Dear doctora. I think of you often. I am forever grateful. I miss you and I always will.

Olivia

Ps. I have a little something for both daughters but i don't have your contact information nor your names.
I am not sure if you can send a private message using this app?

Dr Parnell had an emense impact on my life. I am eternally grateful for her years of service.  Thank you.

i am in shock. this is unacceptable. she was the only person in 50+ years i knew who could see things so clearly. she had a way of cutting to the truth. i have learned from her. i would scrawl down busily any/every word she said to capture her nuggets of wisdom. i kept texting and emailing and was receiving no response. i finally googled her, and then to see the obituary. So Sad. if there is one thing she taught me it was to lean into my intuition; she did it so well. i cannot imagine the remainder of my years without her wisdom, guidance, insight.

One of the loveliest memories I have is a from week at Stowe VT in a New Directions creative writing workshop.  We were supposed to turn to the person to the left of us and write about what we saw. I turned to Gay and tried to describe her blue eyes that were so beautiful but more than the beauty, what stayed with me all these years and will be with me to my last breath, was her deep compassion. She was the most loving, sentient being. Both my husband John and I loved her.
Sheila Felberbaum

I was moved by Dr. Parnell's memorial yesterday.  It was so uplifting to hear the various stories and feelings of loss from loving family and friends, admiring therapist cohorts, and clients who were so deeply touched.  As a long-time attendee at her consultation groups, I was fascinated to learn of other remarkable skills (the artist, the musician).  I heard she played the piano and I wished I had asked what she played.  I have played piano my whole life and didn't know we had that love of piano in common.  It was such a blessing for those of us who loved and admired her to gather in honoring her many gifts to us.

Gay was an extraordinary woman.   
Sending sympathy and loving thoughts to her family on this day.

Gay and I married in Waco, Texas as young college students when she was 19 and I was 20.  We had a beautiful daughter, Dana ,and had some good years together.  We had several gab sessions with friend and fellow students, seated in circular fashion in our small home there in Waco, pontificating and being sure that we were the fount of knowledge and wisdom.  Sometings, these discussion sessions would go into the night.  Good memories.  I'm recalling that the literal meaning of the term sophomore means wise fools.  All too often that would be the case with us in retrospect.  Home owner profound realizations:  never carpet your living room floor with white carpet.  Gay and I maintained contact sparodically through the years, and had  deep respect for each other.  Just knowing that she is no longer physically with us leaves a hole in my heart.  May she rest in peace and realize all of her unanswered questions.  She was a lovely person who lives on in my heart.  

I would like to have had Gay Parnell as a friend. I know she was a forever friend, the kind of friend we all like and love. However, she was the ultimate professional with great integrity, so I was only her patient.  How fortunate for me that I was. She enriched my life and will forever be doing so.  I thank her constantly and miss her, but that wonderful voice, filled with her wisdom, her dry humor and her most often unsaid guidance, is there for me.  Lucky me and so many others.  

I wish her family wonderful memories for comfort in their loss and hope they feel the love sent to them from all who were in Gay’s life. 


Gay shared herself. Her wisdom and actions helped improve my life. May we all be as beneficial to others.

My condolences for her family and friends. She was my first teacher at Alliant, coming to the US from Japan just one day before my gradschool. My classmates felt like she can see through us just by hearing a word or two. After the completion of the class, I asked her to by my therapist and I saw her on and off for 19 years. She had witnessed and helped me through becoming a psychologist, get married, and have two children. I was very sad when she was retiring but when she insisted I start seeing someone she had trusted, I think she somehow knew she could die and it came from her deepest care for me. She was very intuitive. I’m in tears thinking of her. She was one of the smartest person I have known. She was a very caring feminist. She was an anti-racist. She had cultural humility. She talks about her narcissism but she had been open about her possible lack of understanding in my culture and “needing to seek supervision.” Needless to say she had helped me grow as a person, and she continues to do so (I think of what would Dr. Parnell say?), but also I hope I can keep a small part of her wisdom and she would allow me to assist others as a psychologist learning from her. I know she had touched many lives of people directly as their psychologist/analyst, through supervision, and through training and raising psychologists like me. I’m beyond grateful I had an honor of having her in my life.

Gay Carol was my step-mother's niece.  She visited us several times in her life and she and my step-mother were very close in early years.  Her parents were frequent visitors and I revered them both.  I remember vividly that her father ("D.M") was very proud of her accomplishments in life.  

Oh how I will miss her wisdom, guidance and her calming voice. I will forever hear her voice, with that bit of southern drawl, in my mind.  I am truly grateful she is a part of my life story.   

With all best wishes and condolences to her family,

Linda Hansen

I just learned Gay died. Just like her not to let me know. 

My wife, Margaret, and I and Sally Hall just had lunch with her a few months ago. We always cracked each other up. She was in our book club for many years. 

We  had a lot of mutual patients. We would both say, "I know just the person for you." Our mutual patients were always grateful for her fierce, intelligent help and collaboration. 

She reached out to me when my mother in law died. Gave me support before I knew I needed it. 

When we were together , we would regress, and our friends would not know whether to laugh or hide under the table. 

I will miss you. All my best to your family and friends. 

We all lose a loving spirit. 

The world doesn't lose a light, it loses a firecracker. 

My beloved mentor has died. We met in 1988 in San Diego. Although Gay was a Texan she lived the majority of her life in San Diego. I am a San Diego native who has lived for over two decades in Texas.  When I was last there in October I was fortunate to have had a luxuriously long conversation with her. She was still seeing patients in her 80’s—no new ones, but the old ones wouldn’t leave! She taught me so much. She was my professor, my supervisor, my mentor and for a while my therapist. Always my advocate, and a major inspiration to become a psychoanalyst. An amazing woman who taught me the lens of object relations and, aside from my own mother, influenced me most In my own role of mom.  My heart hurts knowing she is gone.

https://youtu.be/ceX5jJ5fggs

She was so generous. This is how it feels like to think of her.

Gay was a wonderful friend. We saw each other through many highs and lows. She was extremely supportive when my husband was ill and lifted both of our spirits.  I loved her Southern humor and laugh, and she always had an interesting take on world events. We enjoyed art and music together.  Gay did not suffer fools gladly and always stood up for what she believed. She was an amazing and talented woman on so many levels. I will miss her always. 

My mother was amazing and I loved her very much. I have lots of pictures of us together, but this picture from my wedding shows her in a truly pure space. She was beaming - I love how happy she was on this day.

During my time at CSPP in the early 90’s I was blessed to have many outstanding supervisors and professors. Gay Parnell was by far my favorite and had a tremendous impact on the clinician and person I grew to be. That is a debt I can never repay. I will miss her wisdom, incredible insight, compassion, and simply the way she had interacting with people. My condolences to her family, however her legacy will live on in all the people’s lives she touched…

I was so shocked to hear of Gays death, we texted each other the week before planning on visiting each other when COVID calmed down. “ Just get here and I’ll take care of everything else” she wrote.
My husband John and I met Gay when I just began at New Directions in the summer program at Stowe, Vermont. We both fell in love with her. She was a compassionate, kind and sharp witted woman and I will miss her greatly.
I will post two collages one from that first summer and another at different times. Also I include a copy of an essay written by Gay I will submit the other part of it  in another post. 

It is Very Narcissistic

It is very narcissistic! Well, I have been called worse. I want to talk about the end
of me, not all of me, not death or even illness but the end of the self I have valued
most. The end of my ego ideal. I can imagine death but I can't imagine the end of that
me. When folks asked about when I would retire, I used to joke that I would retire
when a young man stood at my office door and said,
"Dr. Parnell, my name is Scott Boles. I am your office partner and the fact that you
don't know who I am means you have to go home."
Who will I be when I don't go to the office? Who will I be when I don't have an
office phone? I've loved my profession, all of it. I loved knowing the magic of being a
witness to life changing events. I cannot imagine anything more enriching as a
profession except perhaps helping babies get born, but even then the contact is so
short that I have to prefer my job instead. I felt important in my job.
It was surprising to me that people would listen to me as a teacher. It still is. But Ihave counted on those good opinions to bolster my self-esteem. I would reread my evaluations and treasure the idealization. Supervision was even more satisfying. It was personal or in a small group and I felt valuable, like I was the mechanic for some
fine-tuned machine that was going to go out and do good things. 


Looking at the picture of Gay above, standing next to a strong and aging tree, the words of the ancient Psalmist come to my mind.
"She is like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all she does , she prospers..."
Gay loved nature. Her garden was an oasis filled with plants, trees and a waterfall.
Gay loved life as she cared for her family, especially for her grandsons and her animals.
Gay loved her work as she provided a safe place for insight, guidance and compassion for patients as well as colleagues.
I was privileged to share offices with her and  to be part of a  writing group with her.
Thank you, Gay! Your journey is finished and we miss you but we have prospered. Now rest in peace from your labors!


My deepest condolences to Gay’s friends and family.  I remember Gay as a warm and centered presence, a southern accent, a discerning glance, a head tilt and a raised eyebrow followed by a full-body laugh.  I knew her as a teacher, a supervisor, and a dissertation committee most valued participant.  I felt deeply saddened to hear she had struggled the past couple of years and will always hold her fondly in my thoughts.

Gay was a brilliant woman with a complex, highly creative mind. She was deeply committed to the practice and teaching of psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, and was a sought after teacher and supervisor, as well as friend and colleague at CSPP and SDPSI for decades. As a multi-talented person -  a pianist, painter, and writer – she pursued many interests both locally and abroad with unflagging energy, and great determination. Gay had an unflagging interest in the mind and in relationships, always searching to get to the truth of things as she could understand it. As such, she has contributed enormously to the practice and culture of psychodynamically oriented treatment as it lives on in her former colleagues, patients and students. She was a devoted friend, lived her life to the fullest, and encouraged others to do the same. I will miss her a lot, but feel very grateful for our memories.  

We love and miss you more than words can express,
Dana, Spencer, and Addison

Gay was our beloved professor, supervisor and colleague at CSPP in the 1980’s. She was brilliant, engaged, absolutely hilarious and generous.  She loved her vocation and shepherded many us to deepen our work  and honesty with ourselves in it. She inspired us, entertained and challenged us and deepened so many of us over all these years. Thank you my friend and may you Rest In Peace. 

I was so sorry to learn of Dr. Parnell's passing.  I have been lucky to have many people who shaped my way of doing therapy and blessed to have Dr. Parnell as a major mentor.  I have done several supervision groups with here over the last 20 years, including a present group.  She had an infective sense of humor, presented her ideas with amazing clarity, tied the ideas of the meeting together by noting similarities in the different cases presented, and did it all with a charismatic flavor (charisma in a good sense!).  I relished the intellectual stimulation and was fascinated by Dr. Parnell's perspective about people's inner worlds.  I didn't have any classes with Dr. Parnell but had several interactions outside the supervision groups where Dr. Parnell helped me wade thru complicated interactions and the resulting disorientation.  She was very giving of her time, thoughtful in her responses, and hugely helpful to me.  I spoke in one of our groups about a psychologist peer and friend who had committed suicide, and Dr. Parnell went out of her way to be supportive and help me sort thru my feelings.  I hope there is some comfort for family and close friends to know others treasured Dr. Parnell too, that her death is a great loss to many.  I am eternally grateful for the many ways Dr. Parnell touched my life and will miss her greatly.  Thoughts and prayers to her family and friends.  Mickey Suozzo

To family and friends,
Gay Parnell, my therapist of nineteen years, passed away last week.  Although they hurt, the waves of pain I feel overwhelm me with gratitude for her.    Gay helped me to search for and find  an exceptionally full and real life.  She will be with me for the rest of my days.    I know she is all of this and more to her family and friends. 
Marc

I was driving on hwy 94 when a Volkswagen van honked at me. It was the beginning of a relationship of nearly 50 years. I will always love her.

xoxo Ann Swanson-beautiful spirit-Peace and Grace to your family

Dr. Reece, Lia, and family

condolences for your loss.  I am grateful for the time I had with this very gentle and strong soul. I wish I could explain more.  There just are not adequate words to describe what Dr. Parnell did for me over the years and how much I will miss her.

Best Wishes,

Dr. Paul Croarkin 


Dear Lia and Dana,

I’m so sorry for your loss.  Although I only knew your mother for a short time, she became a very good friend and welcomed me into the family so graciously.  She had an incredible smile and zest for life.  I’m sure she and Doug are shaking things up together again.  She will be missed and her spirit will forever live in those that loved her and those she loved.  Again my sincere condolences and a reminder that she is never far.  Love to you both and your families.

Brenda Carter

Sad to hear of Gays passing. Grateful for her bringing the Parnell family together a few years back. She was a generous person and very entertaining to visit with. I hope things get better for her family. 

OBITUARIO

Gay Carol Parnell

27 agosto, 1939 – 28 diciembre, 2021

El Camino Memorial - Encinitas

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