Always cheered me up when I was down! Miss you bro…

PART 1 Letter
Dear Avery, 
The last few days I have been listening to the “Greif Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary”.  I don’t know who put it at the top of our Audible, but someone recently did it, Ty says he didn’t so must have been mom or God. 

In the book it demonstrates how we have to get closure and say goodbye.  It reiterates it is not goodbye forever, it is goodbye to unsaid emotions that need closure.

The book asks you to create a timeline of our relationship and significant events that I remember and graph the events. It says describe the event, whether positive or negative on the timeline. Draw a horizontal line and graph happy positive events on top, and negative events on the bottom, knowing that many things have been left unsaid.  Then when you get close to the end of the book, it says to write a letter to you.  I’m pretty sure I am supposed to write it by hand, but I am typing by hand.  I’m doing it at work, and I know some of these guys know something is wrong, because I have tears streaming down my face. 

One of the things I remember was when you were little, and played baseball, you kept taking your hat off and losing it. I don’t know for sure how many hats we had to buy you, but several.  Before a game as we were getting ready, you couldn’t find your hat. It pissed me off.  I told you we would have to make one and you could wear it.  The one we made looked awful, I remember how sad you looked thinking you would have to wear it.  I am so sorry I made you feel that way, and to this day I have never forgotten it, please forgive me. 

It says in the book there has to be negative things you did to me, so I can tell you I forgive you. I know your life was a struggle, and you tried real hard to kick the drugs, it was just such a great struggle.  I forgive you for that.

Part 3 - letter
Now I really don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel OK but I can’t think of anything I like to do without thinking of you.  Watch sports, eat good food, watch news.  Nothing gets my mind off of this tragedy, all the escapes I used to use only remind me of you more. 

I know you are in heaven.  I know your heart and your beliefs.  I know I got to watch several preachers with you Sunday before you died and you told me it was peaceful listening to them. 

I want you to know that I hope I can get some closure by telling you all this stuff I never told you when you were alive.  I find myself often crying out to God “God how can my boy be dead, God! I don’t understand it God!  I did everything I thought I was supposed to do.  Not perfect, but certainly remembered to cover my family in prayer daily and specifically ask for their protection.”

Life will never be the same without you. My heart is broken beyond belief.  I cannot believe my boy is dead. Please forgive me for the things I didn’t say to you and some of the things I did, and know that I will love and cherish your life for as long as I am alive. I will see you in heaven. 

Love Dad. 


Part 2 - letter
I never told you enough times how proud I was of you for struggling the best you could.  For exercising and eating right and losing weight up until the time of your death. I am saying it now. Thank you for trying and sorry for not encouraging you enough. 

I’m sorry for not getting you out of the hell and torment you endured for the last 4 years.  I know the hell and torment was meant for me, but you were there so you had to endure it. For that I am sorry Avery.  I know that contributed to your untimely death.
 
I never told you that you were my best friend. It is true. I don’t have any friends. You were the only one I interacted with every day. Especially the last four years. I am going to miss discussing sports and news with you every day.  I can barely watch football now, because I feel guilty you can’t watch with me. I tried to check headlines all day long so I would be able to converse with you about current events everyday when I got home, or the next morning. I’m sorry I never told you how important you are to me.

I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time at the hospital with you. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you said this is very serious and you could die from it. The hospital made it so hard to visit you. Plus, never in a million years did I believe your life was at risk. Avery I want you to know I prayed specifically for you every day, for your battle with drugs, that God would open opportunities up for you.  I know a few years ago you almost died several times.  I saw them myself use paddles on you and restart your heart. Since that day without fail I have thanked God that he raised you from the dead several times. I wanted God to know I didn’t take it for granted. So having said all that, I never dreamed in a million years your life was at risk, not after what I had seen God do for you.  So, please forgive me. 

Avery will be missed and know that Heaven gained an Angel. 

Son, I wish I could wake up and see you standing there.
Then I would know that it was just a nightmare.

Son, I remember when you were small and how you would hold my hand, 
and as you grew older you became my best friend.

Son, I have 34 years of memories that I will treasure and keep safe in my heart.
We share a bond that time and distance can never break apart.

Son, oh how my heart aches so.
I would love to have you back and never let you go.

Son, where there was happiness, 
now there is sadness.

Son, how I long to hear your voice and see your beautiful smile 
and have you back for just a little while.

Son, until that day I see you again, 
I will look to the sky and search among the stars for my son and best friend.
Love y’all Jamey and LuAnn
Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/half-of-my-heart-is-gone

Our deepest condolences in the loss of your son. May God give you strength and peace during this difficult time.

OBITUARIO

Julius Avery Roberson

9 septiembre, 1987 – 18 noviembre, 2021

Ellis Resthaven Funeral Home and Memorial Park

Muestre su apoyo

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