Doris Verna Barr

Our mother Doris Barr was a beautiful woman. She was a beauty to behold and a beauty to experience. Our father often talked about our mother’s beauty; he loved her deeply. Early pictures display a fresh pretty face with a smile that lit up a room. Her eyes were dark and striking, framed by big lashes and dark glowing hair. Beyond her physical beauty that she kept her whole life, our mother was a beautiful soul. Her calm and patient handling of our family life’s joys and trials was an inspiration and lesson that still resonates to this day.

Doris Barr was born in Winnipeg on March 7, 1923, and she lived her early years on Furby St. with her mother Maria, father Arthur and older brother Jack. She was her father’s precious mite. Her memories were of her father lighting the old coal furnace in the basement on cold winter mornings while she lay shivering in bed. Or accompanying both her parents on their trips to their farm, a little parcel of land outside of MacDonald, Manitoba. Working in her dad’s hobby garden and going to Portage La Prairie on a Saturday night were amongst her treasured memories.

Doris loved to go to movies (Laurel and Hardy films were among her favourites), and she loved music, especially her father’s singing and piano playing. As a young girl she attended Daniel McIntyre Collegiate Institute and had many friends including her best friend, Doris Matteson. It was during this time that Doris’s musical tastes developed and she became fond of opera stars such as Lily Pons, and clarinet players such as Woody Herman and Benny Goodman. She liked Louis Armstrong and Jack Teagarden and early women blues singers such as Bessie Smith. Popular singers like Frankie Laine, Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald rounded out her favourites.

As Doris moved from high school to adult life, she continued her friendship with Doris M. and together they would attend dances and ski trips, and penny horse race betting at Assiniboia Downs. Grand Beach and Winnipeg Beach were frequent destinations for Doris and her friends. The Moonlight Special was their means of transportation during this magical time of Doris’ youth.

Doris was employed by the T. E. Eaton Co. as a store clerk. Her father worked on the 7th floor in linens and she worked on the 1st floor in hosiery. It was during this time that Doris caught the eye of her soon to be husband Bill Barr. Our father would often talk about how he saw her from afar and was instantly smitten and determined to win her heart.

It was on a ski trip that they were both attending separately that my father got his chance to meet her. The story goes that my mom had inadvertently skied into a snowbank that she could not get out of and our dad skied up and rescued her. How romantic is that! This event brought about a love affair and marriage that lasted until our father’s death in November 2020. The two courted for two years and were married on the 25th of May, 1950. They married at Broadway First Baptist Church with Bill’s brother Art serving as Best Man and Doris Matteson serving as Maid of Honour. They honeymooned in Victoria, B.C. and Seattle, WA. Many romantic trips to Victoria Beach and Winnipeg Beach were part of their early years together.

They lived for awhile on the 3rd floor of Doris’s parents’ Furby Street home, and it was there that Doris and Bill introduced to the world two beautiful daughters: Nancy Lee and Jane Maria. Realizing that their tiny apartment on the 3rd floor was not large enough for a growing family, Doris and Bill took a giant leap and built a brand-new house on Pawnee Bay in Niakwa Park. It was in their beautiful Pawnee Bay home, nestled in the south east corner of Winnipeg where they brought their new (and favourite) baby; Daniel Arthur to meet his sisters.

Doris loved her house and despite the challenges of her growing family she was a tireless homemaker and mother, and her family put her through her paces. Her life was not easy juggling three demanding children and her husband’s erratic work schedule. But it seemed that she carried herself with poise and grace no matter how stressful it got. She kept her home from the late 50’s for as long as she was able.

Doris’ love of nurturing extended not only to her family and loved ones, it also encompassed her environment and nature. She kept a neat and beautiful yard, and garden in the summer. Doris was also an early practitioner of mindfulness in all matters of moral importance. Due to her own mother’s forward thinking and influence, Doris championed nature and careful stewardship of our environment. It was this care for the earth that Doris fostered in her children, especially her oldest daughter Nancy who went on to a long career in Parks Canada and Earth based natural healing.

Doris Barr was a listener. She was a great listener. In order to listen effectively you need patience; you need a great amount of patience and she was patient. Our mother would listen to everything and anything that our family gave her with an open accepting heart and a keen mind. She may not have always agreed or liked what she was hearing, but she would listen patiently and respond in a way that usually supported or dissuaded you in an informative and loving manner.

When we were younger, she would listen and respond to all of our childish play nonsense and family joking (of which there was a lot), and she would also listen to every hurt feeling or childish outrage of injustice that all kids growing up experience. She was unfailingly able to make you see all sides of an issue or argument while still supporting your hurt feelings. She was the ultimate peacemaker. She carried with her an easygoing grace and intuitive charity and prudence that encompassed almost any conflict that she encountered. She thought of the feelings of others often at the expense of her own well being.

Doris modelled all the proper attributes of what she believed to be the correct way to live. Being charitable to others by developing a strong sense of compassion and understanding of others’ suffering was Doris’ mode of operation. Being hopeful and giving all a healthy benefit of the doubt was consistently practiced by our mother. Her patience and common-sense decency demanded that she keep her negative feelings to herself unless she was able to express them in a constructive and healing manner. Doris always maintained a hopeful and resilient faith in us.

Our parents loved music. Our parents sang to us. We grew up to the sound of music playing from the moment we could remember. Our mother’s choice in music was diverse and vast. Her choices included many musicals, classical compositions and jazz performers such as Cleo Laine and Stéphane Grappelli. CBC radio was playing in our house all day long. She loved “You Are the Sunshine Of My Life” by Stevie Wonder and “You Make Me So Very Happy” by Blood Sweat and Tears, just to name a few. Our mother listened to all music with an open ear and non-judging heart. Even though she may not have like what she heard, she always seemed able to conjure up something positive to say. As we kids grew older, our mother’s capability to listen was tested and broadened out to include all of our wild and changing tastes, from The Monkees and the Beatles to Uriah Heep and Deep Purple. Neil Young, Frank Zappa, Three Dog Night, the list is endless—all of our favourites were presented to our mother. We trusted her and longed for her approval.

Doris was a knowledgeable person. She was always reading. Her knowledge, like her musical taste, was vast and diverse. It was amazing and often surprising how much our mother knew. History, Sports, Philosophy, Geography, etc., she really seemed to know everything. If you wanted help with a crossword, you asked her. If you wanted any chance of winning at Trivial Pursuit, you’d better be on her team. She really was that good. Ask anyone who knew her.

As her family grew up and moved out to start lives of their own, Doris welcomed many new grandchildren and great-grandchildren to her precious family. She cherished family dinners and get togethers with friends and loved ones. She loved to take her grandchildren on day-trips to spoil.

Our parents travelled often and our mother enjoyed her time with Bill in places like England and B.C. and Victoria Beach, Whitehorse and Thunder Bay amongst many others.

Somewhere along the course of Doris’s life we began to lose her to a terrible and relentless dementia that slowly and cruelly robbed us of her. There are no means of expression that could effectively describe the unfairness and devastation that our mother’s condition brought to our family.

Throughout our mother’s long and painful decline, our father stayed by her side. He visited our mother everyday that he was able. His love and devotion were well founded. She was worth our love and devotion and so much more. Our mother was a special and unique power on this earth. Although we miss her so, she is finally happy and reunited with her Bill.

She soothed, she cooed, she made mountains of food.

She sewed and darned, packed for trips to the farm.

Reading us books or giving us “the look,”

She supported and praised, catered night and day.

She nurtured and healed the pain we would feel.

A broken wrist, a brand-new hip and appendicitis was on her list.

Dogs and cats and birds and bats, mice, snakes and turtles

were just some of the many creatures that she had to nurture.

She fed every kid in the block,

was up around the clock making sure Dad got to work on time.

Chauffer and chef, always did her best and

Always, always walked a straight line

She stood up for the wronged and for peace she would long

She always did the right thing,

her heart was just,

her vision was clear in her guidance of us

and grace grows where her footsteps have been.

Love and understanding filled our days,

she gave us strength, she gave us praise,

she loved her Bill for all of her days.

she loved us all for all her days.