Arthur "Art" Anthony Marini

Art is survived by his wife of 65 years, Jane H. Marini, son Art Marini (Joy), daughter Alison Seltzner (Ed), granddaughters Kendall Marini and Allena Seltzner, grandsons Cole Marini, and Edward Seltzner, sister Camille Racioppo (Lawrence), brother-in-law Robert Moran (Barbara) and sisters-in-law Patricia Marini and Donna Hennessy. Art is predeceased by his brother, NYC Detective Gerard Marini. He also leaves behind several nieces, nephews, godchildren and young people Art and Jane took under their wings.

Born and raised in New York City, Art graduated from St. John's University. He also served as an airman in the U.S. Navy where his job was to seek Soviet subs, but most of the time he only found whales.

Art met Jane while working at the Gertz Department Store in Queens, NY. It was there they met and maintained lifelong friends.

Art spent his career in sales within the housewares industry which involved extensive travel. Even so, he almost never missed a grandchild's game or activity. He would change work travel arrangements just to spend more time with his beloved children and grandkids. He was an active member of the Knights of Columbus of St. Anthony's Church of Hightstown, was honored as Knight of the Year, and even led the church carnival. He always enjoyed being with young people and could regale you with stories about chaperoning field trips or coaching youth baseball and basketball.

Art had a knack for making instant connections with all people from all walks of life, ages and occupations. His dry sense of humor and well-timed quips made him a favorite. Art and Jane nurtured lifelong friendships from his childhood neighborhood in New York, to an enormous group of Brooklyn cousins, to work colleagues and church friends, to neighbors in New Jersey and New Bern. Art's life was full of adventures and even a few shenanigans. He and Jane travelled extensively with friends and family, especially, enjoying national parks like Yosemite and historical sites and spending time entertaining at the Manasquan beach house.

Art and Jane moved to New Bern, North Carolina, in 2005 after spending 36 years in East Windsor, New Jersey. They found New Bern to be the perfect place to retire, make new friends, volunteer in the local community, and enjoy recreational activities. Art was an avid, but not-so-good golfer, although he once made a hole-in-one.

A Memorial Service with Military Honors will be held Saturday, September 21, 2024 at Cotten Funeral Home, 2201 Neuse Blvd., New Bern, North Carolina. Visitors are welcome at 1:00 pm, with the service commencing at 2:00 pm. Neckties are discouraged to honor his preferred casual mode of attire.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital or to the Tunnel to Towers Foundation.

Cotten Funeral Home and Crematory is honored to serve the family of Art Marini.

Eulogy:

Looks like some of us had a late night. Dad would sometimes blame a night like that on a dirty ice cube.

I am Art Marini, Art Marini's son. Actually, I am the Third. Much to Dad's chagrin, my son is named Cole.

My nickname with Mom and Dad was RTR. I live in Nashville and lately I have been seeing a lot of people wearing RTR baseball caps. I thought maybe it was a sign from Dad. But, I asked one of these people what RTR stood for. She said Roll Tide Roll. The University of Alabama sport's chant. I said, "Well, I married into a University of Tennessee family. She playfully said, "Boo." At least it did not stand for Roto-Rooter.

No teleprompters here, so forgive me for occasionally looking down to my notes.

Glad to see the men went along with the no necktie request. Dad would get a kick if people came dressed for a Jimmy Buffett concert. Cole, are you wearing shoes or sandals? If Dad could walk in here, he would be embarrassed for only a second, then join in. Never shy, he would enter any group of people and engage. He believed you never knew what doors they can open.

I also spoke at my Uncle Raymond Hennessy's service. Remember that? I could barely get thru it, so I have a bullpen of relief speakers here at the ready just in case.

Our family appreciates the effort everyone made to attend. More than we expected. Thank you. New Bern is not an easy or inexpensive place to get to. Mom’s brother, Bob, always happy to come down to visit or help from upstate NY, would say, “Eh, it’s only 12 hours”.

The support from everyone, either in person, through cards, letters and phone calls, is greatly appreciated. Overwhelming actually. It also afforded us the opportunity to catch up with family and friends. My cousins are calling and texting more with each other. The sharing of old, and I mean great-great-great old photographs, has been enjoyable and enlightening.

Did you notice the music playing? Dad loved all kinds of music, but he would prefer not to have organ music at this. Cole created the playlist you hear of some of Dad's favorite artists.

We are here not to mourn but to recall, celebrate, and maybe learn a few lessons from Dad/Arthur/Art/Papa, Uncle Art or Mr. M's, outlook on life. Good thing Mom picked this urn because only God knows what he would have picked out. Maybe we should take turns keeping it for a day like the Stanley Cup winners do.

One reason today was chosen for this celebration and service is that yesterday was actually Mom and Dad’s 65th wedding anniversary. I fudged a few weeks in the obituary. Not exactly a Hollywood marriage. How? Mom once told Alison that they had mutual respect and love for each other when they met, but then dad became her whole world.

The Lesson here? Only they knew for sure but it had to be combination of Mom’s practicality, making each other laugh, Mom's tough love and Dad’s boldness.

In a nutshell, Dad was more than someone with a dry,-humored, self-deprecating sense of humor. Dad befriended almost everybody regardless of age, lifestyle, occupation and strongly believed in inclusion. Practically devoid of a temper, he could also be discreetly protective. He did not like pretense. He took his family and social relationships seriously and worked hard to maintain his and Mom’s various groups of friends. Of his large childhood gang, he was the last man standing. They should have had a prize. Maybe a bottle of Absolute with a coupon for a lime?

Of his family, childhood, church, neighborhood and work friends, he was usually the one to take the initiative and set a date-often the hardest thing to do, to get people together. He got the idea after his first childhood friend passed. A severely handicapped, wheelchair-bound buddy. This friend had a newspaper stand in Manhattan. He sold all kinds of newspapers, magazines, gum and cigarettes. When visiting him Dad would tell me to buy as many things as I wanted. Dad organized a gathering in New York after his service for neighborhood friends who had not seen each other in years partly due to that blur of raising children. This tight-knit group had such a good time they made it a point to gather and travel together regularly.

Lesson-Don't wait for someone else to do it or wait for a celebration or service.

Dad’s father, also an Arthur, or Pop-Pop, made a comfortable living in the fashion industry. Dad had an incredible wardrobe thanks to Mom’s taste, shopping prowess, and Pop-Pop's influence. If anyone would like a 44 Regular sport coat or a nice sweater, let me know.

Dad and his siblings lost their mother, Inez, who immigrated from Italy, at too young an age. Very devout, she attended Mass every day. It was she who led the immediate and extended family. She left us just before I came along, so I did not have the first-grandchild privilege of making up a name for her. So, for today we all just call her Grandma. Grandma was the glue to the extended family which was never as close again after she passed.

Lesson here-Don’t take another’s presence for granted and no excuse for losing touch, not with the availability of cell phones, FaceTime, texts, EZ Pass and Spirit Airlines.

Dad's sister, Jackie, also known as Camille, curse or blessing having Dad and Uncle Jerry (his given name was Gerard) as older brothers? I’m sure it was a blessing most of the time, and I know they were protective. Except for the time Dad received a Red Ryder BB gun (just like the movie and time period) for his birthday. They thought it would be fun to chase you around the house shooting you in the back. That is until Grandma came home and hit them both with it. It was not until many years after Grandma passed, they found the BB gun. They had assumed she threw it away the same day.

I bet YOU learned a lot from your brother’s hard lessons.

Many of Dad’s relatives lived close by and spent Sundays and holidays together. They vacationed collectively at Lake George, swimming, boating, laughing and lots of eating. One day they talked my great-grandmother, who lived with them, to go out on the boat. She reluctantly agreed, and when the boat ran out of gas and the sun was going down, she yelled in broken English, “Me die, Me no Swim.” Dad calmed her down in broken Italian.

Lesson-Verify, don’t assume. This removes misunderstandings. Lamar, Joy's father, and I once learned that the hard way. Told the boat's gas tank was full we did not double-check. We had to paddle to the lakeshore. But we did catch a nice bass while rowing.

Frequently impulsive, as a kid Dad dabbled as a hair stylist. One Christmas, he wondered what would happen if he used an electric tooth brush on cousin Carole’s hair. When they first came on the market they spun. It took a lot of cursing and cutting to untangle it. Uncle Joey, who gave it to her, was not amused.

Another lesson-Think ahead.

Many of us old enough remember where we were when we learned JFK, Martin Luther King and John Lennon were shot, the first moon walk, and 9/11. I once asked Dad if he remembered Dec 7, and Pearl Harbor. He said he was 5 years with his Dad attending the New York Giants football team play the Brooklyn Dodgers team. I didn't know Brooklyn had a football team, but I looked it up. They halted the game and announced the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, and all military personnel were to report immediately to their base. No one knew where Pearl Harbor was. The car radio provided details on the way home. He also vividly remembered when Germany surrendered. The streets were one huge party.

At college, Dad actually started in pre-Dentistry. But, organic chemistry convinced him to pivot 180 degrees to English Literature. This change served him well and turned him into a voracious lifetime reader-especially of thrillers, and history. He always had a book going and never wore a pair of glasses in his life-not even readers. He had an uncanny ability to recall details of books. But, he couldn’t help himself and spoiled a portion of every book he lent. “Did you get to the part about…?”

Belonging to Saint Anthony’s Church in Hightstown, NJ, he was an active member of the Knights of Columbus serving the church and community. He ran the annual church carnival and even the St. Patrick’s Day party, although he did not have an ounce of Irish blood.

And Dad was not above throwing a party for himself. About to hit 50, and no hint of a party from Mom, he decided to plan and throw his own. Unbeknownst to him though was that Mom was already preparing a surprise party. She had all the RSVP's, and was cooking and freezing, one food item a day to avoid suspicion. She had to call each guest before he called with an invite, and ask them to play along with his party plan. The day before the party Mom pulled out each frozen item and placed them anywhere out of sight to thaw out-the washing machine, the dryer, closets, under beds, the turned-off oven, neighbor's homes. Dad ordered a 6 foot sub we didn't need. I helped him hang strings of lights in the backyard, shaking my head the whole time. He borrowed lawn chairs from the neighbors who were already in on it. But, when people he did not call started showing up…"Surprise!"

“Good enough, close enough” was an oft repeated statement after he and I would finish a household repair. Mom called us Frick and Frack for our own fix-its. This was before YouTube where one can now learn to perform surgery-no offense Kent. Mom, which one of us was Frick and who was Frack? His thinking was “Perfection is elusive, but always do your best, especially when a leaky pipe is involved.”

As I mentioned, he could be impulsive. Another example, Alison desperately needed a practical, reliable car. Mom and I, the more sensible ones, were hoping they would come home with a Toyota or Honda. Instead, they came thundering down our street with a black Camaro Z28 muscle car. It actually had flames on the hood! “A good deal, they said.”

Lesson here: Consult Consumer Reports before shelling out a lot of money.

A bit overconfident with his landscaping skills. He and my brother-in-law, Ed, took a replaced commode and placed it in the front yard for our always proper mom to see when she came home. Although, it did have flowers sticking out of the bowl. I saved him a big chunk of money when I deliberately mowed down fast growing white pine saplings I didn't know he planted. I thought they were weeds. He caught me after I nailed the 14th. It cost him a small fortune to have the three remaining taken down years later. He once used leftover silver and white spray paint on a small dead tree to not be wasteful and to irk mom.

Lesson here- Don’t piss off mom.

He definitely wasn’t a snob when it came to movies. Some of his favorites were Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Adventures in Baby Sitting, The Pink Panther, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Young Frankenstein and any bad sci-fi flick. He loved The Far Side cartoon. An amusement I now share via text twice a week with my kids. He found interesting anything or anybody different, offbeat or quirky. He called a good time or fun person, a "Kick." Dad was a huge fan of Star Trek even before if became popular in reruns.

We had an option to have some of his ashes sent up to into space. Sorry Dad, according to Consumer Reports, it was not a good deal.

Dad coached youth baseball and basketball. For the last baseball game one season he said, “Today, you guys pick your own positions, make your own lineup and coach yourselves while I go up into those stands and smoke a cigar." We lost, but had so much fun.

Lesson-Losses can be more memorable and instructive than victories.

While chaperoning a school camping trip, and after everyone went to sleep, he snuck off, drove to town, and checked into a motel. He was back rested, showered, and caffeinated before anyone woke up. He told me, “I’m from the city, I can’t sleep in a tent."

We spent a lot of time over the years at a rented beach house. Basically, two bedrooms and a deck. We all loved hosting people. I think the tightness made it more fun. Dad would bring his binoculars to scan the boats AND beach activity. For a long time my friend Bill Tobin and I used the euphemism "boats" when scanning a crowd.

Dad enjoyed sharing his childhood antics with his grandkids and teasing them. He would try to cheat at every game. They would frequently say, “Papa is bad.” He would seed the beach with exotic seashells from Fiji or Bora-Bora bought at local souvenir shops for the grandkids, or any other nearby kids to find. Some still had price tags on them. Adults combing the beach would be dismayed at what the kids were collecting.

The Lesson-If kids enjoy something why ruin it with reality.

Joy and Ed were exceptional additions to the family. Two very hard working and generous people who added their own families to our’s. I believe Mom and Dad are closer to mine and Alison's in-laws than most parents. It was Joy who put together the slide presentation here. She went through boxes of pictures, explored the thousands of pictures on her iPhone, reached out to relatives, selected, enhanced, and captioned them all. If you need a house built or a mountain moved, Ed and Joy are your go-to people.

Me, Joy and the kids lived on a six house street. Not great for trick or treating.

On Halloween we and our neighbors, the Sullivan’s, would go to the much more productive neighborhood of Mom and Dad’s in Cranbury. John Sullivan and I would pull red wagons full of excess candy and beer. Dad was always lagging because as the unofficial mayor, he would stop to chat with every neighbor.

Kendall was, and actually still is, attached to a stuffed bear named Apooh. When Kendall was about two, we left Mom and Dad’s without Apooh after she had fallen asleep. Dad saw Apooh and immediately jumped in the car and took off trying to catch us. Of course, he was pulled over. No wallet. No shoes. He handed the policeman Apooh and explained the sleepless night ahead for everyone if Apooh didn't get home. The policeman said, “I haven’t heard that one. Go ahead, but slow down.”

Lesson here: If pulled over, come up with a unique excuse.

Who else but Mom and Dad would agree to watch Allena, Edward, multiple dogs and cats during Wisconsin's arctic winters for two weeks at a time when Alison and Ed were away? Their Disney cruise was memorable. They enjoyed looking at the world through their eyes.

Lesson-Spend the money. You’ll remember the moments more than what you spent.

Once when Mom and Dad watched the kids while Joy and I were away, he was overwhelmed with their schedule of activities. He called Nancy Sullivan, our neighbor, and said “How do you do this? I can’t keep up with their schedules.” A generational phenomena, I guess.

He tried to attend as many of Alison's, mine and the grandkids’ events as possible. He loved and relished time with his grandkids-Kendall, Allena, Edward and even Cole, or as he playfully called him, Doofus. Each has a unique personality and talent which he loved.

When Kendall was between 4 months and 6 years, she had to have regular, precautionary checks for a dangerous condition. These were held at CHOP, Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. My folks did not have to attend, but insisted. The visits were held in the radiology and oncology units. These visits always upset him. When I asked why he came Dad said, "It always resets my priorities seeing sick children.” That is why the St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital is one of the two suggested gifts in Dad’s name.

Lesson- Have empathy. Make the effort to see or help others that need it. It can wake you up and help appreciate what you have and realize how inconsequential your issues may be.

Dad was good at cards, board games and charades, but he hated jigsaw puzzles in his later years. He would work on one every day because Mom said it was good for his mind, but he would reply it wasn’t great for his mood. He had a compassion for animals. He would refer to them as “little guys or big guys." This compassion was not extended to squirrels. Hated squirrels. They ate the seed he put out for the birds. He was terrified of coconut land crabs. They can get this big. While pulling guard duty one night at Guantanomo Navy Base in Cuba, he heard a lot of scratching on the tarmac. He tuned his flashlight on and saw an army of coconut crabs crawling around. He jumped up on the wing of one of the planes and spent the rest of his shift up there.

Lesson: Pick your battles.

A very hard working and successful national sales manager for various houseware companies, I don’t believe he was driven by money, but by the challenge of closing difficult sales, expanding relationships, and balancing keeping the customer and employer happy. Pay the bills, educate Alison and me, and have money left over for fun, are what mattered to Mom and Dad

Friends of mine and Alison’s frequently still ask how our folks are and would come to the house and hang out. Didn't matter if we weren’t there. Open door policy and always room at the dining room table.

Mom and Dad love New Bern. Great people, neighbors, the Taberna community, local businesses, cost of living, mild winters, but not the pizza or Chinese food.

When Dad retired he started looking for ways to spend his days besides playing golf. My cousin Laura Hennessy, Cole, and I are probably the only golf students willing to take lessons from him. He enjoyed teaching the game, knowing how to do something, but not necessarily able to do it himself. He taught me how to play with unlimited Mulligans.

He frequently told me to take Lessons.

Speaking of taking lessons, I once learned a hard and lasting one. When I was around 10 I grew weary of practicing the guitar every day. So, I stopped, but when asked, I kept telling my folks that I already practiced. This went on for two weeks when Dad asked me to grab my guitar and show them what I had learned to that point. I looked under my bed where I usually kept it, behind the bedroom door, in the closet-it was nowhere to be found. When I said I could not find it, he said they sold it a week ago.

Lesson-A lie will always catch up to you.

He became known as a local trolley driver in New Bern. Besides driving tourists around, he sometimes picked up down-on-their luck people walking the road when the trolley was empty.

The Lesson- A little rule bending is ok.

True story. Soon after Dad passed, and on the anniversary of his brother Jerry’s passing, his brother's daughter, Carrie, shared that while walking her dog, she heard her Dad’s distinctive whistle. Neither she nor her dad was superstitious. She looked and saw a red cardinal. “Dad is that you?” “Is Uncle Art with you?” she said, and another cardinal flew and sat next to the first one. It happened the second and third day too", she said. I said, "I know what they were doing-teasing each other as always. “I look better than you. “Well, you look like a sparrow. “Yeah? You look like a woodpecker.”

They spoke every single day starting with and continuing after covid. Usually for just a couple of minutes about anything-family, their ailments, current events or how bad the NY Giants were.

Lesson-The smallest outreach means so much.

He was a favorite, and unfortunately, a frequent patient later on of many Dr.'s and home aids. They said he was always kind. His primary physician, who was not taking on new patients when Mom and Dad first moved to New Bern, was talked into taking Dad into his practice by the Dr.'s son Dad met on a golf course. The son knew his father would enjoy him as a patient. This Dr. sent a condolence note to mom stating that he loved Dad. Mom has received many such notes from his Doctor's and home aids.

He rarely complained, despite his discomforts later. Dad used humor to break through difficult situations or his own physical conditions. Basically, his thinking was laughter or irrelevance is therapeutic.

Mom literally kept Dad going, but nearly wore herself out in the process keeping up with appointments, meds, healthy meals and correcting his tv remote blunders. Her own humor, and patented tough love is her way of dealing with issues. She would jokingly call him "Marini" when trying to get him to do something he did not want to do. Their mutual devotion was obvious.

Alison frequently worked in visits during business trips. Allena and Edward, going to school within a few hours of here, visited often. Allena and Edward would sometimes bring school friends on these visits. All the grandkids would text, although Dad could never figure how to send or reply. Every week he called Edward to tell him "It's Hump Day" mimicking the State Farm commercial with the camel. He would place the phone next to his ear if FaceTiming. They would holler, “Papa, all we can see is your ear!”

MY take-aways from Dad"

• Try, when appropriate, to find humor in anything, either in the moment or when reminiscing.

• Effort and hustle make up for a lot.

• Keep your family and friends close. Each is not replaceable. Be aware of the lonely and reach out. Remain connected. Too many ways to not. Loss has a way of putting things in perspective.

• Have empathy. Everyone needs a boost now and then.

Clint Eastwood, yes, that Clint Eastwood, (It’s neat to be able to appropriately insert a statement from him into Dad’s eulogy. You can look this up.) At 94, Eastwood wrote this year:

Quote: "Don't look for luxury in watches or bracelets, don't look for luxury in villas or sailboats.

Luxury is laughter and friends, luxury is rain on your face, luxury is hugs and kisses.

Don't look for luxury in shops, don't look for it in gifts.

Luxury is being loved by people, luxury is being respected, luxury is being able to play. Luxury is what money can't buy."

If asked to sum up his life, Dad might say, "I was blessed with wonderful family, friends, opportunities and memories. I tried to make the most of them."

So, let’s celebrate the way Dad would want us to.