Bernice Hazel Stamford

"Dear friends of Bernice: In February, 2012, Bernice provided a brief biography to Gail Harris, an author of 'Journey From Invisibility to Visibility'. It doesn't make a perfect life summary for these times, but I offer it for you now."

Born the third daughter in our family, eighty years ago, I was raised by a very hard working, dad, [Howard Corson Swing] (he commuted to New York City 5-1/2 day a week), and a caring, creative mom [Hazel Mertine] who cooked, baked and made many of our clothes. We lived next door to our paternal grandmother who shaped my development in the early years. She was an honor student in high school and at graduation in 1890, she presented an essay entitled “Byways of a Woman’s Life”, in which she urged women to strive for recognition and equality, two very contemporary objectives. I still read her paper even though its pages are yellow and the print is fading. She had a ritual. Each afternoon she took a brief nap, followed by a bath and a change into a fresh dress and crisply pressed apron. When I arrived home from school, our wonderful conversations ensued. Her influence has helped define my inner strengths of a sense of humor coupled with a large serving of curiosity and an abundant love of people.

My achievements and experiences are filled with pride and humility. Our small town celebrated holidays and the Fourth of July was my favorite. It began with track events and finished with fireworks in the evening. Throughout my early teens, I practiced hard and there’s a box in the attic which contains multiple trophies. When I graduated from high school, I was recognized as the female athlete of Bergen County, NJ. Also, I represented my high school in the American Legion National Oratorical Contest and was asked to speak at my high school graduation. For 12 years I was in the Girl Scouts and one year I sold 100 boxes of “those cookies”. To succeed in these early experiences, I credit my dad because he gave me the foundation to build upon. He instilled a strong sense of self-reliance and a personal drive to excel. Let me explain: It was a family tradition, a few days after high school graduation, that my dad took each of his daughters to New York City. He and I rode the train and the subway to the employment agency. He wished me well and said “the Bronx is up and the Battery’s down”. Oh yes, most important, “get a job!” Filled with self-confidence and a very strong desire to prove I was ready to face the future, I found a job at N.Y.U., where I stayed for four years, working and taking college classes.

My personal life reflects all that my parents imbued in me. I have been married for 52 years and we have two super sons. My husband, Tom, shares my love of education as he is presently in our community college earning his second degree at age 77. I was a teacher for 18 years, a career path filled with daily challenges and inner pleasures. I loved every day in the classroom.

What is an ideal parent? I liken it to making a cake without a recipe. The variables are limitless but must include patience, nurturing, and listening skills and unending love. There are many ingredients but without a recipe who’s to say how the cake will taste, let alone if it will rise! As parents, we have the responsibility to be sure our children get the best education. While the quality of the teaching in the classroom is critical, we made sure our boys saw America. We traveled to (sometimes camped in) most of our national parks, as well as visiting Canada & Alaska. Family vacations build character and memories. Don’t raise children without them.

Previously I wrote of my love of people. What a better way to prove this than in my volunteering efforts. Years ago my husband’s very popular manager at IBM passed away. In his honor, my friend and I created a beautiful garden for him at Florida Atlantic University where he had held an honorary position. We did this by contacting many IBMers for contributions.

Perhaps my greatest contribution to a cause was the three years I spent working with two other ladies to build the Ryder Trauma Center in Miami. By selling bricks, we raised a large sum of money while we ran most of the daily operations in order to realize the building of this much needed medical facility.

On a lighter side, we were in Pasadena several years ago attending our college national championship game in the Rose Bowl and, at my son’s urging, we sought out the site where they were looking for volunteers to work on the parade float. Before long, I found myself sitting on a large pail that previously held roses, measuring stems and removing thorns. Wow! Was I proud to see our little float from South Pasadena pass by the cheering crowds on New Year’s Day. Working on the parade was definitely on my “bucket list”, or as I prefer, my “sauce pan list”.

Life without friendships would be life without fresh air. Friends affirm life and raise the quality of our lives in so many ways.

Four years ago my husband had triple by-pass surgery. Two days before, the doorbell rang and standing before us were two very special people, our friends from Raleigh. They traveled 1200 miles because they thought we needed a diversion from the life threatening event that lay ahead. That’s friendship!

In 1992 our country experienced, at that time, one of the greatest natural catastrophes, Hurricane Andrew. The storm arrived in the middle of the night and we arose to incredible devastation the next morning. Roads were blocked, power lines downed everywhere, and thousands of homes destroyed. We knew our way of life would be forever changed. As we walked out the door, we saw two men coming toward us. They asked if we were safe, did we need water, and did we need any medicines. The logo on their shirts read I.B.M. That’s corporate friendship. In the eighties, my husband was offered a 2-1/2 years working assignment in France. Living in another country with its myriad of language and culture differences gave me unending opportunities to draw from my earlier experiences. I traveled throughout Europe, Egypt and Morocco. Lifelong friendships were made. Yes, friendships take many forms and many paths.

When you’re 80 years old, you are old. A few months ago, while riding in the Amtrak dining car from Ft. Lauderdale to Deland, a man leaned across the aisle and said “Aren’t you Mrs. -----?” He reminded me I was his teacher 34 years ago. Getting old feels pretty good. Although, I wouldn’t advise rushing into it.

My goals include playing better golf, cultivating a weedless garden, and being kind and helpful to everyone in my day to day life. I try to do something meaningful each day, even if it’s just the laundry.

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Bernice was preceded in death by her sister Mildred and brother-in-law William Morris, her sister Norma and brother-in-law Tony Viggianno, Walt Omainsky , and our beloved son, David. She is survived by son Timothy (Catherine Henn) and loving husband Thomas, and numerous nieces and nephews.