Gail Patricia Burney

April 9, 1939 – February 21, 2022

By Husband Lou Burney, and Family

Gail Patricia Burney passed away on February 21, 2022, after a long illness. Prior to her passing, Gail had previously stated that she did not want a traditional funeral: no open casket, no clergy, and so forth. Her attitude about passing was “Just get it over with!” She could be that way sometimes! Our family disagreed with this, and, collectively we decided that Gail deserved a better goodbye.

In that regard, the beautiful poem, “The Dash”, by poet Linda Ellis provided context for our bittersweet “Celebration of Life for Gail”, which was held on March 12, 2022. This event highlighted those positive things, representative of how Gail lived her life, and which demonstrated why she was so loved by her family and friends.

Grandson Triston Burney began the ceremony by reading the following:

”For all the times you gently picked me up”

For all the times you gently picked me up,

when I fell down,

For all the times you tied my shoes,

and tucked me into bed,

Or needed something,

but put me first instead,

For everything we shared,

The dreams, the laughter and the tears,

I love you with a special love that deepens every year,

I thank you Grandma.

The second poem is “Remember Me”

To the living, I am gone,

To the sorrowful, I will never return.

To the angry, I was cheated, but

To the happy, I am at peace, and

To the faithful, I have never left.

I cannot be seen, but I can be heard,

So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea,

Remember me,

As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty,

Remember me.

As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity,

Remember me.

Remember me in your heart, your thoughts,

Your memories of the times we loved.

The times we cried, the times we fought,

The times we laughed.

For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.

To close my speech for Grandma today, I also would like to say a prayer for peace of mind, since she was a believer.

“Dear lord, there is a season and time for everything in this world. Today you have granted us a chance to celebrate the life of our loved one, Grandma Gail, and we want to say “thank you”. Even-though we are finding it hard to accept what has happened, we know that everything will work out for the best. Father, give us the peace of mind that surpasses all understanding as we have this celebration of Grandma Gail’s life.

Please give us the strength to share the beautiful moments that we had with her. We thank you for the time we were able to spend with her, and we trust you will keep her safe now. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.”

This was followed by Lou’s humorous, yet loving description of his memories of Gail and their thirty-seven year marriage.

Triston actually “is” convinced that Gail is an angel in disguise -- and that Gail is still up there right now, watching over us. However, having shared Gail’s life for so long, I think this “angel concept” might be a “bit” of a stretch. I know what the consequences can be if you ever get Gail “ticked off”. But, on the other hand…, in hindsight, and considering my own experience with Gail, especially over the past few months, Triston may actually be correct.

I do remember the old John Travolta movie, “Michael”… about an angel who returned to earth. Also, my favorite Willie Nelson song is… “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground”.

If Triston is correct about this “Angel thing”, I sure hope that I don’t tick Gail off today! I can just imagine Gail up there, looking down on us, and saying “OK you bunch of clowns, “have at it!” So…, I guess I’ve been elected as the lead “clown” to be your primary entertainment for this event today!

Ok, Gail, I get it! I’ll try to be good! I won’t talk about our sore spots or our closest secrets. And I’ll try to make you proud about how we conduct this “shindig” today! So, with that as background, I’m charging, (more like “fumbling”) ahead!

Gail and I have been together for almost forty years, through both happy and challenging times. It’s often said that opposites attract, and with Gail and I, that certainly was the case. Our early years and upbringing were totally different. Gail was born in a hospital in Brooklyn NY; her parents and family were from NYC, and were city folks. They were “transplants” to Florida.

In contrast, I was a third-generation Floridian; my impoverished parents led a hardscrabble life, mostly out in the country. It may sound implausible, but I was born in a tin shack on the banks of Hontoon Island, near Deland, and was raised in the woods and rural areas of north central Florida.

Gail liked the finer things of life – she was raised in south Florida near Miami, with lots of big city amenities. I was raised in north-central Florida and relished in the more rustic aspects. The woods and waters were my realm, and the city life was hers.

Gail was a church goer-- while my cathedrals were old growth Cypress domes, river floodplains, and other natural areas. Gail got her inspiration from the “Good Book”. My inspiration came from such things as watching a river swamp come to life at the crack of dawn; or seeing the sun come up on the Gulf of Mexico after a night of trawling for shrimp; or watching the “magic” that occurs each time the seasons change.

Gail liked ballet, and would swoon over Mikhail Baryshnikov. She liked theatre and Opera singers like the three tenors. On the other hand, I was more satisfied by going camping, cooking over an open fire and listening to the nighttime sounds of nature. My music preferences leaned more toward Dolly Pardon, Willy Nelson, John Denver and Linda Ronstadt.

I suppose my personality was akin to an Alpha-male timber wolf, taking on challenges head-on. Gail’s personality was more like that of a sly vixen fox, patiently taking her time and waiting for the right opportunity. She knew what she wanted, and she knew how to get it!

Essentially, Gail was more like Champagne and I was more like beer! At first blush, these differences might seem like a recipe for disaster.

But on the other hand…, Gail and I had many things in common:

We were both the about the same age;

We both had recently ended a failed marriage;

We both were trying to maintain connections with our own children, friends and relatives;

We both considered our children’s welfare to be a top priority;

And, importantly, we both were apprehensive about new relationships.

My own apprehensions persuaded me to test the sincerity of any new relationship that I might enter into. I did not want to get married—I simply wanted a “buddy”, at least for a while.

I subconsciously had a “rating scale” for evaluating compatibility of new acquaintances. A top priority was that such person needed to like fishing, boating, hunting, camping, snorkeling and other outdoor activities. If a candidate could not meet this basic test, they were not for me!

I must say… that from the very first time we met, Gail and I just seemed to “click” with each other. I will never forget the night we first met. The date was December 17, 1985, which just happened to be my 47th birthday! What a birthday present!

I was attending western line-dancing classes after work, and I decided to stay afterward to have a beer before going home. The bar was busy, and I took the last available table. Just before I was ready to leave, two ladies entered the bar and began looking for a table. I knew one of them, so I motioned for them to come over to my table.

The other lady, who I did not know, was an absolutely stunning blonde. She was a real “knockout”. I’m telling you, my heart absolutely did a flip-flop! She was a really classy lady, and, I swear-- she made my jaw drop and my brain to take a vacation!

The ladies both ordered drinks (I think Martinis and Pina Colada), and I ordered another beer. It soon appeared to me, that Gail was “out of her element”, and was uneasy with the rowdy bar scene. To make matters worse, in my awkwardness, I accidentally spilled my new beer right into Gail’s lap.

Gail was dressed “to the hilt”, with a beautiful new outfit. In panic, I ran to the bar, stole a stack of napkins, and unceremoniously dumped them right into her lap. I was embarrassed to no end. To my surprise, Gail was very gracious about the accident and we had a short enjoyable encounter.

Just as things seemed to be going my way, a drunken fool barged into the bar and headed straight for our table. He had followed Gail from another popular “and more upscale” watering hole, called the Brown Durby. The guy babbled “Ah ha, I found you”, pointing his finger at Gail. Gail expressed shock at what was happening and tried to make the guy go away. But he persisted.

This guy shook me up a little bit, and I got up, put my hand on the dude’s shoulder, and told him firmly that he was “barking up the wrong tree”. I forcefully informed him that if he cherished his teeth, it would probably be in his best interest to immediately go back to wherever he came from.

My action was mostly bluff, but it had its’ intended effect, and the dude left without further incident. However, Gail was badly shaken by the experience. It was clear that the “bar routine” was not for her, and Gail decided to go home.

As she and her friend headed for the door, I jumped up and escorted Gail to her car, where she thanked me for what I had done. I then asked Gail if she would give me her phone number. Curiously, she stated that she “did not have a telephone”. I thought to myself, “Oh, Sure”! Gail then started the car, allowed me to give her a little “peck” on the cheek and started rolling.

She drove off, leaving me standing in the dark parking lot, completely baffled, and asking myself, “What the heck just happened”! I surmised that this was the end of it all. Later on, I learned that Gail was really telling me the truth about not having a phone. Her phone service had actually been shut off due to non-payment!

Anyway, I did not give up. In our initial conversation at the bar, Gail had told me where she worked. And the next Friday morning, I called Gail’s office at the Department of Insurance to see if I could redeem myself by taking her to lunch. When she answered the phone, I identified myself-- and there was a curiously long pause. This triggered my alarm bells, and I was braced for rejection.

Well, to my pleasant surprise -- Gail cheerfully accepted my offer, and I treated her to lunch that day at the Ming Tree Restaurant. During lunch, Gail agreed to my proposal for an outing to Dog Island beach, which was reachable only by boat.

Fortunately, I did have a boat! My little boat was not exactly a yacht, but it did float - and it would get you there! My game plan was to use this opportunity as my first test to explore whether Gail was compatible with my lifestyle.

Unfortunately, in my enthusiasm, I did not adequately consider the fact that this was the middle of December! And the weather that day was not favorable for boating activities -the wind was out of the south at about 20 knots, and Dog Island Sound was “rough as a cob”!

At the boat ramp, I dressed Gail up with a life jacket and rain suit, and we blasted through the rough seas until we reached the sheltered back side of Dog Island. Along the way, I was continuously monitoring to see if Gail was scared to death, or whether she was ok and trusted my seamanship. Fortunately, it turned out to be the latter. Hey! Gail passed my first test!

After reaching Dog Island, I handed Gail a spinning rod to see if she even knew how to use it. We managed to catch five or six nice trout, and Gail caught about half of them. Gail passed my second test!

The fish had quit biting, so we decided to beachcomb a little bit, which provided an opportunity for more serious conversation. It seemed that my “game plan” was actually working (haha)! After an hour or two on the beach, the weather had calmed a bit and we decided to head back to the mainland. The return trip was much better, both physically and emotionally for me.

Afterward, Gail confessed to me that she really “did” have some apprehension on our way out. But now that we were back safely on shore, my judgment on the water was no longer an issue. Suddenly, I realized that I, also, was being tested by Gail. And, I must have passed “her” first test!

It was after dark when we arrived back at my house, where Gail had left her car. Given the situation, my better judgment was to be a gentleman, and I implored her to come back the next day for a seafood dinner. She agreed! Wow! Gail passed my third test!

The next day, I decided that Gail deserved something better than fried fish, hushpuppies, and cheese grits! I spent almost all of that day preparing a special seafood dinner, using shrimp-stuffed flounder as the main course, with wine and other delicacies. Luckily for me, it turned out perfectly.

After enjoying dinner, Gail and I cleaned up the dishes together, and retired to the living room and began listening to soft music while also looking through photo albums of my children. I felt somewhat smug that my strategy was working, and also that Gail was one “fish” that I should not let get away.

Little did I realize that Gail was now testing me for a second time! I must have done ok, because this was the beginning of a 30 year- plus relationship. In hindsight, I now surmise that, being the sly fox that Gail was, she had just let me chase her long enough… until she caught me! At any rate, after that first night at my house, I was hopelessly smitten, and I actually was caught on “her” hook!

In the two years that followed, Gail and I got to know each other pretty well. And we started to better understand each other’s needs and sore spots.

In particular, Gail shortly went about rearranging and upgrading my house, which I admit, was not exactly the most sophisticated place in the world! It essentially was a simple “man pad”! The deer head and stuffed wood duck on the wall were ok, but the wagon wheel chandelier, the ratty dining room table, and my yard-sale furniture had to go.

It didn’t take Gail long to transform my “man-pad” into something more suitable to her lifestyle. In came her mother’s antique china cabinet-full of good china and silverware; followed by Gail’s fancy dining room table; her couch; and her good bedroom furniture. And you would not believe how many pairs of high-heeled shoes-- there must have been at least twenty pairs!

Gail was clearly attempting to polish things up—including me! While I initially resisted so much change, I must admit that she was right, and I realized that, if we were going to give this thing a go, I needed to give serious consideration to “her” needs and wishes.

After transforming the appearance of the inside of the house, Gail went to work on the outside. She talked a lot about the landscaping she had at her former house in Hialeah. Before long, Gail had me traipsing all over Tallahassee looking for plants that she liked. After a year or so, my simple yard became the envy of the neighborhood!

Gail liked birds of all kind, especially hummingbirds, cardinals, goldfinches, blue birds, and owls. She soon convinced me to install bird feeders and bluebird nesting boxes. Gail also loved butterflies, and our yard became full of milkweed, lantana, blue lumbago, and similar butterfly-attracting plants.

Gail also “somehow” convinced me to paint the house a different color – both inside and outside; to build a “Florida” room on the back of the house; and build a large carport for her car. Sometimes I thought she might work me to death! But, as I said earlier, Gail was like a sly vixen fox. She knew what she wanted.., and she knew how to get it!

We had quite a few owls in our neighborhood, and in the summer, Gail loved to sit out on our front porch at dusk to watch the daily “owl show”, where mother owls would catch things under the streetlights and feed whatever it was to their young offspring.

In the following months, we spent a lot of time in the woods and on the water. Snorkeling for scallops at St. Marks; trawling for jumbo shrimp at mud cove; tossing our by-catch to dolphins that swarmed around our boat on the return trip; exploring the Ochlockonee River system; watching manatees eating eelgrass in the Wakulla River; marveling at the flocks of Pelicans and other sea birds at Dog Island---Gail really ate this stuff up.

I taught Gail how to shoot a rifle, how to drive the boat in case I fell overboard, and I even bought her a .243 caliber, Winchester bolt action rifle. But Gail never actually killed a deer or turkey with it, even though she had several chances to do so! I now suspect that Gail was just going through the motions of hunting—for my benefit, and that she never really intended to kill anything! Dagnabit!

Early in our relationship, Gail expressed concern about her safety at night while I was away on overnight trips related to my job at DEP. She inquired about the possibility of buying a handgun for protection. I agreed that this was ok if it made her feel better.

When I returned from one of my trips, I was surprised to find that Gail had purchased what looked like a cannon. She pulled out a “Dirty Harry” .357 caliber Winchester Magnum Revolver, with a nine-inch barrel! I could not believe it! I told her that the gun was too big for her, and that she should return it, in exchange for a smaller one. She insisted otherwise. I think Gail may have been trying to show me just how tough she was!

To demonstrate my point, the next weekend we went out to test-shoot the gun. I set up two targets at about 5 yards and 10 yards and I took a few shots. The gun had a tremendous kick, and was so loud that I thought my eardrums would burst. If that gun ever got fired inside a house, everyone involved would be deaf afterward.

I reloaded the weapon and proceeded to instruct Gail on gun safety. On her first shot, the gun almost flew out of her two-handed grip and the bullet struck the ground about five feet away -- barely missing the hood of my truck! For my own safety, I stepped back and gave Gail more distance to operate. Her second shot was no better than the first. I could tell that the gun scared the heck out of her.

That settled our disagreement, and afterwards, Gail willingly followed “most” of my recommendations! In hindsight, I now see that we both had something to learn from each other.

A few months later, Gail agreed to attend the fourth reunion of my high- school class in St. Augustine. This three-day event was a really big thing for my former classmates. They really liked to put on a show. You know: presentations, a fancy banquet, dancing, pool party, and so forth.

When Gail and I arrived, we were dressed in our best clothes. Gail was simply dazzling, and she was clearly in “her element”! All the guys swarmed around her like flies on honey! And Gail charmed them all. I was proud as a peacock that she was there ...“with me”!

During this time Gail was often telling me about all the magical things she had done in the Florida Keys with her kids. I had never been to the Keys for recreational activities, and after listening to her tales, I was convinced that we needed to go to the Keys together.

In 1986, Gail and I took scuba lessons, and received our open-water dive certifications in the Florida Keys. We stayed at the Kona Kai Resort in Key Largo. Afterwards, we started taking vacations in the Keys, catching lobsters.

At the time we met, Gail had one married daughter – Marilyn, and two teenagers – John and Elizabeth, and I had two teenage daughters—Sharyn and Shellie. I bonded easily with Gail’s mom, “Kitty” and her dad, Herb. But, I bonded especially with Kitty. It was the same thing with Gail’s sister, Arlene and her husband, Dale.

After almost three years of courtship, Gail and I had satisfactorily resolved the issues that caused our initial apprehensions. We felt that we really needed each other, and our kids had become good friends. So, we decided, “What the heck—shoot the moon - let’s tie the knot”!

Shortly afterwards, on Friday, August 13th, 1988, while on vacation at the Kona Kai Resort in Key Largo with most of our kids, Gail and I got married in an informal, but absolutely perfect ceremony. Gail’s daughter, Marilyn, used her authority as a Notary Public to perform the ceremony. It was my kind of wedding, and Gail and I were elated with the prospects of beginning our “second time around”.

The following year, our vacation was a week-long delayed honeymoon in Cozumel, Mexico -- scuba diving in water with 100- foot- plus visibility. By the time that week was over, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that Gail was the girl of my dreams, and that marrying Gail was the best decision of my life.

In the years that followed, we weren’t exactly the “Brady Bunch” but there were some parallels to that imaginary relationship. We had regular family get-togethers, especially on holidays. We had regular outings to the coast, camping trips, and yearly vacations to places like Disney World, the Smoky Mountains, and the Florida Keys. These were really happy times, and Gail was usually the one at the center of making them that way! She was just great in that regard.

During these times, Grandkids seemed to be popping up everywhere. I won’t even try to mention them all by name, but my daughter, Shellie contributed three; Marilyn had one; and Elizabeth was responsible for three more. Gail loved each and every one of them so much, and they loved her back. Gail was amazing in that she somehow was able to keep up with everyone’s birthday, anniversary, and special events. More recently, two great-grandkids have seemingly appeared out of nowhere! All of this made me feel really old, and it was odd to suddenly be called “Papa Lou” rather than “Dad”, but it was also very satisfying.

I retired from DEP in 2001 and Gail retired from the Dept. of Insurance the following year. We purchased a small beach apartment at Lanark Village near Carrabelle, and we spent many weekends there and on the waters around Dog Island. Gail especially liked the beach, but I preferred fishing.

I remember one weekend in particular, when my good friend John Outland and his wife, Marty were staying at the Pelican Inn on Dog Island. John invited us to come over for a visit, and so, Gail and I launched the boat and headed over to the island.

After Gail and I arrived, John and I decided to catch a few fish for dinner. We left Gail and Marty to do their thing at the Inn, and on the Beach.

The tides that day were mixed, and the fish were not biting. John and I realized that our measly catch would not be enough for dinner, and that we might have to go back empty-handed. About that time, a small crab swam by, and I scooped it up to augment our catch.

I decided, instead, to use the crab to see if we could catch a Cobia. I put the crab on my cobia rod, and tossed it out behind the boat. Almost instantly, a fairly large Bonnet Head shark gulped the bait in. We landed the fish and decided that it would provide enough food for our needs. But, we feared that Gail and Marty might not want to eat shark.

So, John and I decided to tell the girls that it “was” a cobia. We cleaned the fish and returned to shore. The tide was very high that day, and we tried to insure that the boat would not get stranded as the tide went out. Gail and Marty cooked up the fish and all the trimmings, and we enjoyed a great meal. To this day John and I never told Gail or Marty about our deception!

After our visit, Gail and I returned to the boat for our trip back to Lanark. But the tide had left the boat sitting completely on the bottom. John and I could not budge the boat one inch, and Gail and I were forced to spend the night with John and Marty. We worried all night about our dogs, “Fancy Pants” and “Winston” who were left unattended in our apartment.

At the crack of dawn the next day, Gail and I returned to the boat, which was now floating, and we rushed back to Lanark without further incident. The dogs were just fine, and were obviously thrilled to see us return.

Gail and I had plans to spend our “Golden Years” taking cruises, exploring new places, and so forth. But Mother Nature had other ideas. Instead of new adventures, Gail and I had to focus on keeping at least one step ahead of the “Grim Reaper”.

Gail became immobilized due to failed surgeries on both feet. This led to other medical problems, such as weight gain and Diabetes; heart problems; deafness in one ear; and limited ability to drive a car. Gail’s severe loss of stamina made it impossible for her to do those things she loved most.

Gail was forced to abandon all outdoor activities, except perhaps bird- watching from a chair on our front porch or back patio. She could no longer even endure a short trip to the Gulf coast where she had earlier been able to at least sit in her wheelchair and watching seabirds, and the waves coming ashore.

Probably most of all, Gail could no longer prepare those great meals that she had always prepared for holidays and other special occasions. Instead, her cooking activities were limited to teaching “me” how to do the basics, and watching cook shows on TV. Gail’s favorite program was “Frontier Woman”. Losing these abilities made Gail very depressed. It was so sad for me to see Gail, the person I that I loved, suffering in this way.

To make matters worse, about three years ago, Gail was diagnosed with CLL, which is a type of Leukemia. Gail underwent Chemo treatment, which successfully put the ailment in remission. But it also compromised her immune system.

As a result of Gail’s multiple medical issues, she passed away on February 21 in room 607 of the Capital Regional Medical Center. Before passing, she had pleaded with me on her cell phone …“Come get me out of this terrible place…Take me home!” Of course, I could not do that, and I felt terrible about the situation!

In a strange quirk of fate, two days after Gail’s passing, I experienced a heart attack, and was hospitalized in room 602, only five doors away from where Gail had just departed. While lying there awake on the first night, I had this strange sensation that Gail was talking to me in a joking way, saying “OK, hot-shot, I told you how bad it was in this place! Now that “you” are here”, how do “you” like it? In my stupor, I responded something like, “Gail, it was not my fault… I did everything I could do…I understand why you are ticked off...But, did you really have to knock the stuffings out of me like this!”

Another odd event occurred only five days after Gail’s passing, when her son John happened to be in Apalachicola. He accidentally stumbled into a “pirate’s parade”. And guess what song the marching band was playing? Yep—“When the Saints Come Marching in”! Now, if you were me, wouldn’t you think twice about dismissing this “Angel in Disguise” thing? And there is still more!

Gail really loved our pets, and over the years, we had almost too many for me to remember their names. As Gail’s health was deteriorating, our current pets, dog “Vinny”, and cat “Alf”, seemed to know that something was wrong. They would spend most of each day in her lap -- and Gail seemed to be comforted by this. Now that Gail is gone, Vinny and Alf spend most of the day looking for Gail and sitting in Gail’s favorite chair.

I must say that Gail was fully prepared for her passing, and that she had, long ago accepted the fact that life is not fair; that no one is promised another tomorrow; and that we are on this good earth only a short time!

Gail, if you really “are” listening, I want you to know that we all love you to pieces!

Personally, I want to say a few more things:

Thank you for sharing the last half of your life with me. It has been a “gift” that I will forever cherish.

I still believe that we really needed each other and that we “were” good for each other.

Together, we learned many “lessons” regarding those things that really matter in life:

How to have fun together.

How to consider each other’s needs, desires and weaknesses.

How to compromise on things that really matter.

How to comfort one another during periods of grief.

How to build and maintain personal relationships with those we care about.

How to plan for your own passing -- in a way that will not place burdens on your loved ones after you are gone.

Gail, I want you to know that I am very sorry for the times that I stepped on your toes - both literally and otherwise!

I am sorry for the times that I was a little too demanding!

I am sorry that our golden years did not “glitter” as much as we had wished!

I want you to know that, for me, our time together has been a great, great, adventure... I would not trade it for anything!

I especially want to thank you for all the wonderful memories!

And, I want to thank you for making me a better person!

Most of all, I want to let you know that I love you just as much now as I did long ago, when we “tied the knot” in Key Largo.

To borrow a few lines from your favorite Jimmy Buffet song, “Key Largo”:

“You gave me your heart and I gave you mine. “

“We had it all, just like Bogie and McCall”.

“I miss all the things we did.”

“Baby, this can’t be the end”.

So, Gail… I don’t know what else to say...

How about …“Here’s looking at you kid”, or “So long for now!”, or “I will see you later, alligator”!

I might also add: Gail, we all think that you certainly spent your “dash” very, very well.

Also, Gail, for your information, our neighbors are planning a separate, private event “in your honor” on April ninth. That would have been your next birthday. You are certainly invited!