Frank Sinatra sang a song that fit Ruth’s life to a T. It’s called My Way. Funny thing is, Ruth didn’t much care for ole’ blue eyes – she said he couldn’t carry a tune! But she certainly lived her life her way!
Ruth Renfro made her presence known in this world on April 16, 1932 in Fallon, Nevada. Little did her parents, Donald and Anolia, or her big brother, Donald, suspect what a fun loving, strong willed and determined female had joined their family! Eight years later, La Versa rounded out the family.
When Ruth was about 5 years old, her grandfather lost a large cattle ranch in Nevada due to the depression so Ruth and her family moved to Chicago, Illinois to care for her grandma. About 8 years later, they moved to the Mariposa area of California where her aunts lived. They moved around California quite a bit, and Ruth attended a number of different high schools. Moving so much didn’t quench her joy for life. She loved to roller skate at the local rinks, and developed her love of dancing there while dancing on skates. Her children would later play with her indoor skates that she kept in a special case when they could sneak them away! Swimming was also a joy, and she spent time as a lifeguard at the local lakes. Even as an adult, she made sure her children knew how to save themselves and those around them.
Ruth developed a strong interest in civil rights at an early age, something very few young people were even aware of. When only 8 or 9, she was horrified by the injustice of the Japanese internments during WWII and followed it carefully, the beginning of her strong political beliefs. All her life she stood up for the civil rights of others, whether rights taken away or never given. She was involved with Women’s Rights before it was a popular topic. As an adult, it upset her to see the Confederate Flag flying in front of homes when she went back to Missouri to visit family. Always a strong Liberal, the last few years she became disillusioned and was less political, but always still well aware of what was going on in the world.
Ruth and Pat Carney’s amazing love story began when they met at a wedding. He was serving in the military in the Korean War at the time. They dated a few times, then he had to return to base. One day a machine gun blew up in his face and he ended up in the hospital. After his discharge, he called Ruth and asked her out. Even though she had a date with someone else, Pat showed up. The other date went away and they went out. The next weekend, April 6, 1952, they eloped to Reno. Now, it wasn’t like Ruth was inexperienced with the dating scene. Actually, she had been engaged a couple of times before – and had the newspaper announcements to prove it!
Pat was raised Catholic, and Ruth was raised Protestant. At that time, there was a conflict between Catholics and Protestants in Northern California where their families lived that would rival Ireland! After much discussion, Pat and Ruth married again in a Catholic ceremony in May.
Children soon joined the family. Walt was born on Ruth’s birthday, April 16, in 1953. Steve followed January 13, 1955 and Colleen March 16, 1957. The family lived mostly in the San Diego area, with some time in Denver and Seattle.
At first, Pat expected Ruth to conform to traditional housewife roles. She did, but of course she did it her way! She always had new ideas and adventures in mind. Pat ended up supporting her and following her lead, though often times reluctantly. He was her biggest supporter.
Ruth was an action oriented kind of gal. She grew up poor and didn’t like it so, drawing on inner strength from difficult times, she was constantly working on improving their lives. She was a progressive entrepreneur in a time when women didn’t do that kind of thing. Ruth was one of the first female relators in San Diego. She couldn’t afford to take the training classes, so she studied the books and passed the exam on her first try! Ruth would come up with a business idea, research it, implement it, get good at it then get bored and move on to something else. Some of the diverse businesses she started included taking in laundry, designing and making clothes, owning and operating a dog kennel, an avocado grove, remodeling and flipping houses, owning and operating a motel, owning and operating a gift store called the Del Mar Zoo, import/export from Ireland which led to a yarn store and buying plaster of paris figures in Tijuana, painting and then selling them to name just a few. She was always successful one way or another, was willing to take a risk and see it through. Ruth did some pretty scary things – and succeeded. She always did them her way.
Ruth always saw the future as being bright. She had a wild heart and a free spirit. She was fearless, unconventional and followed her dreams. And she passed all this down to her children and grandchildren. Ruth raised strong women and men who weren’t afraid to marry strong women.
Walt, Steve and Colleen were told by both of their parents that they could be anything they wanted to be, and that everyone loves you. Pat and Ruth showed them how to do things, rather than doing it for them, and were always teaching them. Pat taught them how to make tools work for you, and Ruth taught them how to make money work for you and how to work for money. They encouraged them to get good jobs so they wouldn’t end up poor. When Colleen was in third grade, Ruth told her to get good at playing the piano so that when she grew up and got married, she could teach piano where ever her husband moved them to.
Ruth taught all of them about finance, interest rates, etc. and both of her boys ended up as CFOs of businesses.
She taught Colleen how to think critically, to notice where emotions were and to maintain a positive outlook on life. Ruth was productive emotionally and financially and was always moving forward.
Ruth could see things in others that they couldn’t see. One time she drove quite a ways to take Steve to a wood working store. “Why am I here?” he asked her. “You’d be good at this” was her answer. She bought him carving tools and he has been carving for over 40 years.
When Walt was 11 or 12, Ruth told him “There’s an ambassador in you”. “No” he replied “I want to be a barber.” “No, you’re going to be an ambassador”. He earned a degree in International Relations, though he chose not to use it. She could see the potential in him even at such a young age. Ruth continued this with her grandchildren as well.
Now, all of what I’ve told you so far may lead you to believe that she was all work and no play. Far from it! Ruth had quite a mischievous side to her! And she wasn’t afraid to show it. She taught Steve how to retaliate against someone with the dog poop in a paper bag lit on fire on the front porch trick. She would pay Colleen a quarter to turn off the escalator at the mall. When Colleen was in fifth grade, Ruth had her ask the local funeral home for a tour and Walt, as a teenager, put on a French accent and told the funeral director that he was studying the American burial system. And then there were the prank calls. A favorite was to call a phone number every few days for weeks, asking if Mary was there. After this went on for awhile, they would call one more time and say “Hi, this is Mary. Any messages for me?” Another example of her irreverent sense of humor would be when she would joke that she was a charter member of the Wives of the Unknown Soldier. Think about it… Colleen referred to it as “like living with Lucille Ball.” There was always lot’s of ‘splainin’ to do!
Pat and Ruth loved to travel – Ireland, Europe, Greece, Italy, Turkey (where the men were really rude to the women), cruises and RVing.
After 49 years of marriage, Ruth lost the love of her life in February, 2001.
She soon moved to Oregon to spend her final years. As always, she quickly made many new friends while keeping her old ones. They were always a great support system for each other. She was very social, joining the Eagles, Elks and Moose lodges, the Red Hat Society, and the Mayflower Society. Ruth continued to travel, though her kids wouldn’t let her buy an RV because she was such a horrible driver! She would make the grand tour to visit her grand and great grandchildren. All of the kids connected quickly and deeply with her, and it was a mutual adoration society!
Ruth loved clothes and dressed beautifully. Her large closet contained lots of shiny clothes and blingy jewelry. QVC will miss her! Great granddaughter Eva loved “Nana’s Closet” and would dress up herself as well as her little brother, Calvin.
Not everyone gets a true love story like Ruth and Pat had. 15 months ago, Ruth was blessed with a second one. She met Jim casually about three years ago at the Eagles lodge in Gresham. 15 months ago, they reconnected and dated a few times. In her usual style, it only took a month for them to become a couple. They had so much fun together! Jim taught her to play cribbage, they travelled all over in the RV – most recently returning from a 5 week trip to Illinois and Missouri, and shared that off-beat sense of humor, often times pranking sales callers. Ruth’s family is very grateful for Jim and care for him deeply, and Jim’s son, Brad, adored her and she him.
Ruth had a deep faith in God. Because of this strong belief, she wasn’t afraid of what would happen when she died – she just wasn’t done living yet! On July 18, 2016, Ruth finished her time here on Earth. She and Jim had spent the evening discussing an up-coming RV trip to California and eating big bowls of strawberry shortcake before going to bed. She went quietly to be in the arms of Jesus while she was sleeping next to the man she loved.
Ruth will be remembered for her love of the color purple, her enjoyment of old musicals and westerns on TV and her enjoyment of all kinds of music, including Ska and Mark Anthony. She was a friendly, outgoing lady who was easy to get acquainted with, who held tight to her family and friends and who touched each life she encountered in a unique way. She was a strong, reasonable, intelligent woman who was also very kind and had a kooky sense of humor.
Ruth’ beacon is bright and will continue to shine in her children, Walt and his wife Diane, Steven and his wife Jeri and Colleen and her husband Robin, her grandchildren Jeremy and his wife Stacie, Jennifer and her husband John, Patrick, Kelsey and her significant other Drew, Bridgett and her husband Lane, Elizabeth and her husband Theo, Russell and his wife Cynthia, Nick and his wife Jennifer and Robyn and her husband Shawn. And then there are her great-grandchildren whom she also adored: Wrenn, Korbin, Aiden, Tristen, Ethan, Delila, Jude, Kalia, Liam, Eva, Calvin and Robyn’s baby that will be arriving in December. And we can’t forget Brenda, who was like another daughter to her, and who she obeyed better than Colleen! Ruth loved greatly, and was loved greatly.
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