Beatriz Heller

Bea Heller (January 17,1944-December 13th, 2012) born in Cordoba, Argentina, to Irena Goldberg and Bernardo Heller. Bea emigrated to the United States where she obtained her PhD degree and worked as a clinical psychologist for three decades in San Diego. She lived her life fully, enjoying regular trips throughout the world with her husband Bob Fahey, including frequent visits to Argentina to be close to her family. It was a privilege to know Bea and she will be deeply missed by her husband, her family and friends, and by all those who knew her. A private service will be held on Sunday, December 16th, 2012.

Timing and distance prevented many friends and relatives of my wife, Bea Heller, from attending her memorial. I thought it might be helpful to post here my notes from the memorial for those who would have liked to attend. Bob Fahey, 20 December 2012

Memorial for Beatriz Heller, December 16, 2012

I am Bob Fahey, Beatriz Heller’s husband and I welcome you to this celebration of her life. Her passing this past Wednesday has left all of those who loved her in deep shock and grief. I recognize that his memorial is too soon. The time was chosen to allow those here from distant places and those planning travel over the coming holidays to participate. But some, when asked if they wished to speak today, felt they were too deep in grief to participate. This includes her long-term professional colleague and friend, Thomas Barnes, her close friend Canela Cavada, and her niece, Deborah Kohn, who was a constant companion and caretaker during the final weeks of her life. It has helped me to know that Bea would want us to celebrate her life with the vivacity, joy and laughter that characterized her life. I wish that for all of us today.

We start today with those speakers who knew Bea earliest and progress to those who came into her life later, including myself.

Bea’s sister, Norma Heller Kohn, shared Bea’s earliest years in Cordoba Argentina, as well as her entire life. In Cordoba Bea was known as Betty by family and friends. Norma read the following poem that Betty wrote one evening after yoga in March, 2010.

MY HANDS

My hands are old

My hands are strong

My hands, I like them

My hands are elegant

My hands are testimony that I have lived

My hands are testimony that I have survived

With liver spots, wrinkles and bones

not softened by rich, pliant skin,

I like them.

Beatriz Heller

Bea’s brother-in-law, Juaquin Kohn, knew Bea from an early age and spoke of her warm and charming manner, her great sense of humor, and lively personality.

Last of the speakers from Cordoba was her nephew David Kohn, currently studying in New York city. Speaking in Spanish for all of Betty’s nieces and nephews, he described how Betty loved them “with the heart of an aunt and with the love of a mother” and how “your passion for living inspired and motivated us. I treasure each moment we shared with you”.

Grace Miller spoke next. She was Bea’s long-term friend and described the pleasure she experienced in sharing many activities with her, the warmth and honesty of her personality, and how she had introduced Bob to Bea over 12 years ago.

Jill Spitzer described how she met Bea at a Jewish professional association meeting many years ago and how they immediately established a friendship that deepened and grew over the years.

Lynne Palmeter was Bea’s close friend for many years but also recently passed away. Her husband, Derek Woodman, knew Bea well and spoke of Bea’s close tie to Lynne, of her participation in their wedding, and of his enjoyment of Bea’s vitality and charm.

Bob’s daughter, Felicia Fahey, was a great admirer of Bea and described the warmth which Bea welcomed her and her brother Kevin as though members of her own family.

Along with my daughter, I represent the final chapter in Bea’s life and I have tried to highlight what our life together involved.

Grace Miller introduced me to Bea. She gave me Bea’s phone number, I called, and Bea and I arranged a coffee date at Extroaordinary Deserts on April 9 of 2000. I was charmed by Bea from the first but she was more garded and even after dating for nearly 6 months was unwilling to travel with me for a week to Lake Tahoe in my Truck and 5th wheel trailor. Instead she flew to Reno where I picked her up for a weekend with me at Camp Richardson, a favorite place of mine on the West Shore of Lake Tahoe. I had spent summers there as a child and later with my own children. Bea loved it also and we would return there many times, including this past summer during our visit for Rebecca Spitzer’s wedding.

After pleading with her for nearly two years Bea finally agreed to marry me. We had a wonderful ceremony and reception on April 21, 2002 at the Faculty Club at UCSD with many friends and family present. That was a very special and happy day for both of us.

Once Bea had decided that I was safe to travel with we began taking many trips together, first to Cordoba, Argentina where I met her warm and wonderful family, to England, Scotland and Sweden where I had scientific meetings, and just for pleasure to France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, China, Mexico, Panama, Peru, Costa Rica, Tahiti and, of course, all the regions of Argentina. Many of these trips we shared with Bea’s sister Norma and Norma’s husband Juaquin. The United States was not neglected; we also did trips to Seattle, Alaska, New Orleans and to New York to visit her nephew David and his wife Elena. I have coffee cups that Bea bought for me on these trips and they served as reminders of our adventures when we would have our morning coffee together.

But just our ordinary weekly routine in San Diego was also a source of great pleasure. We “dated” four nights each week. Wednesday and Saturday I was at Bea’s, with 3 mile jog/walks around her neighborhood. In our first year together I presented her with a crystal bud vase and brought her a single rose for it each Wednesday the following 12 years. The High Magic rose, yellow with red fringe, was my favorite. Then Friday and Sunday nights of each week Bea came to my home in Del Mar, usually with a bouquet of sunflowers. Bea was a wonderful cook, favorites of mine being her chicken or fish Milanesa, recipes she learned from her mother. Her 4th of July party each year brought many of her local friends to her home to watch the fireworks over the bay. The Miller family gave us another home where we enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas festivities at the home of Grace and Arturo or that of Lawrence and Vera. We met many new friends there and felt part of a large wonderful family.

Earlier this year I was at a memorial where a line from the poem “In Memory of W.B. Yeats” by W. H. Auden was quoted and a modification seems appropriate for Bea

When the current of her feeling failed. She became her admirers.

When the current of her feeling failed. She became her admirers.

One additional admirer, Michael Washington, added a heart-felt description of Bea’s endearing qualities -- mischievous character, lively sense of humor, keen interest in people and joy in life.

Our Bea and Betty cannot be replaced but we will take her with us in our memories.