THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME (PART 2)
LESSON 3: “IF THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY.”
Our family's  journey  to Canada was all due to mom’s will and determination.  Our Dad was content staying in Hong Kong,  but mom wanted a better life for us kids.  And thank goodness she did, and changed the course of all our lives.   If not for her courage and determination, my siblings and I would have had different destinies. Growing up, I have tried to emulate these qualities, with the hope that I may help bring change that may impact my own life as well as lives of others, as my mother did.
FINAL THOUGHTS: As I grew into an adult, my mother became my role-model although I never told her so.  She started out as a privileged sheltered little girl in a rural Chinese village,  obliged to being the young dutiful wife, grew to being the equal partner in a loving marriage , became the provider/master of a household of children who obeyed and loved her, then finally progressed into being the matriarch of three generations of family members who all adored and respected her.  That’s a life well lived.  Her memories will be a blessing for  generations to come.



Things My Mother Taught Me (Page 1 of 2)
Having over sixty years of memories to sift through was a challenge.  So, I decided to focus on three  that made a huge impact on me as I grew up to be an adult, a wife, and a mother. 
Lesson 1: “Never get down on your knees for anyone.”
This teaching came about through a story she told me:
My mother turned from a rich little girl with her own chambermaid who tended to her every need, to being a chambermaid herself when she married (in an arranged marriage) into her new extended family.  As the youngest daughter-in-law, tradition dictated that her duty was to wash everyone's feet every morning.
This became a life lesson to me, the youngest daughter. It helped me  learn the importance of standing up for oneself,  fighting for one's beliefs,  fighting injustice and striving for equality for all.  I, in turn, have tried to teach the same to my son Jordan.
Lesson 2: “ Never go to bed angry at your spouse.”
My mom gave me  this advice shortly after I got married.  She told me that she and my dad had disagreements. (I did see them argue over the years, but always respectfully.) But she would insist they talk it out until things were resolved. (Probably my dad gave in to her persistence.  He was the easygoing one.)  This advice has helped my own marriage.  Talking things out (albeit heatedly, unlike my parents) often led both Ron and I to compromise, and kept me from festering on my anger and resentments. (Ron is the easygoing going one.)  I like to believe that my marriage is healthy and happy, hopefully resembling the one my parents had, one of deep and enduring love and respect.


I hope Mama and YeYe will continue to live on in the family through our stories and memories, especially for the younger generation. Years ago, some of you know that I went on an ancestry research trip to China, to visit YeYe's village and other locations. And the greatest takeaway I can share with you all is the absolute miracle it is for us to be here today. To imagine the hundreds of ancestors who had to meet and migrate, for YeYe and Mama to eventually meet and migrate, to make every part of our current lives and being possible.

May we never forget them, their sacrifices, their love, for one another, and also for their children, and children's children. For building this incredible legacy, on a foundation of love and family.

May they both rest in perpetual peace.

My most recent memories of Grandma are like a series of moments. A smattering of visits to various homes, typically short and sweet, but sometimes punctuated by the unexpected.

Our interactions were limited by my Cantonese, but her eyes always expressed a range of love, concern... and mischief.

I remember a particularly funny incident where I'd gone to visit Mama, who was her classically composed self. We exchanged the usual lines that I could say and that she could understand, like "No I don't have a boyfriend" or " Yes, I've had lunch". We paused once the attendant came in to do her routine checks. 

When out of nowhere,  Grandma looked over and said - in perfect English - "I forgot the girl's name". I was stunned. But that was always Grandma. Full of surprises and a certain will that always hinted to a formidable past.

In childhood, my memories of Grandma always take place in their home on Knight Street. Pushing past a crowded kitchen, crawling on floors with my cousins, and playing with Ye Ye's abacus. That, and the white rabbit candies that she kept in a bowl inside the China cabinet, where she'd offer me one for visiting with my dad, or two if the visit involved a very painful massage with YeYe's Chinese medicine. I don't recall Grandma ever being a stellar cook. But she knew I always loved her boot jai goh, a slightly sweet white steamed cake, which she'd offer to make.

It was tough to see Mama's condition after YeYe's accident. Those of us old enough to remember recall how heartbroken she was, as we all were. Their love was rare and enduring. An inspiration and testament to years of caring for one another. But today, the thought of them being reunited and walking through the skies together gives me much comfort. 


I fondly call her Godmother for close to at least 50 years! What a special honor and privilege to be considered part of her own family! She had made a difference in my life; first as a self-supporting and naïve foreign student in Vancouver, thereafter learning more about the strength of Chinese women. I can still proudly claim that although my biological mother forbade me from learning  her Toishanese dialect, I succeeded in speaking some Toishanese because of Godmother.  What a gift! Thank you!  My late Godfather helped me understand and appreciate more about Chinese culture as well.  I also appreciate the kindness, generosity, hospitality and inclusiveness of my God-siblings that I gained by calling her Godmother! I call this a "different kind of Wealth!" I feel a special connection to Vancouver and through these deep and loving memories of her and her family, I feel so special! Thank you again Godmom! Connie and I will look forward to the time when we enjoy each other's company again in Heaven! We love you! 

My memories of grandma are kind of sorted into two halves, before and after the loss of grandpa. As a kid, I could remember the family parties at their home for the annual photos. It was always a blast seeing the cousins, catching up, and best of all, hearing the gossip to see what grandma thought of the new partners that were dating her treasured grandchildren. Grandma had this incredible awareness of her surroundings and rarely wanted to show that she was pulling the strings, but we knew she called the shots. After YehYeh's passing, it was tough to see Grandma endure such a loss, but seeing her develop the strength to make new social routines and re-visit old friends, was heartwarming and inspiring. Our family was fortunate enough to spend extra time with her during this phase while she stayed in our basement, and she trusted me with staying/sleeping just outside her room on a small mattress. I honestly didn't think anything of it at the time, but looking back on it, it was a privilege. We'd drop off and pick up Mama every morning and afternoon after she'd have a full day of mahjong...and seeing her smile from a day of socializing was always such a bright spot in our day. Mama's 15+ years of life after YehYeh were truly awe-inspiring and a testament to her strength and resilience.  Seeing her in the last week was incredibly difficult for all of us, I can only assume, but I know my siblings and I are relieved to know she gets to spend time with YehYeh and ensure he's eating the correct food portions.  
May you rest in peace MaMa

-BongBong

OBITUARY

Yuet Sau Wong

23 March, 1930 – 28 January, 2022

Hamilton Harron Funeral Home

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