Gay Ruby Dahlstrom

Gay Ruby Dahlstrom, wife, mother, entrepreneur and self-employed business woman, died Monday, December 8, of complications with pneumonia. She was born Eloise Gay Ruby ("Babe" to her family) in Lockhart, Texas at her grandparents' home on April 2, 1930. In 1937, she moved to Buda with her parents, James Cecil Ruby and Louise Walter Ruby, and older brother, James Cecil Ruby Jr. ("Bubba"). Her father was a local rancher and road contractor.

She attended Buda School where she met her future husband, Jack Dahlstrom, who was in the third grade as she was entering second grade. Her junior year she was voted Most Popular Girl and she and Jack were elected King of Queen of the Prom. Her senior year, she was responsible, with support from Jack and her parents, for publishing the first Buda High school annual. Gay went on to attend the University of Texas until she and Jack married in Buda at the Christian Church on April 18, 1948. A year later they started their family. Cecilia, Jack and Cynthia were born in Buda and Dodi was born in Van Horn ten years later.

The family moved forty times in the first 10 years as a result of Jack's work in road construction in south and west Texas. After living in San Antonio for five years, the family moved to Dallas where they lived for almost 30 years. During those Dallas years, Gay devoted her energy to volunteer leadership at Preston Hollow Methodist Church. As a lover of learning, even though she was disappointed not to complete her degree at UT, Gay realized she had completed her undergraduate work in the Methodist Church where she learned about mental illness, old age, counseling and program development.

From 1982-1991, she entered her entrepreneurial years with partner Mary Kappel in their joint venture, Kapstrom Inc. They developed and marketed internationally their educational software, known as "Writing in Thinking". Gay saw these years as work towards a graduate degree in business.

As Jack's road business worsened, Jack and Gay moved to Buda in 1989, where she became more actively involved in the lawsuits surrounding the demise of the road construction business which she closed in 1997. Gay and Jack retired to ranching life on her beloved home place, the Dahlstrom Ranch, land inherited from her parents. Gay continued to be an active member of Buda United Methodist Church and cared for Jack as his health failed.

Next, in an effort to preserve the ranch, she and son Jack Jr. spent five years moving the ranch into a conservation easement which happened in 2010. Continuing in her desire to preserve her father's legacy, in 2011 she moved into her next business endeavor with daughter, Dodi, and grandson, Saenger. Their goal was the redevelopment of the historic Buda Mill and Grain property on Main St. in Buda that her father had owned since 1963. Gay was proudly self employed there until her death, having completed her life long education.

She is survived by son Jack Jr., daughters Cecilia, Cynthia and Dodi, son-in-laws, Clay and Mel, seven grandchildren, two step grandchildren, four great grandchildren and two step great grandchildren.

Gay's parting wisdom to us: "As I grow older, I reflect, and learn some truths; almost everything in life is a decision. To be happy, I must decide to be happy. And therefore, I am."

A private memorial service and reception will be held at the Dahlstrom Ranch on Saturday December 13, 2014. Flowers are welcome. For those who prefer, donations may be made to one of Gay's favorite charities: PAWS of Kyle, Capital Area Food Bank or KLRU in Austin.

Gay Ruby Dahlstrom

1930 - 2014

As I review my life, I realize how much I love to play. What more could I ask of life. Also, when I looked at my life, all of it, I saw how good it was. At first, I felt

disappointed about not having completed my education. But Jack wanted badly to get married. He had returned from South Texas and was working at Buda. I was in UT. I absolutely loved learning. But he gave me no time to study, so I couldn't make good grades. Therefore I quit UT and got married. But as I reflected, I realized that indeed I had completed my education in the midst of living my life with Jack. Everything good in my life came from Jack, directly or indirectly, like my children or my joining the church because Jack just never came home and the three oldest children were growing up.

When the kids were small, I learned every thing they learned, like swimming. Before Dodie was born in Van Horn, I learned how to roller skate. I loved it. I was so

disappointed when I lost my balance and could no longer skate, because I was too pregnant. Then I found the church or it found me in Dallas. There I had lots of

friends and returned to learning and the opportunity to work outside the home.

Then along came Kapstrom where I completed my undergraduate degree. Afterwards I moved into Jack's office, where he instructed me to see that his three

employees learned to work together (quite a problem). I became involved in Jack's business and began to problem solve there. I could take on any project on for six

months. Usually I burned out by then. But by then, I usually had my answer. I sold my Jewelry. And my mother's two pins, diamond and emerald, and my father's

Rolex watch, a battery operated one. Jack was furious about my actions. Oh, well. I worked 11 years on a lawsuit among four other lawsuits, for you see, I had

inherited one forth of my mother' half of the ranch. (Jack's creditor's were hungry). It was then that I realized that when I faced a new seemingly

insurmountable problem, I would first freeze. Finally, at long last, I would turn around and face it. I asked Jack if I could have Jerry Cox (an old friend and Jack's

accountant) to go with me to court every time our lawyers went. Then I worked with the best trust attorney in San Antonio on an agreement to buy us time while

we sued the Texas Turnpike Authority as part of the settlement of the same 11 year lawsuit. I asked Cecilia to take over the lawsuit, write the lawsuit, and manage

the lawyers. She was graciously exiting her company so she agreed. The State had changed the specifications for her barricades and wiped out her business. She did a great job with the lawsuit. She did an excellent job of going through the Turnpike's papers on our job with them. I took all of the Turnpike papers and did

the discovery work for six months to help put Cecilia's feet on solid ground. It was during the lawsuit that the lawyers became aware that Jack's mind wasn't

much good after 3pm. The attorneys for both sides realized it. Jack was on the stand for three full days in the civil court in Dallas. Then the judge instructed the

Texas Turnpike to settle.

Much later, when I decided Jack had to be put out of business, I worked with the IRS agent (delightful fellow), the Texas Workforce man, and the insurance gal and

pulled Jack, Jr. off his Job (very much against his will). I got it done. Then IRS told me he needed to auction off Jack's three pieces of equipment. Jack exploded and said "Absolutely NOT! IRS had already auctioned of a $150,000 crusher for $20,000. So I thought, and thought, and figured and figured. Finally I offered IRS

$5,000 for the tractor, subtracted the repair bills on the two scrapers and offered the IRS agent around $9,000 for all three. Dad's crusher was still helping us with

money. (Too many places to put it.) He accepted. Jack was happy. Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you, by this time I was president of the company, so it was my neck sticking out all the way. It was with Jack that I completed my graduate degree. I am therefore pleased with my education that the world had given me.

A very smart, very sick coworker, Cathy Hendrick said one day, "Boy, haven't we learned a lot, but I don't want to go back". I echoed the thought.

One of the ongoing problems we worked on, was how to give Jack his regular report on his business in the least amount of space. We finally got a financial book

into one page. Boy, I lived in office, court, and business for many days, months and years in one way or another, from 1982 with Kapstrom to 1998 with Jack and the family.

As I reflect on my life I realize even the bad experiences were good, and I smile as I now go about learning how to be an old woman. I believe in every stage of life you have to discover the reality of now and make decisions based on the truth you discover. Long ago, in Preston Hollow Church, I learned about gerontology – the

reality of being old. During those eleven years I took care of Dad I wondered why none of the nurses and doctors understood about old people. But then when I grew old, I had forgotten all about gerontology. It might have been because I have worked for seven years on the matters of my own death. Jack and I had paid on

Dad's inheritance for thirteen years. I did not want my children to be endangered by my death. I have given everything I own to my children, but have kept total control. One of the best experiences of my live has been being involved in matters of my death. The beginning of which was the conservation easement.

So what is the reality of my life? I have now been tested by four doctors; a gerontologist, two heart specialists, and a neurologist. Within a year I have been in

the hospital 6 times, I have fallen 7 times, and I have collapsed at the YMCA and lost my membership. Now my dentist tells me haIf of my teeth are in rampant

decay and fand are going fast. I have lost all the sonar in my body; I can no longer sew on buttons, can't find the holes, I cannot button large or small buttons at all.

All the utility poles are now crooked. I can barely walk. And my mind is foggy. This is my reality. So what have I learned? The gerontologist took me off every pill he

could and is giving me a steroid; the heart doctor and his partner, the electrician, had me wear a heart monitor for a month. No problems there. The neurologist

checked my head and neck for blood flow. He told me the blood vessels are free flowing in my neck but restricted in my head. I was pleased to learn there is no

choice of surgery. Surgery is not a good choice for old people. It tends to tip one's mind over the edge for good. Also my GP took an MRI to discover I had had a

stroke, which I realized was about five years ago.

So what have I decided about how to live my life? I have found I do better if I get out of the house every day-or-so unless I have errands, Jack, Jr. takes me the office every day. I usually focus on one problem every week and then present it, or guide the discovery process or prime my children so they can get their minds into a large project. Then I outline it. When my last assistant left me to get married at age 70, I hired my driver one day a week to run errands and take me to my medical appointments. I have a fear of all kinds of medical aids since my greatest fear is of becoming bedridden. But I went out and bought them anyway. I already have bars and railings all over the house, thanks to my Jack. I gave up my walking stick and therefore quit going outside the house. I began to watch babies to discover why they could walk but old folks cannot. The answer is fear and balance. No one ever tells a baby he can't walk. They don't know, so they keep trying. And if you notice, they hold their hands out to their sides to balance, old folks keep their arms close to their body. I also learned to use my wheel chair to go shopping. How freeing and what fun. When my dad began to take my mother with him everywhere, she said, "I can't even run my errands, I might as well be dead!"

Also, as I grow older, I reflect, and learn some truths; almost every thing in life is a decision. To be happy, I must decide to be happy. And therefore, I am. I must

decide not to sink in depression. When I discover a new loss, I learn to say, "on the other hand---

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As my short--

term memory flattens, I learn to recognize how my mind is improving, in other ways. For I have noticed that my skill in doing business is superb, and my imagination is unbelievable. I laugh a lot. Old time belly laughs. It's important to appreciate the gift of our bonus years.I have a very few friends. I let go of friends without feeling pain, when I realize they are not reciprocal---

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including the church. I ask new folks their names and ask them how to remember them. They come up with great words to associate with. And I am thankful for a long life with my Jack, my children, my friends, and my work. And I realize how much work I still have to do. I am concerned about so many poor people going into old age without the money to help them. I have enough money to keep my independence. I have Al, my driver, I have Stella and Joy to keep house 7 days a week, and I have an assistant to do anything else I need. I am independent. But I have Dodie to live with me along with 4 cats, 4 dogs, 11 sheep, one very old horse, and one donkey to keep him company. My mother's oldest sister Vivian and husband Bruce were taken care of by a neighbor across the street. Then when they died, those who inherited deeded Vivian and Bruce's house to those neighbors for their son and his family. Miracles happen all the time. One thing I know about being old, is that I need help, lots of help. I have four children. If Cecilia takes full responsibility for me, I have lost three. Now, they all take care of me: Dodie lives with me; Jack noticed when stayed home I got blue, so daily he drags me to the YMCA, the office and home again; Cynthia, from her Sedona perspective, comes up with solutions for my biggest problems; and Cecilia and I do social things, like visit Jack's sister, Betty, who is one of my all time favorites. Well, that's all about me I wish to share, at least this time. I find, in my old age, I have lost the ability to keep my past secret. In fact all the stories about my and Jack's past are simply stories. During those hard times, we survived. Well, I have gone on and on, and talked too much, and shared too much. But then what could you expect of an old woman?