Miriam Orlan

My sister, Miriam, was blessed with a beautiful neshama.  She had a multitude of friends who absolutely adored her.  She loved Shabbos and Yamim Tovim.  She was very popular and had a wealth of friends and she included everyone; no one was ever left out. She possessed the gift of helping those less fortunate.. She made time for everyone. She could feel other's pain; she knew when others were scared, when they were hurt, or embarrassed and Miriam did her best to lift everyone up.  She was a wonderful Aunt to my kids, and my kids loved her.  I can still remember when she stayed in my apartment in Jerusalem for a week and we spoke about marriage, Hashem, and Emunah.  She had such big aspirations.  She was my sister; I loved her and she will be in my heart all the days of my life.  Through her good deeds and her kind heart she achieved great success in her short years and she will always be remembered for her kind and generous heart and spirit.

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Dear Miriam,

It took me a few days to get up the courage to write something for you. Not because I didn't have what to say, I have countless stories of what an amazing person you were, and how much you've made me smile and laugh, but because it took me a few days to really swallow the fact that physically your no longer here to do that. Thank you for playing such an important role in the critical shaping years of my life. Who I am, certain habits, and character traits I developed were done so in your influence. I want to dedicate every laugh I have from here on out to you Miriam. Your humor was like no other, your smile was always the warmest greeting. Your personality lit up every room you entered. You Always knew what to say, and your motives were always completely selfless. You were so fun. The best memories I have as a young girl are with you Miriam, and I'll keep that with me forever. Your kind, and loving friendship will forever stay with me. Thank you for always being the kind of friend who even after we chose different paths in life, always made an effort to keep me in your life and in your heart. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you more when you needed me most. And going into yom kipper, I want to publicly ask for the upmost machila from you, my beautiful angel Miriam. I'm going to see you again one day soon. Machiach is almost here, I just know it.

Always in my heart

In honor of Miriam, I want everyone reading this to try and laugh and smile a little bit more every day, in Miriam's name,

Miriam Esther bas Avraham Yitzchak

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Hesped for Miriam Orlan a”h

Miriam Esther bas Avraham Yitzchak

Darcho shel olam, the way of the world is for children to gather to say goodbye to parents; parents are not supposed to be standing graveside to say goodbye to their children. Zachreinu l’chaim, melech chafetz ba’chaim…for these ten days, three times a day we beseech God to remember us for life. We refer to Him as the King who cherishes life. And yet, our zachreinu l’chaim has so abruptly turned into a yizkor Elokim, a hope for a rich life transformed into a prayer for the memory of someone no longer. It is beyond painful, tragic and almost incomprehensible that we find ourselves standing here today to give kavod acharon, to say goodbye to a precious young woman, a special neshama, Miriam Esther bas Avraham Yitzchak, who has left the world way too soon and before her time.

Devora and Avi – Miriam knew how much you loved her and how deeply you cared about her. She cherished your love in all forms, affectionate love and tough love, because she knew you were concerned only for her. There are simply no words we can offer that can ease your pain or comfort your aching soul. All we can do is pray that Hashem gives you the strength to know that you did all that you could and the courage to endure this horrific moment.

Sara and Yitzchak, Doniel, Penina and Tal – Miriam felt your love and commitment to her and she loved you. We pray that the fun times, laughter, happiness and joy you had with her will shape your memory of her and that you somehow find comfort during this time.

Mrs. Orlan, Mrs. Phillips, Perel, Shmuly and all of Miriam’s family – you were each part of what gave Miriam strength and courage over these last years. Miriam had wonderful qualities and virtues, undoubtedly due to your influence and the model you each set. We pray this will be a source of comfort and consolation.

There is great soul-searching, reflection and even cheshbon ha’nefesh that our community must undertake in the wake of this tragedy. We must do more and do better for the vulnerable among us, to soothe the pain of the spiritually wounded, to love and comfort the souls that are aching so that they don’t need to find solace elsewhere. I pledge that we will take an accounting, we will listen, learn and act. But not now, not today. Today is about our special and sensitive soul, Miriam Esther bas Avraham Yitzchak.

We are in the period of aseres y’mei teshuva, and these days of awe culminate with Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur forces us to confront our mortality, to reflect on how fragile life is, with the hope it will motivate a more meaningful and fulfilled life. We perform kapparos and say may the death of this chicken be a source of atonement for us. Men wear a kittel on Yom Kippur, the garment we are buried in. On Yom Kippur, we read from Acharei Mos, the portion that tells of the premature death of Aharon’s two sons. We read the story of the asarah harugei malchus, the ten martyrs. We recite vidduy on Yom Kippur, just as a person does at the end of his life. We deny ourselves physical comfort and pleasure as if we no longer have a body. Lastly, the Talmud tells us Yom Hakippurim atzmo m’caper, u’misah m’chaperes, Yom Kippur atones, and death atones. There is an undeniable connection between Yom Kippur and death that is meant to inspire life.

But there is another way of interpreting these customs and observances. On Yom Kippur we are focused not on death, but rather, we are focused on life, our real lives, the true us, not the illusion of this world. For 364 days a year, we live in this physical world, but for 25 hours, we transcend it, we are a soul free of the pleasures of this world, unburdened by the urges and temptations of the body. For one day, we taste what it will mean to be an unencumbered soul: pure, good, and noble.

Some souls can’t wait to get back to the physical world, to indulge and to be carefree. Other souls, like Miriam, feel the pain of the world, of the people around them, and carry all that pain, making reentry difficult, if not impossible. Miriam was born with an insatiable appetite. From a young age, she loved to take it in. She enjoyed good food, deep conversation, close relationships. She loved to indulge in what life had to offer.

There is no doubt she was passionate. But what made Miriam special is not her passion, but her compassion. Miriam was caring, sensitive, loving, and had a seemingly endless capacity for empathy. She genuinely felt the pain of people around her and carried it like it was her own. She was pained for people around her who were hurting. She even felt the pain of little chickens and of bees, and that is why for a long time she was a vegan who refused to eat animals or even the honey they produced.

Miriam was politically astute and instinctively always rooted for underdog. She didn’t judge, she didn’t criticize, she just loved. She had a gutta neshama, a neshama not from this world, a neshama that couldn’t handle the pain of this world.

The Rambam uses a very unusual word in the beginning of the 7th chapter of hilchos teshuva. “Yishtadeil adom la’asos teshuva, a person should try to repent.” He doesn’t say “accomplish teshuva,” he says yishtadeil, try, do your best, battle and don’t ever give up. Miriam battled since she was 14 years old. She never ever thought she would become a statistic, a victim of this dreaded disease. It took enormous physical and emotional energy to fight and to battle, daily.

Miriam Esther bas Avraham Yitzchak must not be remembered for a battle she lost, but for the countless battles she won. She went to cosmetician school, she moved to New York, and built a life for herself. She had a good job as a beloved nanny for a wonderful family. She was a loyal friend and a dedicated daughter, devoted granddaughter, sibling and aunt. She was beloved to so many on whom she had a great impact.

While the pain for you, her beloved family, is beyond words or even consolation, I hope and pray that you find strength in knowing that Miriam’s soul is no longer encumbered by this world, she is no longer burdened by pain, that of hers or that of others. While this Saturday night at Havdalah, we will return from Yom Kippur into this world, Miriam Esther bas Avraham Yitzchak will now remain a pure, pain free soul forever.

T’hei nafsha tzerura b’tzror ha’chaim