Stanley Ely

Stanley Ely died on October 9, 2025 in Manhattan. He was 92 years old: a devoted son, a constant writer and reader, a consummate traveler, a multi-lingual language teacher, an unending friend, a passionate cat-lover, a civic-minded volunteer, a lover of culture in all its forms, and a die-hard New Yorker loyal to Texas. Most of all, he was Uncle Stanley, not only to his family but to many non-family members as well.

Stanley was born in Dallas, Texas on November 9, 1932, the youngest of three siblings. Though he left for college in Illinois to attend Northwestern University, followed by service in Korea, graduate school in Arizona, and more than 50 years on New York’s Upper East Side, he remained a Texan in accent and identity.

His writing was essential. The first published book “In Jewish Texas: A Family Memoir,” described growing up Jewish and closeted in Texas. He went on to self-publish twelve more, with topics ranging from living alone creatively to coming out in an era hostile towards homosexuality. He published numerous articles in The Huffington Post and assorted LGBTQ periodicals and was writing about his military experience in the Korean War when he died. At the age of 90 he embarked on a new creative project: co-producing and co-hosting a podcast titled “In the Right Direction” which brought intergenerational reflections to a range of topics.

Stanley read as widely as he wrote, favorites were Russian and French novels. A love of gay literature led to joining and eventually co-leading a gay men’s book group, and this brought him pleasure, friendships and meals for many years.

In the 1980s and 90s Stanley witnessed the devastation of the AIDS epidemic in NYC and saw dear friends sicken and die. He kept their photographs on his shelves and spoke of them often, even as he collected new dear friends who accompanied him through his later decades.

After retiring from his career as a Spanish and French language teacher at New Rochelle High School, he entered a new life phase as a volunteer: editing the newsletter for Callen Lorde Community Health Center, working in a thrift shop whose profits went to charity, organizing book donations. He strongly believed in the moral requirement to give, whether money, time or self.

When medical illnesses began to mount, and eventually grew dire, he faced them with courage, patience, and the firm intention to do everything within his power to return to the life he loved.

He leaves his biological family: nieces Elissa Ely (Jay Sandvos), Marcia Ely (Andy McKey), Susie Reed and honorary niece Anita Comtois; nephew Ed Reed; great-nephews Jeremy McKey, Miles McKey (Gina Lopez-Merrill), Jonathan Reed (Jeffrey Dodd) and great-niece Rebecca Sandvos. He also leaves his beloved non-biological family, especially Matt Sartwell, Steve Rush, Zack Koval and his invaluably compassionate companions E.J. Carroll and Winston Smartt.

Uncle Stanley was buried beside his parents in Dallas’ Shearith Israel Cemetery. We will miss him dearly.

For those who wish, donations can be made to some of his favorite charities: The Humane Society of New York, WNET, Doctors Without Borders, and SAGE (Senior Action in a Gay Environment).