Nancy Jo Lawson

Nancy Jo Lawson, age 78, of Silver Spring, Maryland passed away on Thursday, August 11, 2022. Nancy was born April 28, 1944 in Indianapolis, Indiana and experiencing life and adventure in several states that included Wisconsin, Texas, California, Maryland just to name a few. Through life she raised a child, Jeff, as a single mother with adventure, risk with reward, professionalism, laughter, hobbies, and always was an anchor for the family in general.

She passed peacefully at Suburban Hospital in Bethesda with her son by her side, due to complications of COPD. She is survived by her only child Jeff, Grandchildren Doc, Tyler and Brady, also her Sister by Love Gert, Cousin Dianne and her puppy Coco.

She broke the glass ceiling for women professionally in Property Management as a Certified Property Manager and a trainer for the Institute of Real Estate Management. She traveled in her capacity as a CPM nationally and internationally. During her life there were several other professional adventures as an entrepreneur, romance novelist, flipping Real Estate, owning a truck stop & trucking company, professional head hunter, to name a few.

In her retirement she taught herself to be a master seamstress making heirloom dresses, quilts, and embroidered napkins that received national recognition for their beauty and detail in sewing magazines. She was a strong political advocate for America and the Republican party.

She also was a very strong cancer advocate as she survived four separate primary cancers throughout her life. Through these she built a large network of friends who she always kindly helped, supported through their challenges and made many handmade cloths and napkins.

Fond memories and expressions of sympathy may be shared at www.murphy-funeralhomes.com for the Lawson family.

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Short passage's of two of mom's stories in her own words:

First Love:

I look in the mirror and I wonder what happened to the slender, brunette girl that asked her Grandma if dreams really did come true. It makes me wonder what it would be like now if things would have turned out different.

It was fall in Wisconsin, actually closer to winter, and the leaves had turned golden colors of red and rust and were falling from the trees leaving bare branches that were waiting for the winter snow. My family moved to Lake Mills earlier that year when my step-Dad, Paul, got a job with Jamesway. It was a new manufacturing plant that had relocated and had pumped new life into the small friendly town. The air had a chill; it took more than a sweater to keep warm. At fifteen I was anxious about the future and curious as to what it held for me. It was 1959 and life was about to change.

Circumstances or maybe the choices of others kept life off balance and difficult to figure out. Being a teenager, discovering life, and searching for confidence and self esteem were difficult enough. The turmoil of a split family drew feelings of anger and resentment, yet they were the only bonds I knew. Feeling abandoned by my Dad and suffering the beatings inflicted by my step-dad, on a whim, took much of the joy out of growing up and an element of fear was always present. I knew he could snap in a minute and his beatings were brutal. In those days it was important to blend in, not be an outcast and Mother always told me the beatings were for a reason and besides he put a roof over my head. A child wasn’t supposed to make waves or question.

My Grandparents offered the stability I craved. It seemed I was always striving to be better, to prove that I was good enough, worthy enough to be loved. I knew for sure I was too tall, too thin and I couldn’t figure out why the woman in our family had breasts and I didn’t. If it wasn’t for padding I wouldn’t have needed a bra. I used to roll up my half slip for soft curves at the hips. At fifteen I decided the problem was my tonsils. I’m not sure why I thought that had anything to do with being tall and thin, but I made an appointment with the doctor and asked him to take them out. He did. Spring turned into fall and I was still tall and thin, but I did get fewer sore throats and I didn’t get strep anymore.

I had a best friend, well, I guess all teenage girls do, but mine was unique because we shared the same name. She was a year older than me and had lived in our small town all her life. She knew everyone and everything. We moved there my first year of high school, so her experience and knowledge was invaluable. She taught me how to do my makeup and too this day I wear it the same. The two of us were really very different, but it never seemed to cause a problem. She was more adventurous and I was more cautious. She liked wild boys, fast cars and loud people. I was totally the opposite. I liked the quiet guys, the more intelligent serious type. I was terrified of riding in a car with a fast driver and I stepped aside around loud people. Still we managed to maintain a steady sister like friendship. I didn’t engage in teenage drinking, but she did talk me into smoking. That seemed rather normal and I’m surprised it wasn’t my idea because my entire family smoked, well, except my Grandmother.

As best friends we talked every day, usually spent the night at either her place or mine and of course our full concentration was on falling in love. I was getting worried; I should have been in love by then. I was six months past fifteen and I feared that my prince was never going to arrive. Well, and if he did maybe he wouldn’t want me. I worried about a lot of things in those days.

There was another girl, Judy, that sometimes hung out with us and it wasn’t unusual that the three of us would make plans together. Judy was a pretty girl, but severely overweight. Her appearance presented a major problem because most of the high school boys were not going to look past the weight issue and see her inner beauty. Another problem Judy faced was small town gossip. Her Dad had an affair with one of her girl friends and her parents divorced when her Mom caught them. In a small town this was headline news. So Judy faced multiple challenges in those difficult years.

A new guy, Cal Kornstedt started in our school in the middle of a semester the year before. It was his senior year, although he was just sixteen. He graduated last spring on the honor roll and was now attending Milton College. Cal was exceptionally handsome and very sexy. He attended private school until he was suspended for smoking on campus. When his parents couldn’t convince the private school to let him graduate they enrolled him in our school, Lake Mills High. His dark blonde hair was impeccably combed in the DA style that was popular in those days, with a wisp of hair hanging over his forehead. The collar on his shirts was always propped up just right and his jeans hugged his hips tight. He had Elvis Presley cheekbones and lips that were made to kiss. Judy remembered him and decided to pursue him even though he no longer attended high school. He was a gorgeous specimen that had almost every girl in school and the county drooling. I don’t remember ever seeing him in school, but then I was new in town and only knew a few people. Besides I was positive that in this lifetime he would never notice me or be interested in even a casual friendship.

October had turned to November and the furnace ran steadily trying to keep the chill out of the air in our big two story house that sat on the corner of Main and Oak Street. Nancy and Judy showed up unexpectedly just after dinner one evening. I was in the kitchen finishing dishes when Nancy knocked on the windowed door that opened to our screened in porch. When the furnace was on and it was cold outside the window in our front door always steamed over. Wiping the steam off the window, I peeked out and saw Nancy and Judy on the porch. I stepped out without a coat, shivering to see what she wanted. They had plans and told me to get my coat and tell my Mother I would be staying at Nancy’s that night. My step-dad was in a foul mood so it didn’t take a second request for me to accept. He had already threatened me earlier in the evening.

*

Nancy had convinced Marty, a friend of hers who had his own car, to escort us on her latest mission. He was a safe driver and didn’t speed so I felt comfortable joining them. Judy wanted to meet the Cal. Nancy said his family farm was next door to her sister’s farm. It was almost Thanksgiving and she figured he would be on a holiday break from school. She was right about that. I didn’t think it was a good idea, but rather than take a chance of a beating from my step-father I agreed. I wasn’t sure how Nancy and Judy planned to pull this off. I worried that Judy would have her feelings hurt if she was rejected. Nancy claimed she knew Cal well and he would go along with whatever she suggested. I learned long before that that Nancy’s confidence was sometimes misplaced. I sat quietly in the back seat while Nancy gave Marty directions to Cal’s family farm.

When we arrived at Cal’s place I noticed the house was huge and Nancy pointed out all their land prior to arriving. It was a huge place. She informed me they were the richest family in the county. Now I was really nervous. What was I doing here? I asked her if he knew we were coming and she said “no.” In those days there were no cell phones and you seldom used the house phones. They were expensive and most had party lines and you could be sure your neighbors were listening in on all conversations. Nancy went to the door and the next thing I know the most handsome man I had ever seen followed her to the car and got in the back seat. Judy got out of the car when he walked over to let him in and he slid in the backseat next to me. I was sure he could feel my body melting as he pressed into the seat and slid closer to me. When we were introduced I merely shook my head because I couldn’t find my voice. His eyes were magnificent. They hypnotized me. I belief I fell in love with him that very moment. I remember Nancy asking him if he knew some private place to park and he directed her down the road to a drive that led into the woods. About ten yards in was a pretty park like setting and it was totally concealed from the main road. Marty parked the car and Nancy wanted know who had the beer. No one did and I never figured out why she asked because I seldom saw her drink. I didn’t drink at all as I hated the taste of beer and liquor.

Everyone got out of the car and either sat up on the hood of the car or on a tree trunk that fallen over. Nancy kept the conversation going with a million questions, most directed to Cal. Judy joined in and Cal and Marty seemed to hit it off nicely. I sat on the old tree trunk amazed at what I was watching. I was totally incapable of sane thought as I watched Cal. There was nothing really exciting taking place, just a bunch of teenagers talking and laughing. Much of it was Nancy teasing Cal for being suspended from Northwestern in Watertown. He took it graciously and said Lake Mills served the purpose of a diploma, but he found the classes offered little challenge. At Northwestern he was already taking college courses.

On the way back to town that night Judy decided Cal wasn’t her type. I think she wanted to save face and not have to explain rejection. It was obvious that he had no personal interest in her. I said nothing. My mind wasn’t capable of a reasonable thought at that time. I did feel relieved that my secret crush wasn’t betraying a girl friend. At Nancy’s that night I kept my first secret, from my best friend, and I never confessed that the chance meeting with this handsome prince had touched my heart. I doubted, no I knew, no man that attractive would ever look twice at me. My secret fluttering heart had to calm down because this was way out of reality for me. I doubted I would ever see him again.

*

A week later preparation was underway for Thanksgiving dinner, which we would celebrate with my grandparents, who lived in Lombard just outside of Chicago. We would drive down on Wednesday night and come home on Friday. Each year we went there or they came to our place. A festive atmosphere had invaded our small town and businesses and residents were all anticipating turkey day. School was on a holiday break and many adults were looking forward to a four day weekend from their jobs. The bars in town were busy making Tom and Jerry’s and almost all of them had a Euchre game going. My Mother, Aunt and step-dad were all celebrating with friends at the local pubs. I was at Nancy’s house spending some time together before we would leave the next day for Chicago to see my grandparents.

It was after dark when I left her place and the wind was sending a crisp chill through me in spite of my warm winter coat. In the winter time it got dark early. It was about a twelve long blocks to downtown. Once you turned the corner downtown you were somewhat shielded from the wind blowing off the lake. Downtown was a triangle and on two sides were businesses and on the other was a car dealer, the library and then residential homes. The two blocks of business places included bars, restaurants, drug stores and banks. For a small town it still had a lively and vital downtown. Once I turned the corner downtown it was about three more blocks to our house, which was kitty corner to the Post Office. I was almost past the downtown area when a sleek white Pontiac pulled over and the driver asked me if I would like a ride. My voice caught in my throat when I saw it was Cal driving. He reached over and opened the door for me to get in. When his hand touched mine I felt myself go weak. I blamed the cold for my lack of something to say.

He asked me where I was going and I told him home and pointed towards our house. Then he asked me if I would like to ride out to the North end and see the lake with him. That was a favorite place for teenagers to park and plus a very pretty view of the lake and park. Conversation with him was very easy. He was down to earth and showed no signs of being full of himself or conceded. We talked about his college studies and he said currently there was friction with his family because they wanted him to become a Lutheran minister and he really wanted to study law. His attitude was respectful of his family, but yet you sensed a rebellion or independence in him regarding their wishes. He told me about his brother Dick and two sisters Gloria and Edith. Each of them was a year apart in age. He was the oldest and maybe because he spent so many years in private school he seemed a little distanced from his siblings. He loved them no doubt, but there was definitely a gap.

His Mother had a daughter prior to her marriage to his Dad. It was never clarified if she was married previously, or had a child out of wedlock. His step sister or half sister was mentally challenged. She did marry and had a daughter and a son. Her little girl, Christine was about three years old, and Cal was crazy about her. His step sister, Jean tried to commit suicide several times and was often admitted to a mental hospital. When she was hospitalized, her husband Bob Hunusa, was left to deal with his job and the children.

Only some of these details were divulged that evening, but it was enough to make me feel more comfortable about the strange mixture of my family. Many of the details of my family I would never share with him. It’s not that he wouldn’t understand, but more so that I was hoping my situation would improve. Since my Aunt Peggy moved in with us her and my Mother were drinking on a daily basis and so was my step-dad. By the time I was in high school I had the phone number to every bar in Jefferson County memorized. It wasn’t something I felt confident confiding to anyone. Growing up your reputation was everything and if anyone in the family didn’t conform to society the entire family was held responsible. I teetered on the line between good kids and bad kids in the community because of my family situation. I was rather quiet, unless you knew me well, and I was deathly afraid of breaking the law or getting in trouble so I never ventured into anything that would get me in trouble. I never drank, never stole, stayed away from fast men that drove crazy and was always respectful to teachers, policemen and adults. My friend Nancy had a reputation for being rather wild, which I found to be more fluff than fact so that was a mark against me. The fact that my Mother and Aunt were among the town drunks didn’t help me in small town society. They worked every day, but at night and on weekends they were a steady fixture in the local bars. Still I was strong enough not to let a small town dictate who I would talk to or be friends with.

Cal and I discussed the perils’ and bennies of small town living. He seemed comfortable and confident in whom he was which I admired. It was obvious he was brilliant and his brilliance fascinated me. Sitting by the lake that night we talked for hours and I was thrilled and floating when he said he would like to see me again. I couldn’t answer all I could do was nod. He was driving his family’s car so he said it would be a few days before he could get it again, which was fine with me because we had to go to Chicago to have Thanksgiving dinner with my Grandparents. When we got to my house he leaned over and kissed me and it was like magic. I knew my heart belonged to him even though I had no way of knowing what that possibly could involve. Sitting in the car that night the song Devil or Angel was playing and he was singing it to me.

*

Cal and I dated throughout the fall and winter, him commuting from college to see me when he could. By springtime we were lovers, sweet young lovers that were only learning about feelings, emotions and physical desires. I had turned sixteen in April and come June he would celebrate his seventeenth birthday. In those days discretion was expected and we were no exception. We kept that part of our relationship private and shared it with no one, although I suspect several guessed.

My life in the small town, that had now become my hometown, was changing. My friendship with Judy and Nancy became more distant. They were playing the field, attending parties and I had no desire to join them. I had found my love and was perfectly content. My relationship with my family changed. I was more adult and less child. I kept secrets about my feelings and there was an unspoken detachment that evolved. My life revolved around seeing Cal and our time together. I felt disconnected from the family and knew I was going in a different direction. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Springtime came before we knew it and Cal was on summer recess from college. His step-sisters husband, Bob Hunusa, lived in Waukesa and worked in Milwaukee at the Buick garage. He got Cal a summer job washing and detailing cars at the garage and he told Cal he could bunk out at their house. It made it difficult to see each other because Milwaukee was a two hour drive even on the new Interstate highway. By the time he would get home to Cambridge where his family lived it was Saturday evening and he would have to go back the next day. Sometimes he had to work on Saturday so it was even more difficult. To solve the problem Cal asked me to meet him in Milwaukee for a weekend.

I was only sixteen at the time, but the last year I had matured and strangers usually guessed me as older. We checked into a hotel in downtown Milwaukee getting two rooms and checking in at different times. Once we were registered we stayed in his room, but I remember us being so cautious we carefully checked the hallways to see if anyone was watching us. I remember wearing my off white wool straight skirt and a soft peach colored cashmere sweater with off white pumps. It was after Memorial Day so it was okay to wear the pumps. If someone was to guess my age they would have easily thought twenty or twenty-one. With Cal I had a new confidence. Someone loved me and it just wasn’t someone, it was someone very special. On Sunday when we checked out I got to the bus station to return to Lake Mills and realized I had forgotten my beautiful cashmere sweater at the hotel, but after discussing it we were too afraid to return and get it. I didn’t care about the sweater, I just didn’t want to leave him and return home. I cried all the way to Lake Mills on that Badger Bus trip.

We made plans to do the same thing the next weekend. Cal got paid and had given me money for the bus trip. I didn’t tell anyone about my plans to meet him in Milwaukee. It was funny my Mother never did ask me where I was that prior weekend. I’m not sure if she knew or just didn’t care. At this point I wasn’t sharing our plans with anyone. On Thursday night before I left for Milwaukee I was at the house and Paul, my step-Dad, was in a foul mood. It was strange he never went after the other kids, only me. I think he wanted to break my spirit and he couldn’t so his thoughts were to beat it out of me. I’m not sure what triggered it, but his hand slapped me across the face and that was followed by his fist and a string of cuss words. I was so used to his beatings I didn’t cry. I got off the floor and went to my room. The next day when he and my Mother left for work I packed my suitcase. It wasn’t packed for the weekend, I wasn’t coming back. My face was swollen and my eye was slightly black. It was obvious even though I tried to cover it with makeup what happened.

Cal was waiting at the bus station for me in Milwaukee. When he saw my face he held me and I told him I couldn’t go back. He agreed and said he had an idea. He had made friends with a guy at work. His name was Bill and he was a mechanic in the garage. Bill was about ten years older than Cal. Bill had a girl friend, Karen, who had an apartment near the bus depot and Bill said we could stay with them until we found a place. We did spend the weekend with them as we planned what we would do next. We wanted to get married, but in Wisconsin the woman had to be eighteen and the man had to twenty-one. I was only sixteen and he was seventeen. We were in a pickle unless we got our parents to sign for us and neither of us wanted to take the chance asking them. So we decided to go to Woolworths Five and Dime Store and buy a cheap wedding band and hope no one would ask us for a marriage license. Once we had the ring we told everyone we met we were married. No one ever asked to see our certificate.

The salary at the garage wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to rent a room if we didn’t mind sharing a bathroom with the other roomers. That was okay with us and as a bonus they said it was okay to use a hotplate to warm up some meals. They even threw in a tiny two cup coffee pot. We both drank Coke’s, but if we couldn’t afford the soda then the coffee pot would come in handy. The room had a pull down Murphy bed and I swear the mattress didn’t have an inch of padding. We felt like we were sleeping on springs. Cal went to work at the garage everyday and we decided it was best if I didn’t try to find work because they might ask for identification. The first room we rented was a long hike for Cal to get to work so we gave notice and found one a little closer to the garage and closer to Bill and Karen. The four of us became close friends that summer.

*

September was coming faster than we liked and Cal did not want to return to Milton College. His Mother especially was intent he study to be a minister and he did not want to do that. Rather than battle with her he decided just don’t return to school or home and that would put some distant between him, her and the subject. In August, one Friday evening, we were playing cards with Bill and Karen and Bill said they would like to move to California. Bill was divorced and apparently his ex-wife was giving him grief. I’m not sure how it came about, but that evening Cal and Bill decided they would quit the garage and hitchhike to California. Once they got there and settled in they would send money for Karen and me to join them. I was to move in with Karen and wait there until we heard from the guys. They promised to call collect every other day and also to write us.

Faithfully the guys called us every other day with tales of their adventures hitchhiking across country. Also true to their word they both wrote us and mailed their letters along the way. They did reach California, but with no permanent local address they were not having any luck getting job offers. After two weeks of trying they gave up and hitchhiked all the way back to Milwaukee. I was watching out the window and I saw Cal walking up the street with Bill. I was out the front door in one big leap and down the street flying into his arms.

After the guys got showers we all sat down to the feast Karen and I had prepared. While we devoured the food the guys gave us a detail by detail accounting of their trip. Cal did say at some point he might try again, but next time we were going together. Not hitchhiking of course. The current dilemma was they were both out of work. Karen couldn’t afford the apartment on her salary alone so she was giving notice and her and Bill would rent a room until they got back on their feet. That left Cal and I with no job and no place to live.

*

We decided we better return to Lake Mills. We weren’t sure what we would be facing. I had left home in May and hadn’t been home or in contact with anyone in the family for over four months. The same was true for Cal. By this time we assumed that they figured out we were together. Long distance phone service was expensive, but we figured we needed a heads up so we bought our bus tickets and made a call to my house. My sister Vicky answered. I asked her what was going on and what we were going to be facing when we got back. After her giggles stopped, I got the scoop.

Cal’s Mother and sisters had come to our place looking for him when he didn’t show up at school or home. Mary, Cal’s Mother heard rumors that we ran off and got married in Iowa, where it was legal at our age. She told my Mother that she was going to get the marriage annulled and force Cal back into college to become a minister. My Mother seemed relieved when she heard I was married and asked Mary if that was the wise thing to do. At that time my sister Vicky stepped up to the plate, she lied and told them all I was pregnant with Cal’s child and we were indeed married. That was the message she relayed to us on the phone prior to us returning to Lake Mills.

I was grateful that his Mother had backed down and I hoped she couldn’t break us up. Cal asked me on the bus trip home if I minded giving up a nice white wedding with all the formalities and I told him that wasn’t an issue. I can remember as clear as if it were this minute what he said next. He said, “What would you say if I told you I loved you more today than yesterday?” I was so young and so scared that I had a moment of hurt thinking he didn’t love me that much yesterday. I was very sensitive and had zero confidence even though we had been together a year at that point. I kept waiting for my world to blow up and explode. Prior to the bus arriving in Lake Mills we decided our best bet was to go along with the story that we were married in Iowa and let everyone think I was pregnant. Although we never told anyone I was expecting, we didn’t deny it either.

It was the night before Good Friday when we got to Lake Mills and we were greeted by the entire family at the bus stop, which was in the center of downtown. Friends and family all were there. Of course Mom and Aunt Peggy had been at the bar all afternoon and there excuse was they were waiting for us to arrive on the bus. We were somewhat overwhelmed, but we said little and nodded our heads a lot. That night Cal and I slept in my bedroom at home and it was a little strange being in bed with my lover, my boyfriend and the man that everyone thought was my husband. Living together without marriage wasn’t something that was done at that time. Mother told us that the next day, Good Friday, we were to go meet his family and then attend church with them. They were devoted Missouri Synod Lutherans.

I was nervous getting dressed to go to their place as I had never met his parents or siblings. I wore a conservative blue and beige pleated skirt with a matching vest and a beige silk blouse. Usually I dressed conservatively so I was comfortable with the outfit I picked. Cal approved. I was very thin so at least the skirt with the wool pleats gave me a little fullness in the tummy. Still we had no intention of lying to them, but if they thought the rumor was true it would benefit us. If I remember right my step-Dad dropped us off at Cal’s parent’s house and I was surprised that Paul, my step-Dad, was civil and nice to Cal. He liked him and approved. Somehow, I knew Paul would never hit me again, he was afraid of what Cal would think if he did.

We arrived at Cal’s parents’ house in time for lunch. The farm was situated about ten miles out of town just off a main highway. It was a typical white farm house, two stories, with a large porch on the front that was screened in. Across the road from the house there was a large barn and several smaller buildings and the silo. In the days that followed I learned all about farming life and the chores.

I was well informed that his family had money. At the time, that fact meant little to me. I was too young to comprehend what it could mean. The only thing I knew about money was you had to babysit to buy nice clothes and have some spending money. Cash or credit wasn’t something your family provided. It surprised me how frugally they lived, or maybe that is why they had money. The furnishings in the house were bare bone, nothing fancy, no antiques, just the essentials. The only luxury was a small television in the formal dining room. There was a front porch with an entry to the formal living room, but everyone entered the house using the back door, which opened into the kitchen. There was a kitchen sink that hung from the wall with just a curtain around it and no cabinets. Off to one side of the kitchen was a butler’s pantry where dishes and cooking utensils where stored. A large wood table took up most of the room in the kitchen and it was surrounded with mismatched chairs. Some had mismatched hand sewn pillows on the seats. A refrigerator on the side wall was old and missing the door handle. A hanger was woven where the handle should have connected to open the door. It worked, what can I say? A gas stove replaced the old fashioned cook stove with the chimney.

For special meals, like this day, they used the table in the formal dining room that also served as a family room. It was a large room and rather bare with just a table, a couple of chairs, the small television and a radio. The radio got more use than the television, besides on a farm there were always chores to be done, which I quickly learned. The house had a basement with an inside and outside entrance. A large freezer occupied the basement where they kept meat they butchered. Next to that were shelves for canned goods that were put up every summer from the garden. The garden occupied a large plot next to the house. Upstairs there were four bedrooms and one bathroom. That was the only bathroom in the house. The two girls, Gloria and Edith shared a bedroom, Dick had his own room, Mary his Mother, had her own room and his Dad occupied the master bedroom.

From what I learned Cal’s parents were married late in life. If my memory serves me correctly the story went that he married her when he was sixty to produce heirs. Cal was born when his father was sixty and he was the oldest. Mary already had a child from a previous relationship, who was grown, when they married. Her name was Jean. From all accounts of the marriage it appeared to be one of convenience and certainly not one based on love and affection. It was obvious at one time, Bill his father, was a very handsome man. His Mother on the other hand was just plain ugly. There is no other way to describe her. She was a short woman about five foot two and she was as big around as she was tall. Mary didn’t walk she waddled. Her disposition matched her appearance. There was nothing warm and fuzzy about her. Bill was a quiet man that did a lot of listening and only spoke when he deemed it necessary, which was seldom. You knew he was listening and every now and then something would humor him and you saw a grin cross his face. I never saw him dressed in anything except his bib overalls and he drove a truck that had more rust on it then paint.

His Dad, William August Kornstedt, known as Bill, was the oldest person I ever met. At that time he was in his late seventies, but looked like a hundred. His white hair stuck out in spikes, and his slim body was very frail, but you could see before age did its destruction that at one time he was a very handsome man. Bill had two old maid sisters that lived with him until their death and they both worked the farm with him. During the depression when everyone was broke, Bill bought stock. The receipts for his purchases were craved on a wall in his barn. Apparently it was after the death of his sisters that he married Mary. His investment strategy continued and when each of his children was born he purchased stocks in their names. Over the years those stocks would multiply and grow.

On Good Friday, when we arrived he was sitting in a rocking chair in the dining room, in his bib overalls, and he never uttered a word. He reminded me of a wise old owl sitting in a tree. His eyes gave us a knowing smile and I could see the love he had for his son shine through. Cal had his Dad’s eyes, the same twinkle. I suspected he was curious about our situation, but he’d never ask. Later, I learned he referred to me as Calvin’s mistress. I still smile thinking of that. This man knew more than those around him thought. For some reason I sensed that he liked me.

Cal’s sisters were nice, especially Gloria who was just a year younger than me. She was also very beautiful. She was in her second or third year of high school. The youngest sister, Edith, was more like her Mother and she didn’t have the good looks that Cal, his brother Dick or Gloria had. They favored their Dad and Edith favored her Mother, Mary. I helped Gloria and Edith set the table. Cal was in the kitchen with his Mother and I overheard them arguing. She wanted Cal and me to go to the front of the church and confess our sins to the congregation and ask them for forgiveness. You could tell she enjoyed humiliating people. The argument got heated and I thought for a minute that maybe we might not be attending church with them. Finally, Cal told his Mother to drop the subject or we weren’t going to go with them. She never mentioned it again in front of Cal, but several weeks later she tried to brooch the subject with me.

After we returned from church Mary took us to the room off the dining room that used to be a parlor or sewing room and told us that was now our bedroom. You could tell the room was set up as an afterthought, because the bed sat in the middle of the floor and everything that was there previously was pushed up against the walls. With no car, no money and no place else to go we had little choice except agree to accept those living arrangements. I wasn’t sure how I would manage with his Mother, but I had been brought up to respect my elders and so I was always very respectful around her and with her. She did what she could to be bossy and controlling. She blamed me for Cal not wanting to pursue a career as a minister. I’m not sure who she thought it would save by pushing him into the ministry…..him or her?

*

By June the tension was building with Cal and me living with Mary and the family. The biggest battle was always religion. Bill was quiet and never said much and Gloria and Dick were great. Edith sided with her Mother and was more judgmental then the others. It was about this time when Cal got a stock check. One of his stocks had split and he sold the new shares and got a check that was around $500.00. That seemed like a fortune to us at that time. Cal found us a 1957 Oldsmobile convertible and put a down payment on it and set up an agreement to pay the rest off monthly. Once he cashed the check he surprised me and said we were going into Madison shopping.

In Madison they had just opened the first K-Mart store where everything was discount prices. We both bought a new wardrobe and Cal got me a new fake fur white coat that I loved. I wouldn’t be able to use it until winter, but it was on sale so he got it. When we got back to the farm and showed Mary our purchased all hell broke loose. She had a fit. Cal and she got into a screaming match and Cal. It escalated into a very bad fight and I’m not sure how it happened but he slapped her. Cal was the most even tempered person you could meet and it was unlike him to do anything like that. She was in a rage.

I know Cal felt bad for slapping her, but she kept pushing him and pushing him until he broke. That night we decided to take the rest of our money and make a trip to California to see my Dad. My sister Vicky was now living with him and I was excited about the trip and seeing both of them. We packed that night and left in the morning. We made no comment on when or if we would return.

We traveled Route 66 all the way to California. I remember the first day and night we drove straight through to Amarillo, Texas and stayed the night. That was my first time to stay in a motel. We swam in the pool and bought post cards in the gift shop for souvenirs of our trip. I was saving our maps and every trinket so we could put together a scrap book of our first cross country trip. After Amarillo we decided to drive straight through to save money we would have spent on motels. I didn’t have a driver’s license so we thought it would be safer if I drove at night and maybe the cops would spot me as easily. That’s how young people think, but it made sense to us. By the time we got to California we were both exhausted.

My Dad wasn’t thrilled to see us. He and my Mom had been divorced since I was four years old and he seldom came to visit. When I was nine he married Peggy Morningingstar and she insisted he distance himself from his daughters. I’m not sure how he convinced her that they take Vicky in, but maybe he rationalized it by telling her they were saving on child support. He quit paying for me when he thought I got married at fifteen. Whatever the reason Peggy did not want me in his life. Daddy had retired from the Air Force and was going to college days to get his engineering degree and working nights. He was pleasant to Cal and me when we arrived, but said he had a small trailer that he usually rented out and he would rather we stay there while visiting. So we were moved to the trailer.

The location worked for us because it was close to the beach and we could sightsee to our hearts content. That we did. We discovered Hollywood and went to a movie at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. We walked and saw all the handprints of movie stars and drove the movie star route to see their houses. Most days we were at the beach surfing. During that visit Vicky and Burma (my step-sister) taught me how to backcomb or rat hair. That opened up a new world of hair styles and I was anxious to share my new found hair tricks with Gloria and the girls back home. I left Wisconsin a small town city girl and now I felt like a sophisticated California woman. With a new wardrobe and a new hairstyle I felt like a different person. Our two weeks in California went quickly and in no time we were on the road starting our journey home. This time we took the northern route and saw all kinds of interesting things. We were discovering there was a world outside of Lake Mills and Cambridge, Wisconsin.

*

Life on the farm was new to me. When we got back Mary had settled down some and the fight between her and Cal was never mentioned. She still criticized me at every opportunity and the fact was I was basically a city girl. The extent of my farm knowledge was knowing that a cow looked different than a pig. That’s where it stopped. Cal’s brother, Dick, did a lot of the chores when he wasn’t in school and Cal likewise helped. I felt sorry for Cal’s Dad because he was old and frail, so even though I had no clue what I was doing, I always offered to help. Many times the old guy set me up good with his sense of humor. I think he got a kick out of me being such a novice and yet he liked that I was so willing to help. Frankly, I would rather help Bill than be stuck in the house with Mary and under her rule. So in the morning when Bill would head for the barn I would just stroll along with him and ask him what I should do. I was a good student.

One morning, that coming winter after a snow storm, I offered to go to the barn and do his chores for him. I was worried he would freeze to death on his way across the street and down the long drive that went around the barn. The snow was waist deep and a bitter wind was blowing. The cows were all out in a corral waiting to get inside the barn. Bill accepted my offer to help him. He told me to let the cows in and to put the seven steers in the stalls on the right side of the barn. By the time I reached the barn door I was freezing, even though I was bundled up with layers of clothing. Getting inside the barn was a welcome relief as it shielded me from the harsh wind and I figured the cows waiting to get in would be as grateful as I for the shelter. My problem was I didn’t know how to tell a cow from the steer. I noticed some of them had horns so it was only a guess that maybe that was a characteristic of a steer. With no to ask, I was left to solve the problem myself. Besides, I would have been too embarrassed to ask anyhow. Once the door was opened they all seemed to know exactly where they were going and they obediently walked to their stalls and stuck their heads in the metal brackets that would hold them in place. I walked up and down, proud of myself and locked the brackets and started getting fresh hay for the cows to eat. I tested their water bowls and found the water wasn’t frozen, which was a constant problem during the harsh Wisconsin winters. I didn’t know it, but Cal’s Dad had followed me to the barn and was hiding in his little shop area in the watching me do my chores. Apparently, he was pleased with the job I did because he invited me into his shop and offered me a pair of dry gloves. The shop was a mess so I made a mental note that I would offer to clean it when the weather got warmer. After the chores were completed we would go back to the house for breakfast.

While I learned about farming Cal went job hunting and quickly found a position working in an office at a company that made lamp and light fixtures in Fort Atkinson, which was about a twenty mile drive. It didn’t pay much, but we figured it was enough to get us in our own place eventually, if I could find some type of work. We were limited to what I could do because I didn’t have any identification with my married name on it and I was underage. They had laws in most places that you had to be at least eighteen to work. At that time I didn’t even have a driver’s license. Cal taught me how to drive both a car and a tractor.

Working on the farm every day I was building a nice relationship with Gloria and Dick. Edith was still reserved and standoffish. They all attended private Lutheran High School and every one helped with the farm duties before and after school. Cal also pitched in before and after work. I became the new farm hand because it was much more fun helping at the barn and in the fields than being around my new mother-in-law. It was very clear she didn’t like me and at every opportunity she voiced her opinion. It was really a very quiet household. There wasn’t the usual chatter and communication that took place in other families. Feelings and emotions weren’t shown or talked about and no one ever touched or kissed.

Some things were difficult to get used to and very different from the home I grew up in. They had well water on the farm and you were not allowed to turn on a faucet unless you had the glass under it. You could only fill it with what you would drink or use. Dish water was always thrown outside in the garden, never down the drain. The big problem was bathing. There was only one bath tub up stairs in the bathroom. Saturday was bath day and the day you were allowed to use the tub. The tub would be filled in the morning and the men would bath first and then in the same water the woman took turns. I was totally repulsed by the thought of bathing in water someone else had used. Also you had to wash and rinse you hair in that water. I had long brown thick hair at the time and that was a hassle.

Everything that took place in Cal’s family home was a necessity. Conversation was the same. If it pertained to day to day survival then it was discussed, otherwise if was a mute subject. Meals were prepared with the same tone. If there were five people eating, the meal consisted of five pieces of meat, five potatoes, five vegetables and five biscuits. There were never desserts or snacks. No sodas or soft drinks. Coffee was made in an old pot where you boiled the water and dropped the coffee grounds directly into the water. The grounds would settle at the bottom of the pot and then you could pour the liquid into a cup. It was so thick you could cut it with a knife. This was a real change for me because we always had ample food on the table. Company was expected so there were plenty of leftovers and my Mother loved to bake so there was usually a big pan of fudge or cinnamon rolls.

*

No one ever brought up the pregnancy that was supposed to be and we never mentioned. I figured they just got used to our being together and at that point it would have caused a scandal if they pursued annulment. I became Nancy Jo Kornstedt and no one questioned the fact. Still, I didn’t have one single legal paper that proved who I was or wasn’t.

After ten months or so with his parents we wanted our own place. We found an apartment in town and we figured if we watched our pennies we could afford the rent. Our rent was $85 a month and Cal only made $35 a week. He found a job working in the office of a light fixture company in Fort Atkinson. Things were tight. I did get a job in the factory assembling the fixtures, but you had to lift heavy boxes and I was too small to do that. After two weeks I got fired because I was too frail. I didn’t object because I had lied about my age to get the job and they were requesting proof of age and I was only seventeen. Their insurance and state law wouldn’t allow me to work there.

My Grandparents were still living in Lombard outside of Chicago. My Uncle Doc and his wife lived near them, but they were planning on moving to Hawaii, so they sold us all their furniture for $200.00. Cal got a stock dividend check and that paid for the trip to Chicago and the furniture. By this time we had our Oldsmobile paid off, but there was always something going wrong with it. We hauled all that furniture to Lake Mills by putting the top down on the car. The furniture was an orange and green Danish modern living room set, a tan Formica table and four chairs and a Danish modern bedroom set. How we transported that all in the convertible is a mystery, but we did it. We must have looked like the Beverly Hillbillies coming up the toll road.

*

Cal’s Mother was not happy about us moving into the city. Their farm was located approximately ten miles out in the country off Hwy 18 and Hwy A. Cal’s Dad decided it was foolish that we pay rent and he decided he was going to build us a new ranch style house for a wedding present. There were contingencies to the gift. The house would remain in his name and although he gave us a floor plan book and asked us to pick out something we liked he basically changed what he didn’t want and the end result is what we got. He hired a builder from Cambridge to do the house and that became a three ring circus. Cal’s mother felt she should vote in the layout and you could tell she was upset because her husband didn’t offer her a new home. He wasn’t about to leave the farmhouse he had occupied for most of his life. In fact, I do believe he was in his early twenties when he purchased the farm. I believe he was born in 1883 and he acquired the farm in 1903. In 2003 his son, Dick, threw a celebration honoring the family owning the farm for 100 years.

Cal and studied the floor plan book and picked out a pretty three bedroom, one story house with a flat roof and modern lines. By the time it was finished about the only thing that resembled the one we picked out was it had three bedrooms. The roof was pitched and instead of building it flat on the lot with a garage it was built on the side of a hill with the garage in the basement. The big garden plot separated us from the main farm house. We never were given the keys we were just told to move in, but back then no one locked their houses anyhow.

Here we were two kids that really didn’t have a clue about a home and upkeep. None of the wood was finished inside. The house had hardwood floors instead of carpet, but they weren’t sanded or stained. Neither of us even knew they should be or how to finish them. The kitchen cabinets also were raw wood with no handles or pulls. There were steps to the basement garage, but no stoops or porches were added by the front and back door. The doors were so high up no one could reach them. The only way into the house was through the basement garage. It had a pull down door, but no electric motor. The house did have a furnace, but no air conditioning. There were no appliances in the kitchen. And what did I know I picked out pink tile for the kitchen floor and a pink Formica counter top.

The house had three small bedrooms and limited closet and storage space. One main bathroom was in the hallway at the opposite end of the hall from the master bedroom. It had a tub, but no shower. We were so broke we didn’t own curtains. It’s just as well because we had no curtain rods. There was no lawn, our house sat in the middle of a corn field. The driveway was dirt and lose stone that was hauled in to fill it. None of the rooms were painted and we couldn’t afford paint. We did get primer on the walls. The furniture we purchased from my Aunt and Uncle fit well in the house and we found a small used gas stove that was about twenty inches wide. Someone sold us a rusted old refrigerator that we spray painted pink. It was ugly, but it cooled.

*

Cal continued working at his office job in Fort Atkinson and I picked up babysitting jobs off and on that bought in some extra money. I got a kick out of his Dad because about once a week he would go to the grocery store and stop by our house and give me a bag full of groceries he had picked up for us. Mary didn’t know about his goodwill and when she found out she wasn’t happy. Mealtime was another story because I was just learning how to cook. My talents were limited to hamburgers and hot dogs and beans. When Cal and I did go out to dinner it was to the local café or root beer stand for a hamburger with a slice of raw and an order of French fries on the side. A Cherry coke accompanied that meal. We used to get all that for thirty cents, so dinner out for the two us came to a grand total of sixty cents.

After we got moved into the house Mary came down one day and said she wanted me to go to the meat market with her and the girls because they were going to butcher a pig. She said I needed to go help. I had no clue what I was in for, but readily agreed to go with them. I had visions of us chopping up a pig and then doing whatever you did next to it. That’s not the way it was. We were taken to a back room with a moving belt and the cut up meat was in a large plastic container at the top of the line. Mary said Gloria and Edith would wrap the pieces in white paper and tape and I should to write on the paper the name of the cut. She called out the name and she talked funny so it was hard to understand her sometimes. I had my felt tip marker and was ready as the meat started down the line. I got to one particular package and she called out “cocks” and I thought “Oh, my God, they don’t eat part do they?” But I followed orders and wrote it on the package and stuffed it down in the box that we would carry it all home in.

Later that night when Cal and I were in bed talking and reading I told him about my day with his Mother. Then I told him about the “cocks” and I swore I would never eat pork again. He broke up laughing so hard he could hardly breathe. When he stopped he said that wasn’t “cocks” it was “hocks.” I turned red and was frantic that his Mother would find the mismarked packages. So here were in the middle of the night, in our pajamas, sneaking across the garden and into the outside entrance to the basement so we could change the “c” on those packages to an “h.” We laughed for weeks over my mistake.

It seems even as broke as we always were we always had something to do. We loved playing cards with friends. Cal taught me how to play Sheapshead and we would get together with his buddies from school and have games that went on all night long. We weren’t drinkers so usually it involved snacks and soft drinks. There were always chores to do on the farm and Cal helped before and after work. He taught me how to drive the tractor and of course run the manure spreader. One time some teenagers were driving behind us and giving us a hard time and Cal turned it on full blast. That ended their silly game. Bill wanted the roof of the barn painted with aluminum paint and I volunteered. The problem was I painted myself to the peak of the roof and was stuck with no way down. I thought the paint would dry faster than it did. I can’t remember how they got me down, but apparently someone figured it out because next I had to paint the pig house and was that a learning experience. As fast as I put the paint on the building they would slop it off. I got very confident as I slapped a few in the face with a full paint brush.

Baling hay was a new experience for me and the night before I was due to help his sisters and brother Cal showed me the hayloft and explained how we would bale the hay and then bring it to barn and pack it in the loft. Of course after giving detailed instruction we made love in the hayloft. That was new experience and very romantic I must admit. Somehow doing chores with him on the farm always turned out to be more fun than work. The next day I felt totally prepared when I joined Dick, Glory and Edith to head for the fields. Us girls road on the wagon and packed the bails and Dick drove the tractor and operated the bailer. Once the wagon was full we headed for the barn to pack all the bales in the loft. Gloria and Edith pitched them up to Dick and I in the loft and we neatly stacked them in rows. The problem was once the wagon was empty I couldn’t figure out how we would get down. Dick showed me the rope that hung from the barn roof and he grabbed it swinging out over the wagon and dropped down. I wasn’t that brave. I insisted he hold the rope close to the wall while I shimmied down it. The problem occurred when a nail about three feet down from the loft caught my jeans and I found myself hanging. I couldn’t get up or down. Finally after Dick finished laughing he shimmied back up the rope into the loft and pulled me up and we tried again. The second time I successfully made it to the wagon.

*

I had finally turned eighteen and by this time I had completed taking correspondence courses to get all my high school credits. Cal didn’t talk about returning to college. I guess at that time we were content with the status quo of life and the activities that filled our days. We went every place together. If I went to the beauty shop he went with me and if he got a hair cut I was with him. We were broke, in love and just taking life day by day with no thoughts of the future. A few times we commented that we would be really young when we had our fifth anniversary. We had to pick a wedding date and I’m sure why, but when asked we told everyone May 19th. We were still trying to figure out how we could get married without everyone finding out we weren’t.

My grandparents moved to Lake Mills from Lombard and we spent a lot of time with them. Paul my step-dad loved the farm and he spent a lot of time coming out and helping Cal with chores. For some reason Paul took to Cal. It didn’t bother me because I knew that as long as I was with Cal I was protected from any abuse from him. My Mother liked Cal a lot and so did my grandparents. He was quiet and an avid reader. He got me hooked and both of us spent enjoyed a good book. The Carpetbaggers were one of our favorites. We saw the movie and didn’t think it was nearly as good as the book. For fun we went to the stock car races on Saturday night or over to my grandparents for lots of good food and a night of playing cards or Yahtzee. Cal would read and I would join the family for the games.

We got along very well for being so young and we seldom fought or argued. There were times when youth battled adulthood and it presented some rocky times. Once in while I think we both suffered from “what are we missing in life?” But then we would kiss and make up and all would be better. Still as time went on it felt like there should be more, although neither of us pushed it any further than a thought. My sister Jody came to stay with us for a while and attended classes in the little one room school house about mile down the road. In those days family members moving in with you was the standard and no one gave it a second thought. She was my baby sister and we always had fun doing things together. I’m not sure what prompted her staying with us, but it was a fun time.

Mary continued to be a pain and both of us were feeling pushed by her. Cal wasn’t joining the family at church every Sunday and this annoyed her. Her rigid attitudes regarding her faith were a real problem. My little brother was a Cub Scout and came out to spend the day on the farm and he had on his uniform. Mary threw a fit. She said it was a sin for anyone to use God’s name in the presents of anyone of another faith. In her view it was also a sin to pray with anyone of another faith. The boys scout motto used God’s name so that was consider a sin. It was pushing Cal over the edge and me. The more we backed away from her church the more she pushed us towards it. She was fighting a losing battle we weren’t giving in and Cal absolutely refused to hear any more talk of him becoming a minister. At this point Mary attempted to monitor every aspect of our life and it was a push and pull stand-off.

At this point and time everyone basically got along well with the exception of Mary. My family all loved Cal and thought he was a great guy and I got along well with his sister, brother and his Dad. We probably spent as much time in Lake Mills with my family as we did in Cambridge with his and at our house. There was a family that Cal and I babysat for while we were dating. The Herman family had four little children. Three girls and a boy, Mike was the oldest followed by Pat, Colleen (Kissy) and Maureen the baby. Their father, Gene, was in the military and he was sent to German for a tour. Mary was to remain in Lake Mills with the children. They were very Catholic and Mary’s brother was a priest in Ohio. Mary had a drinking problem and when Gene was shipped overseas she would spend most of her time in the bars downtown. Cal and I usually babysat the children. We loved them like they were ours. We wanted a baby and were surprised I hadn’t got pregnant because there wasn’t such a thing as birth control.

One day we got a call to go to Mary’s apartment. She had gone out drinking the night before and brought a man home with her and one of them fell asleep with a burning cigarette. It caught the apartment on fire and the children were all trapped in the back bedroom. Apparently Mary and the man were both found naked out on the lawn and the fire department had to go up a ladder to rescue the children. Someone contacted Cal and I to go get the babies. We did and moved them into our place. The State stepped in and told Mary she couldn’t have the kids back and they contacted Gene in Germany to make arrangements for the kids. Gene wanted the children to stay with Cal and me. Before the State would agree to that they sent a home investigator to our home in Cambridge to approve us. Of course she asked about our marriage and we gave her our phony May 19th date and the Iowa story. We held our breath that she wouldn’t ask for proof and she didn’t. The children were put in our custody.

We decided then we had to figure out a way to get legally married. Cal in confidence asked his Dad to sign permission and he did. Arlene Frazier a friend watched the children while we took care of business. Cal and I slipped quietly out of town and went to Milwaukee with Mary Herman and her boyfriend and we got married at the courthouse. Finally after three years we were legal. Cal’s father never did give our secret away and no one knew for many years that we had lived together prior to getting legally married. Some to this day don’t know. Now I was officially Mrs. Calvin Kornstedt. There wasn’t any celebration because we didn’t want to bring attention to our situation.

The kids didn’t have any clothes or toys because everything was lost in the fire. Gene was going to make arrangements to get us funds to support them, but we needed help quickly. We needed food, clothing and toys for the kids. The priest from the local Catholic Church in Lake Mills came out and got a list of things we needed and he promised us help. When Cal’s mother heard a priest had been on HER property she pitched a royal fit. Cal and I were both furious that she could hold a grudge against innocent children because they were Catholic. We were in a royal standoff with her again. Finally it was obvious that she wasn’t relenting and we told her we were vacating the house and she could have it. Gene made an emergency trip home and he took the children to Ohio for his family to care for and Cal and I moved in with my Mother and step-dad. Our room was the converted porch on the front of the house. We moved our furniture to Grandma and Grandpa’s house and it was still on their front porch the day they died. Our other personal belongings were stored in their basement.

This is when Cal decided to join the Air Force. We thought it would get us out of town; we could see the world and with the GI Bill Cal could get his degree. Now that we were legally married joining the service wouldn’t be a problem. He met with the recruiter and the next step was to wait for his orders. He was assigned to Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas for basic training. We were both excited and a little scared. I was really feeling insecure and worried that he would forget me when he left. I went to Milwaukee to see him off and low and behold his Mother and sisters joined us. His leaving was bittersweet and I was filled with self-doubt. Regardless the decision was made and final and we couldn’t change our mind, it was too late for second guessing.

*

It was strange when Cal left I felt an odd sense of independence, yet I missed him terribly and was still feeling very insecure. It was a strange mixture of feelings I was experiencing like something was changing in my life. He wrote and I wrote and as far as I could tell things seemed normal in our relationship. I was anxious for my allotment to start so I could join him. That was our plan. Prior to basic training being over I got a telegram that Cal was in the hospital. My monthly allotment hadn’t started yet so I contacted the Red Cross and they arranged for an advance for me so I could travel to San Antonio and be with him.

•

I remember my Mother warning me that I was in for a new phase of life and I should be prepared to live in dumps and to get used to not having anything. I’m not sure where she arrived at that conclusion, but I found quite the opposite when I left home and traveled to San Antonio. I had never made a trip across country all by myself and on a Greyhound Bus. When I left Wisconsin it was 40 degrees and the bus was chilly so I had on a long sleeved wool sheath dress. I had one suitcase packed with all the clothes I owned, which wasn’t a lot. In fact if I remember right I had some of Cal’s clothes in the suitcase with mine, because he left with just the clothes he had on his back. The trip to San Antonio was long, but it made a lot of stops along the way for potty calls and food breaks. Also I think we stopped in every town along the way to drop off or pick up new passengers.

On this trip is where I first learned about racial prejudices. I was sitting next to a pretty black girl that was also traveling to Lackland to meet her husband. At the restaurant stop she told me she wasn’t allowed in the restaurant. I was livid so I refused to eat inside. I went in and got food for both of us and brought it back outside and we sat together on a bench and ate our meal. We became fast friends on the bus, but she explained to me that once we arrived we would have to go our separate ways because our friendship would be frowned upon. I didn’t understand. I never realized things like that took place in the world. Granted I came from a small town and the only minority we had living there was a young Mexican boy. He was much younger than me so I never had any contact, but I did hear gossip about him once in a while.

When we arrived in San Antonio I swear my feet were the size of large balloons. From sitting and the trip they had swollen to three times their normal size. They hurt. When we got off the bus in San Antonio it was near 100 degrees and I still had on that wool long sleeved dress. The bus trip took about four days. All I wanted was a shower and some clean cool clothes to put on. I didn’t have the foggiest idea where to go or what to do next. Cal was in the hospital and he couldn’t help so I here I was in a strange city and on my own. I collected my suitcase and took a cab to Lackland Air Force Base. My new found friend from the bus had told me that on base they had a housing office and maybe they could help me. Sure enough when I got to the base and found the housing office they had a list of rooms and apartments for rent. I found one that was just outside of the base and the rent for the room was seven dollars a week. I could handle that because I would get ninety dollars a month from the military. In fact I felt rich. I did know that I had to pay the Red Cross back for their advancement.

I contacted Dorothy (I don’t remember her last name) and asked her if the room was still available. She said yes so I got a cab and was at her place in no time. It was a pretty ranch style house in a nicely kept subdivision. I learned that Dorothy was a widow and rented out rooms to service men’s wife’s to make end meet. She had another lady renting that had been with her for months. Dorothy said we would all share the one bathroom and that on weekend’s I was allowed to let my husband stay over if he was off duty. She showed me my room and it was darling. It was prettier than any room I’d ever had growing up. There was a pretty bedspread that matched the curtains and a makeup table and dresser. The bed was full sized so that would make it nice when Cal could stay over. Dorothy said there was a television in the living room that I was allowed to watch and to feel free to use the radio. Dorothy had a fulltime job, plus she baked pies for a restaurant to earn extra money. She was trying very hard to make the mortgage payments on her home and it was rough after her husband passed away. In the kitchen she showed me what shelf I could use for food and she told me the next day she would show me where the grocery store was in town.

In the kitchen I saw piles of dirty dishes. I didn’t know anyone could own that many dishes; there were stacks of them all over the counters. She had to go to work that right after giving me the tour of the house so I was left to fend for myself. Dorothy was gracious and offered me a sandwich until I could get to a store. I accepted and sat down to a nice club sandwich after I had a shower and some clean clothes on. I couldn’t just sit there and look at those dishes so I filled the sink with water and set about cleaning her kitchen spotless. I was in bed sleeping by the time she got home that night so I didn’t see her until morning. When I got up Dorothy was getting ready to go to her day job and she returned my seven dollars rent and told me I didn’t owe her anything. We both cried in each other’s arms. She was like a Mom to me and we remained dear friends for years, I was heartbroken when she died.

Shortly after I got there Cal was released from the hospital and he was put back in basic training. He was in the hospital because his feet had swollen in the awful heat when they were marching. He took a cab and met me at Dorothy’s and his commander gave him a few days off when he found out I was there. It was strange because I sensed something had changed between us. It was a sweet reunion, but that closeness we had back home wasn’t there. It wasn’t anything I could put my finger on; it was just a sense that something was different. I didn’t know if it was him or me.

*

When basic training was finished Cal got orders for Kessler Field in Biloxi, Mississippi. He was put in charge of the troops that would be traveling by train to the new base. He told me I could go the same time as he did. The catch was once we arrived in Biloxi I would be on my own until he got approval to live off base and we found housing. I was supposed to meet him at the train depot around 4 AM and Dorothy insisted on taking me and seeing me off. I had cashed my first allotment check so I had $90 to get me started in Biloxi. There were two train depots in San Antonio and first we went to the wrong one. I was terrified I would miss the train and Cal would go without me and not know what happened. We raced across town to the right one and I didn’t know it at the time, but I dropped my wallet after paying for my ticket. I didn’t have a clue. My luggage was checked and I kissed Dorothy good-bye and found Cal on the train. After the conductor came around and checked tickets Cal and I decided to go to the club car and get something to eat. That is when I discovered my wallet and all my money was gone. I was in a panic. I had no idea what to do and Cal didn’t have a penny on him. All the money we had in the world was in the wallet I lost.

When we arrived in Biloxi it was the middle of the night. A bus met the train to take the soldiers out to Kessler Field. Cal explained to the Sergeant in charge how I had lost my wallet. He said I should ride out to the base with them on the bus and go to the housing office and they would put me up in the guest quarters until we could contact the Red Cross for help. Everything seemed to be falling in place. The next day I met with the Red Cross representative and low and behold someone in San Antonio had found my wallet and contacted the Red Cross to see if they could locate me. All my money was still in there. The one problem I encountered was my identification was in my wallet and the post office wanted to see proof of who I was before releasing my wallet. I finally talked them into letting me open and I promised to show them my picture identification on the spot. The deal was made and the problem solved.

We had no car, no furniture and no household belongings. Any we did own was in storage in Grandma Jones basement. I had to pay the Red Cross back the money they loaned me to get to San Antonio so that dipped into my $90 and Cal needed some cash until he got paid. The money was disappearing fast. I started to look for a place to live and I found a small cottage that was a couple of miles from the base and a couple of miles from downtown and the beach. Walking a couple of miles to us was nothing because we were in good shape and in those days it wasn’t unusual not to have a car. The rent on the cottage was $30 a month and it was sort of furnished. It had two rooms and a bathroom. One room was the bedroom and there was a bed and dresser. The kitchen served as kitchen and living room and came with a table and four chairs. That was the extent of furnishings. We still need curtains and dishes and other odds and ends. We couldn’t afford to turn on the electric that month because what was left of that $90 dollars was gone before we knew it. $45 of it went to pay back the Red Cross and $30 went for the first month’s rent on the cottage. That left $15 for furnishings and food, but not enough for the deposit on the electric. Instead we bought candles at Woolworths Five and Dime store.

Cal got permission to live off base and the first week he did he got into trouble. We washed his uniform in the bath tub because we didn’t have money for the dry cleaners or the Laundromat. Because we had no electricity there was no way to iron his uniform and he failed inspection. Also we found that living in the humid, hot weather without air conditioning was miserable and the walking in that climate was a lot different than back home. He was assigned to six weeks of KP duty after his normal working hours. Tempers were flaring and we were at each other’s throats. The change I had sensed in our relationship in San Antonio extended to Biloxi; mix in further complications like no power and the lack of funds and we were two ugly people. We had a big fight and Cal announced he was moving back to the base.

I found a waitress job on the beach in one of the drive up restaurants. It was one of the more popular spots for the servicemen to hang out and I was totally not prepared for the number of available men all lonely and wanting dates. I found out later Cal had a girl friend he met when he went to New Orleans with a bunch of guys and I had also started dating. I’m not sure who stepped out first, but it seemed we were both pretty much on the same course of destruction.

The fights began. Either he would find out I was dating someone and he would want to try again or I would find out he was dating someone and I would want to try again. We never seemed to get our timing right after that. The next year was a constant emotional struggle between being together and not being together. I left my job at the restaurant and met a lady named Gracie that owned a lounge. Gracie was a sweetheart and was like a Mom to me. I started working for her and it was more like a date every night instead of a job. The girls were hired as waitresses and we did serve drinks, but our job was to dance with the military guys and keep them coming back. If you got tired up on the dance floor Gracie was happy to pitch in and serve the drinks. The pretty girls kept the guys coming. She ran a clean, straight bar and there was nothing like drugs or prostitution. It was just an ordinary USO type bar that was geared to the servicemen. I became her right hand person and in no time I was managing the bar for her. She trusted me with everything. I found a room a block off the beach just up from her place and it was $5.00 a week. My salary at her place was only $5.00 a night plus tips. There weren’t a lot of tips because the military didn’t make that kind of money. With my allotment and salary I didn’t have to worry about money. I didn’t have a car, but didn’t need one. I had plenty of money left over for pretty clothes and the hair salon.

I was still struggling with my feelings for Cal. I was so used to him being in my life I couldn’t imagine the future without him. I felt guilty when I dated, but I would find out about him seeing someone else and get angry and justify what I was doing. Life was going faster than I could keep up and I was seriously getting worried about the direction Cal and I were going. It was 1964 and I was twenty. Biloxi was a whole world different from where we grew up and was raised. Back home I wasn’t old enough to go in a bar let alone work in one. Biloxi was party town and the bars were open all night and live bands played all up and down the at the beach bars. One of the regulars at Gracie’s was an instructor at Kessler named Danny. He was a big tall Hawaiian guy that had rolling muscles and could sing from his soul. Grace hired him a bartender and I was very attracted to him. It was like electricity when he walked into the room. I’m sure looking back it was a good case of infatuation. We’d date and break up. I was pulled between him and wanting to save my marriage.

Then one night at the bar I got a call that Cal’s father had died. I was heartbroken because I really loved the old guy and I knew Cal was going to take it rough. I got in touch with him and when I told him we cried in each other’s arms and I vowed to myself that we were going to fix things between us. Cal left for Wisconsin for his father’s funeral. He thought it was best if he went alone because of his Moms attitude towards me. I agreed. When he left that night I went to church and talked to a minister about how to get our marriage on the right track. And when I left there I decided to go to the train depot and go back to Wisconsin to be with Cal.

When I got there I found out Cal had been over to see my Grandparents and he said he was excited about me coming and that he was planning on us flying back to Biloxi together. He had flown back for the funeral and it was his first flight and it would have been mine. I was looking forward to it, but instead he picked me up at my Grandparents in a red T-bird that he had just purchased and said we would leave early and drive back. He was pretty upset over his father’s death and his LAST WILL and TESTIMANT. His Dad had left the farm to his brother Dick and that hurt Cal because he was the oldest son and he thought it would go to him. I never asked him what his Dad left him. I never was interested in his family’s money and it never occurred to me to ask. Cal wasn’t upset with his brother he just felt betrayed by his father’s wishes.

After we got back to Biloxi we had dinner out one night and talked about what we had done and where we had gone wrong. Then he admitted to me that when he went home for his Dad’s funeral he slept with one of my good friends. It was the final blow. I felt like someone had pulled my heart out. It was easier to handle strangers, but someone I knew, a close friend, that socked me right in the gut. I was furious and I started seeing Danny again. Cal found out I was seeing him and begged me to give him another chance. We would start over. I did and he moved back in with me. It wasn’t long after that I found out Cal was seeing a girl in New Orleans and again bombs were flying. I had a friend drive me over to New Orleans and I found him alone in a restaurant. He had just dropped her off. I confronted him and we battled all the way back to Biloxi. Each of us blamed the other.

We split and went back together several times over the next few months. He was back living on base and I hadn’t seen him for a few weeks. I got worried and called the base and I was told he was in the hospital. I was furious that no one notified me. I went to the base hospital to see him and found out he had some sort of nervous breakdown. We fought because I thought he was faking it to get out of the service. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to Wisconsin. Call it vanity or whatever, but I couldn’t see returning to that small town and everyone would know my husband slept with my best friend. I knew how gossip spread and I knew Cal cheating on me in our hometown was probably news everyone knew by now. After meeting with the counselor and his doctor they convinced me that it was best that he be discharged, that he couldn’t handle the military after the death of his Dad. Cal and I talked and agreed we would go home and start fresh. We would stop cheating on each other and put our marriage back together. He said he wanted to go back to school so we could get an apartment in Madison and I could find work there and we could start a new life. I agreed and said I would quit my job at Graces and leave for Wisconsin and start making plans for his return. His doctor said it would take about three weeks for his paperwork to be process and he would be given a medical discharge.

I packed up my clothes and belongings and found a ride to Chicago. One of the servicemen getting discharged was going that far and said I could ride with him. I would meet my Grandfather in Chicago and go the rest of the way with him. And so I said a lot of tearful goodbyes to Grace and all the other friends I had made. I told Danny I was going home to make marriage work. Danny wasn’t a drinker, but Grace told me he got very drunk the night I left and he drew a picture that said “the hell with it.” She pulled that picture out of the trash and sent it to me. I still have it.

*

Getting home felt better than I thought it would. There was something nice about the ordinary living and family atmosphere that I missed in Mississippi. It was familiar and gave me a feeling of security. Cal would be home in a few weeks and we would get on with our marriage and heal the wounds we both had inflicted on each other. A month went by and I didn’t hear from Cal. Finally I called the base hospital and they told me he had been discharged two weeks ago. I had no idea where he was. I thought maybe the discharge was just from the hospital and maybe it would take longer to get his medical discharge from the military. No one on base knew anything nor could they locate him. I called his Mother in Cambridge and she said she hadn’t heard from him or seen him. I had no idea where he was or what was going on. I had been home close to three months and I had no idea where to look.

Then one day I found him. Someone had run into him and called me to tell me he was home. He said he was staying with his Mother and it wasn’t a good idea for us to stay there together. We were parked up in the wooded area on the farm talking, it was the same spot where we parked the night I met him for the first time. We made love and I had this sick feeling like I was being used. He said he wanted me to go to Milwaukee with him to buy a new car. In those days if you made a major purchase both the husband and wife had to sign the paperwork. He needed my signature to finance the car. Then he said we would talk about us. A couple of days later went with him and he purchased a brand new red Corvette sports car. He said I could have the T-bird. The T-bird was falling apart. It was in such bad shape that on the way back from Milwaukee smoke was rolling out from the tires because the brake pads were gone. Cal followed me to my parent house that night and I knew inside there was something else going on. He told me he wanted to take me to Devils Lake that weekend so we could spend some time together. He picked me up in his new Corvette and we drove up to Devils Lake.

I had overslept that morning and I put on my makeup in the car as we were driving up there. The minute I put down the visor mirror to put some makeup on he started to criticize me for not being ready when he picked me up. He said if he was important to me that I should have been ready and looking my best. I didn’t say anything I just started to cry. We got to the park and criticism continued. My confidence and self-esteem was gone, down to zero and there was no defense or fight left in me. I sat there thinking I deserved everything he was saying because our marriage had gone to hell and it had to be my fault. It never occurred to me at that moment in time that he was as guilty as me. Still as much as he criticized me that day he never once mentioned divorce and neither did I. I’m not sure where our relationship stood when we left and he dropped me off at my parent’s home. I was crushed and all of a sudden the finality of my marriage hit me square in the gut and I didn’t know what to do. I never did have a real wedding ring. He never bought me one, but I still had his class ring. I put it on a gold chain and had it around my neck and my Mother saw it and was furious. She ripped it off my neck and told me to get on with life that my marriage was over. She made it clear she wasn’t going to put up with any whining or crying over him. A few days later I saw him in Fort Atkinson with a woman who was obviously his lover and she was very pregnant. I learned she was a married woman with several little kids and no one knew if the child she was carrying was Cal’s or her husband’s. Rumors spread fast in those small towns and the next thing I heard was Cal and his lover was leaving on a cruise to the Caribbean. I filed for divorce.

Mother was going to have nothing to do with me crying over Cal so she fixed me up on a date with a guy she worked with. His name was David Pfeifer. We started dating. My divorce was pending and I was crushed. I thought about going back to Biloxi and maybe mending my relationship with Danny. I hadn’t heard from Danny so I decided that wouldn’t be a wise thing to do. It would be another rejection. One night when I was out with David I drank way too much and ended sleeping with him.

The next thing I knew I was having morning sickness and the doctor told me I was pregnant. I was hysterical. I didn’t love David and didn’t want to marry him. My life was mess and I blamed myself for much of it. Prior to our divorce going to court and after I knew I was pregnant I asked Cal to meet me so we could talk. We met at a bar in Cambridge and talked about our marriage falling failing. He admitted we both made mistakes and that it wasn’t entirely my fault. He said lots of factors were involved and mostly we were too young. I told him I was pregnant and I didn’t want to marry the baby’s father. I asked him if we could go back together until my baby was born and then if he still wanted a divorce I would give it to him and leave. In those days you did not have a child out of wedlock. That was the ultimate sin. He said no. His Mother had moved into our house after his Dad’s death and he claimed he was living in a small trailer that was parked next to it and there wasn’t room for me and a baby. I’m not sure if that was the truth of not. He told me he thought we should wait until we were twenty-seven and then we could probably make it together. I had a bottle of sleeping pills in my purse and I got up from the table and went into the bathroom and took them all. When I left the bathroom I walked by his table and didn’t say a word. My girlfriend was waiting in the parking lot for me and I asked her to drive me to my parent’s house. I told my Mom what I had taken and she called the doctor. He told her to force me to drink soap water and make me throw up.

My divorce went to court and I lied and said I wasn’t pregnant. Cal or his lawyer didn’t argue with me. I wanted nothing from him and the judge was furious. He told Cal if I ever became a ward of the State he was going to hold him personally responsible. I was probably one of the few women in his life that wasn’t interested in his money. I walked out of that courtroom and left my heart with him. I was numb and not totally sure how I would go on. The next day I packed my suitcase and left for Biloxi. I needed to get away and needed time to think. I learned on that trip something important. You can’t go back, it’s never the same.

Today, a hot night in August in 2011, fifty-one years later I learned that Cal is in hospice, no longer able to walk and his speech is just a whisper. He is dying. Parkinson Disease is killing him slowly and he’s a prisoner in his own body. It won’t be a quick death. Cataracts have covered his eyes so he can barely see, but I know inside his mind is a sharp. He knows. Somehow, I know that. I’m told how graciously he is handling his final days. That doesn’t surprise me. As many years as it has been he is still my prince charming and even though our lives took different paths he will always be my first love. A piece of my heart will always belong to just him. My heart is sad and the memories have flashed back from the past with regrets and retrospective solutions. Life is such a mystery. I don’t know anymore about it now than I did then.

I know we made mistakes, both of us. For a while I blamed just me, but I learned over the years it takes two. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to share the blame and what good would it have done if I did. The divorce didn’t happen because I was pregnant. The papers had already been filed and we were just waiting for a court date. My mistake getting pregnant turned out to be my greatest blessing in life. Sometimes when life doesn’t go as we plan it might just be for our own good. We never know until it happens. When I turned twenty-seven, I finally gave up on Cal ever coming back to me. I remember my birthday that year and I had to let go. I never did really believe that he meant that, but a part of me was hoping for a miracle.

Cal did go back to school and he got his degree and became a successful attorney, working as the County Counselor. Several years after our divorce he met a nurse and they got married and had two boys. They lived in the Madison area and when he was in his forties he was diagnosed with Parkinson disease. By 2002 the disease progressed to the point he couldn’t handle his career any longer and he retired. I read about his retirement on the Internet. The last time we spoke was in the courtroom getting our divorce. After all the years we were apart I sent him an email telling him how sorry I was to hear he was ill. I told him I was happily married, about my career and my wonderful son. He wrote back and said he was glad I had written and he bought me up to date on his life. I told him we were young, but that he was my first love and would always have a special place in my heart and he said I had a better life without him. That was the last conversation we had. Maybe that’s true. Something must have been real about it because it’s been over fifty years and I still remember the magic. My heart aches for his suffering and I still regret our marriage failing. I know what is happening to him is not fair, he doesn’t deserve this.

I’m have a hard time believing how life can speed by so quickly and be over before we comprehend what took place.

First Cancer:

It was March of 1974, in Biloxi, Mississippi, and I was going to be twenty-nine years old in about a month. The humidity was climbing, my make-up was running down my face, and the fact that my car didn’t have air-conditioning didn’t help my situation. My hair was pinned up in a shabby twist, with shoulder length ringlets hanging down and clinging to my neck and face. The hair-style would be more popular today than it was back then. I had hastily pinned it up to get it off my hot sweaty skin. Mini-skirts were popular, and I wore one that day, but I wished I would have skipped the nylon stockings.

I pulled into the drive, in front of the elementary grade school, to pick up my son who was eight years old. His name is Jeff, and he is the reason I know what love is really all about. The day they handed him to me in the delivery room, I knew he owned my heart and soul. Sitting in the car waiting for him to come out the double glass school doors, I wondered why life was so complicated and had such challenges. Since my divorce six years ago, it seemed difficult to stay in front of the hurdles. I hadn’t been able to find a decent position since my old boss lost his company in a divorce. Women were still not accepted in the world of property management, so I would need a unique break to get back into a field I had learned to love. In the meantime the demand for rent and other expenses continued, and my car breaking down would throw my world off tilter. Lately, it seemed I was constantly second guessing my ability to survive in the world with no help. Usually I was a fairly positive person, and I thought I was capable of taking care of myself and my son. The world was testing that attitude and had been for the last year.

I watched my son running for the car, chanting back and forth with his buddy. I heard him say, “My Mom’s prettier than yours.” His little friend smiled and waved as he hollered back “no mine is.” His school friend then turned to run to his parent’s car, and Jeff climbed in my little brown Pinto. I kissed him, and he handed me a picture he had drawn in class. He also told me his teacher said the next day he had to wear a belt with his jeans, because that was a dress code rule. If he didn’t he would be sent home from school. He didn’t have one because we could never afford the extras. With clothes he had nice pants and shirts, but we never had money for much more. No one had said anything about that rule until the school year was almost over. Apparently, a teacher or someone decided it was time to enforce the rule. It broke my heart that it hurt my son, and convinced me I could take the next step I needed to protect him, and give us both some security.

We were on our way to Sears to buy Jeff his first new dress suit, and of course the required belt for school. Jim had given me fifty-dollars to buy a wedding dress for myself, and the things that Jeff needed. I had been divorced since Jeff was a baby, and just three weeks prior I had agreed to marry Jim, a man I had only known for six weeks. In the meantime I was trying to figure out how to break that promise. I didn’t love him, nor wanted to marry him. Not only had I not known him long, but he was twenty-seven years older than me. He was a recent widower that seemed intent on our getting married as soon as possible.

Jobs were hard to find at that time, and wages were low. My car kept breaking down. The rent came due every month, food and utility costs continued and there were forever surprise expenses like medicine, a doctor’s appointment or something else that cost money. Not only did I have a difficult time making ends meet with day to day expenses, but I didn’t have health insurance for myself. Jeff had it through my ex-husbands employer, but I had none. Apparently, I thought I was invincible. Just scrapping together rent money, my car payment, utilities, food, car insurance, gas, oil and tires for the car and money for Jeff’s schooling was a challenge. We seldom had a handful of change left by payday. This had been a particularly difficult few months since I had major car repairs, and I needed four new tires or we would be walking because my car wouldn’t have passed the state inspection.

As far as love goes, I was honest with myself. My agreement to marry this man, that was old enough to be my father, had nothing to do with chemistry, romance, love or any of the other reasonable fairytale reason a girl accepts a man’s proposal. It was purely an economical decision. People told me I was beautiful, people told me I looked like a model, people told me I should have, could have gone on to do wonderful things with my life. I was tall and slender with a willowy figure, an oval shaped face with almond shaped eyes that were a sapphire blue, like my grandmothers. People told me I talked with my eyes, and was chic and sophisticated. Unfortunately, what people read in my eyes was not confidence or sophistication, actually it was more of a protective barrier that kept me safe. Every day I was afraid. Every day I wondered how I would survive and keep my son safe and happy. Every day I was afraid.

Apparently, my eyes were covered with blinders when I said I would marry this stranger. He was just my height, over weight by at least a hundred pounds; he wore yellow and pale blue Leisure suits, always had grease under his fingernails, and his fingers were always stained from too much nicotine. He owned a trucking line with eighteen long haul lumber trucks. His business office was halfway between Biloxi and Hattiesburg. He ran the dispatching of the trucks out of an old abandoned gas station, with the help of a secretary who could drive an eighteen wheeler better than a man. Along with all the other obstacles in our upcoming marriage, I learned he had five grown kids that were not at all receptive about a stepmother joining the family. I ignored that problem, thinking I would resolve it when it presented itself. Two of his kids were my age or older.

Leaving the shopping center that night, my son proudly wore his new belt. He carried his little blue suit, and his first white dress shirt and a real tie. Jeff asked me if I remembered how to make the knot for his tie, and he held my hand. Jeff was going to give me away, but I assured him he was still “my best guy,” and no one would ever change that. Smiling, I held his hand. He filled my heart. When he looked up at me with adoring eyes, and his smile I knew I could do anything to make him safe, and provide security in his life. I could even marry a man I barely knew, and didn’t love. Besides, I told myself look at Sophia Loren married to Carlo Ponti. I would just pretend I was her. We stopped for burgers, just the two of us and enjoyed our last night together as a family of two.

It was going to be a small home wedding. The ceremony would be held at Cole and Marge’s, friends of Jim’s. They rented a large southern mansion just a few blocks inland from the Gulf of Mexico. Jim thought he had done something magical by arranging the location. In fact Jeff and I were going to spend the night with them, because everyone said it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony.

I found a long beige dress, a very simple straight cut dress that had strands of gold thread. It was simple and classic, not the fluffy white angel dresses brides usually wear. Besides, I was used to getting my money’s worth, and I knew I could shorten the dress and could probably wear it for other occasions. Marge took a picture of Jeff and me sitting in the guest room after I was dressed and waiting for the ceremony to take place. She was a nice lady, and had prepared a nice buffet and had baked a pretty wedding cake. I was close to an older lady named Grace, that attended that night and she was basically my only guest beside my son. Jim’s daughter came with her boyfriend and a girl friend of hers, but it was a cold reception. She made it clear there was going to be distant between us, and she told her Dad that night she had moved out of his house and in with her boyfriend. Jim didn’t argue with her.

The ceremony was simple with no fanfare and after we mingled with the few people that attended. After a proper amount of mingling time we left to go to Jim’s house. He had a house he was renting, but he said it wasn’t necessary that we continue living there. I was relieved to hear he wouldn’t object to a different place, because it was depressing living in a home that was occupied by his deceased wife. Even though it was a loveless marriage for me I had decided to try and make the marriage a success. Maybe love or at least some kind of affection would grow with time.

Within the first few weeks we did find an apartment in Hattiesburg, and we made arrangements for the move. We would keep a few pieces of furniture from his place and then get some new to make it our place. Just prior to making the move Jim had his insurance agent come over and he took out life insurance on me and Jeff. The agent left the beneficiary papers for me to fill out, but I stalled because I felt my first responsibility was to my son, not this grown man. I figured if something happened to me Jim could go on, but Jeff was just a child and would need financial security. So rather than have a fight I stalled.

It was about five weeks before we got physically moved and settled in the new place. While doing that we also moved his office and I was busy learning the trucking business so I could assist him. I had come to learn he was not a good business man, and he was going broke fast. His expertise was in maintenance of the trucks, but when it came to contract negotiations and the general business management he didn’t have a clue. The mortgage company was forever threatening to repossess his trucks because of late payments.