Melanie's friend's mom just passed away. 
Melanie's friend is no more than 14 or 15. 

I can't imagine what they're going through. 

I can't stop thinking about you. When my head slows down , it automatically thinks of you. 

Once October hits, there's just a constant reminder of your death.

I don't know how to celebrate your life. I just seem to keep celebrating your death.

I thought that it would get easier. 
But it's getting more difficult.

Everything has just gotten worse since you left.
and I'm angry at you for that...

...Sorry for being angry at you for being dead. 
you know...typical Jenny making everything about herself...

Sometimes I wish I could disappear. 
Actually sometimes I feel like I'm already disappearing. 

Rest easy.

Jen

Living is painful so I find some solace in the fact that you're resting. 

you're gone but never forgotten

Melanie had a competition this past weekend at Virginia Beach.

As the team finished their performance, they got off the stage and then the announcer called for everyones attention to the screen. 

They then started playing videos of kids with cancer and asking for donations and right there and then I broke down.

I tried to control myself but I couldn't. I cried. 
I'm sorry that you went through what you did. It's unfair. 
Love you.

Jen

There are new babies. 
Babies that you'll never meet. 
Babies that have a little bit of you in them.
Babies that the family loves like you couldn't believe.
I'm hoping that you're watching over these babies. 
You would have been the best Uncle.

Thinking of you.

There are babies on the way that you'll never meet. 

I hope that they have a little bit of you in them. 

I see you in Melanie's smile sometimes. 
Or in Charlie's cheeks. 

Miss you and love you. I promise to never forget you and I promise to make sure that you live on in my kids minds as well. You're with us, always.

Your parents bought a house and I couldn't be prouder. Tio works his ass off and your mom deserves the best of the best. And it feels a little bit full circle because the house is on Tudor Oaks which is the neighborhood that you guys grew up at. It's bittersweet because there's a ton of memories of you in that neighborhood. I'm really truly happy for them. Also, in moving to this new townhouse, they were able to help out another family that is near and dear to me and so that means the world to me. I just want them to be happy and I know that it's not easy for them to feel happy when you're gone. Love you primo. Wish you were here.

Today is the anniversary of your death. This video was two weeks before you died. Shedding some tears for you today. I love you and miss you. I'm heartbroken. 

I mentioned you to your dad today and I instantly regretted it.  I want to be able to mention you and to talk about you but it is very painful for everyone. And I'm not saying that it's not painful for me but I would much rather mention you and bring you up every single chance that I can to make sure that your memory lives strong instead of avoiding you. 

I supposed that I'll keep trying.

It's hot chocolate weather and 7-11 Hot Chocolate makes me think of you. We went there once. You were craving it. Love primo. You're still very much a part of me. You're constantly on my mind. 

I donated in your memory today. It's for a foundation that was made in honor of a young boy that died suddenly.

Starting in October it gets tough. It's difficult to celebrate Kim's birthday since it would have been your birthday as well.  

November gets even worse. It seems pointless and low-key rude to celebrate anything because it feels like we're not mourning.

I'm sorry that you're not here. I miss you and I love you and I hope that I get to see you again. I've never felt pain that has lasted this long. Every time that I think about you I starting tearing up. And I have still not visited your grave. I don't think that I will be able to visit your grave anytime soon. 

love you primo

It's getting closer to November. I think about you a lot. There are babies on the way that will never meet you and that devastates me. Whenever we pass by Fairfax, I think of you. Whenever we watch soccer games, I think of you. Whenever we work on hospital projects (which is often) I think about you. I love you primo. I should have loved you more when you were with us. 



Alejandro was recently in the hospital to get his appendix removed. Stepping into the hospital room definitely brought back memories of when we would visit you. I wish I had visited you more often. I'm sorry that I didn't. I also wish that I had been able to talk to you more. I was so awkward and quiet. 

I remember that you and I played a soccer video game at the hospital and I also think that we watched a scary movie. Miss you primo. 



We went to Guatemala a couple of weeks ago and I  was relieved that  we didn't stop by the house where you used to live. 

It crossed my mind but I was a coward so I decided not to walk by.

I remember when all of you left for Guatemala when I was like 18 and I went to the airport with you and through the shuttle and to the gate. There's pictures somewhere. 

Miss you. 

Jen




I find myself often thinking about the blue house and how that's the last place where you visited us. You rode the atvs at the blue house and you celebrated your last birthday at the blue house. When we put it on the market, it was bittersweet because I was excited for a fresh start but sad to leave the memories behind. I always feel like the blue house was the last place where we were actually a family and it hasn't felt like we are a family for a long time.
 
We're moving soon and it worked out where we still get to keep the blue house so, in a way, it feels like I can hold on to your memory for a little longer.
 
That probably makes no sense. I make no sense. I feel so stupid writing these entries as if they serve the purpose of keeping you informed. 


There are a lot of happy things that are happening. A lot of changes and accomplishments and growth. These things bring us together and it's awesome but when we all gather, it's always so obvious that you're missing. I wish that you were here but I know that the blessings that our family receives is because we have you watching over us. From the depth of my heart I wish you were here.

Alex Graduated today. Happy moments are difficult for the family because there's a lingering sadness because you're not here. It's difficult to see your brother's accomplishments without thinking of what would have been your own accomplishments. Sometimes I want to mention you or talk about you but I don't because I feel like I can't. I miss you. I'm sorry that I was always busy working and I didn't spend as much time with you as I should have. I'll forever remember us getting 7-11 hot chocolate and our puzzle. Love you. 

Te extraño tanto 💔se siente tanto tu ausencia. Aunque sigamos adelante, sonriamos , el corazón sigue roto . Kevin ahora diciéndome que te llame ya está sintiendo que te estás tardando en regresar. No se ni como explicarle que ya lo vas a volver . 💔💔😔te amo por siempre. 

I can’t stop thinking about you primito. I keep reliving the day when we worked on the puzzle together. It was a ridiculous puzzle and no one wanted to do it but we laughed so much that day.  I wish I had made sure that we had more of those moments. I’m sorry. 

Descansa en paz Achelito. Vivirás por siempre en mi memoria y mi corazón.No es un adiós si no hasta pronto bello Angel.. 😭🥺

Gracias mi niño por todos los momentos compartidos  fueron pocos ♥️Pero siempre con amor y cariño  siempre te Bamos a recordar   Tu tiempo en la tierra se cumplió , nos dejas con un dolor al no verte ya físicamente pero tu siempre estarás con todos nosotros tu familia ♥️, fuistes un niño muy diferente alos demás siempre callado y tímido pero con un corazón Gigante siempre trasmparente noble te Queremos ♥️👏🏻 

Mi niño solo te nos adelantaste , nos vas hacer mucha falta físicamente ,pero siempre estarás en nuestros corazones , estoy seguro que tu misión ala tierra la cumplistes❤️Porque Quien te conocía sabia que Heras luz ✨, fue un privilegio y Honor haberte conocido y ser  tu tío nos volveremos haber primero Dios 🙌 en la resurrección Mi Gran Campeón ❤️✨te amaremos por siempre ❤️❤️✨✨

No tengo palabras para decirte lo tanto que me duele el corazón. te quiero mucho Axelito.  Siempre me voy a recordar del nombre que me tenías. 

Te amo Axel. Nunca te olvidare vuela alto mi guerrero. Siempre estarás en mi corazón. Siempre recordare a ese niño alegre, humilde, educado y inteligente que eras. Vuela alto mi niño. Te amare para siempre mi guerrero. 

Vivirás en mi recuerdo te amare por siempre mi rey hermoso 

Primo chulo te vamos a extrañar mucho un niño alegre, callado, siempre con mucha Fe en Dios. Nos marcaste la vida con esa mente positiva q tú tenías. Te amamos primo 

nunca me voy a olvidar de ti te quiero mucho todas nuestras memorias están guardadas en mi corazón <3

Te voy a extrañar Axel, Nunca me olvidar de ti. 
Vuela Alto, love you <3

Hoy te has ido físicamente, pero tu recuerdo, jamás se ira de nuestros corazones, Vuela alto campeón, vuela alto mi amor😭❤️

No es un adios sino hasta pronto mi niño Axel. Me quedo con tu recuerdo de haber tenido la fortaleza y la serenidad de tomar y aceptar la voluntad de nuestro creador. Tendras siempre un lugar especial en el corazón de los que te conocimos, convivimos y te llegamos a querer. Un abrazo hasta el cielo para ti.

Te voy a extrañar muchísimo Achelito, tu risa, tu voz y todos los recuerdos que tuvimos juntos quedarán guardados en mi memoria por siempre. Te amo
Vuela alto <3

te voy extrañar mucho crecimos juntos como hermanos y no voy a olvidar todas nuestras memorias juntos <3

OBITUARIO

Axel Julian Morales Mazariegos

15 octubre, 2007 – 30 noviembre, 2021

Murphy Funeral Homes

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