Kenneth Frank Toscanini

Soon after Ken passed away I knew I wanted to share my perspective of our life together. Knowing that, my mind raced with different thoughts and memories from over the years we shared. In my own words, the following was read at Ken’s memorial, by my dear sister Liana Belair.

Ken was my best friend, husband, and life partner. I’ve had the blessing of being married to him for just shy of 24 years. We dated for the previous 6 and were friends and acquaintances going back another 12. Some of you… know more of our history; and that’s a whole other story. I’ll give you a hint, he ended up marrying the babysitter.

Reflecting back to when we first truly connected and went from being acquaintances to friends I’d have to say it was when I visited with Ken in St. Mary’s Hospital while he was recovering from his first heart surgery. We’d walk the halls and talk about just anything that popped into our heads.

While getting to know Ken, he disclosed his “Circle of Life” philosophy. He’d surround himself with protective circles and the way it worked was, the closer you were to him the smaller the circle you were allowed into. I started out on a far outside circle, walking around the hospital corridors, never imagining anything more than just being a good friend. Little did I know that he would draw me into his very closest circle.

Ken, at his core, was a very private person; he’d say that just being with me was all he needed. However, he was very sensitive to my needs and knew I needed a little more, and he made it happen. Over the years we traveled and socialized with family and friends.

We not only had a special personal relationship but over the years Ken taught me many things, from business to home remodeling. With only a high school education he was constantly teaching himself. He was always absorbing knowledge anywhere and everywhere by listening and watching (yes, many of you out there knew you were being watched). His uncanny business acumen was developed using common sense, thoughtful cause and effect thinking, and I’m sure in part, from working with his father when Ken was a young man.

He had the courage to stand by his actions and decisions because he knew that he had looked at every issue from every side and from top to bottom. He considered every possible consequence and as a result, he was always secure in knowing that taking responsibility for his actions wouldn’t be an issue.

He was famous for saying “Pre-act don’t re-act”.

Ken had strong opinions, but could also adapt or change them if shown a better solution. But you’d better have strong evidence to support your theory!

Take for instance; Ken was very reluctant to having a dog; until I convinced him that I would “totally” take care of her, and recognizing how important it was to me, he gave in. When KT arrived, he quickly realized how unconditionally a dog gives love, and the error of his ways at not getting a dog long ago. He was even accepting when KT staked out prime real estate on the bed!

He had a heart of solid gold. Definitely a man’s man, but he loved hanging with the ladies & they loved him. He had a very sensitive soul. He was a great listener and was always willing to give advice, if asked, and sometimes you didn’t even have to ask. You could follow it or not, “no strings attached”.

Ken’s “honest” sense of humor was unique and genuine. Yes, he had his challenges with communication… but anyone who knew his way, knew the more crap he gave you, the more he cared about you.

As in all lasting marriages Ken and I accepted the dynamics of our differences. We learned the difference between arguing and being mad at each other. Example, during all the years of remodeling our home, arguing was a big part, and an accepted part of the deal; as I’m sure some of our contractors (many of whom soon became our friends) and the neighbors could attest to.

We also developed our own non-verbal communication; we mutually respected and deeply loved each other. At times it appeared that the norm was in reverse in our relationship; Ken was the shopper (except for groceries), initiator of remodeling projects and was a golf-widower. That’s what made “us“ work.

Ken never gave up, it wasn’t in his DNA. He always made sure he had at least one fun project already set in his mind before the last one was completed. Most times he got so excited to get started on the new project he’d drop the last one before completion. Ken knew how important it was to have a motivating factor to get him up and excited for each day.

While Ken was a private man (although it’s hard to imagine, with so many of you here as testament to him), he lived a full and complete life. In these past few months I’ve tried to convey to him, the overwhelming outpouring of love coming his way from so many of you here now, and from those friends and business associates not able to join us here today. Ken was never comfortable speaking of death; he always referred to it as “going away”. He has now gone away to a peaceful place.

At times like this, people always ask, “Is there anything I can do for you?” There is… give some thought to your circle of life. Take time now to make thoughtful personal choices for your end of life cycle, so your family is able to close your circle with love. I would also welcome your posted comments or personal memories on the Keaton’s website as a keepsake and to share with our grandchildren so they might have a better sense of who Ken was through his friends and family.

Again, I would like to say how thankful I am to all of you for coming tonight and sending your healing thoughts and prayers. Know that they have made a big difference for the Toscanini family during this difficult time of grieving. My love to you all.

Ken’s babe.

Official Obituary:

A beloved husband, father, grandfather, brother and business icon, Ken Toscanini passed away peacefully on Wednesday, March 9 at Saint Mary's Medical Center in San Francisco. Ken was born in San Francisco and was a long time resident of Marin County. Ken's passions were always love of family and Toscalito Tire & Automotive. Ken is survived by his wife, Teresa, his two sons, Chad and Troy, Troy's wife, Danielle and Ken's five grandchildren, Sarah, Nina, Hannah, Luke and Benjamin. Also mourning Ken is his sister, Pam Ippolito, brother-in-law and business partner, Vince Ippolito, and nephews, Brian and Kevin Ippolito. The employees of Toscalito Tire & Automotive will also greatly miss him. A memorial service to celebrate Ken's life will be held at Keaton's Redwood Chapel of Marin in Novato on Tuesday, March 22 from 6:00 p.m. until 8 :00 p.m. In lieu of flowers donations may be made in Ken's honor to the Marin Humane Society or a charity of your choice.