Bernard Chayut

Bernard Chayut

Legacy, the definition I found that resonated for me…

“Sum of personal values, accomplishments and actions that resonate with the people around you. It’s how you made a difference in the world, whether that’s building a Fortune 500 company or always putting a smile on peoples’ faces. “

My dad has a lot of qualities that resonated with me that slowly uncovered itself as I became older and took on more adult responsibilities. But there’s no doubt that his “smile” was infectious and part of his lasting legacy. He didn’t have to chew your ear off and never did. Always happy to listen if you had something you wanted to share; and most of the time, he’d get my sense of humor.

He’s a Brooklyn boy who had one sister and parents who loved him so much they kept him home until he was 30 something years old. In fairness, he did get drafted into the Korean War at 19, was stationed in Japan and actually fought in Korea. Promoted all the way up to Corporal and guaranteed Sergeant if he elected to go into “Officer’s Training School.” Well, it’s not what he wanted after 2.5 years and rushed to get back home with his family. His short stint at Brooklyn College and aspirations to become a Dentist cut short after 1.5 years. Coming back home had him comfortably slide back in alongside his dad who was a Plumber. Given his “handy” nature and previous experience with my Grandpa (who I called “Pop”) prior to the war, he decided to continue with the plumbing “legacy.” Eventually, he became the CFO or figurer of the jobs profitability since my Grandpa flew by the seat of his pants.

Fast forward a few years and he met this Canadian gal of 25 years old. Within a date or two he told her” I’m gonna marry you” and he was no stranger to engagements having had two previous engagements he broke off. This time he really meant it and somehow he won her over and they were married 6 months later. Still trying to figure out the economics of raising a family they pushed off having a kid until 4 years later. They were a bit worried about providing the right kind of life for the almost me…..and didn’t feel their finances would extend to a bigger family. So, mom kept working where she could as a bookkeeper locally and dad tried to piece together some options before going out on his own as a Plumber. The next step would be to get his license which was something my grandfather never pursued. My mom would give him the right kind of push and by the time I was seven years old, he passed all the parts and had now earned the title of “licensed master plumber.”

A really impactful story comes to mind that encapsulates the type of man he was. It starts with the plumbing supply house and a bunch of other plumbers shooting the shit and talking smack about different jobs. My dad overheard the conversation and knew these fellas were barking up the wrong plumbing tree. But he listened, offered a comment here and there BUT kept his credentials to himself. I remember asking him if these other plumbers were licensed and he said they were not. I also asked him if he then told them that he was…and he said “no.” “Why not Dad” I asked. And he said because it was enough that he felt good about what he accomplished and didn’t see any value in sharing. Man did that stick with me !

It was a sign of his character – never one to flaunt an accomplishment, always easy to share a smile, never lived above his means and didn’t ask much from anyone the majority of his life. He shared his love in a way that was unique – less words, big smile, warm green eyes. He loved his wife beyond words, his daughter-in-law who became a daughter to him, his grandkids Luke and Brooke and his only son me. It meant so much to feel his pride as he would ask me the simple questions of “how’s it going at the place”? And he would nod his head with so much love and pride as I yapped about some of the goings on.

The 40+ years of smoking, even though he quit, developed into severe COPD that jeopardized his ability to stay strong physically. He sadly became more sedentary and relied on my mom to help him through these last few years. We made a mad dash these last 6 weeks between two 1 week hospital stays and roughly 3+ weeks in nursing home/rehab in the hopes he’d regain some strength. But after fighting off a variety of serious ailments with some success, it was simply too much for his body to recover from.

Almost 92 years old is a long time for most of us and it wasn’t enough time for me. I’ll miss that powerful, non-vocal love that permeated the air between us. It’ll always feel to me like he was taken from me too soon. Tremendous role model of how to be a “good husband” and a “great father” and someone I could always count on. He’s my moral compass as there is no husband or father more loyal and gracious in the ways he shared his love. His legacy is not defined by some tremendous financial or material success. It’s a legacy of love, loyalty, humbleness and the way he touched other humans that has true meaning.

I will miss you forever dad.

Donations may be made in honor of Bernard to the American Lung Association

https://action.lung.org

A graveside service for Bernard will be held Sunday, August 25, 2024 from 12:30 PM to 1:15 PM at Beth Israel Cemetery, 1098 Woodbridge Center Dr, Woodbridge Township, NJ 07095.