Today would have been Nic's 35th birthday. 

Here we are, acting goofy together, while a friend of mine was taking photos using a new mini-polaroid that he had bought. 

I apologize for not posting last year, when you turned 34. Your loss really affected me in a much deeper way than I had anticipated, and I was not well-prepared for the months of deep sorrow I felt.

For any of his loved ones who may be reading this, these photos do a great job of summing up how Nic and I got along. We were always in a friendly competition to see who could make the other laugh harder. 

So I'll share some of his jokes with you. They are brief, so it won't be much to read. 

We went hiking through the red rocks of Sedona once. It was hot in the AZ sun. He took his shirt off, stood in front of me with his hands on his hips, and said, "The scenery is nice but THIS is nature's TRUE glory." He did this right as other hikers had passed us. They were laughing along with me. 

Another time, we were out driving somewhere, and he suddenly said, "Oh....I have to go to the dentist right now!"

Perplexed, I asked him why.

"Look at the clock!"

The clock face read, "2:30."

He was pretty proud of that one. And I can't believe he duped me into falling for such a corny joke. Even more than a year later he would bring it up as his "moment of absolute comic genius."

I miss you. You asked me a long time ago to never forget you. I never will.

To my good friend Nicholas,

I've known you since you were a child. Sometimes we didn't talk for years, but we always caught up. You were always such an amazing person. I hadn't seen you in years and was trying to look you up on the internet. This was not the way I wanted to find you. A little piece of my heart died today.

Everyone familiar with Nic knew how generous he was. Nic's love language was giving. He often set aside his own wants and needs to come to the aid of others. Not before or since have I been blessed with the presence of so generous a soul. 

In the spirit of that generosity, Nic planned for us a visit to Phoenix, AZ. He knew I had family out that way whom I hadn't seen in many years. Also, Nic had never been to the desert. He took care of the flight, the lodging, and the rental car.

Nic smiled so much during our stay. He was fascinated with the landscape of the Sonoran. The vibrant crimson of the Sedona rocks took his breath away. He drank in the views from Camelback mountain and soaked in as much of the Arizonan sun as he could. 

Since Nic left us, there are days that challenge me. They are the ones when I feel his loss most acutely. Having just passed the second Christmas holiday without Nic nearby had me not only missing him, but thinking about his family too—particularly his grandparents and sister.

But, true to his giving nature, Nic left us all with something especially precious: our memories with him. During that adventure in the Southwest he had me doubled over in laughter so often my cheeks and belly were sore. I'm certain that all of us who cared for him have similar experiences of their own. 

Nicholas Carson Ilieff....I miss you. I still feel you. And I can hear your voice telling me what I need to hear. Thank you.

In the time since you left, I've cried and trembled and often wondered so many things. With a heavy heart and so many memories, there are no words to describe the pain and sadness of losing you too soon. Your heart of gold, your warmth, your smile, and your kindness are just a few of the many great things you shared with the world. I will never forget our many conversations about life and about dreams and about heartaches and struggles, and I will always treasure our comedic time as work partners. Among the many memories I hold near and dear to my heart, perhaps most difficult are the memories I have in conversations about your family and loved ones back at home whom I never had the pleasure of meeting and often think of to send my well wishes and comfort in your absence. You spoke highly of your mother who  cared for you in some of the toughest times, and you cherished your sister and her kids, whom you shared pictures of with your eyes lit up and smiling. Even if you may not have always had so many chances to be with them, it was clear that your love for them never waivered, and it breaks my heart to think or know that they hurt because of losing you too soon. Your legacy deserves to be honored with the same kind of respect and love you shared, and may you have eternal peace and happiness and know that the warm embrace of your friends and family, near and far, are always by your side, forever and always. Bless your soul, xoxoxo you beautiful boy. It breaks my heart to pieces and takes my breath away to know you're gone, and even moreso to know the loved ones left without you on this earth, but I am still keeping all my hopes up for the very best and aiming to live my life to the fullest.

In the summer of 2018 Nic and I took a trip to Portland, OR. Nic had never been there. I believe he'd never been so close the the Pacific Ocean save for a short visit he made to San Francisco. A friend of mine from the area took us to Cannon Beach, the location of Haystack Rock, which many of us will remember from the movie "The Goonies." As you can see in this photo, Nic was beside himself with happiness. He loved meeting my friends, he loved drinking in the landscape of the Pacific Northwest, and he especially enjoyed exploring the tidal pools on the beach. The water was receding and together we gingerly stepped through the rocky sand near Haystack to find starfish, jellyfish, and other creatures. He gave me the opportunity to introduce him to new people, see new things, and truly enjoy life. It's been three months today since I lost my best friend. The pain his absence brings still crushes my heart. But we poured all of our love for each other into the time we had together. At least now he, at long last, might have been able to spend a Christmas with the woman he loved the most. Nic, as we used to say to each other, "I love you 3,000."

BB,
It is 2 months to the day since you had me come see you in the ICU. I held you in my arms, I kissed you on the forehead, and I closed your eyes. 

Dealing with the devastation this loss created hasn't been an easy load to carry. But you'd be happy to know that friends & family have stepped in to help. 

My memories of you are full of all those evenings we spent laughing, crying during movies, and generally poking at each other in the playful ways only those deeply in love know the joy of. 

I wrote a short piece of music for you. Each time I sit at the piano to practice I play it a time or two. That's how I keep you alive in my heart BB. 

Now you're with your mother. That's always where you wanted to be. Your memory lives on in the conversations I have with your loved ones. Sleep easy, sweet boy, and I'll be seeing you before too long. I love you 3000.

Nic, my friend,  a truly beautiful soul, today I found out that you are no longer on this earth. I'm sad for me because I always thought I would see you again. I'm sad for your sister because I know that the love and bond you shared was special. I hope God has wrapped you in his most perfect peace and love, forever and ever and ever.  You will forever be a special friend. I love you forever. Rest now in God's peace. 

Hi Nic -- I heard about losing you a long time ago; I just learned about this gathering of condolences today.  Nevertheless: in my heart, you will always stay as an example of a kind, thoughtful person.  Your memory still lives -- and for you, Nic, what a wonderful memory it is!

I love you.  Requiescat in pace.

Emmett

I loved when you were younger and the family was here in Fl. on vacation.  You And Cazeo always stayed at my home during those times.  My moments were few, but my memories I will cherish and keep in my heart forever.  I hope you knew that aunt Debbie loved you and who you were.  Wish we had had more time, and had I lived in Indy I am sure there would have been more precious moments that family have.  Your smile could light up a room.  Know that you are going to be greatly missed and the tears will come, but I wouldn't trade being your aunt for anything.  I love you Nicholas.

Nic aka Nitch, you were my best friend. Life will not be the same without you. I’m truly heartbroken. Thank you for always taking care of me and for making all of our times good. I love you. I’ll see you on the other side. 
Love, 
Lita aka Bleach 

OBITUARY

Nicholas Carson Ilieff

23 May, 1986 – 27 September, 2021

Crown Hill Funeral Home & Cemetery

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