Robert Dee McDonald

An obituary written by his wife, Rev. Dr. Luzette McDonald

My beloved husband, Robert, Rev. Dr. Robert Dee McDonald, has passed. He left this world the way he lived in it: with a clear heart, a curious mind, and a steady devotion to easing human suffering. The shock of his absence is real, but so is the light he leaves behind. That light is in the work we built together, in the thousands he coached and trained across the world, and in the quiet kindnesses he offered when no one was looking.

Robert dedicated his life to healing and teaching. He created The Destination Method®, a compassionate, transpersonal coaching approach designed to resolve unnecessary suffering at the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. It wasn’t theory to him; it was a daily promise to search for meaning and help people reclaim their wholeness. He trained coaches and served clients for more than five decades, teaching throughout the United States and in 19 countries, and he co-founded our Telos Healing Center so that mission could outlive either of us.

A pioneer from the early days of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Robert was a Master Trainer and innovator who designed dozens of practical processes that made change feel possible again. He authored and co-authored works that many of you keep on your desks including Tools of the Spirit (with Robert Dilts) and The New Technology of Achievement, among others, because he believed scholarship should serve people, not the other way around. He also brought his gifts into institutions as a former Director of Mental and Spiritual Wellness at the Center for New Medicine and as a former board member of the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology.

Robert’s spirituality was never performative, it was practiced. Ordained as an interfaith minister after earning his Doctor of Divinity from The Emerson Theological Institute, he treated every person as inherently innocent and good. He loved to say that behind every behavior lives a positive intention that’s searching for a better expression. He built his entire body of work on that conviction and he treated our marriage the same way, with patience, humor, and mercy.

At Telos, our shared mission was simple and impossibly large: to heal the wounded heart of the world. We meant it. We taught side by side, we listened, we practiced, and we watched people wake up to their own goodness. If you ever witnessed Robert work, the stillness in the room, the gentleness in his voice, the precision of his questions, you know it felt like the marriage of compassion and skill, heart and sword. That was the essence of our center, and it will remain our compass.

As his wife and partner in this calling, I got to see the private moments you didn’t. Robert singing in the kitchen before a seminar, Robert rewriting a single sentence until it said exactly what love would say, Robert pausing to pray for a client between sessions. He was learned, yes, but his greatest credential was the way people felt after being with him. They became calmer, braver, more themselves.

Grief is a teacher we both respected. Robert met it early in life when his father died by suicide. He studied it, wrote on it, and helped countless people move through it without losing the truth of their love. I can hear him even now, “Find the meaning that keeps your heart open.” So I will. I will keep my heart open for him, for you, for the work that still matters because he showed us that it does. Robert is survived by his wife, Luzette McDonald (Hoff) and loving step father to Antonia King (Chris) and Tara Napoli, and 5 grandchildren, Oliver, Hudson, Mila, Bradley and Kali, and by 2 siblings Donald and Sharon, Rose Marie, Cheri (Bill), Marigene (Larry), the entire Hoff Family, the Mcdonald family, a global community of friends, colleagues, coaches, and clients who carry forward the grace and rigor he modeled. To each of you who laughed with him, celebrated with him, studied with him, prayed with him, or entrusted him with your story, thank you for letting him serve you. That service was his joy.

In lieu of flowers, please do the thing he always asked of every room “Be kind and be effective. Offer compassion and pair it with a skill. Help someone heal, starting with yourself.” If you wish to honor him through the work we shared, the Telos Healing Center will continue its mission. We will keep teaching, keep coaching, and keep practicing the simple, radical belief that people are good and that goodness, lived out loud, can change the world.

If you would like to donate to the Telos Healing Center Charity, click here.

Robert, my love, I will “love anyway.” And I will carry our work forward. Always. I will love in the face of all change, impermanence and death.

— Rev. Dr. Luzette McDonald

Dear Family and Friends,

Please join us this Sunday, August 31, to Celebrate Robert’s Life.

Neighborhood Congregational Church

340 St Ann's Dr,

Laguna Beach, CA 92651

In the sanctuary:

2:00pm family viewing

3:00pm-4:00pm public viewing

4:30pm-6:00pm service

6pm dinner