Amy Wagner Staples

Amy Staples, born May 18, 1966 in Grand Haven, Michigan to Paul and Peggy Joan Woods Wagner, passed away suddenly August 13, 2003. Amy graduated from Catherine Laboure College in Boston, MA in 1986 as a Registered Radiation Therapy Technologist. Her family was blessed enough for her to become their homemaker for the past eight years. She was completely immersed in her family, her church and her community since moving to Coppell, Texas in May of 2001. Amy was a giving friend, a precious sister, a special daughter, a devoted mother and her husband’s dearest friend. Although she was summoned to our Lord at a young age, the effects of her devotion and love will remain with us all forever. Her caring touch will be sorely missed.

Amy is survived by her loving husband Jon Staples; children, Sarah, Matthew and Michael; parents, Paul and Peggy Joan Wagner; sister, Michelle Hickey; brothers, Jeffrey Wagner and Jason Wagner; mother-in-law and father-in-law, Susan and Richard C. Staples.

The family will receive friends from 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Sunday, August 17, 2003, at the funeral home. A Vigil service will be led by Rev. Michael Forge at 7:00 p.m. Sunday at Sparkman Hillcrest Northwest Highway Chapel. The Funeral Mass will be celebrated by Rev. Michael Forge at 10:00 a.m. Monday, August 18, 2003 at St. Ann Catholic Church, 180 Samuel Blvd. Coppell, TX. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made in her name to U. C. Regents c/o Fetal Treatment Center, 513 Parnassus Ave, P.O. Box 0570, San Francisco, CA 94143-0570. Arrangements under the direction of Sparkman/Hillcrest Funeral Home, 7405 W. Northwest Highway, Dallas, TX 75225. 214.363.5401.

SHOWER THE PEOPLE

Looking at Michael today, you would never know how terribly sick he was as a baby. In November of 1996, Amy and I were devastated when we received the news at our routine 20-week ultrasound that our unborn son had less than a one in ten chance of surviving birth. He was diagnosed with a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). In short, a hole in the muscle that separates his abdomen from his chest was allowing organs that belonged in his abdomen to move up into his chest and take up valuable space that his lungs needed to grow. His prognosis was extremely poor and we were heartbroken.

I will never, ever forget the weekend that followed the bad news. Amy cried for 72 hours straight...non-stop. I was really worried about her. She was so strong and resiliant, yet she came so completely un-glued. I felt helpless, because there was nothing I could do or say to make her sorrow or fear go away. When Monday rolled around, the tears were gone and she just rose to the occassion. She knew exactly what we needed to do. I think she was just giving herself a few days to cry some tears because she knew tears would just get in the way while she was saving Michael. It's like she knew it was time to "cowboy-up", so she did. She proceded to carry all of us on her shoulders for the next 2 years. That was the crazy contrast that made Amy so special. She was a soft, feminine, sweet, caring woman yet the strongest person I have ever met when a situation required her to be.

Amy’s gynecologist had read about a pioneering procedure that was only being done at one hospital in the world. He put us in touch with them and Amy knew right away that we needed to pursue this option. Before we knew it, we were on a plane on our way to the Fetal Treatment Center at the University of California in San Francisco. The team in San Francisco was incredible yet they made no promises. Their assessment was that Michael’s chances were even slimmer than we originally thought. In 1997, Babies with a severe CDH like his survived less than 2% of the time. Amy would risk her own health and ultimately her own life to give Michael a chance to survive.

In January 1997, Amy underwent a pioneering procedure where Dr. Michael Harrison operated on Michael while he was still in Amy’s uterus. Dr. Harrison performed a procedure that was designed to give Michael’s lungs a chance to grow. Amy and Michael were only the 10th human beings in the entire world to have this particular procedure. They came though like champs.

After the procedure, there was a strong risk that Michael would be born pre-maturely. It was a foregone conclusion that he would be born at least 2 months early, so now we had to combine all of his existing conditions with the problems associated with being born so prematurely. Every minute that he could spend inside the safety of his Mom would increase the effect that the procedure had on him and in-turn increase his chances of survival.

I'll never forget the day that followed surgery. Amy was hooked up to 3 or 4 different monitoring machines and IV medicine for pain and to stop her uterus from contracting. There was a complication about eight hours after surgery and Dr. Harrison was concerned about Amy's health. He told me that unless things turned around within the hour, for Amy's safety they would be forced to take her off the medicines that were stopping Michael from being born. If they did that, there was a strong probability that Amy would immediately go into labor. Michael would have virtually no chance of survival. Amy was pretty heavily sedated so she wasn't part of the conversation, but she "cowboyed up" yet again. She almost immediately started showing signs that the compliction was resolving itself.

The doctors became comfortable with Amy's recovery, so they let the sedation wear off. Amy's first conscious moment after surgey was a full 30 hours after Dr Harrison operated. In classic Amy form, the first words out of her mouth were a compliment to me. She had no idea how much time had passed or what had transpired, so she looked up at me with the cutest, innocent look on her face and said that she loved how the new shirt I was wearing looked. She had given it to me a month earlier for Christmas and I had not worn it yet. She asked me why I changed my shirt. "Did you spill coffee on your shirt?", she asked. She was surprised to hear when I told her that it was almost a day and a half after surgery. I don't think I ever told her, but I actually think I did spill coffee on my shirt and that's ultimately why I changed...she knew me better than I knew myself.

Amy remained on a battery of medicines to hold off labor and she followed a strict regiment of bedrest. When she was out of bed, she was transported in a wheelchair. She spent the next four agonizing weeks 3,000 miles from home in bed reading and praying, and praying and reading. Her Mom took a leave of absence from work to endure those long days and nights with her.

Michael was born 3 and a half weeks later and he clearly benefited from the surgery. Unfortunately, he was still 10 weeks premature and weighed only three and a half pounds. Despite the successful fetal surgery, Michael and Amy still had enormous challenges to overcome. He needed the assistance of a ventilator to breath and he went right back into surgery when he was 20 hours old to permanently repair the hole in his diaphragm. He was stabilized in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at UCSF. We found out when he was seven days old that he had 4 unrelated congenital heart defects that would also require future surgery to repair.

Michael recovered in the NICU at UCSF for over four months before being allowed to come home in May. Amy poured her life into caring for Michael during those long and lonely months. While Michael was fighting and recovering, Amy was at his bedside seven days a week, for twelve to fourteen hours per day. The folks at the Fetal Treatment Center provided Amy a room at the local Ronald McDonald House, where she stayed when she wasn’t at Michael’s bedside. Michael clearly benefited from having the most warm, loving and focused advocate humanly possible at his side through his recovery. There is no doubt that Amy was Michael’s guardian angel on earth. During her 5-month stay; Amy forged lifelong friendships with the team of caregivers that nursed Michael to health. Our friends at the FTC supported us every step of the way. On a daily basis, the nurses literally fought over taking care of Michael. I think they felt privileged to care for Michael because each of them knew how special he was and they also recognized that Amy was special too.

Amy quickly became an expert at understanding Michael and his issues. The folks at UCSF were astonished with the “sixth-sense” that Amy developed. She was so in tune with everything about him. She had an unexplainable way to understand exactly how he was and what he needed, when no one else could understand. She could tell how well he was benefiting from treatments and gauge how efficiently he was breathing without any apparent visible signs. The NICU had extremely expensive diagnostic equipment that measured how well his heart and lungs were functioning. Amy became such an expert that just by looking at Michael she could tell within 1% or 2% how well the oxygenated blood was pumping through his body. The nurses and doctors had such confidence in Amy’s understanding of Michael that they would ask her for a “reading” when he was too fidgety to get one from the expensive equipment. To this day, I am in awe of how Amy and Michael could have such an incredible connection. It didn’t stop when Michael and Amy came home. Amy could identify when Michael was getting sick, before he displayed any apparent physical symptoms (apparent to anyone but Amy, that is). And then, invariably, Michael would get sick within a day or two, but Amy already had the jump on it.

Michael and Amy are pioneers. Dr Harrison and his team learned some extremely valuable insight specifically from their procedure and recovery. Because of their experience with Michael and Amy, Dr. Harrison's team altered their technique and today it is far more successful. Now there are centers all over the country performing the technique that Michael, Amy and his nine other buddies helped teach them. Hundreds of babies who would have died seven or eight years ago are being saved. You can learn more about the FTC at their web site: www.fetus.ucsf.edu.

Michael, Amy and their specific procedure make up entire chapters in medical textbooks. A number of years ago, two major network news shows and a few medical documentaries asked to broadcast Michael’s story. One of his buddies was featured on Dateline on NBC in the late 90's. Amy was adamantly against exposing Michael to that type of attention. She always saw him as a normal little boy who just had a few challenges to overcome. She insisted that he grow up like any other normal kid in the neighborhood.

Needless to say, Michael and Amy’s odyssey was one filled with tears, overwhelming joy and a profound love from a mother to her son. Amy had so many incredible accomplishments in her short life. She was a gifted student (who got far better grades than me in high school and in college), a great athlete, a caring Radiation Therapy Technologist, a loyal and devoted wife, a far better mother and mentor to our children than I could have ever imagined, and a humble and true friend. With her entire life of experiences and successes, I am completely positive that Amy’s proudest accomplishment was her contribution to the miracle that allowed Michael to be where he is today.

Amy would never, ever take credit for saving Michael’s life. She personally witnessed Dr. Harrison’s talented hands and pioneering insight and she believed with all of her heart that our God has mercy and makes no mistakes. Our Lord ultimately gave us the gift of Michael. The Fetal Treatment Center and Amy were simply, yet undoubtedly Michael’s guardian angels here on earth. Amy’s profound love and devotion to each of our children will follow them and continue to mold them forever.

HOW SWEET IT IS TO BE LOVED BY YOU

I first laid eyes on Amy Wagner when we were sophomores in high school. It was in the middle of our first year in our new school and my best friend, Murph, came up to me and told me that this girl named Amy Wagner was asking questions about me, and that she was really “cute”. Wow, if she’s asking questions about me, she must like me; right? Murph pointed her out to me that day, and when I saw her, heaven and earth collided. Amy was the most beautiful, warm creature I had ever laid eyes on. I can vividly recall the first time I saw her, it seemed like she was moving in slow motion. Almost like a special effect in a movie. She had a warm presence and a glow that filled the gymnasium. How about that smile? She could stop traffic with the smile of hers. I'm pretty sure she had me that day, but it took me a couple of months to do the ground-work and, more importantly, to work up the courage to ask her out on a date. After actually seeing how beautiful she was, I started to seriously question my initial assumption that she must be interested in me. The irony was, it turns out that she was asking Murph questions about me for one of her friends. I'll take the lucky break.

My first date with Amy was on July 4th, 1982. Something special between us started brewing in the middle of April, but the first official date wasn't until Independance Day. I still remember what she was wearing when I asked her out and I will never forget the feeling when she said “yes”. I remember being extremely nervous before I asked her, but when the deal closed, I felt a power and an exhilaration that’s hard to describe. I felt like the “King of the Earth”. Ironically on that first date, we went to see the fireworks in Brockton. The time that I spent with Amy that night provided me the best fireworks display that I will ever experience, infinitely better than Keith Lockhart and the Boston Pops will ever pull off.

We were sophomores and we lasted almost 30 days as a couple. I recall maybe 3 or 4 dates. I still take heat to this day for not having my license and actually riding my bike to Amy’s house for at least a couple of the dates. She had dated guys that were driving, so the image of me pedaling up and having her “hop on” was either flattering or pathetic, I think it was the former from Amy’s perspective.

Initially, I was clearly way beyond Amy’s level of interest. On that fourth and final date, my just 16 year-developed brain matter, allowed me to make a horrible judgment call. You see, I knew before that forth date that I LOVED Amy, despite the fact that I had never experienced that type of feeling before. In my all too typical naïve and idealistic way, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this beautiful, funny, friendly, down-to-earth, smart, popular, athletic girl. I didn’t have to look any further. I was confident that I had found my partner for life; so I told her. It was a colossal mistake. I clearly misjudged how she would react.

We were sitting on “the rocks” at South High and after hesitating and pausing for less time than I should have given the magnitude of what was going to come spilling out of my mouth, it just came out. “Amy, I think I'm falling in love with you.” Her pleasant, calm demeanor was immediately replaced with the look of shear horror on her face. I immediately went into damage control mode and tried to distance myself from what I said, but it was too late. She broke up with me the next day; she said that I was too serious. Ooops! It was a brief monarchy and a lonely ride home on my bike that day for the deposed King of the Earth.

Throughout my junior and most of my senior year I was in “dating-Purgatory”. After the first date in the summer of ‘82, my heart belonged unequivocally to Amy Wagner, but unfortunately she didn't want it yet. While Amy enjoyed the life of a popular, normal high school student, I waited. Despite having the opportunity to, I chose not to date. I had no interest in anyone but Amy. Amy and I developed an extremely strong friendship over those years. Sure I wanted to be close to her, to try and win her back, but during those years I really got to know Amy as a friend. And she was a special friend. We shared a lot. We had some special rituals where we would meet in lunch or at her locker during certain times of the day. We would break into each other’s lockers and leave notes and always leave subtle signs that there was something special between us. She dressed up as me on one Halloween, and we were only “friends”. She was loyal, fun, reliable, warm and funny. I felt like I almost became brotherly in a way. I would watch out for her and protect and defend her, a lot of times without her even knowing. Although from my perspective at the time, I would have enjoyed a committed relationship with Amy throughout the three years of high school, I think what ultimately happened gave us a much better foundation for our commitment to each other.

We started getting closer towards the end of our senior year and one night it just happened. We had gotten into an argument about the Red Sox opening day, 1984. It was a tradition to skip school and go to the game, but I chose not to. I recall that a big group of our friends were going but I had my own high school baseball game the next day. If I wanted to play, I couldn't miss practice. I remember her voicing her disappointment that I wasn't going to the game and I think I responded by saying “ what do you care, it’s not like we're dating.” She walked away angry and we didn't speak again until that weekend.

That weekend, like most, we bumped into each other at the high school parking lot. I think I was with Charlie and Rudy and I'm proud to say that I wasn't piloting my ten-speed that night. Amy was with her best friend and future brides-maid, Debbie. We both apologized right when we saw each other and we snuck away from the crowd. We ended up on the football stadium bleachers and I remember giving her a foot massage for the first time ever. (It was the poetic start of a nineteen-year foot massaging tradition that we both enjoyed immensely.)

In our time on the bleachers that night we decided to go to the senior prom together. Again, it was ironic because it was only about two weeks before the prom and almost everyone was already paired-up. I had resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't go at all if I weren't with Amy, and I had found a good excuse that wouldn't make me look like a loser. I found out that night on the bleachers that she had been asked by a number of other guys, but she was waiting for me to ask her. She made me feel special and complete that night. I would give just about anything to be back on those bleachers with my Amy right now.

We had the time of our lives at the prom and we became inseparable. It was right around that time that we decided that our future would be together. It was about time she came around and understood what I had already known for two years. None-the-less, my best friend...the warm, beautiful, popular, funny and athletic Amy Wagner chose me. I was the happiest and luckiest teen-ager on earth and I was back on my throne.

ONLY ONE

You may be asking yourself why I would be motivated to share some very personal and private details of my life with Amy. You are getting some hot scoop here; details of my life with Amy that only we shared. My brothers don’t even know some of this stuff.

Why, you ask. First of all, we had a powerful and special relationship that I have always been incredibly proud of, so I am happy to brag about what we had. My second motivation is a little more selfish. With the little that I give, I would like to get something in return.

Amy has been my best friend for my entire adult life. Only two things changed over the course of our nineteen-year relationship. My love and respect for her deepened and I matured from the luckiest teen-ager on earth to the luckiest man on earth. That being said, the single biggest gift that I owe my children is to preserve the incredible legacy that their mom built through her every hour with us. It is my responsibility to ensure that the millions of things that made Amy so special are not lost in time. Sarah, Matt and Michael have suffered an unthinkable loss, and I have vowed to do everything humanly possible to have Amy’s profound love and devotion continue to mold them the way Amy had intended. That is where you come in…

If you have taken the time to learn a little more about Amy by reading this, then you can certainly spare a few minutes to jot down a memory or something about Amy that made her special to you. It doesn’t have to be long. Feel free to share different memories and feelings at different times. There is no limit to the amount of tributes you can make. If your thoughts are more personal and you don’t feel comfortable with an open posting on the tribute page, then just send me an e-mail ([email protected]). I promise to you, your thoughts, in whatever form you choose, will assist me in perpetuating Amy's legacy. I will do it alone if I have to, but every single thought will help paint a clearer, more vivid image of my Amy for our children.

My deal with you is that in return for your tributes and messages, I will continue to add chapters of our life together. By the time I am done, my two decades with Amy will be an open book (or web-page) and my children will hopefully have hundreds of different perspectives on how special their mom truly was. I need your help.

Thank you for keeping my family in your thoughts and prayers. We feel the warmth of friends, old and new.