Lynda Mary Duggan

Lead in Song –It’s a Wonderful World

All seated

Thank you all for joining Rick, Rhianna, and I today to recall and celebrate the life of my Mum, Lyn.

Lynda Mary Dunford was born on December 23rd, 1926, and she quietly left us on November 10th, 2022. There is a poem that says that it is the dash between those dates that are the most important and I am very pleased to say that Mum’s dash spanned 95 years, 10 months, and 19 days. Not everyone gets to experience life for this length of time and so I believe that even though all these days may not have been memorable, collectively this span of 35, 022 days as a sibling, wife, mother, and grandmother who was kind to all is most definitely worth celebrating.

For Lyn, growing up in a small village in Wales, the front doors were always open with family and neighbours coming and going throughout the day and lots of gossip being shared. The family struggled through the depression with Lyn’s father being in and out of work in the coal mines, so being the second eldest in a family of 6 children, Lyn was forced to mature at an early age. At age 14 Lyn had to quit school as the family could not afford to pay the costs and so she went to work in the Woolworths store as a cashier in a local village, By age 17, WWII had begun, and the family was really struggling to get by but with Mum’s strong work ethic and commitment she had become Head Cashier and was earning full time wages to support the household.

In her early 20’s Lyn won some money in the Irish Sweepstakes, which was enough to pay off the family home, install all new carpeting, buy a wedding ring for her older sister, and purchase a fur coat for herself. Always thinking of others first, Mum would prioritize all possible needs and take care of them in order of importance.

When Mum and Dad were courting, they decided to emigrate to Canada. I suspect it was because my Dad’s Aunt and Uncle had recently moved to Toronto and were raving about the opportunities available to them here in Canada. Apparently, it was my Mum who wanted to emigrate so right after their wedding in September 1957, they sailed from Liverpool to Montreal on the Empress of France to start their married life halfway around the world from the life they had known. Dad wasn’t able to get work for the first 4 months, so Mum took on multiple jobs performing house cleaning and factory work and eventually became a bank teller while Dad did odd jobs. Within a few short years they became Superintendents managing the repairs, rentals, and cleaning for fourteen apartment buildings in the east end of Toronto. Hard work and determination led to them put a down payment on their own home in Bramalea in 1965. By this time Dad was driving for the Airline Limousines and Mum had found employment at Nothern Telecom. A few years later Mum was convinced that due to some unexpected weight loss she must have developed cancer or something equally serious and was shocked to find out she was pregnant at age 39. Dedicating her time to raising me, Mum became a housewife and mother for the first 12 years of my life.

When I started middle school, Mum decided to go back to work part time in a local school as a Lunch Lady. Eventually she went to work for the City of Brampton as an Adult Page in the local public library where she shelved books until her retirement in 1993. After Lyn’s retirement she gained a new title of Grandma to Rhianna in 1996 and the two of them formed a special bond.

Mum’s life may seem uneventful and ordinary, but each step in her journey shaped who she was. Mum was a very private person and didn’t volunteer details about her many life events so I can only guess how certain moments impacted and shaped the person she became.

When I was young it was Mum who taught me the value of money. When we would go on our occasional Saturday visit to K-Mart Mum would let me know if I could buy something and what my budget was as there would be no negotiation and I knew she meant it. I didn’t realize at the time that Mum would go without something for herself to ensure that I had that bit of pocket money to spend or that if we went to MacDonald’s for a treat, I could have the hamburger and fries while Mum and Dad shared a coffee because there wasn’t enough money for all of us to eat a meal.

Mum wrote letters home to both families weekly and for 10 years after they emigrated, she would sneak a dollar in the envelope for her own parents and she never told my dad. The guilt of leaving home to have opportunities for a life of her own was lessened by this self-imposed sense of obligation.

I was about 4 years old when Mum told me that she had never had a birthday party because her birthday was so close to Christmas and her family couldn’t afford to celebrate for any of the family members. On December 23rd I would always insist on making a fuss about Mum’s birthday and made sure she had at least one gift and a cake for her special day which we managed to do right up until her 95th birthday. Even the year I spent Christmas in Wales, I had her gifts wrapped and arranged for dad to get a cake just so her birthday wasn’t forgotten.

During their years living in Toronto, Mum and Dad made many friends and so our Canadian family grew over time. At Christmas time visits would be scheduled between the 15th and the 24th of December to exchange small gifts. I can remember driving across the 401 in our little black Volvo singing Christmas carols as the snow fell across the headlights and if I listen closely, I can still hear Mum’s beautiful voice, soft and clear, singing Silent Night. It is a memory I will always cherish.

Even when these friends got older and lost partners and had no children to check in on them Mum would keep in touch to make sure they knew someone cared. Mum also made sure that no one was alone for any holiday. Mum was selfless and was always trying to help someone else, whether that be a sympathetic ear, a home cooked meal or a good laugh.

My mother was described to me as “a very dignified and regal woman” by someone who met her when she was 90 and I thought to myself, “you have no idea who you are talking about!” As much as Mum loved to be seen as prim and proper, she had a wicked sense of humour and it could appear out of nowhere. I got a phone call from Rhianna’s daycare when she was 3 and a half. The psychologist on staff was concerned about the fact that Rhianna had recited to her classmates a poem she had recently learned and I had to choke back a laugh when I heard the accusatory tone in the woman’s voice. The problem was I knew exactly what poem she was referring to and I knew who had taught it to Rhianna. My suspicions were correct when Mum seemed unphased by my description of the phone call I received, and she then proceeded to chuckle at me when I asked her what she had to say for herself.

The difficult part of Mum’s life for me was when she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. I knew then that the woman I had admired for her quiet strength and determination was no longer with us. Her grace and poise were intact but the thoughts and memories were getting jumbled and I silently wept when she expressed confusion about how she remembered different life events. The mentally focused, strong and capable woman that guided and cared for her family was now dependent on others for daily support and it was difficult to come to terms with.

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw how much fun Mum and Rhianna would have together during the last few months. I know I will miss hearing the giggles but all I need to do is look into Rhianna’s eyes and see that familiar twinkle of fun and I know Mum is still close. Mum’s legacy is found in her family. The love and caring, poise and grace, empathy and cheekiness lives on in her granddaughter. and for that I am truly grateful.

The Committal

The physical reality of Mum has gone but the spirit that has moved on is greater because of her life and experiences. In her passing we must remember that while we are here, our task is to live our life fully, to seek happiness and fulfillment and to love each other.

Lyn is safe. She is already through the barrier and has moved on to another place to experience whatever joy awaits her there but, for us, it is important to say this final farewell to her body as we commit it to its natural end.

Mum we wish you well and thank you for being a part of our lives. We honor your life on Earth and we wish for you peace on your journey.

Prayers

Please bow your heads in prayer:

We pray for ourselves and for Lyn

We stand where Earth and Heaven meet,

Where life is brought to death

Deliver us from grief, fear and doubt,

From despair and unbelief,

And bring us to the light of your presence.

Grant us that peace which the world cannot give

So that we, with Lyn may trust in you

And find our life through you.

Lord, you renew the face of the Earth,

Gather to yourself Lyn whom we have loved,

And grant her those things

Which eye has not seen, nor ear heard,

Nor the human heart imagined.

Watch over us this day - and all days.

Give us the strength to accept what is past,

To appreciate what is present

And to look forward to good in our future.

Grant us peace; sacred moments of communion with the Universe

And faith - in whatever most expresses our deepest inner truth.

Bless us and heal us; breathe peace and grace into our lives

Amen.

Closing words

We have been remembering with love and gratitude a life that was important - and honoring life itself.

‘What can I do to mark this moment?’ you may ask. You can help, support and love those who remain. You can allow them to cry; to grieve; to laugh and to remember. Grief takes its own time to work itself through but it is easier with friends who allow it to be what it needs to be.

And you can bless each day that you live and live it to the full in honor of life itself - and of Lyn. We take life so very much for granted but it is the greatest gift we have.

My last words to Mum was that I promise to be okay. I promise to take care of Rhianna and Rick and with all of the love and support from our friends and family I am certain that I can accomplish that promise to her.

Blessing

Please bow your heads with me in our final blessing:

Lyn, the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you.

The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.

So then, go in peace, and the God of all peace go with you.

Amen

Pall Bearers called to step in

Final Song: You Raise Me Up

* * * * * * * * * *

On Thursday, November 10th, at the age of 95, Linda Duggan (nee Dunford) passed away. She closed her eyes in sleep surrounded by family and holding her daughter’s hand. Linda, known to all that loved her by Lyn, was an incredibly compassionate and loving woman. She carried herself with grace and elegance followed by a wisp of humor. The second daughter of Francis Walter and Lillian May Dunford (nee Jones), Lyn was born in Penrhiwfer, South Wales, UK, where she grew up with her parents and five siblings.

As a young woman Lyn fell in love with Donald Duggan (pre-deceased) and after a short courtship they wed in 1957, embarking on a new journey together. Leaving Wales, they emigrated to Canada and settled in Toronto working as building superintendents. In 1965 they moved to their own little house in Bramalea. A few years later Lyn and Don welcomed a beloved baby girl, and their family was complete. Lyn has always been a compassionate friend to many, inviting them into her home to share a meal and warm conversation, especially during the holidays. Lyn was a conscientious and hardworking woman, being both soft mannered and strong willed, a combination very few have mastered.

Lyn is survived by her loving daughter Donna-Lee, son-in-law Rick and treasured granddaughter Rhianna, her sister Kay (Mike) and extended family and friends. Lyn is predeceased by her sisters Eirwen, Norma, Denise, and brother Ken.

Many thanks to the Region of Peel 911 and Paramedic Services, Brampton Palliative Care team and the staff at Greenway Retirement Village who showed compassion and respected Lyn’s dignity.

To honour Lyn’s memory please perform a kind act of service for someone in need.