Mercedes Tan Boco M.D.

Mercedes Tan Boco M.D., 75, of Memphis, passed away on Monday, November 26, 2012. She is survived by her loving husband of 53 years, Briccio B. Boco, her five children, Victoria, Ferdinand and his wife Lori, Shirley and her husband Robert, Edwin Anthony, and Robert, six grandchildren, Christopher, Jeremy, Alexander, Miranda, Nathanael, and Matthew, two siblings, Dr. Roberto Tan Jr. and his wife May, Atty. Rufilo Tan and his wife Mirope, and their children and grandchildren. Born in the Philippines, Mrs Boco and her family immigrated to the U.S. in 1973. She resided in the Memphis area for the last 37 years working in the Healthcare field. She started at Hardeman Co. Hospital, then worked for Baptist Memorial East, and finally finishing her work at Lifeblood. She was a loving wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and friend who will be greatly missed. Visitation will be held on Friday, November 30, at Memphis Funeral Home and Memorial Gardens, 3700 N. Germantown Rd. from 5-9pm and a Funeral Mass on Saturday at 1:30pm at The Chapel of St. Ann Bartlett Catholic Church, 6529 Stage Rd.

We Love you.

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DAD'S TRIBUTE TO MERCEDES

Dec. 1, 2012

My family wishes to thank our friends and relatives from both sides of the aisle who came here to pay their last respects to my beloved wife, Mercedes. Most of you traveled from distant and faraway places so I am going to make this tribute brief.

My wife and I were born in the same town in the Philippines before the outbreak of World War II. We went to the same public schools and worshipped in the same Catholic Church. Everyone knows everybody in the town and as a student Mercedes was known to be bright and a good dancer too.

As both luck and fate would have it, she was crowned a Beauty Queen during our town’s Agricultural Fair in 1950. There were contests and entertainment during the duration of the fair. Several troops of Boy Scouts participated including my troop 74, which won numerous awards. I was nominated by my Scout Master to receive the awards from the reigning Beauty Queen, Mercedes. She shook my hand each time I received an award. Her hands were icy cold, I remember. That moment, I believe, was the time we mutually found and discovered each other. When we were married I teased her about her icy cold hands and we had a big laugh about it.

In high school, my pocket money came from selling English dictionaries. My distributor company mailed me a list of other books I could sell. One title, “How To Write Effective Love Letters”, attracted my curious eyes. I included it in my next order.

The school principal saw the book by accident and almost spoiled the ambitious plan of a budding Romeo. In front of the entire student body during a raising of the flag ceremony, the school principal warned the girls to beware of me because I was in possession of a dangerous book. Anyway, I went ahead and used the book as a reference to write my first love letter to my future wife. It worked because I got a reply!

The exchange of romantic love letters continued into our college days. She was raised in a sheltered environment under the watchful eyes of her parents and aunt. Young men were not allowed to see her. To avoid detection we devised elaborate ways to preserve the secrecy of our love affair. The only place I could see and talk to her was inside the school of the university she attended.

One time, she instructed me to wait for her, I believe, on the top floor of the Medical Building. I arrived on time and to my shocking discovery, there were rows and rows of cadavers used by medical students to study and dissect body parts. I wanted to run but did not want to miss my opportunity to see her. She apologized for not warning me earlier.

Our exchange of romantic love letters continued for years until we exchanged marriage vows in a Catholic wedding. Thereafter our children were born in succession – two girls and three boys, all talented and good-looking, modesty aside.

I am proud to say that Mercedes was an excellent choice for a wife: a good mother, grandmother and friend. She always remembered special occasions and never missed sending birthday gifts to our children and grandchildren. She was a good listener and counselor.

In conclusion, let me read our favorite poem “How do I Love Thee” by Elizabeth Barrett-Browning. Mrs. Browning and her husband, Robert Browning, had a romance that paralleled ours.

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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

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TRIBUTE TO OUR MOTHER, MERCEDES TAN BOCO

DECEMBER 1, 2012

My mother would have been very happy to see us all gathered here today. She was at her happiest and most relaxed self when around her family. Being somewhat humble and self-effacing, she would have been astonished that so many of her family and friends are in attendance today, at such short notice, coming far and wide to pay their respect and support our family. It is surely a testimony of how well she was loved that you are all here today. On behalf of my brothers and sister, we want to thank you for your love and support at this very difficult time as we grieve the loss of our beloved mother, Mercedes.

With my mother’s passing, our immigrant story, in my mind, comes to an end as she was the quiet, driving force of our journey to America thirty-nine years ago. Like many immigrants before her, concerned about the changing political climate in the Philippines, my mother came to this country in search for what she hoped was an even better life for her family and afford greater opportunities for her children. Today, in a mobile world, where people travel from country to country with great ease and freedom, it is easy to overlook the significance of such an undertaking. Back then, in 1973, it was quite a risky adventure, one that would require my mother to break with tradition and to be painfully separated from our close-knit and vast extended family that she dearly loved, many of whom are here today, to start afresh in a new country. My parents had to start from the bottom and prove themselves again in a country where they had no connections or status and with five children in tow, the eldest, me, who just turned twelve, and the youngest, Rob, less than 2 years old.

My father would sometimes tease my mother that she was born with a silver spoon while he came from the wrong side of the tracks. Theirs was a special love affair which I will leave to my father to tell but, I can attest to you, that in her unpretentious and humble demeanor we never saw any traces of her privileged life. She learned how to cook (each of us had a favorite dish from her growing repertoire of dishes), performed all household tasks herself, managed the finances, and worked full-time. My mother was a woman ahead of her time, a multi-tasker showing my sister and I, by her example, that a woman can balance a career and family.

She always took great effort with her appearance and I was always proud to have such a beautiful and well-dressed mother. Even though she worked full-time in the healthcare field, my mother, and my father, never missed any school event or award ceremony, regardless of how trivial and minor an accomplishment. I can still picture her sitting proudly in the audience while my father focused and refocused his camera for the longest of time, a source of family joke, to catch that perfect moment when my siblings and I received an award or diploma. Like other immigrants before her, she instilled in us the value of education and worked hard to make this possible for her children. She saved every memento and photo and made each one of us feel special. My mother was also there for each of us with each challenge and disappointment providing strength and comfort by her quiet presence. She always thoughtfully honored our privacy and sought to preserve our fragile dignity…never discussing the disappointments she witnessed first-hand with other members of the family. To this day, I am sure that neither my father nor my siblings know about the copious tears I shed when I lost the Spelling Bee Championship or the recital where I foolishly memorized my Clarinet solo then, lost my way midway through the piece much to my mortification and embarrassment. My brothers and sister, I am sure, can recount similar stories where my mother championed and nurtured them in the same way. She loved us all the same and thoughtfully remembered our birthdays and other special occasions. It pained her to see us, or any members of her vast family, in disharmony as she believed family unity was paramount. She never spoke ill of anyone and we could all learn from her example. My mother would always say, “My wealth are my children” and we feel the same of our mother.

Although it was nearly twenty years before we first saw our extended family, my mother never let us forget our roots. She kept the bonds strong, despite the distance, through letters and photos and visits to the Philippines. Because of her efforts, we have been able to reconnect with our extended family with great ease…picking up where we left off so many years ago.

My siblings and I are very happy and honored to have my mother’s brothers, Uncle Totoy, his wife, Auntie May, and Uncle Pin and his wife, Auntie Mirope, and our wonderful cousins here with us. Mom was specially happy to be reunited with her two brothers who came at a distance to see her in the hospital. You are all part of Mom’s rich history and her legacy to us and we greatly appreciate your presence.

They say that one can never prepare for the loss of a parent. In our case, we know this to be true. Since 2008, when we first became aware of what would be the first of many medical challenges my mother would bravely face, my siblings and I prepared ourselves for the worst. But, her will to live was stronger than her doctors’ dire prognosis, as she defied all odds and, with almost superhuman powers of recovery, rallied herself to health. We became so accustomed to watching my mother recover beautifully from the most adverse health conditions, that would have surely taken down a lesser mortal without her determination, that we dared to hope and believe that our mother would be with us, if not, for the twenty years that she wished for, at least, half of that time.

But it was not to be. When the end came so swiftly on Monday, November 26, it was a shock for the entire family who had come to believe, because my mother believed it to be so, that she would recover yet again. Her big heart, so full of love for her family and friends, finally gave out as she lost her valiant fight to live.

I take comfort from the fact that my mother was not alone when she passed as I was with her, and by my physical presence, my siblings were represented in spirit. My mother knew that she was treasured by her five children who, individually and collectively, participated in her care and wanted to keep her with us for many more years to come.

We will miss our mother more than we can express as we each grieve for our mother’s loss and her unique impact and legacy to each of us. We were blessed to have such a wonderful mother who, through example, showed us the importance of family, harmony, generosity, kindness, spirituality, hard work, education, tactfulness, courage, tenacity, perseverance and above all else, optimism and love of life. She was the family matriarch, the heart and center of our family, balancing that fragile ecosystem within each family, and restoring equilibrium under challenging times. Without our mother, our family is forever altered and we will never recover from her loss.

Mom, May you rest in peace and be finally free of your pain and suffering. I know that, wherever you are, you are now in the loving company of your family Lola Nieves, Lolo Roberto, Nanay Sising, Nanay Oyang, Tatay Lasi and other beloved family members who have passed before you.

We love you Mom and we will never forget you.

In honor of our heritage, I will also express these sentiments in our native dialect, Waray, as I know this would make her smile:

“Mommy, Higugma-on kanamon ngan diri ka namon hingangalimtan.”