There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think of Katherine. I miss her so much. Every time I take a picture of a flower or a really cute cat pic I wish that I could send it to her. 

What a privilege it was to be friends with Katherine. I remember so fondly couch-surfing at her swarthmore apartment when I was homeless. I’d go out job searching during the day, then come back and cook dinner for when Katherine got home then do apartment projects like making decor. I was homeless and going through a really rough time, but at the same time I was so happy, because she gave me a safe space to be and I got to spend so much time with her. 

So many memories. Good times, hard times. Always kind, always sensitive. Just a beautiful person. Love you, Katherine. Wish the world had been gentler on you. I’ll miss you forever.

I am sorry to hear that Katherine is gone. I knew her at Swarthmore, where she was a kind, sincere presence in my life. I worked with her on a program she cared very much about (SibShop, a care program for the siblings of kids with disabilities). Katherine was wonderful with the kids: genuine, warm, and gently guiding them towards meaningful conversations, even when that was challenging. She was exceptionally patient with me when I did not share her aptitude for the work, and never made me feel ashamed for not matching her dedication or skill. I did not get to know her very well, but I am sad to hear she is no longer in the world, and I can only imagine her absence will be felt in very many places. Thank you for your beautiful life, Katherine! <3

She was my former therapist and the only one I felt who really understood me at the time.  I was frequently late to appointments but she never got upset at me for that, and helped me out during a really dark moment of my life.  I'm not sure if I'd be here today without her, and it breaks my heart to hear that she's no longer with us.  She was a fantastic and kind soul, and I deeply miss her.

When she wasn’t working, Katherine would unwind with her favorite video game, Stardew Valley, where you play as a farmer trying to build relationships and improve life in a small town.
Katherine could tell you everything about the mechanics of how to play Stardew Valley, but also the lives of its inhabitants. Even with a game, Katherine would always see the best in people. In
the game, as well as interacting with the townspeople, you have the opportunity to befriend, and even become roommates with, a sewer monster named Krobus. Katherine’s comments on
Krobus were that he was “such a cutie” and has a nice smile. She pointed me towards Youtube videos dissecting each Stardew Valley character’s personality and finding the good in all of them, even the ones who on first glance have objectionable personalities. Whenever I see anything Stardew Valley-related, I will think of Katherine.

I have been friends with Katherine since we met in 4th grade.

From the beginning, Katherine was a kind and generous friend. She would share out bites of her
 lunch of a turkey sandwich and nacho cheese Doritos if the cafeteria food was particularly
unpalatable that day. We all loved reading, especially fantasy books, so she would recommend
 her favorite authors, like Tamora Pierce or Vivian Vande Velde, and lend out books. When we
moved on to different middle schools, we would stay in touch through calling each other on our
 family’s land lines after school, and she would play us snippets of whatever songs she was
working on for her piano lessons. I still remember when she learned the song “Water Wheel”
 and played it for us over the phone. Even though we never went to the same schools after fifth
grade, Katherine made the effort to stay in touch, and would invite us over on the weekends to
 jump on the trampoline, write silly short stories together, read fantasy novels, or play Apples to
 Apples or Beetle Battle.


When Katherine moved back to Raleigh, I was thrilled that she was in weekend visiting distance
 once again. For a while, because of the pandemic, we had socially distanced visits on her patio,
including a socially distanced birthday for her that November (I brought her a cupcake and
 candles. We made it work.) As conditions improved and everyone got vaccinated, we moved our
 visits inside, where she would offer me Rishi tea and update me on how her life and work were
going. She loved her work, especially getting to work with younger clients, and I remember her
 telling me that she had watched the entire first season of a popular TV show because she
thought it would help her better relate. It was clear from talking to her that she had found her
 calling, and she put her considerable intelligence and her heart into her job.

It was a great privilege watching Katherine excel in her graduate program and share her kindness and spirit with others, and it has been inspiring to see the impact that she had on the lives of others. It is unsurprising that many of her former colleagues and former patients currently grieve her loss. I remember one anecdote that she told me about supporting a child experiencing homelessness in one of her placements. This child had improved enough on some of his metrics that she was able to give him a sticker for reaching his behavioral goals. He was so excited to be rewarded that he asked her what the sticker was for; and, after she explained it to him, he said that she should also get a sticker because she listened to him and made him feel special.

When I think of Katherine, I think of her irrepressible spirit; her tenacity; her love of animals; her love for her family; and her deep appreciation for chocolate. I am grateful for the many years of friendship that Vanessa and I were privileged to share with her. Our life was much better for having shared it with her.

Katherine and I were friends for many years, from elementary school to the present day. We shared vacations, major life events, and day-to-day joys.

Katherine was a thoughtful and caring person, who delighted in gift-giving and in supporting the people whom she loved most. I turned 25 in a new town about a week after starting my PhD program, where I knew no one and had no friends. I was anxious about spending a milestone birthday alone, so Katherine graciously came down for the weekend and brought me a surprise, homemade cake. At a time when Katherine was busy with her own graduate work, having recently started her PsyD at Widener University, she spent a precious weekend when she could have been catching up on coursework making my birthday special.

Because Katherine and I were going through graduate school at the same time, we provided each other with moral support through the oral exam and dissertation process. As mutual procrastination buddies, we spent a memorable night using a Buzzfeed quiz to sort Katherine’s cats into Hogwarts houses after she texted me at 2 am wondering if she should sort them into houses and then buy them the appropriate collar. While she did not buy those particular collars, she delighted in buying them accessories, toys, and treats–-as she liked to say, she worked hard so that her cats could have a better life. Obviously, Katherine was a devoted cat mom, who adored animals in general and especially her cats.

OMG! I had tried contacting these four muskateers for many years. I was casually looking to contact Christine and Katherine because wanted to reconnect but had legal issues and needed mental health help. I messaged all four of them. Joking to John... he ought to ground them. No matter how long we didn't talk I knew we would catch up like yesterday. I had a weird sensation. to look up  her up to see if I could hunt a email or phone. I bolted in tears.  Those memories of eggplant dishes, Einstein bagel runs, chocolate is a must in this family, 3 days of monoply, and yelling because she had a birds nest of matted curly hair, and John infamous father nights and quirks. But Christine and Katherine were more than besties but sisters from another momma. Both loved and spoke highly of their aunts and uncles. She was a light. Always made everyone included and loved. She loved to read and write. Gosh! I am so heartbroken. My office number is (765)268-0004 whenever Reem Christine, and/or John is ready I would love to reconnect and celebrate her life with them someday soon. Sending my hugs and kisses.

Even the Florida mosquitos were invited it. We had mosquito zappers all over the house. 
One night, a couple was walking by and saw the front door open and pitch black inside. They thought there might have been a break in so they called 911. And they knocked on my Neighbore’s door to let them know.  My Neighbore called to tell me the cops were on their way. I was in my bedroom packing for a trip, actually to Raleigh. 
I came out and told Rajaie the cops were coming. He seemed entertained.  Law enforcement showed up and Rajaie went to the front door.  They explained they got a call that there might be an intruder at the house.  Rajaie said, my sister might consider me to be an intruder.  By then, I came out to greet them and apologize about the misunderstanding.  I gave them my cell and asked they call me before coming out next time. As they left, Rajaie followed them to their police cars and hung out with them for a half hour. For the following months, they would stop by the house to check on him and chat.  
I called Katherine on my drive up to Raleigh and told her the story.  I thought she would say it must have been embarrassing to have your Neighbores question why. Or how do you tolerate uncle leaving your doors open allowing  misquotes, lizards, and roaches in.   
To my surprise, Katherine said, isn’t uncle wonderful.  He made cultivated new friendships with the police officers. He made their night more interesting.  You have better protection.  Don’t we all need an uncle! What a beautiful and positive perspective she gave. Katherine taught me to see things through a different lens’s, Katherine’s lens. Don’t we ALL need a Katherine in our lives!  
She was gentle, loving, positive, nonjudgmental, not pretentious, and incredible intelligent.   
I will miss her sweet voice and kind heart.

I am going to tell you a short story that you’ll probably find entertaining.  And it will give you insight on who Katherine is. 
As most of you know, our brother, Rajaie, passed away almost three years ago. Leading up to falling sick with COVID and passing away, he lived with me in Florida for over five years. Rajaie liked things a certain way. Rajaie didn’t like light.  He was sensitive and it irritated him. So my home stayed dark as the sun went down.   We used the flash lights on our cell phones to get around.  He also loved the weather in Florida, so he would keep the front and back door open all evening and night until he went to bed. Even the Florida mosquitos were invited it. We had mosquito zappers all over the house. 
One night, a couple was walking by and saw the front door open and pitch black inside. They thought there might have been a break in so they called 911. And they knocked on my Neighbore’s door to let them know.  My Neighbore called to tell me the cops were on their way. I was in my bedroom packing for a trip, actually to Raleigh. 
I came out and told Rajaie the cops were coming. He seemed entertained.  Law enforcement showed up and Rajaie went to the front door.  They explained they got a call that there might be an intruder at the house.  Rajaie said, my sister might consider me to be an intruder.  By then, I came out to greet them and apologize about the misunderstanding.  I gave them my cell and asked they call me before coming out next time. As they left, Rajaie followed them to their police cars and hung out with them for a half hour. For the following months, they would stop by the house to check on him and chat.  
I called Katherine on my drive up to Raleigh and told her the story.  I thought she would say it must have been embarrassing to have your Neighbores question why. Or how do you tolerate uncle leaving your doors open allowing  misquotes, lizards, and roaches in.

The memorial service was such a nice way to understand the special person that Katherine was.  Thanks to all who shared their thoughts.  John, I hope you will remember what I said earlier about the dinner invitation from Katherine.

Among Katherine’s last thoughts was a request for us to take good care of ourselves. Any of us can do that. Katherine had spent many years with declining physical and mental health. I am committed to honoring her request to take care of my physical and mental health. I will be seeking therapy for myself. Please take care of yourself and think of how much that would mean to her. All of us can do that.

Be human with each other. Katherine was a brilliant woman who made you feel like you had always known her when she talked to you, and she always took note of people who showed kindness and human empathy to others. We all have roles we play and jobs we do in life. But let’s be human with each other. The staff of Duke regional hospital, the Durham first responders, and staff of Springfield Pharmacy were all tremendously human in the final hours, days and weeks before she passed away. Emily the Physician’s Assistant at Duke Regional, was talking to Katherine at Christine’s request, telling her we would be there in the morning as she lay unconscious at 5:11am  on January 11th when Katherine unexpectedly passed away. Thank you, Emily, for being human. Katherine spent far too much time alone during her decline, especially in the final year when she was locked in an intractable migraine. Let’s commit to helping each other avoid the loneliness, in her memory. 

These remembrances have been more on the practical side in talking about specific ways to remember Katherine. I like to think that this too honors Katherine. She appreciated organization and directness, and in developing concrete approaches to difficult emotional problems. Thank you for helping remember her and keep her memory alive.

Katherine was very close with her Uncle Rajaie, who passed away almost exactly three years ago. He named his business Beisan Systems in honor of the Palestinian town of Beisan. His mother Georgette, Katherine’s grandmother, was born and raised there before Zionist militias forced her family off of their land in 1948. A few weeks before she passed, Katherine told me she intended to name her therapy practice Beisan Therapy. We have listed a charity providing mental health care to Palestinians in Gaza as a suggested option for donations in Katherine’s obituary. Donating or providing other support for Palestinians is another way we can remember and honor Katherine.

One of the first things we had to do the day Katherine passed away was to move her two cats, Birdie and Mini, to our house. They are in a guest room waiting to be reintroduced to their former house mates, Pippa and Jazz. Katherine had given Pippa and jazz to us because they were stressed out about living with so many other cats in a small apartment. Katherine’s empathy was not bounded by her practical limitations. She strongly believed in being human and always caring. Katherine was passionate about rescuing animals that were severely mistreated or neglected. At the high-water mark, she had 17 rescue cats in her tiny Philly apartment. We now have the last four in our house. If you are motivated and have the energy to help with the rescue and care of animals, this can be a way to honor her memory that perhaps more of you can feel motivated to do.

Katherine spent extensive amounts of time caring for and interviewing people experiencing homelessness in the Philadelphia area where she spent so many years. She took what she learned from those discussions and prepared packs of supplies that the people she interviewed said they would find useful. I have the last pack that she had prepared. I plan on preparing more packs and handing them out to people who want and need them. I invite you to join or help me in doing the same, but you can also support people experiencing homelessness in your own way. This is another way we can remember and honor Katherine.

While I was living with Katherine the last 8 weeks of her life, she mentioned that she had a dream for her dissertation, which was entitled “A GUIDE FOR SCHOOLS: UNDERSTANDING AND WORKING WITH PARENTS OF TRANSGENDER STUDENTS”. She had intentionally written a dissertation that could be broadly used by teachers, parents, and students instead of a typical academic treatise, and her dream was to have it printed, bound and placed in schools as a reference for those that might need it. It is important to me to make her dream come true. If I can get it placed in just one school, I will be at peace. Her aunt Deborah and aunt Lama have offered to help me with this. This is something more of you could help with as a way of remembering and honoring Katherine.

I will start with remembrances that are more specific to the family and myself.  Right now, her mother, sister and I are adding things from her daily life into our home. This way we can have her aesthetic, values and feelings in our daily life. We will also take her urn and put it in the house in our bedroom as a memorial. I will bring pictures and items from her life into my office to add to the photos, cards and gifts from her that were already there. I will frame and hang the self-portrait she gave me her freshman year in college.Katherine and I both loved Valentine’s Day, and I had gifts I ordered for her every year. And so I will find a way to celebrate Valentine’s day with her this year and in the years to come. These are some of the things that we can do as Katherine’s family to remember and honor her.

Remembrance
We are gathered here to honor the life of Katherine Ernst. What does it mean to you to honor and remember someone? 

We are all here in person to honor her today. I could honor her alone with her mother and sister. But I invited you to come and honor her with me. You could have decided to honor her in private as well. But you decided to come so we can honor her together. Some of you are honoring her alone where you are but sharing remotely. And so we are together with you as well. So since we have all decided to come together today, it's clearly about sharing in the memory of Katherine, today, together, and connecting in that grief of loss and celebration of life. We are also supporting each other in our grief and celebration. This is very important to me to know her life mattered to you. But what happens after today? How can we keep her in our thoughts after today? That is a much more personal question for each of us to answer. Let me share some thoughts that come to my mind in case they help.

The third theme is. “Katherine’s Strength and Care”
Katherine had tremendous resilience and compassion. Even as a child, she was determined, organized, and deeply empathetic. I remember introducing her to a spreadsheet for time management when she was a student at Cary Academy. To my amazement, she embraced it immediately. That sense of discipline and order stayed with her throughout her life, even as she juggled her studies at Swarthmore and Widener, her career, and the increasing challenges of her health.

Katherine was also wonderfully stubborn—for a long time she had a bumper sticker on her car that said, “nevertheless, she persisted.” Even as a little girl, she had a way of pulling you into the moment. If you weren’t looking her in the eye, she’d gently turn your head with her tiny hands to make sure she had your full attention.
Despite her own struggles, Katherine always put others first. I was reminded of this when she became concerned about my hearing loss and took the time to write me a 20-page paper detailing what it meant, how to address it, and why it mattered. She did it at a time when she did not have the time to do it.  It was life-changing for me, not just because of her research, but because of the care and love that drove her to help me. She also was showing me how to do better at taking care of myself. 

Katherine’s empathy and humanity knew no limits, and her strength in the face of adversity continues to inspire me.

These moments—her humor, her persistence, her love for beauty and connection—are what made her so special. They’re what we’ll carry with us, always.

As we reflect on these cherished memories, I’d now like to share some thoughts about how we can continue to honor Katherine and keep her spirit alive in our lives moving forward.

The second theme is “A Bond Built Through Rituals”
Katherine and I share a love of rituals. As a father, balancing work and family was not always easy, and for years, I worked long hours that kept me away. But Reem’s rule about being home to tuck the girls into bed changed everything for me. Those bedtime rituals with Katherine became sacred. We wrestled and played, but Katherine preferred gentler moments—reading stories, cuddling, and sharing little conversations before she fell asleep. Our shared love of reading grew out of these shared moments. These moments weren’t just routines; they were the foundation of a bond I will cherish forever.

Later, Katherine and I began our “dad-daughter date nights,” which started during our brief time in the Indian Princess program. Our first projects—assembling a model car and building a wooden hat stand—revealed her incredible artistic and hands-on talents. We often stopped for dinner at El Rodeo (renamed to Jose and Sons by their children), a tradition that became our special time together. These evenings were a joy for me as her father, not just because of the projects or the meals, but because they gave me a glimpse into Katherine’s thoughtful, creative, and endlessly curious mind. She wasn’t just my daughter—she was my partner in those moments, and I treasure every single one.

Memories
The first theme of memories I would like to share is “Katherine’s Joy”
Katherine brought light into our lives from the moment she was born on November 17th, 1989, at Rex Hospital. I still remember that day vividly. The nurse handed her to her Uncle Munther first, which made us both laugh when he reminded me of it recently, but when I finally held her, my world changed forever. She was a sweet, beautiful and happy baby, and her joy was a balm for Reem, Christine, and me during a time when we had been struggling. Her laughter filled the house, and her natural curiosity made every small moment special. Growing up, Katherine had an intense joy for stuffed animals (like Ostie the Ostrich), collecting small items like rocks and shells, and most of all, her immediate and extended family. This joy became an anchor for our happiness in the early years. Katherine was full of life, and it’s the little things that made her unforgettable. For example, Katherine had a sharp sense of humor that could catch you off guard and leave you laughing. Katherine appreciated beautiful things and small pleasures. She loved flowers—both real ones and the kind you find in art—and that love of beauty showed up in everything she did. Katherine was a classically trained pianist who took lessons for 12 years. I’ll never forget how she and her sister recorded an album of Christmas music that was mostly vocal arrangements but also included a piano duet. She was incredibly artistic, too. As a freshman in college, she painted an amazing self-portrait, and every year she made us the most beautiful calendars with family photos. She loved TV shows that brought her joy, like The Good Place, Schitt’s Creek, and The Great British Bake Off. And she had a lifelong love of chocolate, though she learned early on that a second chocolate donut was never a good idea.. For me, Katherine’s delight in these everyday joys is one of her defining characteristics, and one of the things I will miss most about her

Intro
For those of you who don’t know me, I am Katherine’s dad. I have two main goals in my remarks today. One is to share some memories of 
Katherine, to bring her into the room here with us. These memories are divided into three themes: “Katherine’s Joy”, “A Bond Built Through Rituals” and “Katherine’s Strength and Care. I categorized my reflections about Katherine into these themes to hopefully offer a window into some of what I cherished most about my breadth of my relationship with Katherine, and to remind all of us here of the range of qualities that made her extraordinary.

The second goal is to share my thoughts on ways we can continue to remember and honor Katherine once we leave here today. I know this is a lot to sit through from one speaker, and I deeply appreciate your patience and presence here with me.

I am devastated to hear about Katherine's passing. We went to college together. She was truly a kind, compassionate, caring, beautiful person. I know she will be missed by so many.

I am so so so so so so so so sorry! I am living with aphasia. We were Swarthmore (2009-2010) semester physics lab mates together. Rest your soul peace be with you and also with you. You are amazing person, Dr. Kathy Ernest!

OBITUARY

Katherine Qubain Ernst

17 November, 1989 – 11 January, 2025

Mitchell Funeral Home at Raleigh Memorial Park

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