Carolynn was my therapist for about 20 years.  She helped turn my life around and used my story in her book “Recovering your Self Esteem”.

I have not seen her in many years.  She came to my son’s bris 30 years ago,

I looke Carolynn up hoping she could help me with some challenges that I am facing.

I am so very sorry for your loss.  She was very special to me.

Gail Lipton Schachter

Carolynn had always been a wonderful cousin in my family. I can recall all of the great times I had with her at my Aunt Lil's apartment and the last few years visiting occasionally at Sara's house and her being there for my Bar Mitzvah and when my father died. She always cared for me in a great way. I know how much she loved her dog Angus, bringing it with her all the time. When I was little I was terrified of dogs, since I'm older now I have outgrown the fear. Carolynn would be very proud to know that.

As many of you know Carolynn through her line of work, I can still remember the day my parents took me to Barnes & Noble in West Hartford when she was presenting her book, I believe it was in 1992 or 1993.

I was very sad to learn this week of Carolynn's passing.  I got to know Carolynn around the consolidation of our two psychoanalytic training programs. I had the pleasure of appointing her as the first Director of Training of our newly consolidated Center for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis of NJ, following a period during which she and I served as Co-Directors of Training for the Interim Board. The better I got to know Carolynn, the more impressed I was with her clarity, her dedication to psychoanalytic training, her wisdom, and her caring.

She continued to work for CPPNJ after she was diagnosed, although the treatment was quite disruptive, and Carolynn eventually decided she needed to turn her full attention to her health. Every time I spoke with Carolynn, she was optimistic and focused on the next step, whatever it was. She did not complain, although I know it was very hard. She was often tired from treatments, felt sick, and was not able to work during parts of the treatment process. I have felt inspired by Carolynn, her courage and her steadfastness, and her hopefulness in the face of frightening challenges and loss. I will miss Carolynn. Her absence has been and will be a real loss to CPPNJ and its members, but I know that she will always be a part of the life and history of our institute and our collective memory.

-Seth Warren, Director
Center for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis of NJ

 I hate writing these tributes because it is a reminder that I will never again be able to say it directly to her. Carolynn was my teacher, my colleague, my mentor and friend. Before I had ever met her, I was using her book "Recovery Of Your Self-Esteem: A Guide For Women" for women's workshops that I ran. Like Carolynn,the book was warm and  nurturing yet straightforward and informative. As a teacher, she believed in using theory to inform practice as she taught us to learn from the patient, and learn from or "supervise" ourselves as we used the therapeutic relationship as psychotherapists. Carolynn was a pleasure to work with as a colleague. She was also fun. We team taught a couple of courses and  together on developed  a sexual relationship assessment guide for couples treatment. As a more senior analyst and psychotherapist, Carolynn took the lead while treating me as an equal partner. Given our positive history of working together, I said yes when Carolynn asked me to help out by taking on the role of Assistant Director of the Training Committee, promising me that I wouldn't have to work too hard during this very busy period of my life. Unfortuneately, Carolynn learned she had a serious case of cancer and the treatments made her to ill and to weak to return in person. Yet she remained interested, involved and always there to guide even if it had to be by phone. She determinedly pursued all options to beat the disease but sadly it knocked her out. 
As both a social activist as well as a psychotherapist, Carolynn  pursued her wish to make this world a better place. These are the parts that will live on and to which I won't I won't have to say a final good-bye.

Carolynn has been absent from CPPNJ activities for several years now as she fought the cancer that recently took her life.  Those of you who began at CCAPS will remember her as a faculty member whose sure-footed clarity and common sense earned her our deep respect.  I still recall the gratitude I felt when she agreed to accept the Director of Training post as the two institutes were in the midst of our sometimes tumultuous merger.  She stepped into the eye of a hurricane and like that eye, she provided us with a steady center.  Carolynn had a relatively short tenure as Training Director but in that time, she set a direction that has guided us since. There was about her a kind of realness and a solidity of character that brought the moment's problems into calm perspective.  I last saw Carolynn on a graduation night that she helped orchestrate.  In charge of festivities, her sense of humor and her joy in life shone through and, for me, completed the circle of who she was.  We are diminished by this loss.

Carolynn was a wonderful teacher and supervisor.  As a teacher she introduced us to "Learning From the Patient" by Patrick Casement.  I recall loving the title  before reading the book.  That Carolynn selected such a book to teach us was indicative of her collaborative and caring approach to clinical work.  

As my supervisor she taught me how to track the  moment by moment ebb and flow of feeling and unconscious communication with patients and how to interpret in a way that deepened reflection. She is always with me in sessions and I aspire, still, to hit the mark like her.

To remember Carolynn, you may make a donation in her name.  Please go to www.shoresoupproject.org to be a part of her legacy.

I will miss Carolynn, the woman, the friend, the writer, the fighter.  She may have had to fight her illness for too long, but she was strong throughout her life. I believe the stength came from usually being sure of what she knew.  My family and I send deepest sympathy to her daughters, and the entire family. Carolynn will surely be missed. Tonight my heart is full of warm memories.  I will think of Carolynn and smile.
May she rest in peace.

Carolyn was a warm and loving woman with great intellect. As my cousin, she was wise and wonderful. She will always be in my heart. I will miss her.

You will search far and wide to find a family with the quality of character as the Hillman's. It has been a great pleasure and honor to have them be part of our family. Carolynn will be missed at family gatherings and I will miss seeing her snuggle on the couch with Lillian. To all of her family - especially her beautiful daughter's Nuri and Robyn - my condolences to you.

OBITUARIO

Carolynn Hillman

29 octubre, 1942 – 7 diciembre, 2013

Gutterman and Musicant Jewish Funeral Directors

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