Mary Joan Lopes

Legend has it; Mary Lopes entered this world as the biggest baby ever born. She told everyone she was 14lbs at birth. Of course most people didn’t believe that for a minute, until they saw what her mother Ida’s face looked like. Poor, diminutive, Ida’s face always looked as if she gave birth to an elephant.

Mary Civitenga grew up during the Great Depression in Long Island City, Queens. She was the sixth of 7 sisters and grew up in an Italian American household. The family was as poor as dirt; but what they lacked in money, they were millionaires when it came to love, laughs, cooking and patriotism.

She had an amazing eye for quality and loved fashion. She was also a “home colleged” professor of negotiations. Donald Trump may have written the book “The Art of the Deal”; but long before he and Roy Cohn were winning cases and deals, Mary was winning procurement battles on both Delancey and 47th Street! Anyone who wore a Mary Lopes fine hand made outfit or got engaged and needed a diamond ring knows what I’m talking about.

She married the only man she ever loved, Salvatore Lopes, on January 15, 1950. Sal and Mary had four children. She suffered a miscarriage and subsequent deep depression, but bounced back and lived happily ever after. That is, until June 12, 1977, when her husband Sal came down with lung cancer and suddenly died. Inconsolable about the loss, her new landlord thought it would be a really compassionate move by evicting her and her two adolescent kids from their apartment of 27 years—his reason was, he just wanted the flat for himself.

After Sal passed, Mary doubled her efforts to make money and keep her family together. She struggled mightily and took many menial jobs to make ends meet. Her tenacious spirit finally paid off and resulted in a comfortable lifestyle.

When she was asked what really mattered in life? She’d lay out her Top Five List: 1) Love for family, God and USA; 2) There is good and bad in every nationality—“Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you what you are,” she’d say; 3) Work hard, be compassionate and have fun; 4) My word is my bond and your word is your bond; 5) Sometimes “No,” is the best thing one can say to a person who doesn’t yet know they must make it on their own

Mary came down with Alzheimer’s about 11 years ago. Her thought processes were gradually impaired and then things got quite bad after only a few short years. If it were not for her daughter Margaret, (her constant companion, her intensely loyal protector and caretaker), this obituary would have been written many years sooner. Instead, Mary finished her life with her dignity and in a totally loving environment.

There are so many people to thank for helping Mary achieve her goals, dreams and 91 years: Her parents--, The Old Man, her husband and five sisters in heaven, her kid sister Edith, (who’s still rolling at 87), her children Ronald, Angelo, Salvatore and Margaret. In addition, her nine grandchildren, daughters’-in-law, nieces, nephews and hundreds and hundreds of friends. The family wants to especially recognize all the aids, nurses and doctors who made great sacrifices in order to make her last years so comfortable and loving.

Mary Lopes lived her life like a warrior. She never backed away from a fight and always told it like it is. She is the brightest light we have ever known in our family and her legacy will cast the same light for her future generations.

Fa ninna, nonna Mama, you have earned your peaceful eternal rest.

Respectfully Submitted Salvatore Lopes & Lisette Manzi

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Eulogy from the Mass of Christian Burial at St. Mary's RC Church, Long Island City, NY on

Tuesday, February 11, 2020.

"But until that day…"

For Mary Lopes By Salvatore Lopes

Read By Salvatore Angelo, Michael Angelo, and Eric

She started poor with her six sisters.

Poor never mattered.

Love, laughs and cooking always mattered.

So noble a force, such a light in the night.

She cared for so many, that was her calling.

Tough as a bull and fierce as a lioness,

She’d put us to bed, so gently, with Italian lullabies.

Easy to trick but impossible to con.

She’d make you hit the road,

And then you were gone.

Or so you thought, but her light was still there.

It’s the indelible light she provided, that you remember most.

It’s how she laughed and cried and wiped our eyes.

She loved Halston, and was mad about Rayon before it was cool. She could’ve been a designer with her own label, for sure.

But instead she raised a family and remained devoted to her man.

The plan blew up the day her man died. The slippery slope of life dealt her awful cards.

Resolute and confident, she fought back the bad. Played many roles with help for sure.

Always charitable and never pretentious, she taught us to be ever-relentless.

Every Lopes and Civitenga knows, my grandmother was a rock and that’s how her story goes.

She’s in our hearts until it’s our time.

But until that day, just follow her light, and march on.

To my aunt Margaret, my dad, uncles and aunts, no concern to worry, your children got this, now.

Fa ninna-nonna, grandma!