Ray Boucher

Today we would like to share with you some of what we loved, and love about my father.

Issac Newton once said "if I have seen farther than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." Our dad was a modest man, and when judged against what our society tells us is exceptional, perhaps he was not.

He was not rich. He did not drive a fancy car ( unless you love yellow Volkswagen beetles or fake panelled Chrysler station wagons) However, my father had his own standard of exceptional, and he strove to reach it in any way he could. To us, our father was a giant.

Our dad was patient, kind and warm. He loved to talk to people, anyone really, that he happened to run into while out and about. It seems like everybody knew our dad for one reason or another, and after last night, it is clear that he was loved and respected by so many of those he knew.

As patient and kind as he was, he also had some pretty set ways about how he wanted us to act and behave. Elbows on the table at dinner were often met with a spoon to the elbow as a reminder. Jeans were not to be worn to church, we could not watch threes company and it was non negotiable that my Mother was always the first person to go through the door when he unlocked it upon our arrival at home.

Very rarely did he get angry but when he did, we needed to watch out. When we did something particularly unsavoury, we were rewarded with a trip to the bathroom and a meeting with the wooden spoon. My brothers and I still laugh about his serious demeanour before we got our whack, when he told us in an almost believable voice, "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

I often think now about all the things he must have seen over his 28 years as a police officer, and how it must have sometimes made him feel sad and worn. But me and my brothers never knew of those things. But talking with people over the past few days, especially his co workers and fellow officers, it has become clearer to me that my dad looked on his job as one that allowed him to make a difference, that he drew strength from and that he used to help those that he could. In our eyes, my father was a giant.

There were an immeasurable number of good times and memories with my dad. As kids, he often took us to Windsor to see football, hockey or baseball, without my mom. These trips were usually characterized with a classic dive hotel, that he normally would describe as a needing renovations with a stick of dynamite. Meals consisted of trips to 7 eleven and Sams Cantina for pizza. Mom did get invited a few times, but after the big gulp got spilt on the front seat of the car, the trips to 7 eleven stopped. We did this for years, and as we grew and Brad moved closer to Toronto, we switched it for yearly blue jays games that included his grandson christopher as well.

My dad also took us on regular fishing in Wawa and Hawk junction. We used to fish the Kinnawabi Creek, or Lake Anjigami, and sometimes camped on the beach, a few times with our moms parents as well. The fishing trips were tonnes of fun. Of course, sometimes his fun loving nature got the best of him and we ended up in some tight spots. Once, while camping on the lake, he decided that it would be a good idea to explore the beach in his truck. About six hours and two stuck tow trucks later, the truck was freed from the beaches sinking sand, and accompanied by a rather large towing bill.

Our dad had a great sense of adventure and loved trying new things, particularly with my mom. One year two new sets of downhill skis appeared. Some golf clubs came and went, and a few summers were spent with my mom on long bike trips to thunder Bay, and then from Thunder Bay to Winnipeg. We remember him running some 10 km running races, playing racketball a fair bit, and even taking up some time selling religious books and also selling Amway. I know for a fact that 30 years later, we still have some amway product in the bowels of the house on Reid Street.

Our dad also tried his best to set an example for us. I remember once when we were young, he picked up the rototiller from gramma and grampa bushs on bloor street, and was headed home with the tiller in the back of the truck. On the way up the hill, the tiller slid backwards and smashed out the back window of the truck. Later that day, he sat all three of us down and said he was sorry, because it was irresponsible of him that he had allowed that to happen. He didn't have to do that, but he chose to set an example for us to follow.

We also remember the time that we were on one of our long driving family vacations to one of the coasts, and we passed a man at the side of the road that was carrying a cross across Canada as part of his public ministry. My dad thought that was great, and picked up the mans cross and walked with it a couple miles down the highway, as a sign of his faith and love of Jesus.

There is no doubt our dad was a man of faith. Him and my mom felt very strongly about raising us as catholics, attending mass every week and thanking god for the gifts we had been given. We prayed together at the dinner table every night, holding hands and thanking god or asking god for what we needed. Always, my dad was at the head of the table with his big, soft man hands, holding ours and leading us in our prayers. These prayers were some of the ties that have bound our family together. He even took the opportunity to let some of the non catholic girlfriends that appeared in our house (and even Brads wife) know that they would surely choke if they didn’t say their grace before their meals.

For as long as we can remember, our dad always gently blessed our forehead with the sign of the cross when we went to bed or said goodbye. Even as adults, we still would wait for our father’s traditional “god bless you” when we parted ways. There were so many small yet symbolic signs of his goodness that came simply with his presence among us. These are the parts of him that will most be missed with his loss. The simple acts of a kind man.

Of all his great qualities and all of our great memories. We know our dad was not a perfect man. As with all of us, he had faults and struggles. However, as author Amy Picoult writes, we do not love someone because they are perfect. We love them in spite of the fact that they are not.

How my dad and my mom as well dealt with the struggles and imperfections, and how they loved each other in spite of all of them, is their greatest success, and stands testament to their love. They were to celebrate 50 years married this coming February, and along with three great sons and their partners, saw 7 grandchildren born into the family. Mirinda, Karine, Moira, Mia, Sarah, Kate, and Christopher loved their Grandfather, affectionately known as grumpy, with great joy. He will always be remembered, and always be missed by each of them.

Our Dad’s death was very sudden. And we will struggle with this loss. As we think about the struggles of moving forward without him, there is alot of uncertainty and sadness.

Recently, I was watching the news, and heard about the story of Joe Biden, the US Vice President, and how he lost both his wife and daughter in a car accident in 1972. . His experience with this grief led him to start offering support to those parents who had lost children serving in the US armed forces.

His advice rings so true as we look for the perseverance and strength to deal with the loss of our father.

"There will come a day – I promise you, when the thought of your son or daughter, or your husband or wife, brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye," It will happen."

If there is one thing that we all would like you to leave with today, it is to think of Raymond Boucher, and to smile. He would have wanted it that way.

When we were very young, and asked about something a long time ago, my mom always used to say that happened when you were just a twinkle in your father’s eye. Today, and for ever more, he has become the twinkle in ours.

BOUCHER, Ray – Unexpectedly at home on Friday, July 10, 2015 at the age of 73. Loved husband of Rose (nee Tremblay). Also loved by his sons Ray, Andy and Brad. Father-in-law of Patty, Krissy and Christine. Devoted Grumpy to Mirinda (Alex), Karine, Moira, Mia, Sarah, Kate and Christopher. He took great joy in being with his grandkids. Predeceased by his parents Rene and Elva Boucher, and parents-in-law Bud and Laurette. Brother to Joanne Boyle (late Joe) and late Larry (Lucy). Uncle to numerous nieces and nephews. Ray was a city police officer for 28 years. After retirement he owned and operated Our Driving School for 14 years. Friends may call at the Arthur Funeral Home & Cremation Centre on Monday, July 13, 2015 from 6 until 9pm. Funeral Mass celebrated from St. Gerard Majella Catholic Church on Tuesday, July 14, 2015 at 11 am. Rev. Ignatius Xavier officiating. Interment Holy Sepulchre Cemetery. Ray’s wishes were to feed the hungry and care for the sick, therefore memorial contributions to the Soup Kitchen or to Algoma Residential Community Hospice (ARCH) (http://tinyurl.com/nsn5rlv) would be appreciated. In respecting his wishes please do not send flowers.

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BOUCHER, Ray – Unexpectedly at home on Friday, July 10, 2015 at the age of 73. Loved husband of Rose (nee Tremblay). Also loved by his sons Ray, Andy and Brad. Father-in-law of Patty, Krissy and Christine. Devoted Grumpy to Mirinda (Alex), Karine, Moira, Mia, Sarah, Kate and Christopher. He took great joy in being with his grandkids. Predeceased by his parents Rene and Elva Boucher, and parents-in-law Bud and Laurette. Brother to Joanne Boyle (late Joe) and late Larry (Lucy). Uncle to numerous nieces and nephews. Ray was a city police officer for 28 years. After retirement he owned and operated Our Driving School for 14 years. Friends may call at the Arthur Funeral Home & Cremation Centre on Monday, July 13, 2015 from 6 until 9pm. Funeral Mass celebrated from St. Gerard Majella Catholic Church on Tuesday, July 14, 2015 at 11 am. Rev. Ignatius Xavier officiating. Interment Holy Sepulchre Cemetery. Ray’s wishes were to feed the hungry and care for the sick, therefore memorial contributions to the Soup Kitchen or to Algoma Residential Community Hospice (ARCH) (http://tinyurl.com/nsn5rlv) would be appreciated. In respecting his wishes please do not send flowers.