else in the world

Mother...

~ Ron

Memories shared from Brad

Hello, I am Brad the 2nd oldest son. Welcome to Mom's celebration of life.

Mom has been in my life 58 years.

She had a difficult childhood and I believe this made her a very strong woman. Mom was strong willed, generous, caring and lived her life on a straight and lawful path of being a good citizen. Religion was a big part of her life and she tried to pass down good values to all her kids.

Mom worried about her family on a daily basis. She could be serious quite often and occasionally did not see the humour in things. When we went for visits, our family always tried to make her laugh.

Mom could carry a conversation very well, sometimes you did not have to say anything. She had the gift of conversation.

Over the years Mom made so many tasty meals and was known for her cooking. Nobody cooks like your mom.

Over the years our family moved around quite a bit. Places such as Delta, Port Alberni, Vernon and back to North Delta come to mind. Later Mom and Dad had stays in Richmond, Parksville and Chilliwack.

Mom and Dad were very good grandparents and were a big part in my kids growing up.

Mom went back to finish her high school education at North Delta Senior High at the same time I was going there. Being a teenager, I didn't thrill over my mom going to the same school as me, but later on as I got older I realized what courage it took for her to go back there.

Mom was a great planner and planned for future events in her life. Events such as going back to work and making enough money to help build the retirement home in Parksville. Eventually buying their home in Chilliwack.

Some of my family's fondest memories of Mom would be the following: A trip to Aldergrove game farm resulting in my hand being bitten by a miniature horse and Mom saying "Brad, can't you read the sign, no feeding the animals!" while my wife Alysha laughed in the background.

Another fond memory of my mom was in Parksville. My kids Justin and Sheena were camping in a tent outside the house. At night there was screaming coming from the tent. Mom was up and found Sheena had been frightened by some earwig bugs in the tent. Sheena told Mom the earwigs would crawl into her ears. Mom said, "Who told you a story like that?" Sheena's reply was "Mommy". Moms reply was "Alysha did you tell my granddaughter that?"

Another fond memory of my mom was in Richmond. Our kids were toddlers at the time. Mom was sitting in her chair and kept asking Justin, "Do you have to go potty?" Mom was getting a foul smell and thought it was her grandson putting out this odour. Well mom eventually found out that it was her son Brad who had gas. She said, "Brad, you let me blame my grandson for that?"

Another fond memory and this is the last one, was at Cultus Lake. The weekend camping adventure with Mom and Krista...turning into Mom fending off raccoons with an axe.

These are only a few of my family's memories, just a small window into Mom's life.

As I sit in my rocking chair I'm reminded that my mom rocked us kids in the same chair 60 years ago.

I've heard you are the luckiest man to walk this earth if you find true love. I believe Mom and Dad found this. I KNOW I DID.

Thanks to everyone who helped with Mom and Dad in these last few months. Also thanks to all those who sent their condolences.

MOM IS NOW AT PEACE.

~ Brad

Memories shared from Lisa

Not many of us can claim that we came from a large family. Mom was given the position of fourth eldest by God, out of thirteen siblings. I have always been fascinated with the scope of Mom’s birth family, trying to keep track of the family tree, and trying to get to know its members.

I will never forget Mom introducing us to one of her three sisters in the early 70s. This began a close-knit relationship with Aunt Margo (and then Uncle Ray, too) which has continued for fifty years now. I look forward to the ways that God will continue to flourish our relationship.

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to meet Aunt Jane and Aunt Shirley, Uncle Bob, Uncle Marty, Uncle Billy, Uncle Ricky, and Uncle Tim. I have not yet had the privilege of meeting Uncle George, Uncle Gordie, or Uncle Chuckie. Mom often mentioned her little brother, Frankie, who she looked forward to being with in heaven.

As I reflect on Mom, I think of her favourite things:

-favourite flower … a rose

-favourite food … spaghetti (at the Spaghetti Factory and she enjoyed it in her childhood) ... carrot cake with cream cheese icing (I made this every year for her birthday) ... poor man’s cake with caramel sauce (a rare dessert made by Bertha, her mother) … snacks like chips, popcorn, red licorice, homemade fudge which she always shared with others

-favourite activity to do with her husband ... go to the movie theatre to see the latest “good” movie or watch a classic on the Turner channel at home

-favourite movie ... The Grapes of Wrath (about the hardships of the Great Depression in the 1930s)

-favourite comedy TV series …Rhoda (Morgenstern), the New Yorker of the 1970s

-favourite actress ... June Alysan

-favourite singers ... Anne Murray (“Snowbird”) & Loretta Lynn (“Coal Miner’s Daughter”) Mom was intrigued by the friendship that Loretta Lynn and Patsy Cline had.

-favourite reading material ... novels by Catherine Cookson (like The Parson’s Daughter) ... Reader’s Digest – Drama in Real Life entries where real people were faced with diverse hardships or struggles and how they overcame them - Mom was inspired by these accounts. Mom appreciated all of these magazines that her neighbour, Debbie brought over for her to keep.

Here is a quote that I included in Mom and Dad’s anniversary card for 2020 (their 60th):

“The world tells you that intimacy is forged in the moments that are perfect, in the sunsets and vacations… But it’s in the trenches, the terrible suffering, the hard times you never saw coming…that you are given an opportunity to love each other differently…”

Mom recalled certain hard times in her childhood and often recounted them to us. She sought ways to become a survivor and developed a steely determination. She became a cheerleader for those facing difficulties.

Mom’s legacy is definitely family and faith. Mom tended to gravitate toward children. She absolutely had a “soft” spot for her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She had a way of making each of them feel special. Mom and Dad were very “hands on” parents and they did not hesitate to get directly involved. They gladly took the grandchildren on excursions to the park or the beach, and would often patiently read to them. This love for children spilled out to others like Rye and Parker, her godson’s boys. I witnessed this fruitfulness in Mom as it was exemplified to children at church and her own neighbourhood. Cassidy, Alexis, Brooklyn, and Riley – you had a special place in Mom’s heart, too.

One of Mom’s earliest childhood recollections was of her father, Eddie, all dressed up for church. Usually being taken to church by her father was rudely interrupted by a family tragedy, but neighbours kindly took this on instead. Mom was confirmed in the Lutheran church as a teenager and received her first Bible, a white leather-covered one (which I recall reading as a teenager).

Mom and Dad were married in a small church in New Westminster, BC in 1960. Mom had hoped that Dad would attend church with her and that they could go as a family. When this did not happen, she became discouraged. Finally in the mid-1970s, she decided to take me to Sunday school, and Ron and Brad to confirmation classes. She settled on a United church in hopes that Dad would also come. He did not.

There was a period of about four years that transpired where Mom stopped going to church. Once again, she was discouraged. Although Ron and Brad had gotten confirmed, they never returned to the church.

In 1980, when I was 16 years old, Mom’s situation turned even bleaker when Dad experienced a mid-life crisis, after retiring from the RCMP. Mom’s security seemed to drop from under her; she even contemplated suicide. Instead of following through with her “plan” she cried out to God for His help. In that exact moment, the Holy Spirit (the third person of the Triune God) came to live inside of Mom at her invitation and she was reassured of His presence and was given His peace.

God had also used Uncle Ricky in an instrumental way in Mom’s life at this time by sending her a letter of his own testimony of coming to faith in Jesus at 16 years of age, while spending a summer with his sister, Jane. Along with the letter, Uncle Ricky sent a book of B.J. Thomas’ own conversion story, as well as his musical album, Home Where I Belong (referring to our heavenly home with the Father and His Son, Jesus).

Mom no longer was just a church-goer, she had a living friendship with Jesus and began to actively change. She vowed that she would go back to the Lutheran church, which she did. She also read her Bible daily and prayed to the Father. She shared her new faith with me, Brad, and Dad, and took Krista to Sunday school. Mom was excited to be a follower of Jesus and this bubbled over to me. I was reluctantly drawn to God, but within six months I was certain and ready, and received Jesus as my Saviour and Lord of my life. I will be forever grateful for the spiritual heritage that Mom brought into our family. We cannot claim or rely on her personal faith. We must come to Jesus and the Father individually and willingly. A transaction does take place, but then we move on in the journey and continue to grow.

I will close with a quote from a card that Sean and Elina gave us recently:

“As some people journey through life, they leave footprints wherever they go – footprints of kindness and love, courage and compassion…inspiration, joy, and faith. Even when they are gone, we can still look back and clearly see the trail they left behind – a trail bright with hope that invites us to follow.”

That trail leads to Jesus… There is a fork in the road. Which one will you choose? The common, well-trodden trail, or the one that is less travelled on?

“…I tell you, now is the time of God’s favour, now is the day of salvation.” God’s grace in 2 Corinthians 6:2 (b)

~Your loving daughter, Lisa

My Expression of Thanks:

(April 9, 2021)

I want to thank Pastor Lunderby and his wife, Cindy, for their spiritual care of Mom over the years, through her sick days, and then her dying days. We also felt your compassion as a family in grief.

Many thanks to Barb, the church secretary, for helping us through the logistics of the preparation for Mom’s Celebration of Life.

It is a real privilege to be able to hold her memorial service at St. Paul’s Evangelical Lutheran Church.

Mom appreciated the strong friendships that she had in Adele, June, and Barb. It meant a lot to Mom to be encouraged – and she received this from the members, especially during her hospitalizations.

I also extend a huge “THANKS” to my Dad for standing by our Mom for 61 years of marriage and for his unconditional love for her and for us. We love you, too, Dad…

My heartfelt thanks also go out to my three siblings, Krista, Brad, and Ron, and their spouses for their tremendous support and effort during this strenuous time.

Finally, I want to express my love to my own family – Gordon, Rachael, Naomi, and Mateo. It means a great deal to me that you are participating through watching online.

~ Lisa

Memories shared from Krista

My Mom

My mom wanted me to feel special. She wrapped up a dress each Christmas. She’d present it as a wrapped paper, ribbon and bow present, making it a gift instead just another piece of clothing. They always fit.

She made time once my brothers and sister were no longer at home to take me places - to movies, shopping, to the beach. She made time to love her children, family and others in the world.

Mom was protective. One time after school I went to someone’s house without telling her. I got into a lot of trouble. It was not the only time I stretched her to worry.

She worried you places and you called when you got there safe.

Mom was motivating and motivated. She’d ask you to do something in a way that gratified a strength in you.

For me she decided to send cards weekly until she could not to encourage and cheer by mail and phone call during my cancer battle. She could read my voice. She’d get an inkling of when she ought to call.

Mom enjoyed movies where people triumphed over some kind of struggle. She relished in overcoming. It was part of her life. She often said she’d like to have been born at the turn of the century when struggle was part of the day to day.

As I was writing this a question came so I’ll include it here where it came:

What made her an effective woman, wife, mother, friend, confidant?

I have my answer see if you can come up with yours.

Mom cared around how things looked. About presenting and representing herself well, about putting a good foot forward. She often leaned in a direction til she could get there totally.

Mom sought honesty. She sought out truth using questions and concern. Honesty is the best policy.

I expect she did this in her spiritual life. I was not a party to see her prayer life. She was of the school of ‘go into your room and close the door and pray.’ Though I would have liked to have known more about this part of her it has caused me to seek and find God for myself.

She hoped for those who were wayward that they’d have an earthly home and hope and a heavenly retreat as well.

Mom experienced angels in disguise. Casual acquaintances and strangers, mom experienced people popping out of the woodwork to help when she and dad needed someone there. One example of this was either after breaking her arm or after the heart attack a man volunteered to drive mom and dad to their house after hospital release and pharmacy trip when they had no way to get home. Mom noticed people she was called to help or talk to on the street or within her community.

Music served as a grounding for mom. Mom lived her life in music. It rocked her to sleep. Though she had Tenitis (a ringing in her ears) which made it difficult to hear other sounds, she loved music, associated with it and danced with dad.

There is a battle that grows between us and God when situations seem and feel hopeless. Mom experienced this. She’d always find a way through it to see the light of day. This carried her faith along.

In these many last days there was a love of food. Everything tasted so good and sweet. She felt so privileged to eat what she loved. Tastes were sweeter, enriched. It was like she’d lost a sense and taste was heightened. She engulfed herself in food and luxury and the extravagance of it all, like she was preparing herself for the heavenly banquet table. A place where all are welcomed, but not everyone takes up the invitation. Mom in her struggles is inviting us to come eat with her in the Heavenly realm where she currently resides. She is along side of the King of Heaven, dressed in wedding clothes at the wedding feast of the Lamb.

I read the last chapter of a book where the author speaks about what his father is doing in Heaven and what his ‘room’ looked like. I really enjoyed the perspective he shared. Looking at mom, what she did to reflect God here in her earthly time what would her work and ‘room‘ look like now? I can see her working in the area of hospitality, maybe as a greeter of some kind. I can see her lighting candles, like people in the Roman Catholic faith do awaiting her brothers and sister in Christ to come join her eagerly and yearning for that time. This is a small picture of what I see.

This scripture comes to mind: 1 Corinthians 13:11-13

When I was a child , I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.

When I became a man I put the ways of childhood behind me.

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror then we shall see face to face.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain Faith, Hope and Love -

the greatest of these is Love.

~ Krista

Memories from Margo

Eulogy to My Sister

As I stand here today, I know that I am not alone. The spirits and love of my siblings, my husband and son, extended family and friends that Doris and I shared a relationship with, surround me as we celebrate Doris’ life.

Due to distance in age and residence locations, my adult relationship with my sister truly began in April 1970 when I moved to Vancouver. She opened her home and welcomed myself and my girlfriend to stay with her family until we found jobs and our own accommodation. From that time on she played many roles in my life. She offered love and support, and counselled me without blame or judgement. I learned to trust and rely on her throughout the next 50 plus years as we walked through the peaks and valleys of life together. Her door was never closed; her heart was always filled with a willingness and a giving spirit. We were all spoiled with her home cooking and fabulous desserts.

In August 1972, she took on the role of sister-in-law as she welcomed my new husband, Raymond, into the family circle. For the next ten years, we joined in many seasonal and family celebrations together and I watched her four children grow with the love and support of their mom and dad. Then in January 1982, when Raymond and I became parents, at out request, Doris and Ron took on the role of “godparents” to our newborn son, Sean. As they stood before God and family at his christening and proclaimed their commitment, I felt a total and deep sense of peace and happiness as I knew that if anything did happen to us, Sean would be taken into their lives and raised with the same love, values, guidance and support that we would strive to give him as parents. Their love, devotion, and commitment never wavered. Doris and Ron took an active part in Sean’s growing up years, attending many milestones in his life including his role as a husband to Elina and then as a father to his two sons, Rye and Parker. I know Sean’s heart holds many memories of his precious “godmother.”

Throughout my life as a young woman, then wife, mother, and grandmother, Doris was always there with a “listening ear” and if I asked, gave advice based on her faith, calming wisdom and life experience. I was in awe of her strength, commitment and love for her family as she travelled life’s path as wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. I witnessed her faith and dedication as she contributed her time and effort to her Lutheran church and her church family friends. My prayer is that over the years, in some small ways, I was the sister to Doris that she was to me in such a huge way.

Doris was there with love and support when Raymond lost his youngest brother at the age of 24, and his middle brother at the age of 44, and then his cherished mother at the age of 89.

In 2003, as sisters, we shared the blessing of being re-united with our youngest brother, Tim, who had been adopted as a young child, but who was always in our hearts and minds. Tim, his wife, Anita, and young daughter and son welcomed us into their lives, and it was with great surprise and pleasure that we learned he lived in close proximity to where Doris and I lived in the greater Vancouver area. We felt so “special” and I know we were the envy of other siblings who lived farther away. Since then we have shared many family celebrations and visits together, and it was a happiness felt by many of our siblings to learn that he had grown up in a loving Christian family, with three other siblings. Our “genetic sibling circle was once again complete” and our hearts sang with joy.

Another role Doris took on was the financial administration duties when our mother was placed in a care home. This was a major responsibility as Doris lived in BC and our mother, Bertha, in Ottawa. With a daughter’s love and devotion, she organized and coordinated with other family members to ensure that our mother’s last years were filled with family visits. Her comfort and care became a large part of Doris’ life. In Doris’ last weeks on earth, I see that “role modelling” exhibited in her own adult children’s efforts to honour and fulfill their mother’s wishes. As their aunt, I am so very proud of all of them, as I know Doris would be.

I know that our hearts are broken that Doris has left us. We know she is with our Saviour now, free from pain and suffering. We love and miss her beyond what any words can say. We rejoice in our Lord’s promise of eternal life and although she’s walked through Heaven’s gate, we will never be far apart. Every time we think of you, Doris, you will be right within our hearts. I thank you, Lord Jesus, for the wonderful blessing of my sister, Doris. I will so miss our “sister chats,” laughs and hugs.

~ Margo

Memories from Sean

My Aunt Doris

My Aunt Doris was by far the most significant connection I had to the ‘Griecken’ side of my family tree. Although over the years I have had the opportunity to connect with many relatives on that side of the family, my Aunt Doris was the one that I saw all the time.

Although Doris and Ron were not always just a ‘short drive’ away, the connection of them being in the Lower Mainland (or for a time on the island) always allowed close family connections. Whether birthdays, family get-togethers or just visiting, in my life when I thought ‘Aunt and Uncle,’ this was Doris and Ron.

EVERY one of my birthdays was remembered and honoured, whether through a card or in person. The role of ‘godparents’ was demonstrated to be a truly honoured and special role for them and both Aunt Doris and Uncle Ron demonstrated that consistently through my life.

Even when I had children of my own, Aunt Doris demonstrated her love and interest in the lives of my boys, again remembering them for EVERY special occasion, regardless of the distance that we had between us.

I will take the example of family commitment and connection she demonstrated and continue to embrace that idea in my own life going forward.

I am sad that my family and I will no longer be able to make more memories with my Aunt Doris, but I am thankful for all of the memories that I have to hold on to. I tried to ensure that with every trip we made from Edmonton to the Lower Mainland, Aunt Doris and Uncle Ron were a priority for a visit. Whether they came out to White Rock or we drove out to Chilliwack, I made sure we had an opportunity to connect with them so we could create those in-person memories for both my family and I.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you as you deal with this loss. Your wife and mom – she was a gentle, caring, loving individual and I am grateful and thankful that I had the honour of having such a special and meaningful aunt in my life.

I will look forward to my family continuing to connect with Uncle Ron in the future when we visit home, and also look forward to the continued connections I can make with the four of you (Ron Jr., Brad, Lisa & Krista) when possible.

~ Love, Sean (and Elina, Rye and Parker)

Memories shared from her oldest brother Bob by e-mail on April 9, 2021

Remembrances of Doris

We will always remember Doris and how she was able to keep in touch in her genuine caring and loving way. She was a no-nonsense, loyal sister and friend. Doris will always be in our hearts and we wish her eternal rest.

~ Love from Bob (and Ann and family)

Memories from Ricky and Kathy

We will always remember the times we shared in Ottawa visiting Grandma Hannaford in long term care. Doris would fly in to Ottawa and we would drive the six hours to Ottawa and hang out for the weekend usually in May around Grandma ‘s birthday or Mother’s Day. We appreciated those times to get to know Doris better and catch up on our lives. There were a few times when Ron came along and of course it was great getting to know him too!

Doris always made a point to send us a Christmas card and letter. We enjoyed phone calls throughout the years…

I remember the first time we met all of you way back in 1978. Ricky told me he had an older sister that he didn’t know so it was so wonderful to make that connection finally! That was our one and only trip out west…43 years ago. Wow! How time flies…

Please know that our thoughts and prayers continue to be with you, your family and your dad during this sad time. It’s so hard to say goodbye to loved ones…and it must be a shock to everyone that she is gone. We are thankful for our shared hope in the Lord and that we will see her again.

Just wanted you to know that we send Deepest Sympathy, Caring Thoughts, Lots of LOVE and Biggest Hugs to you ALL! We pray for God’s comfort today and in the days ahead…

Please HUG your dad from us and give him our Love. Take good care during this difficult time.

Lots of Love,

~ Kathy and Ricky

Memories from Tim

Just before Christmas 2003, as a result of making inquiries into my biological family, I was fortunate enough to receive an overwhelming response. One of the first sisters I got to meet in person was Doris.

Doris and Ron welcomed me and my family into their home and into their hearts. She made me feel very special and loved from the very first. Included in some of the contact information she sent were copies of photographs with Doris pushing me in a stroller. It was clear family was very important to Doris and she always made an extra effort to be part of any family activity she was invited to. If for some reason she was not able to attend in person, she always made a phone call or sent a card to help us celebrate whatever event was taking place.

The coincidences of her ending up in British Columbia and being married to a retired Mountie have always amazed me. It is because of her choices that I was fortunate enough to end up being close to her and sister Margo. I later met sisters Jane and Shirley who had ended up in the USA, also as a result of coming out to visit Doris.

Our family is so fortunate to have gotten to know Doris and her family and we will miss her always.

~ Tim and Anita, Samantha and Joel and Mila and Madeline, and David and Danielle and Emily

Memories from Sheena

Grandma

Well, what can a person say about Grandma that hasn’t already been said!

I’m her second grandchild. I’ve known her for 36 years. I’m very proud to have been her granddaughter.

I always felt loved by her. One thing I loved about her was that she loved me for who I was. Whether I was big or thin.

We never had a harsh word between us in those 36 years. I respected Grandma and Grandpa very much. They were always there for anyone that needed help.

I remember going to Parksville, BC on a vacation. To many people, visiting your grandparents wouldn’t be a vacation. But I loved it. They both played games with my brother and I, as well as renting movies, and going out for dinner. I also remember taking walks to see the horses.

I specifically remember when I was twelve. My other grandfather was sick with cancer, and my mother had to go up to Penticton to see him. My dad was working night shifts. Grandma and Grandpa came up and stayed with us during the days.

Grandma was always there when you needed her. No hesitation.

I would like to say how much I appreciated her respect for my faith. This meant a great deal to my mom and I.

One thing we all know is that Grandma loved to talk. I didn’t mind. I loved listening to her, especially when I got older. I realized that talking was her way of expressing herself, as she may not have been able to as a child.

She was very protective of her children and grandchildren whom she loved very much.

I want to say thank you to all who supported her before and during her last week of life.

Finally, I want to quote a scripture from the Bible, which is one of my favourites:

“And He will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” Revelation 21:4

~ Love, Sheena

* * * * * * * * * *

Doris Edna Coles went to be with the Lord on March 12, 2021 in Chilliwack, British Columbia at the age of 81.

Doris is lovingly remembered by her husband, Ron, her children: Ron (Candace), Brad (Alysha), Lisa, and Krista (Steven), her grandchildren: Justin and Sheena, and Rachael, Naomi, and Mateo, and Thane and Haydn, her great grandchildren: Calysta and Jordan, as well as her siblings: Bob, George, Gordie, Chuckie, Ricky, Tim, Jane, Margo and Shirley.

Doris is predeceased by her mother, Bertha, father, Edward (Eddie), and brothers, Frankie, Billy and Marty.

Doris was a loving mother and wife, a caring sister and grandmother, an adoring daughter, and a blessing.

Mom's childhood was spent in Ottawa, Ontario. In her teen years she left home and found a job as a typist for 3 years with the Civil Service Commission, and then with the RCMP. It was here she met Dad and later married him in BC. Together they raised a family of four. Later, desiring to finish her high school education, Mom attained her sought-after grade 12 diploma. She continued her education at Vancouver Community College in the Nursing Aide program and maintained a 3.82 GPA. Her employment consisted of being a receptionist for an ENT specialist, a care aide for Paramed, and nurse's aide at Holy Family Hospital over a six year period. This vocation of caring for elderly clients, doing home care, gave her fulfillment. It gave her joy. She continued this care of people with family, friends and acquaintances.

Mom had a love for children. She was there in some capacity in each of her grandchildren's lives from birth. She could weave a vivid story.

Her faith began a spark in childhood and rekindled in hard times to sustain her. We miss you, Mom. Your voice, your love and support, your footprints in our lives. To us, that rekindled flame truly shone these last few months.

Thank you God, for giving us such a strong matriarch. Help us carry her in our hearts. Help us roll up our sleeves with her determination and strength.