Barbara Ann Jacobs

Barbara passed away at 4:00 AM, Wednesday in Seattle, August 22, 2012, at 79 years. She was born February 11, 1933 in Omaha, NE, the daughter of Oniebell Hoenshell Daniel and Dr. Kenneth Jay Daniel. Barbara is survived by husband Loyd D. Jacobs of Bellevue, son Paul David Jacobs and daughter Ann Elizabeth Jacobs, both of Redmond, six grandchildren and four great grand children. She was preceded in death by son John Russell Jacobs.

Fifteen Days

There were 15 days from detection of the lymphoma to her passing. The first knowledge of the presence of lymphoma came from a CT scan. Not until she went into the hospital eight days later did we start to know how serious it was.

It started with right back, kidney and abdomen pain. The CT scan revealed a kidney-to-kidney tissue mass in the abdomen, diagnosed as lymphoma, and later as Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. We waited six days for a biopsy to determine chemo treatment. This seemed acceptable, since there are over 80 forms of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, they are very treatable and most all progress slowly. The treatment is chemo and works rapidly.

For the following six days after the CT scan, she had difficulty breathing, could not lie down for very long or at all, tried to sleep with her head and arms on a raised bedside table sitting on the edge of the bed, before admittance to the hospital. She was miserable and worn out with no sleep.

We never got to chemo. The mass in the abdomen constricted urine flow and tubes installed to drain the kidneys did not work. The kidneys have to work to get the dead cancer cell out of the bloodstream. Nothing more could be done to save her life.

The doctors said obtaining the biopsy and starting treatment eight days earlier would have probably not made any difference in the outcome. We pray that is the case. Earlier treatment would have lengthened the process. The only blessing is that she had no pain and did not suffer long.

She had the most wonderful loving care. I could not more highly recommend the hospital care at Virginia Mason. Her entire Seattle area family said good-bye before she passed with daughter Ann and husband Loyd at her side.

We thank you for your prayers and loving support.

In lieu of flowers, donations are suggested to the Seattle Goodwill or the Lymphoma Research Society. The Seattle Goodwill, a favorite of Barbara’s, has an informational web site at www.seattlegoodwill.org and can be reached by mail at Seattle Goodwill, 1765 6th Ave S, Seattle, WA 98134. The lymphoma web site is www.lymphoma.org; mail to Lymphoma Research Foundation, 115 Broadway, Suite 1301, New York, NY 10006. Thank you.

Memorial Service

Our Neighbor’s Daughter Kris Olsen Officiating

Monday, August 27, 2012

Sunset Hills Memorial Park

Bellevue, WA

Welcome

On behalf of Barbara’s family, I would like to welcome you here today. Please know her family extends their deep gratitude for your heartfelt love and support in this difficult time. Your thoughtfulness and kindness have meant a lot to them.

Those of you who prefer to sit, please find a chair.

We have come together today to celebrate the life and mourn the death of Barbara Ann Jacobs, beloved wife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother, relative, and dear friend. We are here to honor Barbara as she was, to comfort one another, to remember the preciousness of life and to feel the good and necessary pain in this moment of saying goodbye.

As we process the passing of Barbara’s life, we design a beautiful tapestry, woven with the colorful threads of our memories and experiences with Barbara. We carry this tapestry in our hearts, in the spirit of thanksgiving for her life and to help us better understand the impact her life has had on us.

So our purpose this day is to remember what Barbara was to each of us. We want to remember her and the treasured times we drew from her in her love, strength and encouragement.

Opening Prayer

In acknowledgement of the preciousness of Barbara’s life, the difficulties we face in dealing with her loss, and the peace that can come before us, I say:

God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Thank you.

Letters to Barbara

Barbara’s family has written letters and remembrances to share with her and with you as she departs our world. With reverence and respect, I will share this first remembrance with you. These memories were written with love from her beloved husband, Loyd.

Loyd’s Remembrance and Letter

Barbara was known as Bobbie among family and close friends. Barbara's mother wrote in her baby book that "she was perfect in every way". She was my prize. I was so blessed to have her and our 55 years together.

During my recent work in the garden Barbara, would ask “ Did you see the bunny?” No, I had not seen the bunny. Early Wednesday morning, on my final trip home from the hospital, I saw the little bunny.

In my reflection on my dear Barbara, I will talk first about our journey together and then talk about what she provided for me and her family.

Our journey is from Lincoln, NE to Wichita, KS to here. We met at the University of Nebraska Physics department picnic. She was the student assistant to the department secretary, I, an incoming graduate student. Even though I took her home that night, we did not start dating until the second quarter.

My mom did not approve of Barbara. Also, her parents were not to keen about me. The rejection from my mom led her to take flight of Lincoln. She just vanished. I was frantic. I don't remember how, but I found her in Detroit. She came back and worked for Good Housekeeping in Des Moines, IA. Each weekend we commuted. It was bus to Lincoln for her, car to Des Moines for me.

Finally, she said it was either get married or move on. My decision was easy. I could not stand to lose her.

We were married in Des Moines. My mother was the only relative at the wedding. It was the most beautiful day on the trip back to Lincoln. The winter sky was clear with bright sunshine, fresh snow on the branches of the trees. It forecast our future. My mom was in the back seat.

It was wonderful to live with a loving partner.

We were kicked out of our first apartment in three months. She brought a beautiful red Pekingese given her at the construction company where she was working. We found out later that we had participated in a dog-napping.

We accepted a job with Boeing in Wichita. Instead of reporting immediately to Boeing after completing school, we went camping for two months until we ran out of money before reaching the Canadian Rockies.

Barbara nearly miscarried due to pot holes on the way to Glacier National Park. The instructions were to stay put and rest for two weeks. We set up our hammock.

A bear rampage caused a lots of damage to RV trailers and tents. The bear actually stood on its hind legs, hovering over us with only the tent between us and bit a hole in the tent. Bobbie also experienced a molestation attempt.

We finally reported. It is a wonder that the job was still there.

We visited my Indiana relatives with my mom. Uncle Sam, asked if she could cook. Her answer was something like "I can open a can". She became a good cook.

In our Wichita duplex we were sleeping on an air mattress on the floor. Pregnant with Paul, I had to help Barbara roll over and get up. My mom visited, took a look at that and sent a bed and mattress. Then, she sent us the bill in the mail.

Paul was born after 36 hours of labor.

When Paul was ten months old, we did an October-to-December assignment in Seattle. Paul was put in a crib behind the front seats and we were off. The aspens in Colorado had spectacular color. In contrast, it was a dark and rainy fall in Seattle. Being use to mid-west horizon-to-horizon mostly sunny skies, it was tough. I drove the car to work every day. Barbara was holed up in a rundown motel on Highway 99, North of the airport. We ate and cooked in the room. There were windows on only one of the four sides. How did she endure that?

Back in Wichita, we were shopping for plants at a nursery for our newly purchased house. Barbara was carrying John (our deceased son) and I was carrying plants. Two hours later, Ann was here. Whoopee! We were so happy to have a girl.

After a year in our new house, Boeing asked us to do a second temporary assignment in Seattle. Fifty years later we are (or were) still here, only now in our wonderful City of Bellevue.

We arrived in 1962 during the Seattle World’s Fair. The tall trees in the Sherwood Forest addition were spectacular. We survived the 86 mph winds of the Columbus Day storm and the eight days without power. Again, Barbara was at home every day without a car, now with three children. In addition, I would go night skiing with the Wichita group. Barbara made our first fondue. By the time I got home, it was like shoe leather.

Arthur Murray stubbed his to on us. Our dance lessons at the log cabin park on Bel-Red Road were a disaster.. She would have been OK without me. The only dancing we really enjoyed was the polka in Lincoln.

We bought our house in the Woodridge neighborhood in 1965.

We camped every year until well after the kids left the nest. Kalaloch (beach on the Washington coast) was our favorite place. Packing was the worst for her.

We came to Washington in a Rambler station wagon. Barbara would swing down the tail gate to make a table for a good roadside lunch.

In the early 70's, she received her nursing degree from Bellevue College. It was her second degree.

Barbara finally got her own car, a used '71 or '72 Nova, and finally her new little red '98 Accord, now with 39,000 miles.

When my mother passed away in 1995, we kept her house in Kansas. It was our vacation house near relatives.

A great joy was her daughter-in-law Kitty who came to visit us in Kansas for a week. Barbara said she could not have made a better choice for Paul. She also enjoyed my cousin Aaron's summer stay with us as an engineering intern with Boeing.

Barbara had a wonderful childlike way with her offspring. Calling Paul, she would say "this is Beastly Mother". For Ann it was "this is Mother Bear or Queen Mother". Ann was the "Princess of-Quit-A-Lot". To Paul’s children, she was “Chicken Grandma Bobbie - “bgirrk bruk bruk bruk“. Granddaughter Eliza was “the Lady in Waiting in the Royal Robe“. She said to grandson Hayden, “let me see your paws“. Hayden says, “Grandmother, I don’t have paws“.

Barbara loved the Goodwill. Here personal business card said “Gone Fishing. The Goodwill was part of here frugality. She enjoyed the hunt. The little treasures she found generally went to family.

Her favorite artist was Patsy Cline. We considered Patsy Cline music for this service!

At Christmas, the tradition was that each family member would be a special Santa for the person whose name they drew. Ann would rig things so she got Barbara as her special Santa, to insure receiving a treasure trove of Goodwill gifts. Barbara made sure the budget did not exceed $20.

Barbara was the brightest light in my life and our family. Her candle is now out. But the light endures. The warm light she shed reflects back-and-forth among us as loving principles to live by.

Now I want to talk about Barbara as the loving support provider of our family.

First of all, she always supported me. She always put herself secondary to the needs of me and the family. I, only now, realize how much she deprived herself. She always accompanied me in what I wanted to do. That included camping, cruising the back roads, photo trips and taking the long scenic route.

I spent and she saved. She always gave me encouragement and was glad to see me.

She was always simply what she was. There was no pretence of being something else. She accepted all.

I always knew she was a strong support and inspiration to our family. But it is only now, as I read the letters-to-Barbara that you are about to that I realize how much she was the heart and soul of our wonderful family.

She gave us life, love, joy and happiness. I love her. I miss her. Our love will endure forever.

I say goodbye Sweetheart as a chapter in life closes and a new chapter begins to open.

So be it (amen).

Paul’s Letter

I am still numb about Mom’s departure; words have been hard to find.

She was a woman of kind humor and practical wisdom. She was insightful about people and relationships. She had a way of putting things in context for the big picture view.

Mom practiced the principles of the Serenity Pray and was a joy to be around. She was a humble and generous soul. She always had praise for our efforts, interest in our activities, and support for us in our struggles. She endured many true confession hours and bit her tongue as we related the usually self-inflicted upsets in our lives.

She was a huntress. It had to be the right brand, at the right price. Never pay retail. Mom was always stopping by with treasure. She was like a proud cat that would drop it’s catch on your front door mat.

The boys always looked forward to seeing Grandma because she loved them, and because she had a sweet tooth.

1 Corinthians 13

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

She loved us well.

Ann’s Letter

Dear Mom,

Where to start?

I am mother-less and I feel small and lost. How can that be Mom? I am 50 years old and I feel five. Somehow, I thought I would be better prepared to say goodbye to you, but, I am not. I miss you terribly Mom. How do I express in a few words all that was you? Mother, wife, friend, nurse, student, daughter, confidant. You were all those things and so much more. It seems an impossible task. I don’t want to leave anything out. It’s all so precious now that you’re gone. And then I hear it loud and clear, your editor’s voice saying “simplify it Honey” and “too much information” and I realize I am not mother-less. You are with me always, still guiding me, oh so gently.

A few things I learned from you Mom….

Everything looks better with pretty napkins!

Never come empty handed.

Neighbors should act neighborly.

You don’t need jewels to feel like a Queen but a loving Grandmother who will spin a tale for you and wrap you up in a fuzzy blanket and pretend it’s your Royal Robe!

A week at the beach camping will make memories that last a lifetime.

When camping, be sure to bring Dinty Moore beef stew and a can of corn for a gourmet meal.

When your children and grandchildren come to visit, get off the phone, turn off the TV and tell them how glad you are to see them.

Lemon anything is divine!

Give your motherly advice and then let it go…. knowing that it’s their life, not yours.

Make your grandchildren feel like the most special people in the world.

Try not to burn your bridges, it’s hard to get back across.

When you walk in the door, have a smile on your face and a basket of treasures.

Just because you’re in pain does not mean you need to be a pain.

Keep your sense of humor with you at all times.

Thrift shopping is genetic!

I love you Mom!

Song

"Places I remember"

Family Sharing

Next, I would like to invite Kitty and the grandchildren to share their remembrances of Barbara.

Kitty

My thoughts about Bobbie.

Bobbie was such a wonderful woman and I am very blessed to have had such a wonderful mother-in-law. From the very first, Bobbie and Loyd welcomed me and Matt as part of their family with open arms. I remember the first time Bobbie told me she loved me. We had been talking on the phone and I told Paul when I hung up what she said. I can't remember his exact words but that it was a special thing when she did.

She always had a smile on her face and was always happy to see us. I can't remember a time when she came to visit that she didn't bring some kind of treasure she had found on her outings to the Goodwill or their trips to Rockaway. I can only imagine while she was looking for her treasure that she was like a kid trying to make up her mind about all the different choices she had while in the candy shop.

My words could never express how I felt about Bobbie, but I will miss her so very much.

She left us knowing how much we loved her!

Tim

I would like to share my greatest memories of Grandma Bobbie.

I didn’t know her as just Grandma Bobbie. My brothers and I knew her as Chicken Grandma Bobbie, because when we were younger, she would once or twice a month bring over chicken and we would be super excited. We would run to the door and say “its Chicken Grandma Bobbie!”

I always remember going over to Grandma’s and going right to the toy drawer. Grandma would always have some new little toys that would magically appear in the toy box from her treasure hunts at the Goodwill.

I remember Grandma taking me to Goodwill and we would spend the day there just looking at all the cool stuff and I would always get to pick one thing for her to buy me. I treasured those things then and so much more now. I loved how thrifty Grandma was. It seemed almost every time we saw Grandma, she would have some new treasure she found that she wanted to gift to us. If you were lucky enough to get “Grandma Goodwill gifts”, make sure to treasure them as much as Grandma Bobbie did.

Spending time at the condo in Oregon, I remember how much I loved going out there and playing on the beach, eating good food, flying our kites, playing shuffle board in the game room, and best of all, going to the Tillamook cheese factory.

My family and I are going to miss Grandma Bobbie very much. She has impacted our lives in so many different ways and I am so proud to call her “my grandma“. I will continue to make her proud by working hard, going to school, and loving my family. I love you Grandma and you will always be in my heart.

David

In loving memory of Grandma Bobbie.

Over the past three to four years I've had the opportunity and privilege to spend week's, sometimes months over at my grandparents house. I would come over early in the morning and most days, stay late into the afternoon. Yard work was in demand, and boy they sure have plenty of it! Since I would stay all day, Grandma would make sure I was well feed. She would make breakfast, lunch, and dinner almost everyday of the week, not to mention the mid-afternoon and ever so popular "Root Beer Float." It was so nice to have home cooked meals and great conversation. I would have to say she spoiled me with all the food and dessert I could have ever hoped for. I think Grandpa even put on a few pounds during this time - ha, and lets just say that we were never disappointed. Besides three meals a day, snacks, and root beer floats, Grandma would even go so far as to send me home with everything she felt I needed, and most of the time I did.

Other than Christmas and holidays spent with the family, my personal favorite moment with Bobbie was during the time I spent doing yard work, when she told me to quit working, come in and sit down for a cold drink. She was very careful to make sure I wasn't over-worked. At the dinner table, the conversation was about family, loved ones and our history. Out of nowhere she magically pulled out a box! Two to three hours later, I had heard about, seen pictures of and had been informed about family members I never knew existed, including a very young and stunning "Grandma Bobbie" I'd never seen before. She must have only been 4-to-6 years old. She was beautiful!!!! Let me just say that the love and passion Grandma had for this family was amazing. It was a very inspiring moment in my life that I will never forget; just me, Grandma, a big box of old past-to-present nick-knacks and photos, and a great meaningful, loving conversation.

Grandma you are and will forever be one of the most loving, caring, giving, and graceful humans I have ever had the opportunity to know. I feel lucky that I am blessed by God to be your grandson.

If I could have just spent one more day with you "Bobbie Jacobs", I wish that we could have just sat over some nice cold root beer floats and talked about life and what is new at the Goodwill. Ha-ha.

You will always and forever be remembered, loved and missed.

Matt

Grandma Bobbie

Where do I start; Like others, I’m deeply saddened by our loss and at times have struggled to put my emotions into words.

For me, knowing Grandma was more than a privilege, it was part of God’s plan and my destiny. Both Grandma and Grandpa took me in as if I was one of their own. From day one they treated me as though they had been in my life since the day I was born.

I have to admit when I was just a young 14 year old, my new family and the life ahead intimidated me; but there was always one person that knew how to make me feel at home. Grandma Bobbie’s beautiful loving smile was always comforting to me and gave me the sense that everything would be OK.

Similar to my brother, one of my favorite memories of Grandma Bobbie was spending a good majority of my summer working with Grandpa in the yard. Like David said, life was pretty good during that summer. Grandma made breakfast every morning, lunch in the afternoons and dinners in the evening. But, what I enjoyed the most about those long days was the time I was able to spend just chatting with Grandma. She would tell me stories about their yearly trips to Kansas and Oregon and about her love for watching the birds. Knowing someone who loved the little things so much is a great testament to life and how we should really enjoy it.

All that being said, I have to say my most fond memory of Grandma Bobbie was her incredible support for me to go to college. Earlier I mentioned that knowing Grandma was not just a privilege but also a part of my destiny. Both Grandma and Grandpa encouraged us to go to college, but from a young age I was never really sure about it and lingered around the local community college taking a few classes here and there. Eventually the time came to have a conversation with Grandma and Grandpa about transferring out of state to a university. I will never forget the big smile Grandma had on her face and her tremendously supportive words. She was so excited that I was actually going to finish my degree. Without Grandma and Grandpa, I would have never gone to school and I would not be the man I am today.

I am not just thankful for everything that both Grandma Bobbie and Grandpa Loyd have done for me and my beautiful wife, but rather deeply touched by their willingness and loving nature to accept me as a grandson.

We will miss Grandma, but she will always be remembered in our hearts as one of the most loving and caring people we’ve known.

From both Alysse and I, thank you for everything and we love you both!

Memories

Now it is time for us to share special memories we have of Barbara.

To begin, I will share a memory with you. I grew up across the street from Barbara and sometimes our families celebrated the fourth of July together. I remember her loving kindness and enthusiasm as we children played with sparklers in her back yard.

Now, if any of you has a special memory about Barbara that you would like to share, I would like to invite you to stand where you are and to share that favorite memory with us. In honor of our time together today, I encourage you to be brief, sharing your memory in just a sentence or two.

And as living memories, each of us possesses the greatest gift one person can give another. It is to each of us, then, to our hearts and minds that the living memories of Barbara’s life are committed. May these memories and those unspoken nourish you and keep Barbara with you.

Lowering of the Casket

And now it is time to lay to rest the body of Barbara Ann Jacobs. We dedicate this plot, amid these natural surroundings, to every beautiful and precious memory associated with Barbara.

In humility and awe, before death and nature, we stand now to show our respect and our love for Barbara and to say our private farewells.

Song

"The heart will go on"

Closure

We are profoundly glad that Barbara lived. We are glad that we saw her face and felt the glow of her friendship and love. We cherish the memory of her words, her deeds and her character.

Carrying her thus in our hearts, let us now proceed in comfort and in peace, assured that even in this time of loss and sorrow, life remains precious and good.

May we also on this day rekindle in our hearts an appreciation for the gifts of life and other persons. Let us honor the life of Barbara by living, ourselves, more nobly and loving in the days ahead. As you return to the routines of your lives, go in love, and may an abiding peace go with you.