Lillian Henrietta Bennett

I’d like to start with giving you just a brief historical background about my mom. As most of you know, my mother was Finnish. She spoke Finnish first, up until she started school, and then began to learn English. Her grandparents, on both sides, immigrated to the United States through Ellis Island from Finland, in the years between 1900 and 1902. They settled in the towns of Ironwood and Montreal, Wisconsin, where her parents Henry Maki (that’s where her middle name Henrietta comes from) and Olive Gabrielson (where my middle name Gabrielle comes from) were born. Olive and Henry met in April of 1923, and were married in 1925. They lived in Montreal, Wisconsin, and this is where my mom was born. My grandma said that the Finns always gravitated towards lakes and trees, so settling in this gorgeous part of the country was an easy decision.

My mom was supposed to be a twin. At the age of 2, she said she, “looked like she was pregnant.” What seemed to be a tumor, was actually tissue encased in bone, with hair, and a tooth. It was attached to some of her organs, along with her stomach, and it would have been her twin. The surgery that occurred was nothing short of a miracle for the year 1927 and my mom made it into the Medical Case History books.

There isn’t the time right now to tell you all the miracles that occurred regarding my mom’s life, along with the fascinating medical history that she has, but I have always been thankful that, like a cat, she seemed to have nine lives. Her life was a testimony to me that we will never go before what God says is our time, and her internal fortitude, SISU as we call it in Finnish, remained with her for all her 89 years.

Through the years, I was privileged to learn some of my mom’s favorite childhood memories. She played Clarinet in the Hurley High School band. She loved her grandmother’s horses. She used to die laughing when someone’s shoes were muddy and they walked through chicken feathers in the barn and all the feathers stuck. She said it made them look like they had big chicken feet. Her nickname as a child was “Seabiscuit” and her best friends was “War Admiral.” She loved skiing and ice skating and there were days when she would ski to school, right from her own back door. She said once, only once, she went off a long, high ski jump. She fell and bruised her tail bone, so the ski jump days ended abruptly. She said the winters were so cold, but even then, she loved being under the covers at night with her nose exposed to the slightly opened window. I think I get my love of cold from her, and our Finnish background.

Her father made a living working as a miner in what was the deepest iron mine in the world. At one point, he ran for Sheriff. I was told he lost by only 3 votes, and that later, a ballot box stuffed with votes was found in the forest. He would have won. Why this is noteworthy is because during campaigns, people with a “vested interest” would come to speak with the candidates. One day, a certain young man came and met with my grandfather. My mother, just a child then, sat on his lap during the meeting. It was the infamous John Dillinger. Another noteworthy item about my mom’s father is that he was on the Green Bay Packers the first year they had a team. My mom said they were called “Farm Teams” then, and basically they played for the enjoyment of the game, and the comradery of the surrounding towns. After my grandfather fractured a couple ribs, my grandmother made him quit. Back then you did not get paid to play football, and he needed to be able to work in the mine. Until the day she died, literally, football was her favorite thing to watch on TV. On that note, GO PACKERS!!

In 1943, her mom and dad, along with herself and her brother, moved to Hollywood, California. The mines were closing up, and World War II provided much employment in the west. My mom finished the second half of her senior year at Hollywood High School.

It was in 1948 that my mom, out for the evening with a girlfriend, met my dad, Walter Frederick Bennett, Jr., an officer in the Navy. They met in the officers’ club in Coronado, and she said that the evening that they met, “They knew”. I used to ask her as a child, “How did you know?” She said, “When you meet the right one, you just know. Don’t worry – you will know it too.” She was right.

As I mentioned, my mom grew up speaking Finnish before English, but once she attended school, English became one of her best subjects. She was one of my “go to” people for grammar and how to spell. And she could type very well. In the mid 60’s, she landed a job with Delta Airways, as a statistical typist. Not too long after, I believe her talent in spelling and grammar, along with her typing skills got her the job as the executive secretary for the president of Flying Tiger Airlines, who eventually founded Fed Ex. When he was redoing his office, and getting rid of his old desk, my mom asked if she could have it, which of course, he said “yes.” She loved that desk. This was during her “gold leafing” stage ~ a style popular in the 60’s. Mom put her own special “gold” touch on the desk, along with our upright piano, and a few other items. The desk served as the office desk in my parent’s home for the past 30 years, and to this day, remains a special item in our family.

The era of my mom working in the airline business lasted around 7 years. It was in the 60’s and she and my dad had a blast. As many of you have mentioned to me, you remember my mom as the mini-shirt wearing, mustang driving, high heeled beauty with the cigarette in one hand and the martini in the other. My mom and dad could literally could fly anywhere Flying Tigers flew, which was international as well as domestic, for free. The planes did not have any windows, and they sat in lawn chairs or on crates, while smoking their cigarettes. I have a picture somewhere of my mom on the pilots lap in the cock-pit and I think they ALL were drinking. My mom and dad knew how to have a good time. These were pre 9-11 rules, obviously.

I’m glad my mom and dad had so much fun, because many hard times were to come as well. The death of both her sons at too early of an age. The death of her husband at too early of an age. The death of her 2 best friends both from cancer, back when they were all in their 40’s, within a year of each other. My mom always said, “You have to accept things, Kathryn. If you know you can’t change it, you have to accept it.” It’s like the Serenity Prayer was naturally etched into her thinking process. She was truly one of the strongest woman I know.

My mom loved music. She had a singing voice that could rival Morgana King. One summer night when my dad and brothers were at NASA in Florida due to my dad’s work, I was in bed and my mom was up with the stereo on low. I heard her singing and I thought it was Morgana King. It was actually my mom’s voice. One of my childhood friends said that one of her sweetest memories as a child was she and I playing in our living room, and my mom was singing in the kitchen “like a bird.” Weekends in our house always included music ~ whether it was my dad playing the piano, or the stereo cranked up with the likes of Henry Mancini, Johnny Mathis, Nat King Cole and of course, Morgana King, blasting through the speakers.

These past 5 ½ years were precious, and it some ways it was a time of growth. The lives of three generations, and the lives of her grandchildren and family became more enmeshed. There was love and laughter every day, and the nights never ended without kisses and I love you’s. It was Mike and I’s utmost pleasure to have her live with us. The joy and the ease of being able to see her every day is something I shall forever cherish. Her daily routine started with eggs, toast, and coffee, but prior to that, each morning began with me taking her blood sugar. I would walk into her room and announce ”Ok mom ` it’s your opportunity to give me the finger.” And we’d both always laugh (of course she never did ~ She was too much of a lady.)

She adored her son-in-law. Other than Greg, he could put a smile on her face faster than anyone. My husband would always greet her each day saying, “Ok, so what kind of a day are we gonna have today? Two thumbs up? Mimi, (that’s the cat) I’m puttin’ you in charge of Mama. And I’ll be back later for a report.” She’d crack up and say, “we’re gonna have two thumbs up.” She would always tell me, “Kathryn, you have such a GEM for a husband.”

A wonderful thing for me was being down the hall, or outside in the backyard, and hearing her laugh so hard off at America’s Funniest Video’s, or The Big Bang Theory, or Two and a Half Men (the original). But don’t let that fool you ~ her biggest loves were those creepy death shows with forensic anything, especially NCIS and Criminal Minds. Oh, and she loved cooking shows. Did I mention she was a fabulous cook? Yes, she probably watched too much TV. But she loved it. And it was a show on TV, that she saw, that prompted her to ask me if she could walk me down the aisle when my time came to marry, as my dad was deceased. It was so special, and I love that she wanted to.

Some things that I inherited from my mom include:

My laughter. Even a serious topic could lead us to erupt (her grandchildren, got this, too). Afterall, the last name Bennett means “Blessed with Much laughter” … and it was true.

My tears ~ While watching Olympic ice skaters or some singing performance on kcet, we’d look over at each other because we both knew the other one was crying. And we were. And look out for some of those commercials. It was almost comical what could make us cry. And if we were angry or frustrated, there were tears. We always said we’d never have ulcers.

There is something so precious in watching the winding down of someone’s life. It was an honor to be the one who cared for her. And as she said even a couple days before she passed, it’s funny how the roles reverse in life. Don’t get me wrong, she still always would worry about me, and think of me first. She would still tell me to put a sweater on. She never stopped being my mother. On that note, let me tell you a little about how sweet her exit was from this life on the morning that she passed, without going into all the medical details.

She said to me, “I don’t know how this will sound, but I wish God would just take me.” I said, “But I will miss you so much.” And she said “Well, I guess I’m just being selfish.” And she was so sweet, she actually meant that. I said, “Mom, you are never selfish.” That got me to thinking that maybe I was being selfish. I told her she should rest now. She was laying so sweet on her pillow, like a baby.

Maybe she needs to hear something from me, I thought. I called to Mike and I asked, “Honey, should I tell her it’s ok to go?” He said, “Yes!” He asked, “Do you want me to be with you?” I said, “Yes!”

I took her hand and leaned close to her face. Listening to her breath, I told her “Mom, it’s ok – it’s ok if you go. I love you so much, but I’m going to be ok. I will be ok”. Mike was leaning in behind me and said “Lillian, I will take good care of your daughter”, and he was crying. And he said he loved her. Mike stood up sat in the chair. I stood up and kissed her forehead and continued to look at her sweet face. She was still breathing, but it was more quiet. A moment or two later, I put my hand on her chest, because I wasn’t sure I could see it moving. I could not feel anything. I leaned down again and said to her face “Did you just leave? Did you go?” Just then the doorbell rang. It was the hospice nurse. Hospice had told me she would be coming on Sunday to check my mom, but we had no idea when. Mike went to the door and as she came down the hall, I said “I think she just may have died?” She took out her stethoscope and placed it on her chest. “Yes,” she said.

In the next hour, the house became filled with food and close family. Her grandchildren were all there, and grandma was loved on and never left alone in her room. And Mia stayed on her bed the entire time.

When the moment came several hours after she had passed, that I knew I could only be in the presence of her body for a few more moments, I kissed her hands. Crying, I kissed them over and over again. I wish I could have kept them somehow. Her hands were always so soft and gentle. A mother’s touch that was always so sweet no matter what. Even as a child, when I misbehaved, she was the velvet touch on the iron hand. I will never forget their feel or how beautiful they looked to me, or how she gave the world’s best back scratches. Now, when I miss her so much and I need to comfort myself, I kiss my own hands. I came from her, she is part of me, including my hands. This comforts me somehow.

Let me close by saying, she never stopped being my mother. She always cared for my heart, even up to her death. After losing my dad and both brothers at too young an age, she always worried that I would not handle her death well. She needed to hear that I would be ok. And she heard that Mike would take care of me, but of course, she already knew that. She taught me well and prepared me for this day, only the way a mother can. I love you mom and you will remain in my heart forever. I’ll see you in heaven.