Mary A. Tasic

Thank you for coming to this special website that celebrates the life of a very special person, my mother Mary Tasic. Many of you have wondered about the special relationship we had - It started way before I was born.

Mary A. Tasic was a modest woman, quiet and observant in her ways. She was trustworthy and traditional in her approach to life and in her relationships. Mom was tough-minded with the kind of “stick-to-it” attitude that earned the respect of all who knew her. She was also a woman who was meticulous, carefully disciplined, and orderly in virtually everything she undertook. Realistic about life, she was always at the ready, prepared to take on responsibility.

Mary was born June 8, 1921 on the north side of Chicago, with the assistance of a midwife, to her parents Anton and Mary Tasic (nee Suchecki). Mary was the third child after her two older brothers, Tony and Bill, and was brought-up to be self-confident & dependable, two traits that would serve her well throughout her life. Wishing for a sister to play with and to care for, she was always told that if she prayed real hard she would then get a sister, but eight years later she landed up with yet another brother, Rudy. She was bothered at times about having to babysit for him so one day she tried to put a pillow over his face before deciding instead that “Oh well, he’s cute, I guess I’ll keep him around”. Needless to say, they became very close and were there for each other in many ways, having a very special relationship for over 80 years. In March of 1932 my mother was about 10 years old when her 11 year-old brother Bill died unexpectedly of pneumonia, one of many tragic times that the family would experience.

Growing up in the Tasic household was a bit different than most homes. There were good times to be had, but just as often there were a number of challenges as well. My Mom was able to work through the usual family problems when they appeared, and she followed in my Grandmother’s footsteps as being two people in the family who seemed able to keep the stress at bay.

As a young child, my Mom was never someone who needed to be the center of attention. She wasn’t pushy and wouldn’t force her way into games or other activities. Mary developed a variety of interests, though, and the things she enjoyed doing she did well. She was always curious about the world around her and was often eager to explore it. My Grandfather believed that girls should stay home & learn things better-suited for women, so she wasn’t allowed to participate in sports. In her spare time she really liked to read books and enjoyed playing and spending time with her brothers and her many friends.

Since my mother was a girl, my grandfather also believed that she didn’t need to have much of an education, so she was only allowed to finish the 8th grade. My mother always loved to read, so she pretty much taught herself no matter what challenges she went through. Because of health issues, her mother was not able to get out much so her father would buy the family’s clothes and shoes from vendors on Maxwell Street. As a result, Mary’s clothes were always way too big so her mother would have to completely alter them. On the other hand, her shoes were always too small so her feet would always hurt, something she suffered from all through her life.

Being poor (as most families were at that time during the Depression), my mom was forced to wear her hair long (her father would not allow it to be cut), her clothes were always plain and her nails were kept long, all of which encouraged the kids at school to make fun of her. One day a favorite teacher asked my mom “Mary, do you like being called “Scratch Cat”?”, and she said no. So she talked with my mom and asked her to start liking herself for who she was and said that people would then do the same (her mom had told her the same thing). From then on, my mother finally believed what her mother and this teacher said and therefore became the person she knew herself to be. Thereafter my mother always had a strong opinion about things and was firm in what she believed. This sometimes got her in trouble (especially with her father), but it never stopped her throughout life as she grew older.

While her teachers and even her friends generally thought of my Mom as being a serious person, she always managed to have a good time as she made that critical transition from adolescence to adulthood. Mary was a very logical person who enjoyed learning about factual information. Using her exceptional memory, she was able to learn much through observation and always seemed to have a command of the facts. She was able to make it seem as though she could easily master any problem that might be presented to her.

Approaching adulthood brought with it a new set of challenges, but Mom handled them well. Being a critical thinker who always remained independent, she was always able to focus on the tasks at hand. She thrived on her reading, something that often bogged down some of her friends. Mary was able to read the material and retain the information in a way that impressed those that knew her.

My Mom’s ambition had always been to become a nurse, but somehow just never got the chance. She decided to attend secretarial school for a while, until she discovered that factory work paid better wages. While accompanying a friend to a job interview, on a lark she too applied for work there at Western Electric on Cermak Road in Cicero for what was she thought would be a short stay. When my Mom was about twenty she developed a bad case of rheumatic fever, which caused her not to be able to walk for almost two years. Being a fighter from an early age, she set a goal to walk again, even buying herself a special pair of shoes she would celebrate with. She told her mother “I’m going to wear these shoes and I will walk again”. To help ease the constant pain, she and family members and her friends always carried extra Anacin with them, in case it got too bad. Because she could only get herself to work by taking the streetcar and since she was not strong enough to walk well, she would have to pull herself up onto the streetcar’s steps, where she would ride until she would arrive at work. Needless to say, my mother accomplished her goal and got to wear those special shoes, causing my grandmother to cry with happiness. Little did she know that in a few short years her mother would die at the age of 48 from an unexpected cerebral hemorrhage. After her mother died, my mom still lived at home with my grandfather.

At Western Electric, months grew into years, as my Mom enjoyed what she did for a living, was a hard worker and expected the same from her co-workers. She was skilled at working effectively in small groups and in one-on-one situations, as well as with handling solo assignments efficiently. She enjoyed dealing with concrete ideas and could cut through any amount of fuzzy information to reach the essential facts. Mary was excellent at meeting deadlines and was an efficient worker, one who paid careful attention to detail in order to leave sufficient time to get the job done.

Always considered to be a solid friend, my Mom was fortunate to have numerous acquaintances and several very close friends during her life. While growing up, her best friend's name was Frances, and later in life her two closest friends were Maggie Ruthkowski & Rafaela "Rocky" Garza. Since she disliked making generalizations about people and preferred to draw her own conclusions based on her own observations, Mary was able to see beneath the surface of relationships and became a true friend to those who knew her. She was committed to her family & friends and valued the trust they placed in her. It was not uncommon for Mary to go beyond the call of duty for others, so her family and friends frequently sought her out for advice because she had a knack for coming up with practical solutions to any type of dilemma.

She found pleasure in watching certain events, applauding those who won by playing fair & square. She enjoyed playing tennis, horseback riding & dancing, and she would particularly look forward to watching ice skating and the Olympics.

When she was thirty years old, Mary met my father Edward Walters, but when things didn’t work out she went to live in Coloma, Michigan during the last month or so of her pregnancy. She stayed with her older brother Tony and his family, where I was born on August 1, 1952. Afterwards, my mother had to call my grandfather to ask if she could come back home, but the first few days back my grandfather would not even look or play with me until one day he just started to. She now needed to get back to work, but who would take care of me? Since all family members and friends were themselves working too, she ended up finding a place in Villa Park that would watch your baby during the week. You could only come to pick up your babies for the weekend, so every Friday after work my mother would take the train to Villa Park to go pick me up. On the train she met a friendly conductor who once said “I see you have a smile on your face so you must be going to get your little girl”, to which my mom replied “Yes”. On Sunday afternoons that same conductor would then see my mother crying on her way home after having dropped me off for the week and he would tell her “One of these days when you come here it will be to bring your little girl home for good”. During that time, the only times I spent more time with my mother than just those weekends was when she took her two week vacations and we would stick together like glue. After almost two years of this, the day finally arrived that my mother could take me home, for good. When she went to the Villa Park train station to look for the conductor to tell him the good news, he was nowhere to be found. She tried a few more times to look for him and to thank him, but never saw him again. My mom told me this story and we always wondered if this gentleman was really an angel sent by God to help her through this rough patch. I believe that was the first time my mom really started to believe in angels. Later on, she came across a song that became her favorite, called “I Believe in Angels”, by the Swedish band ABBA…So whenever you hear that song you can think of my mother.

After Villa Park, I went to nursery school in Chicago until it was time for me to attend grade school. At that time being a single mother without a husband or being a child without a father was not common, and was of course very difficult for both of us. To avoid confusion and having me getting picked-on in school, the Sister Superior told my mother that she was be known as Mrs. Mary Walters at school, while outside of school it was up to her how she wanted to be addressed. Of course both my mother and I would have some family members, some friends or people in general give us disapproving looks or make snide remarks about this, but she would always quote what her Mother would say about not letting anyone make you feel bad and to hold your head up high and to just be proud of yourself. “You can’t stop people from thinking and saying things, so just make sure you like yourself and the rest will follow”. Whenever we ran into these issues we stood together, arm-in-arm, and would not allow people to put us down, something that actually made us stronger. As time went on, my mother never was mad about that, choosing not to judge the people who had made those earlier remarks. Instead, she was always there to help them through their own problems because that was the kind of person she was.

My Mother, Grandfather and I had lived in an apartment until I was about seven when it was decided we would buy a house instead. At that time the banks wouldn’t lend money to women, so even though my mother had a good job and my grandfather was retired, she could not get a loan on her own. Being a man, my grandfather was able to get a loan with his down-payment as the only payment he’d ever make, with the title for the house being put in both their names under his condition that all the mortgage payments were to be made by just my mother. Having to make all those payments herself, as well as all the utility bills, paying for all groceries and for all the other expenses while sending me to Catholic schools left her with no extra money every month, but my Grandfather would never give her any money towards anything. She felt bad at times, but was never mad since she felt her father had just made her a stronger person and knew she did not need to depend on him just because she was a woman. When I was about eight years old my mother sat me down and explained to me where all her paycheck went, including what bills had to be paid and that there was usually no extra money left over. We started a small kitty to save for the special occasions we otherwise couldn’t afford, and I remember many times my mother would be down to her last quarter on Thursdays for the bus fare to get her to work so she could pick up her paycheck. My mom would say “Thank God for payday or I have no idea how I’d make it home that day to come back to work the next day”, and her faith in God got her through many things like that during her life.

Growing up I always knew that when I wanted something real badly my mother would say “Debbie, we can’t afford it right now” and I would say “that’s okay Mom” because I knew she would try to get it for me whenever she could. That sometimes took months, but somehow she would always come through. We may have not had a lot of material things, but we did have a lot of love and liked each other too. When one of us was down the other one was always there, no matter what, if just to listen and to then give the other a hug and a smile. I guess that’s what pulled us through the tough times and what made our special relationship even stronger throughout all our years together.

When I became an adult and started working, things got to be a little bit easier for us, even when my grandfather would give us a hard time. After his death in August of 1977, we both felt free and easy and enjoyed our lives together even better. By that time my mother had became my Best Friend, having told me when I was growing up that “when you’re 10-years old I’m not going to treat you like an adult and when you’re an adult I’m not going to treat you like a kid”. She would also say that “I’m your mother first and when you’re an adult then you’ll become my friend”. Believe me, she stuck to her word on this and I respected her even more. She would also say “you have to earn your respect and it works both ways”.

My mother retired June 6, 1981 after working at Western Electric for 38 years just two days before her 60th birthday. On that day, her nephews Larry and Bill gave her a plaque as her gift to commemorate the event. She had always trusted and placed value in what was logical and in the things she knew, so she had been very confident in planning for her retirement. During retirement, she stayed 27 more years in her Pilsen neighborhood home in Chicago. With more free time on her hands now, she found great pleasure in spending a lot of time with her family & friends, in her travel adventures and in being involved with all her senior groups. Mary continued to stay in touch with her old friends while making plenty of new acquaintances. She was very active in her community and felt fulfilled.

After retiring, my mother started traveling the world with friends, first on a cruise to the Caribbean and then to many of the states she hadn’t been to and to almost all of Europe. My mother couldn’t swim, but boy did she love her cruises the best!! Since she was an early starter and had a knack for planning everything, traveling with Mary appeared effortless. She enjoyed thinking through her options, plus no matter where she traveled, Mary had a back-up plan at the ready, just in case. Favorite vacations included many trips to Europe (Austria, Germany, Slovenia, Croatia, England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, Italy, France, Switzerland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Greece), Bermuda, the Caribbean Islands, Mexico, Canada and many parts of the United States.

When my mom was getting ready to turn 70, she went on a trip with her friend Mary for three weeks to tour England, Wales and Scotland. While she was gone, I frantically organized a surprise party for her, with family and friends telling me I was “something else” during that time, but I was determined to make this a very special day for my Mother since she had given me so much more….

On March 7, 1995 my Mother’s older brother Tony passed away, leaving her as the head of the Tasic family, which meant she became even more influential in their lives.

In the spring of 1995 when I met my future husband Geoff, we started dating and he told me he had a wonderful daughter named Elizabeth. When I told my mother how things were and what may be ahead for the two of us, she sat me down and was direct in telling me “Debbie, Geoff comes as a package deal and if you cannot handle it, end things now so as not to hurt Geoff or Elizabeth or yourself”. After Geoff and I discussed this we knew that we liked and loved each other enough and that we would be there for each other whatever challenges came our way. On November 1, 1997 my mother lost her little girl to marriage but gained a good son-in-law and a terrific granddaughter, while I got both a husband and a step-daughter in the deal. On the eve of our wedding, I remember my mother telling Elizabeth (if she still remembers) that “tomorrow I officially become your grandmother, but I promise I will not be one of those mean grandmothers that you sometimes hear about”. Both Elizabeth and my mom smiled and laughed about that, and somehow I knew a special relationship had started that would continue for them for years to come. My mother always bragged about her granddaughter to family and to friends and when she would see Elizabeth, her eyes would light up and she’d take her hands and hold Elizabeth’s face and say “There’s My Girl”.

Many organizations were grateful to have Mary as a member, since she always brought with her a “stick to it” attitude and a high degree of common sense. Using straightforward methods to complete the job, Mary was a great planner who was incredibly well organized. It seemed that my Mom was able to schedule any event or activity with ease, always seeming to know exactly what needed to be done. Throughout her later years, Mary was an active member of the Pioneer's Club, Bridge Team, Holy Cross Senior Club, the Salvation Army, Neighbors Helping Neighbors and, of course, the Slovenian Womens Union of America, a group her Mother had been a part of and in which I remain active myself.

As a woman who always showed great commitment to the things she believed in, it’s little wonder that my Mother was so active in her community. Being practical and mentally disciplined, Mary preferred to base her decisions on first-hand experience and was never afraid to roll up her sleeves and to dig right in. Mary was a strong supporter of voting for the best person, regardless of political affiliation.

My Mom was a woman who was dedicated and devoted to her faith. She was a member of St. Stephens Catholic Church for most of her life. During that time, she was very involved in the PTA and in fund-raising committees during my school years at St. Pius V Grade School and at St. Mary's High School. She was a sympathetic woman who valued her beliefs and was willing to work tirelessly for them.

Mary would search for practical solutions, not for individual recognition. She was always grounded and objective, feeling a strong sense of responsibility for taking care of what needed to be done. This unselfish approach earned Mary much respect for her efforts and achievements. By far her most-important role was as a phenomenal influence, confidant & role model for me, for her family and for her many friends.

Mary was a lover of animals and cherished her pets, though perhaps her favorite over the years was her first dog, Buttons, who was one of her best friends for 14 years. Other special dogs in her life were Buffy, Punkin & Rusty, while some of her cats were Tiny, Tuffy, Scooby, Tiger & Snowball. She also had a love for birds, and had a especial fondness for cardinals and geese.

In 2001 my mother was still driving at the age of 80, but started to notice her face twitching a bit and eventually told our family doctor (Krishna Patel) that she believed she had the start of Parkinson’s disease, which Dr. Patel soon confirmed. After that my mother made the decision to stop driving and tried to do as much as she could living alone, but the Parkinson’s would start getting the better of her. In July of 2007 my mother moved in with Geoff and I. Becoming her full-time caretaker was something I didn’t mind, since it was my turn to give back the time and love she had so generously given me and that she now so richly deserved. After living with us for almost two years as she continued to get weaker and weaker, my mom could see the toll it was taking on me and that we could no longer safely care for her in our home. Geoff and I sat down with her one day and she agreed it was time that she move into a nursing home where she could be better-cared for, even though she had never wanted to go that route. Geoff and I then went to see Doctor Patel, and she explained to us that the Parkinson’s would not make the road ahead for Mary an easy one, further preparing us for the gradual changes to expect in her health. Dr. Patel said “Debbie, I’ve known Mary for twenty years. She’s an independent and strong woman, one who never complains even when she’s in pain. We’ve had many talks alone about what she does and does not want with her life, as well as about now having to deal with the Parkinson’s. I always told Mary I would be there for her, no matter what, until the end”, and she was. Dr. Patel was a huge help to us in getting my mother into Westmont Nursing and Rehab Center when it looked like she wouldn’t qualify for good care anywhere else, and she made sure Mary was always treated right. The staff there was very good, with many being very good to mom and who made her time there so much better, especially Tracie, her Nurse. Tracie taught her how to blow kisses even when her hands were shaking so badly, and she was always there for mom every way she could to make her stay at Westmont as comfortable as possible. My mother also had some other very good Nurses, one being Glen. Among the best Nurses Aides that worked with her were Jessica, Jackielou, Jackielou’s husband Alvin and Jeannette, who all went way beyond the call of duty and with whom she enjoyed a great relationship. They were not just Westmont’s staff to her, as they quickly became family to my mother, to me, to Geoff and to Uncle Rudy.

My mom remained of sound mind throughout, even though many of the residents in her wing suffered from Dementia or Alzheimer’s. She knew what was going on, but was completely bedridden. My mother eventually was put on a catheter, a feeding tube and a PICC line, but she just took one day at a time and without complaint. Of course she would once in while say “I guess God still doesn’t want me yet, so I’ll be here for a while still.” Even at the end my mom could still talk a little, so I would ask her “Mom, I know you and I had agreed and believed that we would never want you to be in a nursing home nor to be on various tubes. Are you OK with us for having made the decision to do so with Dr. Patel’s input”? My mother would always say, “Debbie I know you are doing what’s best for me and I trust you.” Every night when we would say our goodbyes my mother would say “Now Debbie, remember my mother and I had a good relationship and so did you and I. If something happens and I’m gone, just know I Love You Very Much and no matter what I went through, you were the Best Thing God could have given me but you must now live your life. You need to take care of Geoff, Elizabeth, your Uncle and of course be there for family and friends. I know you will cry sometimes, since you are a lot like my mother (who would cry at the drop of a hat), but you’ll be alright and you know that I’ll be with you, always”.

Early Saturday morning on January 14, 2012 my mother passed away in her sleep while Geoff, Elizabeth and I were there with her at Adventist Hinsdale Hospital, the result of complications from the Parkinson’s disease she had battled quietly for over ten years. She was extremely fortunate to have had Dr. Patel as her physician, both for many years while still healthy and during her declining years with the Parkinson’s. Dr. Patel made sure to be especially available those last four days to care for my mother to the end and to talk with Geoff, Elizabeth and myself about the process. She was a huge help, reminding me that ours was not just a doctor/patient relationship but that we are like family.

My Mom is survived by me (her daughter Debbie), by her son-in-law Geoff, by her granddaughter Elizabeth, by her brother Rudy, by her niece and nephews and by many great nieces & nephews. On May 19, 2012, a Memorial Mass was celebrated for her at St. Mary's Seminary in Lemont with Father Blaz Chemazar, her long-time parish priest and friend of the family. This was followed by a Luncheon of close family and friends at the Willowbrook Ball Room in Willowbrook. According to her wishes, her ashes will be spread at her parents' graveside.

Commitment is a key word that can be used to describe the life of Mary A. Tasic. She was committed to living the life of a good woman who was both practical and trustworthy. She was committed to the traditional values that she upheld her entire life. She committed herself to being a hard worker who expected the same effort in return from those around her. Most of all, she was committed to those she knew and loved.

I’ll end now by saying some of the words that my Grandmother Mary told my Mother, who then passed them along to me and which I now continue living by:

1) “You must have a goal in life, and when you finish one you start another. Keep having a goal since that’s what makes you the person that you are”.

2) “Some things in life happen for reasons that you can’t understand at the time and you may ask yourself “why me”? As time goes by, a reason will come from God and somehow it will all make sense”.

3) “Remember you can love someone but Love by itself is only a word. You first must Like and be happy with yourself. This in turn will then lead you to learn to like people. If you really Like someone, don’t be afraid to tell them. You will see that it will make all the difference in the world and that you both will feel good about yourselves”.

So Mom, I will try to continue to do what both you and your mother always said by being the mediator, listening and being there for family and friends, even when they are not speaking to one another for whatever reason. Hopefully in time, things will work out for them, but if not, please continue letting them know that you are always there for them, no matter what.

I hope you now have a better understanding of the special relationship that my mother and I had. That is what I’ll remember always to get me through the rest of my life here on earth. When God decides to call me to heaven, I’ll be there with you once again, Mom... Arrangements under the care of Chapel Hill Gardens South Funeral Home