I did not see my mother die.

This is a story about life and about death, about selflessness and compassion, but mostly it’s about love.

This is a story about the woman I called mother, and it began some 92 years ago. It is about a woman who was strong, yet compassionate, rugged yet tender, one with a quick wit and good sense of humor, one who knew how to live and age graciously, and to die with dignity. 

My mother grew up in a time different from what we know, where there were few of the things we accept as everyday normal. Things like phones, not cell phones, but regular phones. There were no TVs, no cars with heated seats, no toys that talked or moved, mostly there were the things of their own creation. She told of something called canny-can-can where she would step on the side of an empty can so that it would bend around the sole of her shoe, and then she would run around making noise with the cans on her feet. She lived through a depression and a world war. Those times helped shape the person she became. She lived through being the only girl in a house with four brothers. I know that helped shape the person she became. She lived through raising children. She watched her mother and father die. She watched her brothers die, and she watched and cared for a husband of 50 years as he died. She has outlived family and lifelong friends. How wonderful it is that she is with them now. 

My mother, in more recent times, lived in the house that she and my father built. She lived there alone for a good many years after father died. She did the cooking, cleaning, grass cutting, snow blowing, gardening, and the hundred other things that one must do to maintain a house. It was not unusual for her to be changing oil on her garden tractor in the morning and sewing a quilt in the afternoon. My wife called her “Mechanic Mama,” and I just called her mom.

But, as time passes and the body ages, tasks become more labored. 
Unlike others who refuse to leave their homes, my mother asked to move to St. Therese making that transition, that difficult change in her life, easy for us. When driving became more difficult, she asked us to sell her car. We did not have to intervene or take away keys. When her body became frail and she needed more help, we did not make that decision, she did. She did not want us to feel bad about forcing her to do what she really did not want to do. Selflessness and compassion.

On to the final part of the story… For the past few years, my wife and I have been able to spend a couple of months in Florida with friends avoiding part of the Minnesota winter. This year our plan was to spend February and March there, but with mother becoming more fragile and needing more help, we decided Florida could wait. When mother moved into rehab at St. Therese in New Hope, we saw that she was well cared for and in a safe and secure environment. Could we possibly go for a week or two? We made plans, but before we went, we asked one last time, “Are you sure you will be alright?” “Of course, they take good care of me here,” and as she looked around as if to see if anyone else could hear, she whispered, “I even kinda like it here. Go, have fun, do it while you still can.” And so, we went with our cell phones charged and loaded with St Therese phone numbers. We tried to call daily but could rarely get through. The nurse would say she was at bingo or happy hour or physical therapy or eating or walking or at some party. She would take the message and have her call us later. We knew she did “kinda like it there.”

On Saturday, it happened. “I don’t feel well today, I’m tired, I’m not comfortable, I’m very weak. But enough about me, how are things in Florida? Yes, I’ll be fine, you have fun. Yes, I love you too.”

On that day we made plans for our return. An impending snow storm kept us away. On the last call Sunday, we said, “We love you, we’re coming home, we’re on our way. The last we heard was, “It’s ok, it’s ok…ok.”

- Dennis Grabowski

Vi was one of my very good friends and I will miss chatting with her and hearing about her stories and sharing many laughing moments together.  See you later my friend.

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Valeria "Vi" Grabowski

1 abril, 1918 – 20 febrero, 2011

Kapala-Glodek-Malone Funeral Home

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Valeria "Vi" Grabowski

1 abril, 1918 – 20 febrero, 2011

Kapala-Glodek-Malone Funeral Home

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