You are my absolute most favorite person. I have a few favorite people, but you are my very most favorite. 

I'm struggling with your absence in this realm, but I know you are not far away. I know you hold me when I cry myself to sleep every night. I know you feel helpless as you watch this grief tear me apart from the inside out. I know, because we are still very much connected, and you've only just stepped thru the veil.

 I wish my human-me would listen to my soul-me and stop hurting so much. 💔 But human-me just knows that human-you is no more, and it can't quite comprehend much more than the lack of your touch. 

Victor, you enriched my existence in so many ways. You are the most amazing man I have ever met. The world is a shittier place without your kind heart, and soft presence in it.

 Like, I'm not sure you ever knew what a profound Light you shine. I hope you heard it when I told you. I tried to tell you as often as I could. I wanted you to believe me so much, because every time I told you that you were amazing, I meant it with every fiber in my being. 

You. Are. Amazing, Victor. 

I think you were starting to... 

Well hear me now, and know that it is absolutely true. Not just to me, but to many. You shared your light with everyone, and everyone felt your warmth. 
Your kindness.
 Your patience. 

Mine is by far not the only heart broken because you died, but mine is by far the most shattered. 💔

I miss you terribly babe... 🖤💔🖤

I remember this night. You called me, so upset-your Zoe wasn't doing good. . . You were crying. And even tho I got up, got dressed, got in my car, and drove to El Paso, at 3am, all with you on a video call, you were astonished when I arrived, and knocked on your window to let me in. But I love you! Why wouldn't I drive to you, no matter the time, or distance, in your time of need??? You said no one you had ever been with had ever taken your feelings so personal before, and that hurt my heart. You should've always had your feelings taken personal... You were so concerned about everyone else's, you rarely did yourself. Babe, I would die for you, I would drive to the ends of the earth for you, I would do anything for you. I would have walked thru fire to get to you that night. You are my everything, my love, my ONE. ALWAYS. 🩵

You really did always love me. I just found a letter from me to you thanking you for your visit in 2009. I also found a shopping list in my handwriting from then. And a notebook from before that with my name written a bunch of ways but misspelled because you didn't know. I love that. I love you. Endlessly. And immensely. 
I really am lost without you. I miss you tremendously. I don't think anyone anywhere has ever missed anyone or anything as much as I miss you.

Forever In My Thoughts 
Lyrics written by Victor M. Alvarado Jr 
For his son, Dorian 

IT WASN'T FAIR!!!!

[Verse]
I missed the years I can’t rewind
The silence lost in time that binds
No echoes of your tiny feet
We are distant voices on a lonely street

[Prechorus]
But the road is long it bends and sways
I’ll find my way through this tortured maze

[Chorus]
Back to you -Back to us!!!
Through the darkness through the shadows 
Every step every leap
We'll find our faces  and tearful smiles 
BACK TO YOU!!!!!

[Verse 2]
I see your eyes they’re just like mine
A mirrored truth in borrowed time
The words we lost they start to bloom
In the silence of this empty room

[Prechorus]
But the road is long it bends and sways
I’ll find my way through this tortured maze

IT WASN'T FAIR!!!!
[Breakdown] 

[Chorus]

Back to you back to us
Through the shadows through the lies
Every unsaid word every laugh unheard 
We'll find our time we'll find our souls
[whispered] Back to us

He had this tattooed on his leg. I got us these shirts as a surprise, and he was soooo happy. He said he had been looking for this shirt forever. It made my day! 
Cuz I see you, Victor. I always have. You are by far my very favorite person.

A poem I wrote, for you, my sweet Victor. My love for you is endless, and immense. You know this. And because of you, I suddenly remembered how to write beautiful things. ... 

Shadows whisper
His name in my head
Twenty-three years 
My soul has bled
Thought it was a dream
A love out of reach
But his heart burned for me
Just out of speech 
Fingers traced the void
Seeking his light
Love once hidden 
Ignited the night
Forever in ashes 
I scream to the sky
The love we found
Now asking why
He burned with me
Through time's cruel hold
Now I'm left with silence
Bitter and cold 
We built a flame
Defying the years
His voice like thunder 
Calmed all my fears 
Now echos mock me
Where he once stood
A void that devours
No man ever could
The stars betray me
Their shimmer a lie
No solace in heaven
As I say goodbye. 

🖤💔🖤 Love Always, 
Shayne.

I met Victor over 15 years ago. (Let's not age me, haha,) I was with my best friend, Shayne. She says , we are going to pick him up.
 What a gentle soul. We all laughed and had a great time. I remember sitting and talking with him, just us two. He expressed to me that had things been the way he wanted, he'd have the chance to treat Shayne the way she should be treated. I knew without him saying anything. Id seen the way he looked at her when no one was looking. And I knew I'd never seen anybody look at her that way. But circumstance kept him from ever saying anything about it at the time. Fast forward, Shayne tells me, " you remember Victor? He told me he loves me." I remember saying "thank God he finally told you!" Much to her surprise. But I'd known all along. From that moment on id never seen a more perfect pair. He was so supportive of anything she wanted to do.  He let her be just who she wanted to be.  He was smart, and funny, and kind, and they matched each other like the perfect pair of your favorite earrings. Ya know? Like they'd be lost with out the other, and your outfit just wouldn't be the same without em. I know how much they loved each other and made each other happy, you could feel it. And I'll be forever grateful to see them happy and just to have been able to have witnessed it. 
Victor, you will be forever loved and missed, until we all meet again. 
💙-The one and only Tasha💙

🎶🎵 my heart sings when I think of you (that is what you do) a melody that will settle me (that is just the thought of you) 🎵🎶

Fly high, Victor! Thank you for being so good to my friend, while you two had your time together. We had some memories in both El paso and Cali... more so in El Paso. So sorry your life was cut so short, but I hope you're resting peacefully now. My condolences to everyone who came into contact with you thru out your life and got to experience what an awesome guy you were. Rest easy. 🙏🏽✨️

Victor,
Thank you for treating my girl with respect & dignity... & loving her unconditionally 💚💜
You two found something in each other that we all aspire to, but rarely find... 💝
Please always remember how loved you are....... 🕊⚘️

Victor you were always appreciated and part of the family it may not have lasted  but in our hearts you stayed  and were missed and still missed !
My parents and sisters loved having you part of the family for the time you were with us 
May you rest in peace 
I still remember how excited you were for Disneyland

Victor, Thank you for all the good moments we had during our time. Im happy to know you are now at peace, since I knew some of your struggles. Thank you for staying in contact with my daughter and being a part of her life. You will always be remembered not just by me and Ruby but my whole family who got to know you and see what an awesome man you were! To the Alvarado family, Thank you for always accepting me and Ruby into your family and always treating us good! Love you all and my deepest condolences and prayers are with you at this time. Since I am unable to attend the services I send a big hug to all the family.

His 40th birthday we went to Disneyland for his first time.

He was so happy to see 311 that day. Long Beach One Love Reggae Fest at the Queen Mary

I've smiled more with you than the entire rest of my life combined. Victor, you were such a wonderful man, to me, to my friends, to my family, and your own. My mom said she was looking forward to you being a permanent fixture in our family. 🖤 She told me a story about when you and I went and got my stuff from her... That when we were getting ready to leave she said under her breath to you, "she's kind of high maintenance LOL" and you looked back at her, grinned, and said, "that's okay." And then looked back at me in front of you with an "I'm all in"  look on your face. 🖤🖤🖤 And now that's one of my favorite stories. 🖤

Just the other day, I was looking at you in complete awe... I could not believe that it was you and you were finally mine. I had been waiting 23 years, and never dreamed it would happen. Thank you for having the courage to take that leap with me! You made me a better person. You make me want to be a better person. I love you endlessly, and immensely. Victor, I love you...

Victor, my sweet Victor, words cannot express the amount of love my heart carries for you. I miss you so very much. You're amazing. And I love you with my whole heart. 🖤

"it's you!!!" I would exclaim. 
"It's me." He would reply. "It's always been me." 

And it had been ... 🖤

I love the way you loved my friend. You were the one person to make her realize her worth and I thank you for that. I love who she became with you. See you on the other side friend

Anytime I went to your parents, you cooked for me. I've never experienced a love like yours. 🖤

My sweet Victor. Words cannot express how much I miss you. How much I LOVE YOU. Always have...

OBITUARY

Victor Manuel Alvarado Jr.

6 December, 1975 – 16 August, 2025

Funeraria del Angel Restlawn

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