Mitchell Jason Marcott

January 11th, 1979 - November 29, 2014

Become a part of the solution

Amazing people make amazing entrances. Just after Christmas in 1978 Max and Marcie were readying their lives for the birth of a child. Two weeks before delivering, their anticipated child had turned breach; this meant an emergency C-section. On January 11th 1979, doctors brought Mitchell Jason Marcott into the world. It was immediately apparent that something wasn’t quite right. They swept Mitch away and he was placed in the neonatal intensive care unit. Mitch’s father Max did his best to stay by his son’s side. But, in his words, “a big ugly nurse” turned him away. For all the worried parents knew, Mitch wasn’t going to make it. Max expressed his gratitude that despite the intense manner in which his entrance in the world came about, he was able, unlike the parents of the babies behind the glass, to gown up and hold his first-born son. The NICU ended up being nothing serious and Mitch ended up being just fine, they figured all it must have been was fluid in the lungs or a collapsed lung. But there was a special bond that developed right there in the very beginning; a bond only achieved by a father, holding his son.

There was nothing I could ask in my interview with this wonderful family that didn’t bring them to tears. Like when I asked Max what it meant to hold his first-born son for the first time, no words came. Rituals and ceremonies are something humans do when words are insufficient. You’ll find today that words can be so insufficient when it comes to expressing how we feel about someone who is gone far too soon. And that is why today, we will combine our words with ceremony. To begin the life story of Mitch, I’d like to invite his father Max forward to light our first candle. This candle will be a symbol of the beginning of Mitch’s life, how his life was a light in the life of his family.

Max to come forward and light the first candle

As a young boy and young man, Mitch got into a lot of trouble, or so says his father. He said he would go crawdad fishing and was always up for an adventure. After Max and his mother Marcie divorced, Mitch stayed with his mom for a time. Max had come to pick them up. In order to get out there was a gate that had to be opened. Mitch spent his time working with the gate, and making sure it was securely closed behind him. When he finished the task at hand he had realized he was on the wrong side of the gate. The family got such a laugh out of that. Mitch was usually the person who got things right and would explain the right way to do it.

Mitch was the middle child. His older sister Marlie and younger brother Marshall made up the Marcott children. Did you all know that yesterday was national middle child day? Yes, naturally we ignored it. Only Marshall and Marlie would know whether all the stereotypical things people say about middle are true. Author Marianne Neifert once said that “Unfortunately, life may sometimes seem unfair to middle children, some of whom feel like an afterthought to a brilliant older sibling and unable to captivate the family's attention like the darling baby. Yet the middle position offers great training for the real world of lowered expectations, negotiation, and compromise. Middle children who often must break the mold set by an older sibling may thereby learn to challenge family values and seek their own identity.” Now you can argue the truthfulness of that statement but one thing is for sure, Mitch was a man who was a problem solver, a fixer, and a selfless loving father. Whether that was because of, or in spite of being a middle child we’ll never know.

Mitch’s dad will always remember him as being just the brightest kid possible. He said that Mitch started into computers at the ripe age of 4 years old. This was in the days of computing infancy; when the latest and greatest was the Apple Macintosh computer with graphical user interface and a 3-1/2 inch flopping disk. This brilliant tech savvy mind turned Mitch into who he became and it started in his youth. Mitch used his brilliant technology driven mind to his advantage in his career at WebTrends as a lead support engineer. In my first draft of Mitch’s obituary, I used the word good with technology. The family said that calling Mitch merely “good” with technology would be an insult. I changed it.

Mitch was raised in the Portland area, graduating from Canby High School in 1997. Following high school he pursued a degree in computer science by taking classes from Portland State University and Portland Community College. It was at this point in his life that we will begin to see the life he created for himself. There is perhaps no better way to see what someone’s life had become then through pictures and song. We will watch a DVD memorial of Mitch’s life. The musical selections were songs that were special to him and chosen by his wife Sasha, and son Jason.

Play DVD

I’d like to invite Mitch’s sister Marlie forward at this time. Marlie has some things she would like to say about her brother, but before she does, she will light our second candle to add to the light, and warmth that Mitch was in the life of his family.

Marlie to come forward and light 2nd candle

Marlie to speak

That’s not an easy thing to do. Thank you Marlie for sharing your words of comfort with us. Now its time for me to talk a little bit about Mitch through the eyes of his big sister Marlie. Marlie’s favorite thing about Mitch was getting together with him to relive the memories of the past. According to Marlie, Mitch had an uncanny ability to remember the funny stories and to bring them up in a way that would get everybody laughing. He kept memories alive and Marlie loved him most for bringing laughter to her life. To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time. Marlie and Mitch had tough moments and moments of disagreement, but they were always able to put those things aside for the sake of family. That is because, as Marlie has shared, they loved each other so much, and still do. They put love first. Marlie remembers that Mitch loved to eat. He could pack away a massive amount of meat, and never gain an ounce. He was a carnivore. He loved to cook and experiment in the kitchen. Marlie said he would always eat the gross stuff first to be polite and get it out of the way. If you ever given Mitch food or cooked for him and you saw him gobble up what you gave him first thing, don’t fool yourself; it wasn’t because he liked it.

Mitch liked to get under Marlie’s skin. He found great pleasure of reminding her of her most embarrassing acts and moments. Marlie hated that he would dish her so much crap all the time and pick on her all the time. But now, Marlie would be the first to admit, she wishes he was here now, if only just to give her crap and embarrass her.

She remembered how badly Mitch and Marshall would fight as kids. She said they fought like two Rottweilers. To see Mitch and Marshall go from two fighting Rottweilers to the best of friends was a joyous thing for Marlie. A brother shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams. After all, a friend is a brother who was once a bother. Isn’t that the way it is about brothers, it’s as if they have to go through some rite of passage. We have to hate each other, beat up on each other and darn near kill each other; if we can live through that, we can be friends. Marshall said that he fought all the time with him, but he was his best friend, and still today, IS his best friend. They were adventurous brothers together. They liked to combine science and danger. This usually involved potato guns or homemade fire works. But in between the explosive science and the wakeboarding adventures there was something deeper. One of the best and cherished things those brothers ever did together was they built a sensory room for Sammy, Mitch and Sasha’s youngest son, to assist him in his stuggle with austism. What a deeply impactful project. There is not a more meaningful thing two brothers could have done together then to build an outlet for the one thing that meant so much to Mitch, the well-being of his son Sammy. With that Segway, I’d like to invite Mitch’s dear wife Sasha to come forward and light our final candle.

Sasha to come forward and light final candle

Mitch and Sasha met more than 15 years ago while working at 800 support. Sasha admits it was NOT love at first sight. In fact Sasha said she didn’t care for him much at first. He had a hard-core “rocker” look that was off-putting for her. But once she got to know him she found that inside that “rocker” exterior laid a heart of gold, a family man who taught her how to be a mother. Sasha was a single mom at the time and her whole family worked with her at 800 support. They were very encouraging of her to give him a chance. Sasha admits that what made her fall in love with him was that he could deal with her crazy family. He was accepting of her and everything that came long with her, including a child. He wasn’t just accepting, Mitch loved and treated Taylor as his own. It was through his influence that settled Sasha down and made her into the mother she is today. Who would’ve thought that it was the “rocker” who ended up doing the taming? They were married on May 3rd 2003. Their marriage brought 3 additional children to the world; Jason, Joshua, and Sammy were Mitchell’s greatest joy in life. Family values were so important to him, like sitting down together as a family at mealtime.

One of Sasha’s fondest memories will always be their recent trip to her homeland, Hawaii. Mitch, despite some culture shock, fell in love with the place and was ready to move there. Sasha has so much to say to her dear husband, but asked that I read this in her behalf.

“To my darling husband,

I’ve always heard that when someone passes their entire life flashes before their eyes. I now know that the same is true for the loved ones left behind. When I learned that you, my darling husband, had passed my mind couldn’t stop replaying important moments of our lives together.

I remember exchanging our wedding vows and how I basically cried though the whole ceremony. My tears were tears of joy, but you were so worried that they were tears of regret. I guess it didn’t help that it took me 3 years just to finally pick a wedding date. We had our first child together and purchased our first house yet I still kept delaying picking a date. I said, “why ruin a good thing?”. But because you were always so stubborn and dedicated to getting what you want, I finally gave in and was so glad that I did. I want you to know that I was honored and proud to be your wife.

I remember the births of each of our children together and how you loved each and every one of them. I remember the beautiful thank you letters that you would just expressing your complete gratitude of being made a father yet again. You were always so proud of your children and always willing to help them achieve their greatest potential.

I remember learning the news about Sammy’s autism diagnosis and how devastated we were. Somehow, you were able to be strong. You held me and told me that everything would be ok. No matter how many times per day that I cried, you never grew tired of comforting me. And when I decided to paint the whole upstairs an awful color and pick up a new sewing hobby to distract my thoughts, you were right there to help me thread the sewing machine, or help me roll on the paint on the walls. You never judged or criticized. You just helped me to grieve in my way. I just wished that I could have been able to comfort you and care for you during your final days.

And now, I am grieving the loss of you and I can’t help but wish that you were here. I have never felt this sort of pain without you by my side. I am deeply saddened that you cannot ever tell me that everything will be ok. I wish that we could have more time together. Your passing is so unfair! I miss you so much my love.

It’s so hard saying goodbye. Wherever you are now, I hope that you know how much I love you. I hope that you know how much we all love you. Your children and I will forever cherish you in our hearts and memories.

Until we are together again,

Your wife, Sasha”

This tribute today would be entirely incomplete if we just glossed over Mitch the father. His children were his life. When he and Sasha were raising Taylor together he was happy and content. He had been in some sort of accident earlier in life and was convinced for some reason that he didn’t have the ability to have kids. So, when they received the news that Sasha was pregnant he was overjoyed. Mitch’s father Max remembers that he stayed in the hospital the night the little Jason was born. He remembers Mitch holding his firstborn son in his arms for first time and looking at him and saying, “I have a son”. Being a father to Jason was so important to him.

I got the chance to talk with Jason. What a great kid! My heart breaks for these children, but I know they have a loving mother, and a father who is watching over them. They will be all right. Jason bravely answered my questions as I found out who Mitch was through the eyes of his son. Jason said that his favorite thing to do was just talk. Some times they would have sleepovers with dad. They would even have sleepovers at the office. This was a cherished memory and always will be for Jason. He said they would eat junk food, play, watch TV and movies, play flashlight tag and just love life together. Jason said that the best thing about his dad was you could ask him anything. You could ask him a question and he would take hours explaining the answer, which would lead him to watching a video about it, which would lead to a movie that reminded him of it. They could spend hours just talking. I asked Jason what his little siblings would remember most about him was that he was energetic, that he always had a smile on his face, and that he was sarcastic. Jason took him literally all the time. Sasha emphatically agreed with the sarcasm thing. She said that it took her years to realize that you didn’t need a permit to grow grass. His sarcasm was the perfect pairing with Sasha’s naiveté personality at times. Mitch was an outdoor enthusiast and loved being out of the house doing things with his family. He loved adventurous sports. Whether it was camping or paintball, or wakeboarding, he loved being active with his family. His family was everything to him. Sasha will miss his patience especially while watching movies. Not many people have the patience that Mitch had to take the time to explain the answers to people’s questions especially during a move. Sasha said that he was the only one who understood her anxiety. She said I’m sure he got tired of running around chasing invisible people in his underwear in the middle of the night. She’ll miss the banter back and for about their differences and how he made her birthdays always feel special even though they were during tax season when all she wanted to do was sleep. She’ll miss his romantic flair and how he taught his sons to be the gentlemen as he was.

Mitch was so supportive of his kid’s endeavors. Swim team was a big deal. Jason and his younger brother Josh were swimmers and Mitch was their enthusiastic cheerleader. Sometimes the sarcasm made its way to swim meets. Jason told the funny story of how his dad had convinced Josh that he missed his event. So Josh, believing his dad, ran and jumped into the pool while the event was going. He would’ve gotten 2nd place I guess but, diving in during the middle of an event you weren’t supposed to be a part of tends to get you disqualified. Mitch was by far the most supportive person in the pool area. He was loud. The family loved seeing Mitch’s enthusiasm and watching him loudly cheering for his sons. He was so proud of them. There are so many pictures of Mitch taking pictures at swim meets. He was always behind the camera capturing the moments that he was so proud of.

Sasha and Mitch received some devastating news a while back. Their youngest son Sammy was diagnosed with autism. Sasha admits that hearing that news is devastating, to her, it was like getting the news that they had lost someone. To say that this news was hard on Mitch would be an understatement. It devastated him and shook him to the very core. Mitch, being the fixer, being the problem solver, never let anyone know about his own struggles and suffering. He had people that counted on him. Sammy counted on him. And so did Sasha. Mitch was the rock. He was the one person who celebrated the seemingly minor achievements and progress that Sammy would make. He was so proud of his son Sammy for the accomplishments he would make. Autism is such a difficult thing to understand. Mitch was Sammy’s advocate, his guardian, and his protector. He has tattooed on his arm the puzzle piece symbol of autism with the name of his son Sammy as symbol of how much his son Sammy’s well being meant to him.

Many of you here have come today seeking closure. You want answers. What happened to Mitch, why is he gone so soon? I’m here to tell you that Mitch was a fixer. Fixers and problem solvers always put others first. This usually comes at the expense of their own health and well-being. He was stubborn to get the help he needed because that wasn’t him. He wasn’t a problem that needed fixing; he was a solution, and advocate and a problem solver for others, like his dear son Sammy. People like Mitch selflessly forget themselves and forget that they have problems and things that need to be fixed too. Mitch was a good man who struggled with sadness that only he can understand. We will never know the exact reason why his life came to such an abrupt end but we can be comforted knowing that he was sick, and he is now at peace.

Mitch is no longer presently and physically here to be the advocate he was to Sammy. The invitation to all of us today is to be a part of the solution. The autism symbol is puzzle pieces. The puzzle represents the ambiguity and mystery around the causes and understanding of Autism. Many early autism slogans and campaigns used the phrase “help solve the puzzle of autism”. For us today, it is our job to fill in where Mitch left off. My invitation to each of you is become a part of the solution. I invite each of you today to take a puzzle piece with you. It has Mitch’s initials on it. I hope it reminds you have him and what he stood for. Keep it somewhere you will see it often so that you keep his memory alive. I hope its inspiration to you to be a difference maker in your world.

Our grief is deep, and sadness is real, but there is hope. To Sasha and the kids I say look around you. Look at the support you have and the love you have. Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us everyday. Unseen, unheard, but always near. Still loved, still missed. Sasha, Taylor, Jason, Josh, and Sammy, I have good news for you. It will get better, it will get better. Missing somebody gets easier everyday, because even though its one day further from the last time you saw them, its one day closer to the day you will. And even though someone isn’t physically there, their memory will live on. Maybe it will be a whisper on a breeze, or a calming presence in the midst of hardship, that is them. That is him, letting you know he’s watching out for you. And remember, when someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.

* * * * * * * * * *

Mitchell “Mitch” Jason Marcott, beloved husband, father, son, brother, and friend passed away on November 29th 2014. He was born on January 11th 1979, to his father Max Marcott, and his mother, Marcie Hammond.

Mitchell was raised in the Portland area, graduating from Canby High School in 1997. Following high school he pursued a degree in computer science by taking classes from Portland State University and Portland Community College. He met his dear wife Sasha while they were both working at 800 Support. Their relationship spanned 15 years up until his passing. They were married on May 3rd 2003. Their marriage brought 4 beautiful children to the world. Taylor, Jason, Joshua, and Sammy were Mitchell’s greatest joy in life. In his career, Mitchell was a lead support engineer for WebTrends. He was always brilliant with technology.

Mitchell was first and foremost, a loving father to his four sons. He had a special relationship with his youngest son Sammy. Mitchell was Sammy’s advocate as he struggled with autism. He was always a fixer and tried to always help others with their problems. He was a problem solver. This selfless demeanor helped him be the loving father and husband he was.

Mitchell was an outdoor enthusiast and loved being out of the house doing things with his family. He loved adventurous sports. Whether it was camping or paintball, or wakeboarding, he loved being active with his family. Of the many words that could describe Mitchell, the most important is father.

He is survived by his wife and 4 sons as well as his brother Marshall and sister Marlie. He is also survived by his father Max of Vancouver Washing ton, and mother Marcie of Phoenix Arizona. The family wishes to thank all of those who supported their family through this difficult time in their lives and those who will continue to help. He was a gift in his family’s life that is gone far too soon. He will live on in our hearts and memories.

In lieu of flowers, the family has asked that donations be made in his name to the Autism society of Oregon http://autismsocietyoregon.org/support/donate/