Happy New Year in Heaven, Brother🥺💔 Another year gone without your presence. No matter how much time goes by, I will always remember the pain of losing you. It hasn't lessened, Zag. At all. It still feels like yesterday. It's all still vividly clear in my memories🥺💔 Your name is still spoken; the stories of your goodness still shared. It's been hard this past year. Difficult for us, but a glorious reunion for all of you!! I know that you're rejoicing with your brothers, and Mom. I will always love and miss you, Brother. The tears still fall. But I remain grateful that you are resting peacefully with Jesus. Until I see your beautiful face again, rest in all of my love. Visit our dreams. Watch over us. Kiss Mommy, Kay, and Junior for me. 

#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#Foreverinourhearts
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Merry Christmas, Brother💔😔 This holiday season was always your most favorite time of year. So, whenever we gather, thoughts of you are always heavy on my mind. I remember your love for the kids and how you always made sure that they had something from you. Your beautiful spirit shown in everything that you did. I remember you sitting back and watching them unwrap anything that you gave them; a big smile on your face. Your loss will forever be hard. Not a day goes by, Zag. I think of you still. Too many years have gone by😢😢 I know that you're celebrating with Mommy and your brothers. Heaven was the place to be today, huh??? To be everyday!!! Take care of them, Brother. Until that beautiful day, rest in all of my love. Come visit our dreams. Kiss Mommy, Kay, and Jr. 

#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#Foreverinourhearts
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

It's taken a couple of days for me to put any words together😥 6 years. 6 years of living this life without you. 12/06/2019 is forever forged in my heart and mind💔 Your loss was the first to break me😓 It hasn't gotten any easier. Just speaking truth. There are days that I can cope, but....after all this time, there are still days when I just can't. I miss you, Zag. You still cross my mind EVERYDAY😞 I still remember. I remember every single moment. On this 6th anniversary of you gaining your Angel wings, I honor your memory by remembering your goodness, the depth of your love, your loyalty, your laughter, and the joy you always carried. You are forever in our hearts. We will always speak your name and share your memories. Heaven certainly has the best🥹❤️ Until we meet again, Brother, enjoy Heaven with our Savior. Kiss Mommy, Kay, and Junior. Visit us in our dreams. I love you always. 

#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#Foreverinourhearts
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

Brother, 6 years today…how is that even possible? It truly feels like yesterday that we lost you. 😔 I still vividly remember your last days with us, how brave and strong you were. How I KNOW you continued to fight for us, I knew you were tired, but you knew WE weren’t ready. We still struggle with the loss of you. You were what was good in all of us. 😢 how has it been this long without you? I’m still surrounded by all your things, the way you left them…it gives me comfort. I miss you so much Brother. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, miss you, look back and think that I should have done more. I love you Brother. Continue to watch over us….give Mom, Kay, & Brother the biggest hugs for me….one of YOUR hugs. 😔 I love you Zag.

Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven, Brother❤️ The fact that we are about to hit 6 years since you've been gone from us is so mind boggling😥 I miss you so much, Zag💔 I think of you often, but even more so when the cold arrives. I use to love winters. But...that all changed when you left us behind. My mind just automatically associates the cold with your loss. I just remember being so cold. Lost. Broken. You leaving us made no sense to me. Those days still exist so vividly in my mind. I cry for you still. I remember your strength. I remember your love for us. You were so good. You deserved so much more than we what gave or did💔😥 I will love you always, Brother. Come visit our dreams. Watch over us. Until that glorious morning, rest in all of my love. Kiss Mommy, Kay, and Junior for me.

#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

There will never be a moment when I don't miss you❤️😔 It was your loss that began it all💔 We say it all the time. Time continues, but the pain lingers. You are thought of every single day. So much has happened. So much loss. Loss on our part, but a huge gain for you in Heaven❤️❤️ What a reunion!!! I rejoice in knowing that all of you are pain free; no longer suffering with the pains of this world😔 It comforts me. Knowing that. The sadness comes from not having you all here. Take care of them, Brother. Come visit me in my dreams. Continue to watch over us. Kiss Mommy, Kay, and Junior for me. Until that glorious morning, rest in all of my love. 

#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Missing you, everyday you are on my mind and in my heart. I love you so much Brother. Until that glorious day…. Continue to watch over us. I love you Zag ❤️

Brother, how happy you must be to have your Trio back together. What a glorious reunion it must have been to see Junior again. Were you there to greet him with Mom & Kay? 😔 I envy that you guys get to be together, while we are here missing you all so very much. It’s still hard to believe that you’ve been gone this long Brother, it’s still so clear in my mind my last days spent with you. I miss you…..you were mentioned a lot during Brothers services….man, I’m so lucky and blessed to have had you guys as my Big Brothers. So blessed. I can’t wait to see you again….wait for me…give one of your big hugs to Mom, Kay, and Junior for me….I love you Zag. ❤️

There will never be a day that I don't think of you😔 I will always miss you. The pain of losing you remains so strong. The years have passed, but the memories of you remain. The memories of your love, and goodness continue to live on. Your beautiful heart is still serving lessons to all of us left behind. I still try my best to be like you; to love unconditionally and to forgive wholeheartedly🥹 No matter how many years go by, I will always keep you close to my heart. Take care of Mommy and your brothers. Until that glorious morning, enjoy Heaven. I will love you forever!!

#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

Losing you forever changed our family💔😥 The pain and grief began with you leaving us. Grief continues to find our family😭 Although we're left behind to mourn, I know how sweet the reunion was that you had with your baby brother🥹❤️ He missed you so much, Zag. He was always counting the months that you've been gone from us; Forever missing your presence. And now....you guys get to be together forever; both of you healthy and strong and fully restored. How beautiful Heaven must be at this very moment!! Take care of him, Brother; Mommy and Kay, too. Heaven definitely has all the BEST!!! I miss you every day😥💔 Years continue to go by, but the same pain remains. I love and miss you always. Until that glorious day, rest in all of my love. 


#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Hi Brother, it’s still so hard to think of when we lost you. How I pray you know how much you were loved and appreciated. I can only imagine what a beautiful reunion it was with Kay 🥹 how I wish we were all together again.  Zag, you are so loved and missed…I can’t wait to see you again…until that Glorious day….keep watch over Mom & Kay. I love you so much. ❤️

Hi Brother. I'm sorry that I haven't written on your wall in a while💔🥺 It doesn't mean that I don't think of you all the time. I know that you've been watching over everything, and I know that you're aware of everything that's been going on with Kay😥 What was it like, Brother? When you saw Kay enter the gates of Heaven. Was it just like the worship songs that we sing??? Did you greet him?? And tell him how happy you were to see him??? Were all our loved ones there? I imagine the reunion in Heaven and my heart rejoices❤️❤️❤️ Take care of him, Brother. And Mommy too. I love and miss you so much, Zag. The years keep rolling by too quickly😥💔 Until that glorious day, enjoy Heaven, and rest in all of my love.
#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

It's been a while since I've posted on your wall🥺 As much as life has been "lifing" lately, I carry you with me always; close to my heart. Everytime life gets tough, my thoughts turn to you; you were always my to go to person. You were there to hear me vent and offer advise. It's so crazy to think of how long we've been without your physical presence. Every year when winter comes, I feel a sense of sadness. The cold reminds me of your loss💔 I can't help it😔 But....I always remind myself of your laughter, and how much joy you brought to those around you and to those who were blessed to have known you. I miss you, Brother. It brings me joy to know that you are happy and pain free in Heaven; celebrating and walking hand in hand everyday with  Jesus. Know that I love you so much, and I think of you everyday. Rest in all of my love, until that glorious Day!
#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

Today marks 5 years since you left us to be with our loved ones in Heaven. How quickly time has passed us by, yet the memories of that morning are so vivid in my mind. 😔 I tend to think mostly of our last last days and moments with you, but…you gave so much in the 47 years we had with you, that I know I need to remember THOSE moments. It’s so heavy on all our hearts on how much you suffered…for US. How I took for granted TIME, not taking the opportunity to say I love you, thank you, or how are you? I wish I could have shown and told you how much I love you and was so lucky to have you as my Big Brother. How I wish you were here with us still. Know that you are so missed and loved. Not a day goes by where there isn’t a thought or mention of you. You were too good for this world. I love you Zag. Give Mom one of your big hugs for me. ❤️

It blows my mind to think that in a couple of months, you will have been gone from us for 5 years. How can that be possible, Zag??😥 People have said that as time passes, the pain begins to sting a little less. With all of my heart I can truely say that this is not so. I miss you today, as much as the first day you left us. The pain remains strong. I miss you so much. I wish you were here to give me your guidance. You were always on my side, even when I sometimes didn't see it. You always thought of me, and wanted so badly to ease my burdens💔 I think of you everyday, and I know that I always will. Visit me in my dreams. Enjoy Heaven until we meet again. Take care of Mommy❤️ I love and miss your forver!
#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

It's been a couple of months since I've posted. Again, it's not that you're far from my thoughts, it's just been a crazy few months. A lot has happened. Milestones that I wish you could've been here to witness. Your baby graduated and is now trying to figure her way through life. The kids are all growing up; you have some in college, some prepping to graduate from college, some prepping to go and others working and supporting themselves. Father's Day came and went. Your brother honored your memory by wearing a blue suit and sporting his Chargers tie😊 He's been in and out of the hospital lately. Each time I'm in the hospital with him, my thoughts always end  up steering towards you😥 I mostly feel great sadness because I know you suffered. You fought so hard and for so long. You were so brave and so strong. So, in caring for your brother, those memories come to me and I feel a sense of anxiousness. I know that I just need to lay it wholly at God's feet. I miss you, Zag. No matter how long you've been gone from us, I think of you everyday still. Until we meet again, I'll be loving and missing you forever. Watch over us! Kiss Mommy for me❤️
##BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

Happy Heavenly 52nd Birthday Brother! You are so missed and loved here on earth. I know you are celebrating it big in Heaven with all our loved ones and Mom. ❤️😔 how i wish we could be celebrating you today, physically here with us. It just never gets easier, it feels as the more time passes us by, the more you presence is missed. I think of you every day, what it would be like if you were still here, wishing it were true. I love and miss you so much Brother. Until that glorious day where we can celebrate together again. Kiss Mom for me! Love you Zag ❤️

Happy 52nd Heavenly Birthday, Brother!! I know that Heaven must be extra special today❤️ I would give anything for you to be here with us so that we can celebrate you; with your favorite....spaghetti and garlic bread😊 I remember every year asking what you wanted for dinner and it would always be the same. Today, I will remember your ability to love so easily, to forgive just the same, to give wholeheartedly with no regrets or resentment and your kindness and compassion. I've said it before and I will say it always....you were the best of all of us😔 I miss and love you so much, Brother. I think of you every single day. Enjoy your special day with our Savior and all of our loved ones. Keep watch over us. Kiss Mommy for me❤️ Until that glorious day, rest in all of my love. 
#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
##Godisstillonthethrone

I'm about to close out my day and thoughts of you are heavy on my mind. Laying here thinking about my drives down to see you or to switch somebody out; to Riverside Community and then to Loma Linda. Each time I made the drive, I remember my heart being so heavy and being so scared. I was ready for you to leave that hospital, but I knew there was a long battle to recovery. It never crossed my mind that we were going to lose you. You had always overcome and this time would be no different. Memories of your last month with us will always weigh heavy on my heart. It's automatic for my mind to replay every bit of time spent with you. Im so grateful for the blessing of that time, but so greatly broken that you left us so early💔 I love and miss you so much, Brother😔🥺 Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. We're 2 weeks into this new year. Continue to watch over us. Watch over your baby as she prepares to graduate. Visit us in our dreams! Kiss Mommy for me❤️

Merry Christmas, Brother❤️ Getting ready to close out another holiday, and thoughts of you and Mom filled our home today. We continue to carry out our family traditions, and I just know that if you were still here with us, you would have been running around today making sure that all the kids were set. Even though you had little, you always made sure that each child had a gift. I loved you for that. You were so kind and giving. I remember you being so excited to see each of the kids open up their gift that you took the time to get for them. You never expected anything for yourself. You were such a kid at heart....filled with just pure joy❤️ Each Chritmas we celebrate, you are never far from our thoughts. Dad mentioned that you and Mommy have the best seats this Christmas.....spending it with our Savior Jesus Christ! I can only imagine the beauty of it all. With each year that passes since you've been gone, it lays heavy on my heart. It just reminds me that you've been gone too long from us; like I'm moving too far away from you. Is that crazy? Time is what's crazy. We're quickly going through it. So many things are the same and yet...so many things have changed. I wish you could be here to see your kids. We're being challenged as parents  for sure🤦‍♀️ One thing I'm happy about is that King Kong still has his memories of you. But...we talk about you often. I know Heaven is where you are pain free and rejoicing. It's just hard to be here without you. Until we meet again, Zag, rest in all of my love. Continue to watch over us and take care of Mommy❤️ I love and miss you always! Merry Christmas!
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

4 years🥺😥 and it still feels like yesterday. I remember that day so vividly. I remember it being so cold. I remember Jr coming that night to take over being with you, and saying that he didn't want to be left alone. I remember seeing the pain that you were in😭 I remember you looking at me before they told us to leave. I should have fought harder to stay by your side😭😭😭 I remember where everyone was, things that were being said around me, the look on Dad's face...all of our faces, and me screaming your name....telling you how much I love you💔 I remember calling Mom and telling her how dire the situation was with you.😥 To this day, it tears me apart. There's not a day in my life when I don't think of you. You're always in my heart. And as we approach Christmas, I can't help but to think of both you and Mom and how much you both loved this holiday season. I wish that you could be here to witness all that is going on. Thank you, Brother. Thank you for everything that you did for me and mine. Today, I remember how big and how deeply you loved, how loyal and humble you were, how supportive you were, how easily you forgave and how huge of an impact you made in my life. Your heart was so beautiful. You never regretted anything you did for anyone. Just pure heart. As we remember you on your 4th year in Heaven, know that I love and miss you so very much. I know that Jesus continues to hold you in His loving arms. When that day comes, for us to be together again, I sure cannot wait to see your beautiful face and to hug you once more. Until then, enjoy Heaven as we continue to miss you here😔 I love you! Kiss Mommy for me.
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyoyissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years. It feels only like yesterday that we lost you. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you or think about what life would be if you were here with us. I still sleep in your room with your things surrounding me. It gives me comfort, makes me feel that you’re still near. I’m not sure if the pain of losing you will ever subside in my heart. I still think about your last days here with us, and how hard you fought because we wanted you here, everything you did in life was so unselfish, always doing for others, putting yourself fast. Thank you Brother, for loving us all even though at times we weren’t deserving. Your heart was pure, loving us all regardless of how we treated you or things were said. I’m so sorry for failing you. I pray you know how much I miss and love you. I’ll forever be grateful that I was blessed with you as my Big Brother. I love you Zag…. I’ll miss you until I am able to see you and hold you again…. Continue to enjoy heaven, give mom a big hug for me. Until that glorious day…..I love you ❤️

God...You heard the explanation just now. And I understand the human body and the science that comes with it. But I also know You. You, Creator of All Things, The Beginning and The End, The Alpha and The Omega. I know what science is telling me. And it makes too much sense. But my heart looks to You for answers. My faith will not be wavered from You. I put my trust in You. Whatever is Your desire, so it shall be. I pray for Zag's healing. I bring him before You. There is absolutely noone like You. More powerful than You. My God who moves mountains and raises people from the dead; who made the blind see and the lame to walk. Calm our hearts and our souls. We leave it at Your feet. Only You God! We love You and praise You!! Amen.....

This was a prayer that I wrote and saved on my phone on 12/04/2019😔...2 days before all of our lives changed forever. As we approach 4 years since you've been gone, it is all too normal to feel a sense of great sadness. Again....memories of that time run through my mind and my heart aches😥 I fight to remind myself that you are beautifully restored in Heaven and that God promises that I will see you again. It gives me comfort. I just miss you like crazy. I wish you were here to see the kids grown....and K and baby heading to Kansas City. I can just imagine all the comments you would have made😅😅  But....I'm positive that Heaven is the best place to be; better than any sports arena❤️ I love and miss you, Brother. Until we see each other again, rest in all of my love. Kiss Mommy for me❤️
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

There is not a day that goes by that thoughts of you don't pop up in my mind. I think of you every single day. I'm serious when I say that something always reminds me of you. Whether its passing your old apartment, pulling up to the house and seeing your car or passing your chair every time I walk tnto the church❤️ Memories of you surround me every day.  So many happy memories. I still struggle with the memories of your last few days in the hospital. I still blame myself for what I shouldn't have done or what I should have done💔💔💔💔 I still remember you telling me that you wanted to go home. Everyday that breaks my heart. Should I have tried to bring you home????? I didn't know if I could. Oh, Brother.....for as long as I live, I will carry the burden with me😔 I just pray that you know how much I love you and how I wish that I could have taken your pain💔💔💔 Forgive me😭😭 What comforts my heart is that Jesus has you now and that you will forever be healthy and strong❤️ Watch over us. Kiss Mommy for me. Until that glorious day, enjoy Heaven, and rest in all of my love.
#BigZeeforever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Hi Brother! Just stopping by to say how much I love and miss you so much😞💔 You've been heavy on my mind lately. I dreamt of you last night😢 You were telling me that you wanted to go to the hospital; that you weren't feeling well. I urged you to go to the hospital and you went. And I remember having this sense of urgency to come to the hospital right away. I know that it's guilt in my heart because when you were actually taken to the hospital, I took my time coming to you😢😢 I pray constantly that when you were with us that last month, you knew how much I loved you dearly😢 But...at the end of my dream, you were back home and when I asked you why you weren't at the hospital, you said that "they" told you that you were fine. You were sitting there before me...smiling and laughing and eating a bowl of ice cream and a slice of strawberry cake😊 I know with all of my heart that it's because where you are....you are happy. Keep watch over us, Brother. Kiss Mommy for me❤️ Until that glorious day, I will love and miss you forever.
#BigZeeForever
#BestBigBrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Brother❤️ Today, you would have been 51 years old. I keep thinking about how you wanted me to throw you a big 50th birthday party; and I promised that I would if you took care of yourself😔 You almost made it, Brother. And to think....you're 51 now💔 We lost you too soon, at the sweet age of 47. The world lost a beautiful human being, when we lost you. I wish you could have had more years to share your beauty with the world; your kindness, your compassion, your forgiving heart and especially your generosity, even though you had little. It was because of your love, that you proved to everyone around you, that you were and continue to be the best of us all. There will never be another like you, Zag. Thank you for being an amazing Big Brother and for being the perfect example for us to follow. We will never fill the shoes that you left behind, but....we will do our best to try. I know that Jesus and all of His Angels made you feel special today and that you praised God in all of His glory! Gosh....what a sight to see, huh, Brother???? What a joy it must be, to be completely restored and walking hand in hand with our Christ❤️ Keep watching over us, Zag. I'm sure we're making a muck of things, but we hope that you're proud of how we're trying. Happy Birthday! I will love and miss you all the days of my life! Until that glorious day, rest in all of my love❤️
#bestbigbrother
#BigZeeForever
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone


Merry Christmas in Heaven Brother! 🎄🎁 I pray you are celebrating with all of our Loved Ones! I’m sure you and Mom are together…how I wish you were here with us. Your presence is so missed…especially during this season, your favorite time of the year. Even though this was the toughest for you every year physically, you ALWAYS made sure and did your best for the kids. 😔 Zag, I miss you so very much, I pray you know how much you are loved and missed by all of us. Praying you and Mom have a Merry Christmas…until we are united again in Heaven…I’ll always miss you. Hugs for Mom & Peata…I love you Zag. 

Merry Christmas in Heaven Brother😔 This is your 4th Christmas in Heaven💔 Today, Dad talked about your loss and how we laid you to rest on the 23rd of December and then turn around and hold  Christmas Eve service. He said that it was the toughest day of his life😭 Oh, how you loved Christmas so much, Brother. Even though you never got anything in return, you always made sure that all the kids had gifts from you. You had such a beautiful spirit and a beautiful heart💔 I miss you so much, Zag; especially during this holiday season. As we prepare to gather again as a family this Christmas, you and Mom's presence will definitely be missed. This will always be the case, until we finally meet again in God's glorious presence. Continue to watch over us, Brother. I love and miss you forever. Merry Christmas. Enjoy Heaven, as we celebrate the birth and our Savior Jesus Christ. Take care of Mommy, and hugs and kisses for both her and for Peata❤️ 
#BigZeeForever #bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

How it is possible that 3 years have passed since we lost you? It feels just like yesterday that you were here with us. The pain of losing you is still so prominent in our hearts and a huge piece of our family missing. 😞 Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you, or the last month leading up to the day you left us. I wish I could have told you I loved you more, touched you and held your hand, or asked what you were thinking or feeling. I still think of the times where we sat in silence and think, what were you thinking of all those silent moments. 😢 Zag, I pray you knew how loved and needed you were…how I wish you were here…we’re going into your favorite time of the year and it still feels so empty without you and Mom. I pray that you are running pain free in Heaven…enjoying being with our loved ones…especially Mom. ❤️ please watch over Mom and Peata…I love and miss you so much Brother. My heart will forever miss you…until we are reunited…I love you Zag.

Hi Brother! Just wanted to stop by and tell you that I love and miss you so very much. I can't believe that in a couple of months, you will have been gone for 3 years😔💔 How is that even possible???We talk about it all the time and it's still so unbelievable. Even after all this time, the pain remains so very fresh in our hearts and minds. The fact that I still remember every single moment that was spent with you in that last month, is why it's so hard to accept that 36 months is quickly approaching. You are remembered every single day. Not  a day goes by that you are not thought of or mentioned. We continue to lose many loved ones, and I can totally see you welcoming them to Heaven's gates; with your big ol' smile, your arms wide open and your booming voice welcoming them home❤️ What a beautiful sight that must be. In my own selfishness, Iong to have you here with us. But I know that in Heaven, you have no more pain and no more suffering; your body is fully restored. I just miss you like crazy. I can't wait to see your beautiful face. Until that glorious day, enjoy Heaven with Jesus❤️ Keep watch over us. I love and miss you dearly. Kiss Mommy and Sister❤️
#bestbigbrother
#BigZeeForever
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

I love and miss you forever, Brother💔😥 Here we are....33 months of you not being here. It's still so crazy to me. Can you believe that I still kind of get mind blown when I search your name and your obituary comes up? Even after all this time, I still find myself in disbelief over your loss. I think of you every single day. I still carry so much guilt with me, Brother. I still run things through my head..trying to figure out what could've been done differently. I long for the opportunity to do things all over again😥 I wish I could hear your voice again; or have our chats. I wish I could have taken your pain and suffering; and your fears and worry😢😭 All I know is that you carry none of those things with you anymore. Jesus has taken you into His loving arms and there you are resting peacefully. Your loss is what began the change in our entire family dynamic; so great was our pain. I carry you with me every single day, Zag. You are always on my mind and in my heart. I wish you were here with us💔 Continue to watch over us. Kiss Mommy and Peata for me. You were the best, Brother. Noone will ever compare to you. Until that glorious day, rest in all my love. 
#BestBigBrother
#BigZeeForever
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

I love you so much, Brother😢😥 I just noticed that I missed my post on your wall for last month💔 I haven't forgotten....I promise. You remain in my heart and my thoughts every single day. You are missed terribly. Life has been so hectic; moving by so quickly. Each year as we begin to prepare for White Sunday, you always come to mind. Not only because you loved the time, but because in 2019, it was when people first began to notice how sick you looked🥺 How was it that I lived with you and I didn't see it myself. I wish you would have said something😔 Everyday, I wish you were here...with Mommy...and with Peata😭 Our hearts continue to hurt. It's just crazy to think about how much time has passed. I wish with all my heart that we could go back in time. But...we believe in God's promise that one day soon, we will all be joined together again. I just miss having you physically here. Until we see each other again, enjoy being with Jesus and our loved ones. Kiss Mommy and Peata for me . I love you forever. Watch over Daddy❤️
#BestBigBrother
#BigZeeForever
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone
#Heavenissobeautiful

I love you, Brother. Yesterday marked 30 months since you left us. It saddens me as this number gets bigger. It means that we've gone too long without you here😥💔 It's been rough lately. I found myself opening the gates of my mind and allowing myself to think of those days again; the days of being with you in the hospital and slowly watching you leave us. It was so tough, Brother. I cried for you this week. I allowed myself to feel the pain. And it hurt my whole body. I found myself going back and forth between you and Mommy. Being left behind is so hard😢 But, again...I remember where you are and who you are with. I just miss you is all. I remember you everyday. Something always reminds me of you. I roll in your car to work on some days. I always feel your presence with me. Continue to be with us. Take care of Mommy and Peata. I love you forever❤️
#BigZeeForever #bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisalwaysonthethrone

It's been a while since I've been on to leave you a message😔 Even though I've missed my monthly tributes, I talk to you everyday❤️  It's a trip to think that this year will bring us to 3 years of you missing from our lives. Yesterday marked 29 months💔💔 During training last month, it brought me near Loma Linda Hospital again. I felt all the pain again of losing you😪😢 I wish I could have brought you home like you wanted. It saddens me that you passed away in a hospital room and not at home surrounded by your entire family. I wish you would have gone without pain. I wish I could have carried your pain. You didn't deserve to endure all that pain. You were beautiful and deserved peace. But...I know that God has taken all that away and that you are living pain free and rejoicing everyday. I am so grateful to have had you in my life. As a brother and as a friend. I love and miss you so very much. Continue to watch over us. Take care of Mommy and Peata❤️ Enjoy Heaven until we meet again. 
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigBrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

I remember you wanting me to throw you a big 50th Birthday party, if God so blessed you with that many years. But....our God had other plans for you: and for us. So, today on your 50th Birthday, I'm certain that Heaven had the best of days for you❤️❤️ We went to the cemetary to decorate your grave, and to sing Happy Birthday to you.😔 How I wish you could have been with us to celebrate this special milestone. But again, I know your Heavenly celebration was an amazing sight to behold with Mommy, all of our loved ones and especially our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Even as time continues, I think about you every single day; and miss you so much. Know that I love you dearly, Brother. Continue to watch over us and watch over Mommy❤️

I love you so much, Brother ❤ Here we are at 27 months now.....living here without you😔 No matter how many months and years go by, and what we have going on in our lives, you are always remembered, and your stories always shared. We had another mafutaga here in Barstow this weekend. Man...you would have loved it, Brother❤ You and Mommy were terribly missed this weekend.  Like...really missed😔💔 It was a beautiful gathering though. We haven't had a chance to stop by and visit. We'll make some time soon. You are always in my heart and on my mind. Every single day. I know that you are definitely enjoying Heaven; especially with Mommy. Know that until we meet again on that glorious day, you will forever be loved and missed. But until then, rest peacefully with all my love❤
#bestbigbrother
#BigZeeforever
#Heavenissobeautiful
#lovingyouissobeautiful


I'm not sure why my messages are not being saved😔 I've attempted twice to leave a message...in remembrance of your 26 months being in Heaven💔 Without re-typing everything out once again, I hope you know my heart. I hope you know how much you are loved and missed. The pain still remains. It has not lessened😔💔😥 Keep watch over us. Take care of Mommy. Until that glorious day, rest in all my love❤
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Hi Brother! Stopping by to say that I love and miss you so much😔💔 Happy New Year in Heaven. Your 3rd one there😥 What a celebration it must have been, huh?! Then again, everyday is a beautiful celebration there in Heaven❤ 2022 is proving to be challenging already. Our household is facing this pandemic once again. Just praying that God continues to lay His healing hands on us. Dad is doing well. Praying that it stays that way🙏 It was tough this holiday season without you and Mommy. We miss you both so much. As time  continues to march forward, it just makes us realize even more how very much your absences are felt. I miss you everyday, Zag💔 I wish with all of my heart that you were still here with us. But....I know that there is no better place to be, than in the arms of our Heavenly Father❤ Be happy and comforted there until we meet again on that beautiful and glorious day! Kiss Mommy for me! I love you forever!
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

It's been 2 years, Brother💔😢 Two very long and tough years of not having you here with us. It's so mind blowing how quickly time is passing by. We celebrated Daddy's 71st birthday yesterday at the church. As Junior spoke on our behalf, I couldnt help but to think that it would have been you if you were still here. We came home after, and you came up in our conversation. Immediately, I felt the pain of losing you all over again; as memories of your loss rushed to my mind. Doubt and regret came to me, and again my mind began to walk through all my steps those last few days with you; and I question myself on what I did wrong and what I should have done. You fought so hard Brother, and I should have fought more for you😔 I should have worked harder. I should have prayed harder. I pray and hope to God, that you know how much I love you and how much I miss you. I'm so sorry, Zag❤ I'm sorry because...... if it was God's timing for you to come home, I wish you would have gone peacefully and painlessly. But, that's what eats at me is that, you fought so hard, and I could see the pain and suffering that you were going throug💔💔💔💔😭😭 That's what hurts me the most. But, I know that God has you in the comfort of His hands now; that you are pain free, no longer suffering, praising and rejoicing with Jesus, and you're with Mommy now. I think of you every single day. I laugh somedays at your memories and I cry most days thinking of you. You will always be remembered. You will never be forgotten. You will be loved and missed through all of eternity. Continue to watch over us. Kiss Mommy for me. Enjoy Heaven until we see each other again. 
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

Brother, it’s hard to believe that it’s been two years since you left to join our Lord and Savior. 🥲😞 it’s been so hard since that day…I think of you all the time, and think to myself on what I should have done for you, said to you, and taken care of you. I took YOU and TIME for granted. I thought that you’d come home, that we had more time….I’m sorry Brother. I love and miss you so much. I sit in your room and picture you still here…wishing it were so. You had and still have an impact on this Family. You loving heart is missed, you gave with all of your heart, loved regardless of our faults, and forgave when we didn’t deserve it. I miss you Brother, I pray you are enjoying Heaven with Mommy. Take care of her until we are reunited again. I love you Zag. ❤️

23 months😔 How is that even possible? How can that be, when the memories of the day you left us are still so vivid in my mind???😔💔 That day crushed us as a family; feelings of despair so brand new to us. I remember feeling so cold and numb. I use to love the cold; winter being my most favorite season. But...2019 forever altered me. I don't like the cold anymore😔 I just remember being cold all the time💔 No matter how much time goes by, whether it's 2 years, 10 years, or 20 years....I will forever miss you, Zag😢 The pain will never lessen. I remember too well how much you went through...to try and forget💔 Please know that I think of you every single day. I carry your memory with me always. I miss having you here. I miss your goofiness😥 I miss your voice and your laugh. Continue to watch over us, Brother and take care of Mommy❤ Until that glorious day when we shall meet again in God's beautiful kingdom, enjoy spending everyday with our Savior, Jesus Christ!!! I love you forever! Rest in all my love!
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone

Brother, I miss you so much. How I wish I could go back in time and fix everything. I have so many regrets when thinking of you. I should have done more, talked to you more, said I love you more, taken better care of you. I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. I pray you forgive me….I know you had the most forgiving and loving heart. I hope you are happy, healthy, and rejoicing in Heaven….until we are reunited…I will love and miss you always. I love you Zag. 

You've been heavy on my heart and my mind💔😔 Getting ready for White Sunday. I remember it was one of your most favorite times...getting prepared to see all the kids perform😔 I remember you always volunteering to bring something for tona'i. Your last White Sunday tona'i in 2019, you volunteered to do all the chicken. Even when you had little, you always gave so much. I remember being mad at you that day cause you took too long to bring the chicken😢😢😢😢 Looking back...that was so stupid. People were rushing everything, and I took it out on you😭😭😭 I remember you pulling up to the hotel, speeding to try and get there asap. Man Brother.....it's times like this that eats away at me💔💔 Something so small.....so dumb😔😔 You were so happy that day. Who would have known that a month later, you would be taken to the hospital to forever change the dynamics of our family. I'm trying to be better, Brother. Especially after losing Mommy too. Trying not to let the little things get to me....things that are insignificant and out of my control. I will forever love you. I miss you so very much💔 Watch over us and take care of Mommy. Until that glorious day, rest in all my love❤
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#heavenissobeautiful
#Godisstillonthethrone

😢😥 I had an entry for your 21st month in Heaven on the 6th, but...I'm not sure why, but it didn't save💔 I just hope you know how much you are truly and sorely loved and missed. As the months and years fly by, it doesn't diminish the pain and sorrow that we still feel because you left us. You forever altered our family when you went away😔💔 We remember you every day, Zag. Not a day goes by, where you are not thought of. I know as we're grieving you here, you are happy and restored in Heaven❤ Please continue to watch over us. Hug and kiss Mommy for me. Take care of her❤ I love and miss you so much. Until that glorious day when we get to see each other again....rest in all of my love. 
#bestbigbrother
#BigZeeForever
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#heavenissobeautiful


Hi Brother!❤ Just stopping by to let you know that I love you and miss you so much! We had planned to come see you and Mommy today after church, but...we ended up taking a nap and oversleeping😥 Will definitely be there tomorrow to see you both. I hope you realize how much you're missed. It's been quite a year; just full of sadness😥 So much loss going on right now. Our family suffered the loss of our twins; Nono and Li'i. I know you and Mommy, along with their parents, were there to welcome them home❤ With each loss of a loved one, we are reminded of our own losses; with you and Mommy. So much grief😔 I wish you were here with us, but I know you are rejoicing in Heaven with Mommy❤ I love you and miss you forever, Brother! Watch over us. Until that beautiful day in Heaven, rest in all of our love.
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#Godhealourhearts

How is it even possible that 20 months have gone by, since you left us?💔😔 Every single moment of your last month here with us, is so fresh in my mind. I remember you asking me to bring you home😢 You wanted to come home, Brother, and it broke my heart that I couldn't bring you home. It's all that we prayed for😞 I love and miss you so much, Zag❤ When you left us, you completely shattered our family. And then losing Mommy.....it broke and destroyed whatever was left of us😢😥 We each continue to try and cope in our own ways. Most of the time, I just feel like we're just going through the motions. I know that you are happy to have Mommy in Heaven with you! Please take good care of her until we all meet in Heaven once again. I love and miss you forever, Brother❤ Keep watch over us.
#BigZeeForever
#bestbigbrother
#heavenissobeautiful
#lovingyouissobeautiful


BLESSED 20 MONTHS IN HEAVEN BROTHER. I CANT BELIEVE HOW TIME HAS GONE BY SO FAST. BUT THE PAIN OF LOSING YOU REMAINS THE SAME TODAY. I LOVE AND MISS YOU ENDLESSLY MY USO. CONTINUE TO WATCH OVER US BROTHER. SEE YOU SOON. UNTIL THEN ITS ALWAYS GONNA BE #BIGZFOREVER

Hi Brother! I've been thinking about you a lot lately😔 Memories of your life play through my head constantly. Recently skimmed through the Facebook page for Bad Kreuznach, and I saw photos of you. I miss you so much, Zag💔 No matter how much time goes by, the pain of losing you is so fresh in our minds and in our hearts. You were so strong and so brave😞 All I know is....I wish you were still here with us😢 Both you and Mommy. Our family is so very empty without the two of you here. What are we doing, Brother????💔💔💔 Please continue to watch over us. We are so lost😥 Until I see your handsome face again, take very good care of Mommy and enjoy Heaven together. I love and miss you forever❤
#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 

Zag, how quickly time has passed. It has been 19 months and the pain of losing you is still strong as the day you left us. Your presence is sorely missed…we haven’t been the same since that day. 😔 losing you forever changed us, I miss you so much. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you, look at your face and wonder how you are…and know how much you are loved. Please continue to watch over us….take care of Mom…kiss and hugs for you both. I love you Brother….until we meet again…I’ll miss you endlessly.

19 months in Heaven. 19 months that you've been gone from our lives. 19 months of the most vivid of memories of when you left us;  remembering every action taken, every smell, every word spoken, every emotion felt😔 19 months of it feeling like it just happened yesterday. 19 months of pain and sorrow. 19 months of loving and missing you so bad. 19 months of reminding myself that God needed you more and that you're in a much better place, with no more pain and fully restored. No matter how many months and years go by, Brother.....you will always be in our hearts and minds. Your memory will live on through us. You forever changed our family when you left. We haven't been the same since. Until we meet again in Heaven, rest in all of my love. Please take care of Mommy. Tell her that I love and miss her so much. I love you, Zag❤
#bestbigbrother 
#guardianangel 
#BigZeeForever 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 

Hi Brother! Just stopping by to let you know how much I love you and miss you! You are thought of every single day. I hope to make it out to see you and Mommy some time this week with some fresh flowers. How did our family come to be here, Brother?😔 Us all alone....without you and Mommy💔 Our worlds are all upside down. But, we hold on to our faith; God's promise that if we abide in Him, and accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, that we will one day see each other again, in His kingdom❤ I am always praying that God blesses me with many more years to my life; so that I can fulfill all that He has in store for my life. But....I do know, that I cannot wait to see you and Mommy when I get to Heaven❤ Come visit me in my dreams soon. Please take good care of Mom. Until we see each other again, enjoy Heaven❤ Kiss Mommy for me.
#bestbigbrother 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 
#heavenissobeautiful 

Hey Big Uso!

Just imagining what you and Mom are doing!  I miss you Bro❤️!  Never forgotten, Love you Uso!

Hi Brother! It's been 18 months since you made Heaven your new home😔 How is that even possible? How did so much time pass us by so quickly💔 All I know is that, I think of you every single day, and I miss you dearly. Something in my day always triggers thoughts of you. Losing you was so hard.....and it remains still😭 Haven't really figured out yet how to cope with your loss. The pain remains the same....just time that keeps marching on😔 My sadness completely overwhelms me on certain days; but, then I remember all the beautiful memories and life lessons you left behind. I hope to still one day, love like you loved and forgive like you forgave....and to have your heart of humility. One day we will meet again, Zag❤ Until then, rejoice with Jesus in Heaven! I will love and miss you all the days of my life! Rest in all of my love❤
#bestbigbrother 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#heavenissobeautiful 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 

I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALWAYS BIG Z. JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE IN MY HEART. SEE YOU SOON BROTHER. #BIGZFOREVER

Hi Brother! The topic of guilt and regret came up yesterday for me. And like always, it brought up those same feelings for me, when I think about you and Mommy😔 All the things that should have been done or should have been said. It continues to haunt me.  Every day I pray that you both forgive me; for not doing everything possible to care for you guys. I should have been better😭😭 I love and miss you so much, Brother. I can't believe that we're getting so close to approaching 2 years since you left us. It's so crazy!!! Regardless of how much time goes by, the pain remains just as strong. Continue watching over us. Take care of Mommy. Until we meet again, rest in all of my love.
#bestbigbrother 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#heavenissobeautiful 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 

Hi Brother...It’s been such a hard time for me and our Family. The loss of you affected us so deeply....and then to lose Mom 😞 I can’t help but be envious of you...with Mom in the Heaven...where we all long to be. I miss you...so much it hurts...even after all this time, the emptiness and hole I feel in my heart is ever present like it was the day you left us. I love you...continue to watch over us...guide us on caring for Dad...kiss Mom for me. Until we are reunited...I will love and miss you endlessly. Love you Zag.

Hi Brother!! Just stopping by to let you know how much I love and miss you so much💔 Each time I see group pictures of myself and our siblings, it breaks my heart not to see you in them😔 All I keep thinking is...."our leader is missing." Life continues to be challenging without you here. Sometimes I wonder what life for you would have been like during this challenging pandemic.....you going through dialysis and taking you to all your appointments. Although I know it would have been hard, I wish with all my heart that you were still here with us. Does that make me selfish, Brother? I need you here. I wish you were here. With my entire heart I wish you were here💔 I miss your voice. I miss your laughter. I miss your face. I miss our talks. I just miss you😔 I love you with all my heart. Watch over us. Take care of Mommy. Until that glorious day, rest in all my love.
#bestbigbrother 
#guardianangel 
#BigZeeForever 
#heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 

MY BIG USO...... I LOVE AND MISS YOU ENDLESSLY. I THINK OF YOU OFTEN BROTHER. MY HEART HURTS AS MUCH TODAY AS THE DAY YOU PASSED. THEY SAY TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. BUT I DNT SEE IT. IM STILL HURTING OVER YOUR LOSS. CONTINUE TO WATCH OVER US MY USO. ILL SEE YOU SOON. UNTIL THEN ITS ALWAYS GONNA BE #BIGZFOREVER

Brother, time has continued to pass us by, but the pain of losing you will never fade. I miss you so much...think of you daily...never will your memory fade from my mind or my heart. I love you so much...continue to watch over us....kiss Mom for me ❤️ I love you Zag.

MY USO I LOVE AND MISS YOU WITH ALL THAT I AM. PLEASE GIVE MOM A HUGE HUG AND KISS FOR ME. SEE YOU SOON MY BROTHER. UNTIL THEN ITS ALWAYS GONNA BE #BIGZFOREVER

Hi Brother! It's been a while since I've written anything. I know you understand that we were prepping for Mommy's Going Home Celebration and just trying to wrap all last minute things up. It's been a tough month for our family😔 Through all of Mommy's days, you were deep in our thoughts and hearts too😥💔 I miss you every day, Brother. Please take care of Mommy. I know she is so happy to be with you again. We're so lonely here without the both of you😔 But, I know the joyous celebration that the two of you are having with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I love you forever, Brother. Keep watch over us. Take care of Mommy. Give her a great big hug and kiss from me!! I miss you! Until that glorious day....rest in all of our love.
#heavenissobeautiful 
#bestbigbrother 
#guardianangel 
#BigZeeForever 
#Godisstillonthethrone 

Came to bed pretty late. It's about 1am Monday morning. Yesterday was your birthday and we all came to have lunch and sing Happy Birthday to you. It was nice to sit and just physically be where you were laid to rest. We saw where Mommy was going to rest too. She's right next to you, Brother💔 I can't tell you how much our family is hurting right now and missing you both so much😔 God's master plan is painful, but we don't question the beauty of His promise; that one day we will all be together in Heaven. Happy Heavenly 49th Birthday, Brother. I know there is no better celebration than what was had in Heaven for you!! You are missed every single day. We love you! Watch over Mommy. Give her a huge kiss and hug for me! 
#bestbigbrother 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#heavenissobeautiful 
#Godisstillonthethrone 
#Godcomfortourhearts 

It's been a month since I posted. And in that month, our family again was reminded of how death can come in the blink of an eye. On 3/6/2021, we came to the cemetary to celebrate the unveiling of your headstone. It was windy that day, but the moment we began, the winds calmed. Almost like God allowed us a moment with you. It was a beautiful day. Mommy was tired that day, but she came, Brother. She, like the day, was beautiful😥 She wanted to leave immediately after. It was the first time she had been to your grave since you were laid to rest. Little did we know, that exactly one week later, we would lose her😥💔😭 You're so lucky to have Mommy with you. I know for sure that she's jumping for joy, now that she gets to be with you, her BFF. We haven't been out there to see you since then. Not because we don't feel like we have to anymore. We're just so sad that Mommy is gone, and we're beginning to prepare for her day. You probably don't care that we haven't been back, huh? Now that you have your best friend to yourself❤ It must have been a sweet reunion in Heaven; and to be with Jesus everyday??? Awww, man....how amazing that must be!!! I miss you, Brother. For the rest of my life, I will. I love you. Kiss Mommy for me❤

Standing at the sink today washing dishes, and thoughts of you came to me. For some reason, that task always has me thinking of you.😔 I guess because it's quiet and I get lost in my thoughts. I remember when you were at Riverside Community Hospital. It was like the third week of November. Whenever we were with you, you tended to be quiet for most of the day. But even then, you wanted to make sure that all your bills were paid😔. I remember you sitting there on your hospital bed, on your cell phone, making sure your bills were paid. I remember thinking, "I can't believe he's even worried about all that." But, it was who you were; reliable. You wanted to make sure that everything was taken care off. Why didn't I offer to take care of all that for you??💔😥 I have so many regrets when it comes to you, Brother. I spent so much time on my phone doing research and other stupid tasks. Why didn't I spend that time trying to get you to talk to me??😭 You always had your head down; you were always lost in your own thoughts. Did you know, Brother??? Did you know that you would be leaving us soon??? Were you scared???😭😭 How I wish you would've spoken more. How I wish that I would have gotten you to speak more. How I wish I could've massaged your back more.....or spent more time holding your hand.....or spent more time rubbing your legs and your feet. The last night before you were intubated; when you were talking; your mind already being affected; why didn't I focus on what you were saying; regardless of it not making any sense.😥😥😥😥 Why did I walk out of the room that night?? Why didn't I fight to stay by your side??? To hold your hand? To calm you?? Because Brother...I was scared😭😭😭😭 After asking you to go through so much........I couldn't bare to see you in pain💔💔💔Damn my weakness. Damn me for not being there for you. Damn me. Damn me, Brother. I love you and miss you so much. I will carry my regrets forever. I love you, Zag; and I know you loved me😥 

I LOVE AND MISS YOU ENDLESSLY BROTHER. #BIGZFOREVER

I prepared a dedication on here on the 6th, commemorating your 14 months in Heaven, but I guess it didn't post😔 Even though it didn't post, I hope you l know what was in my heart at the time.💔 Just know that the pain remains, if not more so and we continue to miss you terribly😭😭😭 I will miss you until the day we meet again in God's beautiful kingdom! I love you, Zag! Watch over us....especially mom and dad. 
#bestbigbrother 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#heavenissobeautiful 

It's been 5 days into the new year. ..2021. Happy New Years in Heaven, Brother. Another year begins without you in it😔😥 I'm grateful that we made it through 2020, but...it was terrible to say the least😔 2020 began for us a year in complete shambles, because we suffered such a loss....devastated due to you leaving us💔 But, with God's help and comfort, we were able to make it through. And even as we prepare ourselves for this year, we find our hearts still completely broken in pieces. People keep telling us that the pain will lessen with time....but, does it really? I don't think it lessens....I just think we find better ways of coping. All I know is, missing you today, is just as tough as the day you left. 💔 I will forever love and miss you, Zag. You are thought of each and every single day.  Continue to watch over us. Visit me in my dreams soon! 
#bestbigbrother 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#heavenissobeautiful 

I  LOVE AND MISS YOU WITH ALL THAT I AM BIG USO. UNTIL  WE MEET AGAIN BROTHER. #BIGZFOREVER

Today we celebrated my 45th birthday! Man....I'm getting old😊 I sure wish that you were physically here with us. I know for sure that you were here spiritually❤ We had your favorite for dinner....spaghetti!!! Christmas was nice and quiet this year. But....it was different😔 There will always be that void where you should be. Tasha recently shared a video of our 2018 Christmas together. Hearing your voice in the background and hearing your name being called out for gifts that you had given the kids....was so hard. It was almost as if you were still here with us😭 We recently lost another loved one...little brother Sofara. I hope you were there with all our other loved ones to help welcome him home. I love and miss you so much, Brother. I communicated with Nurse Antora today from Loma Linda. She still remembers taking care of you and she still remembers our family. I needed to feel a connection with anyone and anywhere that you were last tied to. I sat here tonight with Sissy, going over receipts from your Celebration and business cards for doctors that took care of you. 😭😥😭😥 I need you, Brother. We need you. Even with that being said, I know it in my heart, that God needed you more in His Kingdom. We're about to prepare to enter another new year; I just keep thinking of how more time will separate us from the day that we lost you😥 Oh, Brother....what are we to do?????? I keep reminding myself that this is only temporary; that one day, we will be re-united once again. Until then....know that we love and miss you so much. Keep watch over us. 
#bestbigbrother #guardianangel 
#BigZeeForever 
#heavenissobeautiful 

Last year on this day, 12/23/2019, 2 days before we celebrated our Savoir's birth, we celebrated your life one last day and we laid your body to rest😥😔💔 It was one of the most difficult things to watch; the hearst coming to pick you up from the church, saying our last good-byes before they closed your casket, and watching your casket being lowered to the earth. Oh, Brother.....I hope with ALL my heart that you know how much we love and miss you. We remain broken still as a family....incomplete😭.  We each still deal with your loss in our own way.  Thoughts of you still heavy on my heart and my mind; as they will always be. I miss you with all of me. I love you with all of me. Keep watch over us! Wish Jesus a Happy Birthday for us!!! Enjoy Heaven!! Until we meet again, Zag.....
#bestbigbrother 
#guardianangel 
#BigZeeForever 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 

12/21/2019 was a Saturday. A year ago today, you were brought to our church, and it began the 3 days of your Home Going Celebrations😔 I remember standing at the door to receive your casket, early that morning; the boys lined up, ready to bring you into the church.  Our church that you loved so much 💔 You spent a lot of time there. You helped to make it what it is today. I remember the beginning of your service; we were all new to it...not quite sure how things were supposed to go😥 I remember wanting everything to be perfect, except, all I wanted to do was be alone and be able to mourn you...to miss you. I remember getting up to talk about you....my thoughts scattered, not really knowing what to say; because there was SO MUCH TO SAY😭 Like I said that day, how was it even possible to sum up a lifetime of beauty, in such a small amount of time.  My heart is numb today, Brother💔 I miss you so much. I remember you today....and every day of my life. Continue to watch over us. I love you forever, Zag❤

Christmas is quickly approaching: And with that, so is the day that we finally laid you to rest, 12/23/2019😔😥 I find it so difficult to look at your pictures from the days of your Going Home celebration; including your videos and social media posts. Even more difficult, are the rare videos that we have, where we can hear your voice. When I allow myself to look at them...to watch them....to listen to them.......it makes me catch my breath😭 And it becomes real all over again. I am somehow able on certain days, to manipulate my brain not to accept the fact that you're gone from this earth. The anxiety so hard to bear💔 I remember Christmas 2018 still. I remember the gifts you worked so hard to get for the kids.....even though you had so little😔 Kalilah....a Nike backpack she had been wanting; Kalepo....a drone he always talked about; and a tablet for your baby Kingston. You had such a beautiful heart. Christmas 2019 began a different way of life for us. Christmases without you here with us💔. We miss you so much, Brother. Our days, especially holiday seasons, feel so incomplete without you; remembering your joy for Chrsitmas. But....it comforts my heart that you actually get to spend Christmas, our Lord and Savior's birthday....in Heaven with Him!! What a joyous celebration it will be!!!! We were supposed to memorialize your 1 year Heavenly Anniversary, with your headstone, on the day of your passing, 12/6/2020, but due to COVID, things just didn't work out. We again tried for the day of your earthly resting anniversary, 12/23/2020, but to no avail.....it will once again be delayed. We are praying that your headstone arrives soon....so we can finally see your face when we come to visit you!! Oh, Zag.....I miss you so very much😔 I wish you were here so we can have our chats; I miss your laugh....I miss your voice. I miss your excitement for the holidays. You were a true kid at heart❤ I love you forever, Brother! Visit me in my dreams and continue to watch over us.

One year ago today, 12/6/2019, at exactly 1:00pm, you forever altered the dynamics of our family when your beautiful spirit left this earth and ascended to Heaven to be with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ💔 This year has been so trying😔. Along the way, we've lost so many loved ones, who have joined you in Heaven; loved ones who were here with us to help celebrate your life. I picture you in Heaven welcoming them home; Mama Tasi, Pastor Titus, Brother Apelu. Heaven must be so beautiful, huh Brother??? We miss you terribly😔 But I know that God is using you in His ministry in Heaven❤ I still vividly remember everything that happened a year ago. I have days when I cry and days when I smile. I also have days when I still blame myself....for not being everything that you needed me to be....especially when you put your complete trust in me😥😥😭😭. I fight those demons every day; that I failed you. But then I remember who you were; loving and forgiving. And I picture your face and you tell me...."Sissy, it's ok." Thank you for visiting me in my dreams last night...and for blessing me with your smile and laughter❤. I love you forever, Brother. I will miss you for a lifetime. Until that glorious day, when we will see each other again! God still remains on the throne! This will NEVER change! I LOVE YOU ZAGORY APIUTA LAULU!!
#BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother 
#guardianangel 
#heavenissobeautiful

It's been 11 months since you've been in Heaven😔 Although we miss you greatly, I am comforted in knowing that your body is completely restored and that you get to look at the face of Jesus every day❤ I picture you talking to everyone, singing your heart out and hanging out with all the other angels of God. What a glorious sight it must be!!!! My heart still aches because of your loss. The pain still has not dulled. I love and miss you forever, Zag💔 Happy 11 months in Heaven! 
#bestbigbrother #guardianangel 
#heavenisbeautiful 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 
#BigZeeForever 

11/5/2019 was the beginning of what would change our lives forever:( You weren't feeling well and you called 911 yourself. I didn't come right away, because you always came out of your episodes; so I took my time getting to the ER. Little did I know, your heart would give out on you. Barstow ER revived you; but God granted us time with you. That was one of the longest nights of my life; from being told by doctors and nurses to sign a DNR because there was nothing else to be done because your heart was so weak, to placing our faith in God and agreeing to send you to another hospital that could better handle your medical situation. We prayed so hard that night and God was present through it all; He made it possible for air transport to take you to Riverside and He assigned some of the best people to care for you in those vital first 48 hours. You came back to us. For one month and 1 day, God blessed us with the time to spend with you. We were able to tell you that we loved you. We were able to make memories with you. I thank God for blessing us with that time to spend with you. We lost you on 12/6/2019, and tomorrow will mark 11 months since you've left us. That was the hardest day of my life; seeing you suffer and fighting so hard to stay here with us. You were so strong. I am so proud of you. Even though we miss you so much here on earth, I know that you are healthy and strong and singing with Jesus in Heaven.  I will never forget your last words here on earth. They repeat in my head constantly. I love and miss you so much, Brother! Not a day goes by when I don't think of you. I can't believe that we are nearly approaching your 1 year. Time has gone by so fast; but the pain still feels so brand new. I would do anything to have you here with us....to hold your hand, to see your smile, to hear your voice, to hear you sing, to just have you back in our family. Until we meet in God's Kingdom, I will love and miss you forever and ever. Keep watch over us. #Bestbigbrother

Still trying to settle things after being gone from home for over a week, to celebrate Tasi's going home. Losing her brought back so many emotions of losing you. There has been so much loss within this past year😔 And I keep seeing the loss of loved ones everywhere. I know that it's the cycle of life, but......man, does it hurt so bad😥😥 I miss you so much, Brother💔 I know if you were here, you would have been one of our biggest supporters....especially for Kolani. I love you so, so much. I think of you every day and I wish with all my heart that you were still here with us. Continue to watch over us. Come visit me in my dreams.
#bestbigbrother #guardianangel 
#BigZeeForever #heavenissobeautiful 

It's 2:30am on 10/7/2020. I spent the previous day prepping for Mama Tasi's Going Home Celebration, and got back to the hotel around midnight. Even though I didn't get to post until the day after, you were heavy on my thoughts when I first woke up on the morning of 10/6/2020. Its been 10 very long months since you went home to be with Jesus. So much has happened😥😔We learned today that Pastor Titus also passed away. The first thing that I thought was....awww.....Brother has new friends to share Heaven with. My heart still aches thinking of your loss. You are thought of everyday. Watch over us, Zag. Help keep watch over mom and dad. I love you forever!!!

I LOVE AND MISS YOU WITH ALL OF ME BIG USO. CONTINUE TO WATCH OVER US BROTHER. IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE #BIGZFOEVER❤️❤️❤️

I can't believe that it's been 9 months already😥 9 months of trying to be normal. 9 months of trying to function day by day, without you here in our lives. 9 long months of tears falling and hearts aching. The closer we get to your 1 year anniversary, the more unbelievable it becomes. It still seems like it was just yesterday, when you took your last breaths and left our worlds in broken pieces. We have our moments of celebration and you are always thought of. You are always in the midst of our family💔. I miss you so much, Brother. I'm having such a hard time. It's been so tough here without you. You were always behind every decision I made; supporting me, no matter what. I miss your words of encouragement. I took you for granted. I took your love for granted. I always expected you to he around. 😞 Even though you're not here physically, I know you are watching over me; watching over all of us. I love you Zag. I'm so sorry that I didn't show appreciation to you when you were here with us. I'm sorry for taking you and your love for granted. You have forever changed us all. Come visit me on my dreams. I miss and love you so, so, so much😢😥
#guardianangel #BigZeeForever 
#bestbigbrother #lovingyouissobeautiful 
#heavenisbeautiful 
#sittingwithJesus

I haven't had the opportunity to stop by your graveside and spend time with you😞. I hope you're not upset with me. But.....I think of you every day. Not a day goes by when you're not in my thoughts. I try and talk to you every day. If not a full conversation, just a couple of words. Sissy sent me the video of our family reunion in Arizona; when you stood up and spoke on our behalf. I listened to your voice and watched you sing our song. Oh, Brother.....why did you have to leave? 💔😥 I miss you so much. I love you so much. I can't wait to see your handsome face again. Watch over us, our guardian angel.....until we meet each other in God's beautiful Kingdom!  I love you, Zag....always and forever.
#bestbigbrother 
#heavenisbeautiful 
#BigZeeForever 
#guardianangel 
#lovingyouissobeautiful 

Hey brother it’s Tim,
I know your parents and siblings are missing you like crazy. Do me a favor please when you see my parents say hi. I remember our talk about the year 2000 after we played basketball in front of your house on Ft Sill. It was 85 I think lol. We talked about flying cars and living on Mars! Lol Anyways bro when this craziness is over I’ll definitely make it out there to see you and your parents. Love you Uso.

💔 I posted something on here, on 8/6/2020, in remembrance of your 8 months in Heaven. For some reason, it didn't save. 😥 I don't remember exactly what I said on that particular post; but I do know that the impact of your loss still has not lessened. And I know that it never will. We watched your video again today; we miss your handsome face. I think of you every day. I miss you so much. Continue to watch over us. I'll come see you soon. I love you, Brother❤

Had a tough day today😞 Anytime I have a day like today, I look at your posters or banner...and remind myself that I need to be and do better. I miss you fiercely. Something in my day always reminds me of you.....and then thoughts of our last month together play through my memories. I was flipping through Facebook just now, and I saw that you had liked someone's post almost a year to the day, before you left this earth😞 Its what prompted me to come on here.  I love and miss you so much💔💔 I can't wait to see you in Heaven!! Continue to watch over us. 
#guardianangel#BestBigBrother
#BigZeeForever#lovingyouisbeautiful


Is it weird that everytime I pull up your obituary on here, it still shocks me??😞 I search your name.....hoping that there isn't a match. And then I see your picture; so handsome in your green dress shirt....at Moana's wedding just last year in April. Who knew that just 8 months later, you would leave us😥. It has been 7 months since you left us on that day, 12/6/2019 @ 1pm. We are all still fighting for some kind of normalcy in our lives. The pain is still so raw....and still so new😢. You finally came to me in my dreams. I heard your voice and I was able to cup your face in my hands. It was for just a short period of time. Oh, Brother......I wish you were here. But again.....I know God needed you home. I am blessed to have loved you; and even more so...to have been loved by you❤ I will miss you forever.  Happy 7 months in Heaven!
#lovingyouissobeautiful
#bestbigbrother
#BigZeeForever#guardianangel
#heavenisbeautiful
#sittingwithJesus

I miss you so much, Zag😢 Sitting here doing evening prayer and you cross my mind😞. Thoughts of our time in the hospital came to me today.  How I wish we could go back in time. I love you so much, Brother❤ Keep watch over us. Come visit me in my dreams😥

It's been 6 months without you physically here with us. 😢 And it's still so hard to cope with😞. I still have a difficult time going into your room. The loss being so overwhelming at times; seeing your clothes hanging in the closet, your laundry basket still filled with clothes that you wore, your bi-pap machine that still has your smell on it; just every reminder of you😢😢😢😢. I still have my moments where I expect you to walk in....and then I remember, Zag. And it leaves me in disbelief once again; surreal. I know you're celebrating in Heaven, but....we sure do miss you here on Earth. I think about you everyday. Continue to watch over us all. I love you and miss you forever, Brother!! Happy 6 months in Heaven❤
#BigZeeForever #BestBigBrother
#lovingyouissobeautiful #GuardianAngel

It's 1:10pm. Your nephews just got done watching Aladdin. As I'm in my room folding laundry, I hear your video😥. They're watching your video. It makes my heart so happy, that they want to see you....and remember you❤. Baby asked for you yesterday. He wanted to know when you were coming back. I explained to him again, that you weren't coming back; that you were in Heaven with Jesus. He doesn't quite understand fully. 😢 I came to see you yesterday😞 You have been on my mind so much lately; more so because I worry that you're disappointed in me. I'm trying my best, Brother. Why did you have to leave us?? I know the answer, but my heart has a hard time accepting it. I know that you're happy with Jesus.....but we miss you so much...so, so much. I will just remain comforted with the fact that we will once again meet in God's kingdom. I miss your face. I miss your presence. I miss your smile. I miss your laughter. I miss your voice. I miss everything about you. It's so hard facing life without you here. Please continue to be with us; watch over us....especially Mommy. I love you, Zag. I miss you, Brother. You are forever in our hearts and thoughts. Come visit me in my dreams😥

Yesterday was 5/6/2020; marking 5 months since you've left us behind. I won't lie Brother, my day got away from me and I forgot😢 that it was the 6th. Please forgive me. My mind has been crazy as of late. I remembered this morning when Jr posted on your FB timeline. Please know that even though I missed the date, you are in my thoughts EVERY day❤. Lisa actually shared a letter that she had written to her boss, Eric, who passed away recently from COVID19. In her letter, she thanked him for the time and support that he and the company allowed for her to care and spend time with you when you were here with us, and then also to mourn you when we lost you. We cried for our loss of you and also for Sissy's loss of her boss and good friend. I miss you so much, Brother.😥 I still speak to your posters. Our hearts still ache for you. Continue to watch over us. Come visit me in my dreams. I love you....forever and a lifetime.

Time marches on, but it doesn't lessen the pain of losing you😞. Your physical presence is so sorely missed: But I often feel that you are still here with us...watching over your family. There are times in my day when I feel overwhelmed and I feel like breaking down. Then I hear the song, "I Can Only Imagine." It reminds me of you. It reminds me of God's promise to us all. It reminds me that there is something more beautiful waiting for us in Heaven. And it comforts me. You fought so hard to try and stay here with us😥. We saw it. We knew it. We love you deeply for it. But God had much bigger and more important plans for you. And though it hurts us still, and we still struggle to understand it all, we KNOW that our ways are not God's ways; that he had a divine purpose for calling you home to Him. You are our guardian angel....sitting with Jesus....keeping a watch over your loved ones. I love you with ALL my heart, Brother. You will always and forever be missed. We will meet again....in God's beautiful Kingdom!!

Four months since you've left us here on this earth😢. As we continue to deal with this disease, I can't help but to envy you being in Heaven.....where there is no more pain or suffering. You are definitely in a much better place; A beautiful place! We miss you tremendously, Brother. Joyce posted a video of you on FB. It was so nice to hear your voice again. I miss hearing it. I miss having our talks. We think of you every day.  Baby still watches your memory video and will often say that he misses you. I want him to remember you!! I know that he was only 4 when you left us, but I know he has memories with you. Whenever he asks to watch your video, we let him; And he sings along. We encourage him to watch it. Certain weeks, he will watch it every day😊. We miss you so much and love even more so. Rest in all our love, Zag❤ Continue to watch over us. Come visit us in our dreams. Mom is slowly improving. Watch over her. 

Hey bro I was reading over all the love that people wrote on your message board. Oklahoma was such a lifetime ago but I’m glad you were such a positive influence on so many lives. You wouldn’t believe that I have 7 grandkids! When all this craziness is over I’ll try to make it out there and visit you. Do me a favor bro, when you run in to my parents please tell them I love them and miss them.  I love you brother.
Tim Togiai 

Happy 48th Heavenly Birthday, Brother!! I made spaghetti for your special day and we sang "Happy Birthday" to you. Junior, Tasha and Lisa decorated your grave today.  I'm hoping that the mortuary won't call me this week to say that it's too much :) It was so surreal to celebrate you, without you being here; Your first birthday in Heaven. We miss you so much, Zag! We think about you every day. I remember your birthday last year. All you wanted was spaghetti and garlic bread. So....being in isolation and not being able to come to visit your grave, I did the only thing I could think to do; I made your favorite dish. Oh Brother, things are so crazy right now. Even with all that's going on, thoughts of you still come to our minds.....and our hearts continue to mourn your loss. I love you, Brother. Continue to watch over us. Watch over mom. Visit her in her dreams. 

Peata left us yesterday, to return to Washington. Somehow, her presence here with us, comforted us, because it felt like a piece of you was still here. Your bedroom door is quiet once again:( I've spent the last two days thinking of you; missing you. I've talked to your posters, watched your videos, read over your messages on Facebook, and thought of our last days together at Loma Linda. I haven't been by to see you lately. I just feel like life is getting a hold of so much of my time. And now we have this virus that is raging our world. Mom is doing ok. So is dad. We're all just hanging in there. I spent last weekend at Kay's family reunion. Being around family just made me miss you even more so. How different life would be right now if you were here. But I know God needed you, Brother. He needed you with Him. Someday, Zag, I will see your beautiful face in glory. I love you so much. Please continue to watch over us. Come visit me in my dreams. 

Today marks 3 months since you've been gone😢 How terrible it is for time to keep marching on, when our hearts are still aching for you. 💔 I still think of the day you left us....it plays so clearly in my mind. I wish I could hold you once again and tell you how much I love you and how so very proud I am of you. We're so lost without you, Zag😢....but, we are trying our best to live on. God has us, that's for sure. I miss you so much, Brother. That will NEVER change. I still remember your last words and I repeat them to myself often. What a beautiful soul you are❤ Continue to watch over us. Come visit me in my dreams. I love you forever and a lifetime.

I miss you fiercely today😢 I miss you every day, but...today is very trying. I haven't been there to see you this week. I'm so sorry. I will make sure that I come this weekend to spend time at your graveside. Oh Brother,.....how I wish you were here. I need you here right now. I need your support and your words of encouragement💔. I miss your presence.😢 I know God has us in the palms of His hands, but my heart....our hearts.....still ache because of losing you. Every day, I cherish knowing who you are in our lives and how absolutely blessed we are to have loved you and even more, having been loved by you❤ I love you so much, Brother and I miss you so, so much. Come visit me in my dreams.

Today marks 2 months since you've left this earth....and left behind such a huge void in our family😢. The pain is still so difficult to deal with. We think of you every single day and we're always sharing memories of you. I miss your presence in our everyday lives. Kingston will often ask me if I miss you, when he sees that I'm sad. Even a 4 year old can sense the sadness☹. We're trying, Brother; Trying to move on with our daily lives, without you. It's so hard😢 Know that we love you so much, and that you are ALWAYS on our minds❤ Watch over us! #BESTBIGBROTHER

Having a tough day today. Saddened that I didn't have an opportunity to visit your graveside this week. It seems to make me feel a little less anxious. Still trying to cope with your loss. I still look for you...forgetting that you're no longer with us. For a split second on some days, I find myself asking where you're at. I miss you so much, Brother. Everyday, I think of you and I shed tears for you. Your baby Kalilah recently told me that you came to her in a dream, during your services. She said that she waited for you to say something, but she was awoken from her sleep and then you were gone. I wanted to know if you were smiling...if you looked happy. She said that there wasn't enough time; that you were there for about 5 seconds. I told her that it was beautiful; that her Uncle Zag was still watching over her.❤ Currently in the hospital with your brother, K. Watch over him, please. Come visit me in my dreams, Brother. I love and miss you so much. How I wish you were still on this earth. But....you are in a much more beautiful place! I will see you in the morning❤

OBITUARIO

Zagory Apiuta Laulu

28 marzo, 1972 – 6 diciembre, 2019

Desert View Funeral Home & Memorial Park

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