Bob Mello, 

You will always be my #1 unrequited love! I loved you SO much. In every creepy way possible. :-)

What is it? Why are some men babe magnets and others aren’t?

The first time  I saw Bob he was making salads in the kitchen at Eulipia. I was a waitress. Bob had a broken heart at the time. The love of his life  ended their relationship.

I can count on one finger the number of times I have felt so instantly attracted to a man. Damn! Bob was…??? Was it vulnerability? Was it The Artist‘s soul? Whatever it was—-it took my breath away.

 Bob didn’t pursue me as a girlfriend. I wasn’t his type. Bob was able to tell me what type I was. I am still that type. I think it’s called bipolar!:-/  Bob said I was “Isadora Duncan like.”

Spontaneous women running down the beach doing cartwheels aren’t every man’s fantasy? .Go figure. 

Point is…

I would hang out with Bob at his place downtown. It was an auxiliary dwelling unit over a garage. One night as I was standing on the stairs I turned away after saying “Goodnight.” Bob said: “Do you really want to leave?” His words cut thru my giddy affectation. Of course  I said “no”. Bob was my first friend with benefits. Nowadays it might be called a situatship.   I could talk my head off over a plate of Pedro’s Mexican Food and feel like Bob Not only saw me—but got me. Like I was interesting. Great teachers I have had have had have always done the same thing.

Oh Lordie! One time I was manic I fantasized that Bob proposed to me. It was Christmas time. I imagined a ring in a box under a tree. I made Bob a sausage that night. How many cigarettes did we smoke back then? No one smoked better than Bob. It was Humphrey Bogart 1930’s. Some of the staff would imitate Bob’s way of holding a cigarette. Or learning against the bar.

Bob wanted to leave one time and I refused to get out of his car. I believe it was a Volkswagen Beetle.  

Bob Mello—

My daughters know your name. You are forever in my story❤️




Bob took it hard when he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. He was really struggling as he tried to cope with it.  Those were tough times.  But amazingly, through it all, even during the darkest days, he was still able to retain his sense of humor, his unique sort of "Bob" way of looking at things and, somehow, deal with the day to day reality of the situation with courage and dignity.  It was hard for those of us who visited him to see how Alzheimer's changed him mentally and physically but no matter how debilitating the disease became you could always get a smile out of him if you got his attention, always see that glimmer of Bob in his eyes.  He lived five years after he was originally diagnosed in various living situations, with the last four years being in a loving, caring, peaceful environment.  He died on December 27th, 2019.

My brother was a gentle soul, a sensitive soul, talented, intelligent, funny, unwaveringly honest, brave, kind, disdainful of hypocrisy.  He wasn't perfect.  In fact at times he was aggravatingly human.  But maybe that was the most impressive thing about him, how human he was, how open, unguarded and vulnerable he allowed himself to be.  I miss him.


I met Bob when we worked together at Snug Harbor in New Orleans. A few nights before I was moving out of town, we went out for dinner, and I got pulled over for not using my turn signal while avoiding an obstruction. The paddy wagon came and took me to jail(New Orleans policy at the time). Bob came and bailed me out. He was always there as a friend. 
I saw him over the years when I visited the Bay Area.  He would advise me on books to read, and always had a great sense of humor. The pictures on this memorial site instantly brought back memories of his laugh and his always wise Bob philosophy.
The last time I see him was shortly before he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's I think. I could tell something was off, but wasn't sure what. I'm glad he was taken care of till the end. I'll miss him.  I'm glad I met him, he was truly original.


Bob was an important figure at a key moment in San Jose’s growth into national prominence; his involvement in founding the restaurant Eulipia, and fostering the nascent San Jose Stage Company, helped make San Jose’s downtown what it is today. The many students who studied composition under him at San Jose State University will remember him as a caring and meticulous teacher, and his friends will remember him always as a man with an extraordinary talent for friendship.

We Are Here To Stay

The storm came, wind and rain
Lifetimes washed away
We held on when all hope was gone
'Cause we are here to stay

We don't know what the future holds
It changes day to day
With family and friends we'll start over again
'Cause we are here to stay

But we'll always remember the ones we lost
We'll always remember the way it was
We'll always remember those who came to help us

Now it's time to begin our lives
We bow our heads and pray
Help us be strong, teach us how to get along
'Cause we are here
We are here
We are here to stay



I met Bob Mello (hereafter called just Mello, which is what I called him from day 1) on a chilly night in February 1980 at a small but well-established music club called JP's on Manhattan's upper east side. I had been there visiting my recent acquaintance, David Ray, whom I'd met at Uncle Lulu's Songwriter's Workshop on W. 55th Street in ‘79.  It was clear from the first moments that Mello was a young man after my own heart. Well, but his heart was always better than mine; better than anyone's, I would come to learn, because he didn't have a mean bone or cruel vein in his body: he was one of the kindest, gentlest, most humane people I have ever known: a sheep in sheep's clothing. For some people that might be an indictment; for Mello, it is a testament.  Mello was a wonderful artist: a writer of poetry, fiction, and screenplays, and a terrific songwriter.

OBITUARY

Robert Anthony Mello

26 February, 1953 – 27 December, 2019

Lima Family Santa Clara Mortuary

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