Patricia Cecelia Stander

Patricia Cecelia Stander, age 77, passed away on January 29, 2024. Patricia was the beloved wife to Richard, cherished mother to Brandon Stander, Taryn Stander and Kari (John) Sterling, adored grandmother to Tristan, Tyler and Chase Sterling and lifelong friend and teacher to so many.

Patricia was born on July 29, 1946 in Detroit, Michigan to George and Catherine Howell. Pat attended St. Joan of Arc School, Regina High School, Siena Heights College and Eastern Michigan University, where she earned a Bachelor of Education degree. Pat then taught business courses at Royal Oak Dondero High School where she had a devoted following of students.

Pat met Rick, her future husband and love of her life, at a Young Republican Dance in Detroit. They were photographed dancing at this first date and Rick later tracked down the photographer to obtain their first of many sweet pictures together. Pat loved to laugh and Rick found his lifelong muse to deliver countless comedic performances. Their whirlwind romance survived Rick's occasional tardiness and sweaters with holes in them, which met with immediate "feedback" from Pat. A warm and caring teacher to her students and family alike, one sideways look from Pat would usually correct any wayward behavior.

The couple married on Friday the 13th of April in 1973 because they were not superstitious and the wedding date was still available. Two years later, they welcomed Brandon to the family and he soon requested a sibling. Taryn arrived soon after and then Kari joined the growing family two years later. Pat was the matriarch and ardent supporter of all four surviving family members. She knew about everyone's friends, competitors, bosses and teammates. She'd share moments of laughter and joy with a sparkle in her eye and flash outrage and disbelief whenever one of us was wronged. Pat's intelligence, empathy, confidence and patience made her the trusted confidant of many friends and family members. No one was a better listener or more loyal supporter. She was the consummate "mama bear"--cute and adorable until one of her "cubs" was threatened. Family meant everything to Pat and she would support her tribe with tireless energy and enthusiasm, whether railing against someone’s insensitive co-worker or sympathetically serving as a sounding board for her kids as they navigated the inevitable complexities of life.

Pat also had several dear friends and countless friendly acquaintances. She loved to laugh and many were drawn to her fun, bubbly and vibrant personality. Pat brought an infectious energy to many social activities, including: card club, mall walking, sporting events, family vacations, bowling leagues and trips to the casino. She was a legendary deal finder and fashion shopper who worked in semi-retirement as a jewelry consultant at Lord & Taylor. Her family was outfitted handsomely utilizing many employee discounts and promotions. Customers would ask for her because of her friendly demeanor, passion for jewelry and eye for design.

Pat was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD) in 2014 after the family had noticed signs of her not quite seeming like herself. This terrible disease gradually eroded some of her most beloved traits, including many which garnered her so many caring relationships. Her family struggled through her increasingly diminished cognitive and physical abilities. Even so, she developed a special bond with her very first grandchild when Kari and John welcomed a son, Tristan, to their own little family. Pat loved babies even during the darkest days of dementia and she was thrilled when Kari and John welcomed sons, Tyler and Chase, into the family. Though she could no longer keep track of the details of her loved ones' lives, she maintained special bonds with so many with just a few words, a kind look, chuckle or smile.

The long farewell began officially when Pat's condition declined to such a point that she needed to move into a memory care nursing home in 2015. Since dementia patients can still enjoy habitual activities such as a daily walk after lunch, Rick and Brandon initially moved into the nursing home with her. There were many meals that were made to look like restaurant visits and many heart wrenching occasions where Pat packed up her things and declared her desire to go home. Pizzas were brought in to thank nursing home staff, doctors were consulted on nutrition and exercise that might slow the progress of the disease. Long, slow walks eventually facilitated by walkers and later by wheelchairs were commonplace. A family affinity and eventual aversion developed for the Hallmark Channel. Field trips and restaurant visits eventually became wheelchair feedings of pureed foods and thickened liquids. Fatigue and frustration mixed with heartwarming smiles and occasional familiar expressions from out of the blue. All the while Pat's family cherished and wondered about what little time they had left with her. Pat fought off multiple rounds of Covid, infections and hospital visits. She eventually entered hospice where the expectation is often that there will be only weeks or even days left. Pat stayed for two more years and became a hospice staff favorite. The family made countless personal and professional sacrifices to stay on top of the ever shifting sands of Pat's condition.

When Pat finally decided her family was prepared to continue on without in person supervision, she chose a day in which nearly all of the nursing home and hospice care staff could say their goodbyes. On Monday, January 29, 2024, Pat had her husband and children by her side along with her beloved caretaker and friend, Lisa, and hospice nurse, Erin. She enjoyed a private acoustic guitar performance and lots of loving stories and words of encouragement from her adoring family. She left her tired, yet still adorable, earthly body behind in comfort with her loving family, friends and caretakers around her. She endured eight years in six different memory care nursing homes and still had the charisma and sparkle to attract countless friends and fans in her diminished state. Pat remained a teacher to her children, friends and acquaintances by her example. She was sweet, strong and loving to the very end. Not even a disease as terrible as FTD could strip her of those innate qualities. Pat will live on in the example she set for us all. Her lessons continue to this day for the friends and family who will forever carry them in their hearts.

Visitation for Pat will be on Thursday, February 8, 2024 from 3 PM to 8 PM at A.H. Peters Funeral Home, 20705 Mack Ave, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI 48236. A funeral Mass will be on Friday, February 9, 2024 at 10 AM, instate at 9:30 AM, at St. Joan of Arc Catholic Church, 21620 Greater Mack Ave, St. Clair Shores, MI 48080.

If you would like to help honor Pat’s memory and impact, please consider learning more about FTD and donating at https://www.theaftd.org/what-is-ftd/disease-overview/.