Kyle Alan Wiley

My baby boy was born on November 1,1997 at 2pm. The single best moment of my life. Kyle was nearing his 22nd birthday. He surrendered his life to his Savior on Friday, September 20, 2019. He leaves behind his parents Shawn and Deanna Wiley, his Grandmother Wanda, Aunt Sherrie, Uncle Wesley and Aunt Leah, cousins Danielle and Brittany and too many more relatives to mention as well as hundreds of friends who called him family.

Kyle was the most perfect child ever. He truly was. Ask anyone.

My young man worked as a roofer and numerous jobs in the process of trying to find himself. He was just starting a job pouring concrete. He was very excited about it and wanted to make it a career.

My boy was so tall, thin and handsome. and such a fun loving son to me, a best friend to everyone.

To those of you who were privileged to know my son, I mean really know him, understand what a truly wonderful human being he was. These words I express are already in your memory. To the ones that were not as fortunate to know him as well as his mother did, these words will maybe give you a sense of the boy he was and young man he was becoming. He was a gentle boy who loved everyone. He loved animals and children so much. Someone that was always there to help others in need, whether it be a friend or a total stranger on the street. He would give you the shirt off his back as his Momo and Popo always did.

Kyle was an Empath like me. He had a pure heart and deep sensitivity to the world around him. He felt so deeply and at times could not get a grip on his emotions or the pain a person goes through and like his mom, wanted so badly to save everyone. He had a way with people that made them feel so comfortable around him and it infected so many others to gravitate toward him. My son exuded kindness and seemed to pull it out of everyone he came across. Everyone he touched claimed to be his best friend.

As we were taking a walk together early one day when he was younger, around the age of eight or nine, he wanted to stop and help one of our neighbors, an older man, who was mowing his lawn. It wasn’t easy for him at that age but he insisted on finishing it for him. It was hot and he could tell the older man was getting worn out. He gave Kyle an old pocket knife that belonged to his dad, to keep as thanks for a job well done.

I have seen him pick up walnuts for an elderly lady just because her yard was a mess and the grass wasn’t able to grow. When he was little, around the age of seven or eight, he didn’t understand why people would stand on the street corner with nothing and hold up signs. He insisted that I take him to Walmart one day to purchase numerous backpacks. We spent the entire day filling them with water bottles, wet wipes, a notepad and pens so they could journal. Some lunchables and non perishable snacks and we put a small pocket bible in each and every one of them and dispersed them throughout the Raymore, Grandview, and Kansas City area. He would make me stop when we saw someone by themselves. I think we delivered 25 that day. Not kidding. We didn’t tell daddy how many people he helped that day, it was our little secret. He would go with me to volunteer at the Salvation Army or Harvesters Food Banks.

He volunteered on his own as he got older at Goodwill or Humane Society as he loved to give back to others the way mom taught him.

We spent many family vacations traveling to many different states and had a blast. I remembered our trip to Colorado Springs. Kyle was six at the time. We stood in line to go on the ripcord over the Royal Gorge. A lady standing in the back of us whispered to her friend “I can't believe she is letting her little boy go on that, it is too dangerous.'' I felt so guilty letting him go. He was too young. He was just as quiet as a mouse flying high in the air, as dad was laughing and I was screaming my head off. I thought it may have traumatized him he assured me that it didn’t. He did lose his most prized possession, his stuffed dog “Golden” that we searched high and low for. That I know was very painful for him and for many years after never really got over. He would remind me of that day on occasion.

Kyle's first job was a paper route in Raymore. It didn’t last long. It was in mid summer and he wore out quickly walking up and down the hills in numerous subdivisions while dragging his red wagon from behind full of papers in 90 degree heat to get extra money to add to his already vast allowance. I think you all know who ended up doing most of the work. But he did his best and I was so very proud of him.

He was such an outgoing sociable outspoken proactive kid just like mom. He stood up for his rights and animal rights.

He was an incredible scout. Starting out in first grade Cub Scouts, Webelos and Boy Scouts for many years. Accomplishing 30 plus belt loops over 40 merit badges over 80 patches and numerous other awards including “Order of the Arrow”. Just too many to mention and working extremely hard to accomplish all of them. That damn demon crept in oh so subtle and didn’t allow him to finish his Eagle project. He knew how to do anything and everything. The talent in my boy was remarkable. I knew it didn’t come from me but my dad, his Popo. I saw so much of him in Kyle. He was in many sports, tennis, baseball, soccer, football, basketball, golf, 4H and Awana for several years. He won many trophies and awards. Also Taekwondo where he earned his high blue. He took piano and saxophone and guitar lessons. He was every parent's dream child and every teacher's dream student.

To say that my son was a gentle boy and then young man and oh so polite was an understatement. Since I taught him manners in his early years, he showed respect and caring for all of those around him. Even the ones that hurt him. Even through his torment and pain, he never failed to be a friend and the most loving son to me despite what others think or believe.

I knew that God had special plans for my son. Why would he have me struggle eight long, hard years to have him if there wasn’t a special purpose?

To my beloved son Kyle Alan Wiley

My son you had a wonderful childhood. Everyone wanted what you had. You had everything a boy could ask for but needed an authority figure. That was something I had to fill on my own and struggled at it. You were raised in the church and knew right from wrong. I knew that substance was way out of control and I had to do something. The problem was I was in it by myself. Reaching out to anyone and everyone I could think of. They didn’t know of a mom's worst nightmare nor try to understand. We were rekindling our very special mother/son bond we had for years but was lost due to substance. This is what addiction does to a person. Not just the addict but it destroys everyone in its path and is nothing but demonic spirit testing and tempting you.

I knew that if I had joined in the use of substance or addiction that we would all still be together but I knew that God had other plans for me and I tried to convince you that God had a bigger purpose for you as well.

My charismatic and beautiful son, you had it all. Intelligence, confidence, athletic ability, height, beautiful hazel eyes, broad smile, fantastic wit, and the ability to engage and forge a relationship with anyone. Inwardly, you are sensitive and have struggles that you try to hide from friends and family but can never hide them from Mom. I love you with all my heart but I know it is not enough to shield you from the world.

I am in a way venting my frustration and anger at a world and a precious boy where drugs can be so easily accessed by you and other innocent kids and young adults. I saw your personality and behavior plummet very quickly one day at a time.

Kyle you were a very solid student, decent athlete, an incredible son, and a very lovable kid. Loved beyond measure by everyone who knew you. With all of your seemingly endless positive traits, you had the potential to be anything from a captivating pilot, a skilled laborer, a brilliant engineer or entrepreneur. That damn demon of drugs began to creep into your life while you were in junior high. This is when I along with the teachers were teaching you the wrong of doing them and you went through the DARE program. As trouble hit, I unceasingly stepped in to forge an incredible bond with you and steer you away from them. I tried so hard to help you with no avail. Kyle at that point, you could never be completely honest about the trouble you were in, but I always knew. Mom has a special gift of discernment and intuition from God. Not all moms have the gift. I do. I know the pain my son was in and I know what you were going through. I always prayed that you would have enough courage to attend a drug rehab program and get away from the life altering substance and the ones in your life that enabled your drug use but you didn’t see it and your craving came from true addiction that was more than you could overcome by yourself. I wanted to help you overcome this. I was always ready, willing and able.

At times you were you crying out to mom the only way you knew how because you knew I would love you and be there for you unconditionally and forever.

My job as a mother was to NOT enable. My job as a good parent was NOT to be your best friend as you have many, but to exalt you to higher standards. The temporary anger toward me and what others said or thought was a sacrifice I was willing to make to get you in a better place and save you from yourself.

The worst pain that a mother goes through is waiting and wondering if their child is safe. If he is somewhere safe. If he is getting enough to eat. If he is being taken care of. Trying to reach Kyle everyday to make sure he was safe and secure, regardless of what I was going through, was my ultimate goal in life.

I reached out every day and every night to my son and sometimes in between. He didn’t always answer right away but would eventually. We would pray together and he would tell me what was going on in his life. He didn’t tell me everything I wanted to know, just what he thought I needed to know to reassure me that he was ok.

Kyle, while you always felt you had some grip on your issues, your ability to hide and disguise your addiction sometimes proved superior to my parental sixth sense. The worry that I have felt watching you struggle, has been replaced by a deep feeling of loss that now exists knowing that I will never see your beautiful smile or hear your amazing laughter ever again except through the many hundreds of photos and videos and the voice mails that I will keep forever. I can smile knowing that one of the last “one on one” communications I had with you to pick up your quarterly care package was a hug from you and an “I love you so much Mom” just as it should be, I choose to believe that you meant every word.

This is a simple reminder that you have at least one person in the world that will love you unconditionally and forever with everything that I am-no matter what you do. I AM your biggest cheerleader and supporter.

I always told you to pay close attention to the world that revolves around you- even when the surface is calm, the water may be turbulent just beneath.

I confirmed with Kyle that his struggles with substance and pain would soon end as I spoke this over him daily as I saw it. I saw Kyle as successful, happy and thriving in life and knew substance would only keep this from him.

What torment my son was under is NOT his fault! It is the demon's fault! It is NOT his fault! Nothing is my babies fault! He tried so long and hard to fight it as I tried to steer him away from it. I did what I could do on my own. I did everything I could. I was not going to give up on my son ever!!! He knew this. I am the one person that never gave up hope. The hardest thing I had ever tried to do was relinquish him completely to God and hope He would save my son.

So How do you let go and let God? First, I have learned, you have to make God the manager of your life which is so hard for all of us. The problem is we usually want to be the manager of our own lives, and so we argue and disagree with God. We think we know what’s best. The reason everyone in society individually and as a whole are constantly fighting God in our minds and each other. I do it too, we all do. Sometimes I say “I know God says to do this, but I want to do that instead”.

It is so hard sometimes to do the right thing, but it always ends up in our best interest.

Substance and addiction destroys marriages, families, individuals including innocent bystanders because people under the influence of any addiction whether it be substance, gambling, adultery, etc ,they just don't feel. They are numb so they can’t feel how it hurts another human being.

I sent prayers to my son almost daily. Verses to recite and to meditate on. I know that he read them. One of them was Phillipians 4:6 “Don’t worry about anything, except pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this , you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can undestand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quite and at rest as you trust in Jesus Christ”

One of the most important tests we all face as we try to achieve what God has called us to do is our response to cultural distractions. The distraction of popularity is one of them. Giving into peer pressure. If you are always worried about what other people think, you will be distracted from your destiny. It’s okay to have fun and feel comfort, but if that’s the primary focus of your life, you will never fulfill your destiny. You will only continue to hurt and hinder yourself and others. We are not called here for comfort alone. That is why we have to stay together. We have to keep our families and our marriages intact no matter what. No matter what!!!! I promised my son that. I will not let him down. I want you to dig deep within yourself and find your true self. Find the boy and young man or young woman that has always been there but buried themselves with substance.

Kyle came home one day from eight grade and popped in a video and wanted me to watch it. It from a celebrity that glorified his usage of substance. Kyle said he knew it was a gateway drug but promised me he would never let marijuana lead him to harder things. He told me he gets high only when he is depressed or stressed. Marijuana is a depressant and the opioids are both stimulants and depressants. You can NOT mix the two and expect your brain to not diminish greatly. Romans 14:13 says that anything that has power over us is sin. My two favorite people in the world, the two men I loved the most allowed addiction to have complete power over them instead of finding a healthier way of dealing with their stress and depression.

A drug, any drug can alter your brain from growing normally. At the age the drug was introduced to my son, it stopped brain growth. A person can be growing but brain growth stops and sometimes may never restart if it is continued. Emotional immaturity and actions can be of that teenage boy or girl who started substance and last a lifetime. I truly believe you need to read certain scriptures. Dig deep into them and believe them.

Marijuana is a hallucinogenic and distorts our thoughts and words. As medicine, cannabis is smaller doses and helps ease chronic pain in our body but if we don't treat the pain in our heart, that is where it creates a big problem between God and us and our families. Please find healthier ways of getting high, I am begging you. I begged Kyle to go skydiving with me. To experience a real high. That natural adrenaline rush. He had turned me down last year and said he wasn’t ready. We were going for his birthday this year. That is my way of getting a natural high or bunging jumping or river rafting or rip cording, etc.

I told Kyle whether he thought he was getting the “good stuff” in Colorado or from his friends is not accurate. Only a doctor can prescribe you safe medical cannabis to help you with your depression and anxiety and God and ONLY God can help you overcome it completely. Here are verses you can read whenever you have a question of what's okay in God's eyes.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it ALL for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). So does getting high or gambling or cheating glorify God? Probably not. I can't see where it glorifies God at all. Since it doesn't, I am sure he is hoping as well as me that you all hearing this and will reconsider your choices.

“Do you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? (1 Corinthians 6:10). So envision the Holy Spirit is with you, because he is, every time you light up a cigarette or joint or take a drink of alcohol, You are destroying the temple of the Holy Spirit and abusing the body that God gave you. I want you to dig deep within yourself and be open to hearing what God is trying to tell you. We all sometimes make up excuses daily for justifying our actions...but our journey in life is to become more and more like Jesus each day not to succumb to demonic activity. He is not allowing you to hurt yourself. Sometimes when we hurt we want to pretend he doesn't exist and has no say in our life which is far from the truth. You are not allowed to follow your own rules.

Not following God's rules leads only to destruction and separation. The Holy Spirit within you will compel you to do what is right and good. If you do anything that impedes on your Holy services to God such as addiction to drugs or alcohol or food or gambling or adultery, than it is sin. If it impairs your ability to do what is right in the eyes of God than it is sin. You are supposed to worship Him and only Him, not substance or another individual including yourself. Think about it, you cannot expect to inhale anything thick and raw that is not regular air to sustain us and think it is benefiting your body and mind. Whether you are on substance or not it has still damaged your brain cells and your thinking and decision making and judgement calls are still distorted. But if you stop at an early enough age they will have a chance to regenerate and rebuild. If not, your brain will continue to deteriorate instead of develop.

The fear of losing my baby has empowered me more than ever to stand up and NOT be stifled any longer by the ones who thought they knew better. I am NOT religious at all. I simply have the spirit of God in me. I have learned so much in the last years since our discard and I am trying to reach out to you to better your lives for your future children and grandchildren as my husband and I will no longer get that privilege. You can break the cycle of addiction. Each and everyone of us have the power to break that bloodline curse handed down from generation to generation.

God has to complete you. You will never be truly authentically happy or at peace if your mind is clouded and you are waiting for another human being, man or woman or thing to fulfill that need or looking for substance to mask the pain. That is why so many people out there are miserable and are fighting demons everyday. It is what I have learned while watching the two most important men in my life plummet. What I know to be fact. Please find a healthier way of getting high.

I spoke with my son on a daily basis whether it was in person or through a phone call. I always took time out at work to talk to my son. Please do NOT let a day go by without reaching out to your kids whether it be through text, phone call or just hunting them down in person. Who cares what others think. Just do it. Please leave no regrets.

He mentioned to me that he wanted to move to Florida next year with me to make a fresh start on life. I told him maybe there were special things out there waiting for him. His dream job was waiting for him but he needed to learn to love others from afar for awhile so he could accomplish what God put him here for. He came over a couple of weeks ago and helped me take cushions off of an old bamboo table and chairs and was going to paint it for me. He was excited to go and create a whole new network of friends even though he was being torn completely between keeping his first love and moving away. I told him everyday to be strong and pray about it and his decision making between the two would get easier. I told him the struggles in his life were not meant to destroy him but to help him realize his hidden potential and he needed to hold on a bit longer.

I am broken beyond comprehension as is my husband and all who loved my boy but I have to believe that my son Kyle is alive, restored and safe in His Fathers arms.

My Son Kyle - I closed my eyes for but a moment and suddenly a man stood where a boy used to be. I may not carry you in my arms anymore, but I will always carry you in my heart. You have given me so many reasons to be proud of the man you have become. But the proudest moment for me is telling others you are my son. I love you Kyle, more than you will ever know. May God bless you always. Mom

Kyle King, you are with your siblings now, Momo and Popo and your friend Jesse. You are free now son. Free from the torment and pain that held onto you so tightly. You will forever be in my heart, and I was so proud to call you my son. You are MY baby boy, MY son, MY friend, MY gentle giant, MY hero, MY King Kyle and MY everything, who never had a bad bone your body and was so beyond loved by too many to mention. I love you now and for eternity and will see you in another time. Sleep well Poo Doo until we meet again.

Your Mommy