Tom,  Rich and I just heard about Jo's passing last night from Linda and Larry Morgan.  We were so shocked and saddened by the news.  We have fond memories of Josephine and the growth group meetings at your place.   I still think of her every 
time I dust the cherry coffee table we bought from her.  Rich was in the hospital during that same time at lourdes , and had 
surgery 4 months later.   Thankfully,  he recovered.   The day 
Jo passed was on  our anniversary,  and I will always 
remember her on that date as well now--starting her new life 
with Our Savior..
Our prayers are with you as you enter this 1st year of "firsts" without your wife.      Sincerely, Linda Weiss

Not much to celebrate this year - didn't have Halloweener's this year like we normally did when you would bag up the candy and wait for the kid's to come - usually kid's that you did daycare for would come and we'd take pictures of their costumes. Thanksgiving was spent over at Jason's/Colleen's instead of here. After Thanksgiving, the Christmas tree and decorations that you would get out and put up were still in the boxes. Thomas and I missed our ritual putting the lights out on the front porch on the coldest day of the year. We missed opening Christmas presents here when the kids came over Christmas morning and our Christmas dinner. We missed celebrating a new year on New Year's eve by watching the ball drop and a half hour later going to bed. We missed New Year's ham dinner. Babe we missed having you here with us. Babe the new normal is spending the holiday's without you. Babe, I/we didn't expect this, didn't see this coming. Babe, I need to move forward without you. My visits to your resting place will not be as frequent. I need to deal with your clothes in the dresser and closet and around the house - I've been putting that job off 'til this holiday period and still haven't gotten to it. I wanted to covert the VCR videos to DVD this holiday period and haven't gotten around to it. What's wrong. I need to move forward, Babe. I still have the flowers I got you for the funeral in the vase sitting in the kitchen. Got your pictures spread over the dining room table - the ones from the funeral and others of you and the family. The flower I wore during the funeral is still sitting on the corner of my desk where I took it off. I've got to move forward, Babe. It's not that I've been sitting still - been working and exercising weekdays, going to church Sunday's/ Wednesday's, trying to read some books - just haven't gotten around to your things yet.

Hey Babe, yesterday I was sitting here at my desk and remembered you walking up the steps with your heading bobbing up and down as you walked up to visit - a teary moment. Then today went to the cable company to remove your name from the billing statement and put mine on - was ok until I left - then another teary moment. Miss you Babe. Guess the teary moments come unexpectedly. Last Saturday I went to check up on the headstone and was ok for most of it , checking for mistakes - there was one - the day you passed. After I asked a question, he proceeded to answer it, then i left teary eyed - I sobbed in the car. Missing you Babe, missing you.

it's been 8 weeks today - 8:52 PM. Still remember you looking at me while breathing your last - there was nothing I could do for you, nothing. Missing you babe. Seems like a lot longer than 8 weeks. Been keeping busy with work - mandatory OT - and exercise - almost every day. So those 2 activities fill my day - plus other things that pop up - Miss Mae says that's good - it helped when Norm passed. Widows that attend the Thursday meeting are retired so they have it a lot harder. This place is a mess - have to get cleaning this week. Life goes on Babe.

Various things made me think of you today and smile. Miss you Mom!

This is the 5th week since you passed - would never have believed it if you told me July 1st - life is so short. Didn't visit your resting place today at the regular time as was done since your passing because of work - working an odd 2nd shift this week.

We were going to have a garage sale last weekend but too much was going on, I had to work on Saturday, then we had a wedding, then Tom's birthday party on Sunday. But, as I was walking through the house looking for things I didn't really need anymore, I noticed just how many of the things I own are from you. Every bowl and plate I have came from you, candleholders, at least three rugs, a nice candy jar you said you gave to your mom (Nanny) and then you gave to me. Everywhere I look are things you've given me. Then I realized just how much of an integral part of my life you were. I mean, I knew that already, kind of. But now that you are gone, all of the ways you've touched my life stand out all the more.  Now, I can't help but think of you when I reach into the cabinet to grab plates for dinner…

Went to church this morning - Went down to my sisters this afternoon and visited with her 2 month old grandson, daughter brother and sister-in-law -fun to visit - this was the first visit since your passing - some emotion - some loneliness - need to find the new "normal" - working it.

Yesterday my plot was paid for - got our headstone ordered today - 4 to 6 weeks it should be on your resting place - felt numb during the process. Another lonely day - you filled up my life with living - I need to start learning to live alone - without you - it's been 30 plus years you've been in my life - gotta start learning to live without you or the loneliness will consume me.

Had no problem when I went to the town offices to get some paper notarized to remove your name from some stock account – did have a problem when I went down the hall to see how to remove your name from the house deed – tears filled my eyes – I could hardly talk to the lady – she told me your name does not have to be removed from the deed but she guided me on what to do to remove your name from the tax roll – left the lady with paper in hand not saying a word – I couldn't. Miss you, miss you, miss you. The day was sad and lonely after that.

Went to one of the grocery stores we used to go to get your glutten free food and almost lost it, almost cried, almost wailed – the support group leader's handout said it's ok to cry in public – not there yet. Thought of you and how we used to go to the store – you used to be trailing me trying to catch up – when I looked around you weren't there – that's when it started. Miss you. Shared some pictures and the memories that went with those pictures at the support group – we laughed at your remodeling abilities when I was away and your “colonial grey” color choice for the house.

It's been one month, to the minute—8:52, I think. Monday nights at 8:52—an otherwise meaningless minute—now hold new meaning. So does August 12th.  I was sitting outside the other night—it had just rained and was cool outside; there was a nice breeze. I was thinking about you and, it's funny but I could feel you in the wind. Maybe it was the cool, warm comfort of a late Summer evening breeze but it was sad but comforting. I'm not sure if I'll think of you in the wind again, but I do know I'll think of you…often, everyday.

Went back to the hospital to have dinner-a salad- the emotions weren't as raw as the first time. It started to rain with a lot of thunder and lightning – went to your resting place – remembered the last 2 weeks you were home when we listened to the rain gently falling outside the bedroom window – looked over at your resting place, your body below ground – another realization moment – the tears blended  with the falling rain. Miss you babe. "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusts in Thee."

Another realization day, another you're not coming back day – just can't describe the feeling – is it loneliness, or lostness – the routine is broken, or is it expecting you to be here, but you're not, to call but you never will. Feels like you're in a room, and everywhere you turn, there's a wall, but no way out.  When reading thru Psalms, this verse spoke to me “Wait on the Lord, Be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart, Wait I say on the Lord.”  I need to trust and wait.

This the offical birthday day - sad, emotional, lonely, remembering - you weren't here, al least you body wasn't - remembering. Miss you.

Another decade milestone birthday – the house was full of kids - even skyped the children down south. Not in a celebrative mood – sang the birthday song, had cake & ice cream, opened cards, one of which sang, and presents – the clothes will come in handy for the exercise class on Tuesday. Miss you babe. Went to your resting place today - the sun was shining, warm, with a breeze - didn't say a word - didn't know what to say sometimes saying nothing is the right thing to do.

Back to the old routine started today - Today was grocery day - got 2 weeks worth of grocery money from the bank - went to the 3 stores we usually go to - went over this weeks budget - you weren't here to stop me. Was angry today - at no particular one or thing - just angry - guess it must be related to your passing. You weren't suppose to pass - it was just a GI infection you went in for - you weren't suppose to pass. "How did we get here?" Hit a medium size bucket of balls - anger gone, soreness setting in.

Today was a beautiful warm sunny day, where a sweater was needed - a lonely day - this was a realization day - you're gone, you're not coming back here - guess it'll be like this 'til I don't know when - where's the closure, when's its coming - didn't realize that when God said the two shall be as one, that when one left there would be such a big hole. missing you.

Went to a support group for couples who have lost their spouse - all older and retired - meet again next Thursday, 2:30. We introduced ourselves and shared when you went to the hospital, came home, went to the hospital - there were a few more words than that - stopped some where in the middle, composed my self and finished - the emotions are still raw - it's been a little over 3 weeks - Miss you babe.

I'm going for run , I said .. Headed out the door and up the street. Somehow I knew where I was headed( usually I don't) it's probably 5 miles or so round trip I thought to myself. Across the chenango bridges and toward the school.. I've ran this route before... Now across the railroad bridge and into Hillcrest.. I've always enjoyed running in tha neighborhood.. It's quiet and away from traffic. Turn left down Chenango Street toward Noland Road.. The GPS says 2.5 miles.. It's then I realize its gonna be more that 5.. That's ok.. I could use the excersize.. Up the never-ending hill by the "childrens home" more armswing a little more effort to power up the hill, need to maintain the pace. It's then I make the left on Nolan road. This is new territory for me.... I remember driving back from the ceremony at your gravesite thinking I could " stop in to say hi" just as I had done in the weeks before. Except this time it was different..there was no coffee.. No how's things.. No how's things.... Again. I passed the first entrance and entered in the second entrance. Straight back and to the left. There I saw the fresh dirt.. No grass, no headstone yet. There were flowers there left over from the ceremony several days ago... Yesterday was your birthday. Tom made you a cake.. It was good. We sang Happy Birthday you know, how we usually do....
I sat next to your grave, tired from the last 3 or so miles.. It was so quiet.. peaceful.... They were the last words you spoke to me ...." Jason.... water "... I laughted to myself.. I sure could use same water myself right now,,,

“That'll be 10.28 please” – not bad for a heaping salad and a juice drink. Now where to sit – there's nobody this early – a table near the window. Can't believe I'm shaking – I've been here before plenty of times and sat at this table more than once – why am I shaking. As I sit down I notice that beautiful blue sky - you have to look up over the building, but it's there with a wisp of a cloud peaking over the building. Did I come because of hunger – I was shaking and almost crying as I came thru the front doors into the lobby down the hall – don't turn right – you need to go left to the cafeteria. I came thru those same doors in prior weeks plenty of times – why was this time so different. The wind is blowing the hanging flower plants gently from side to side – the one closet to the window is a lilac flower – you use to love lilac in the early days, but as the years past your favorite color changed to yellow or peach, depending on the day and your mood. You loved those yellow roses with the red petal tips. The tears come – the shaking. The older crowd isn't here yet must be too early – where is the elderly man with his computer – likes to surf the net here in the cafeteria. The salad is almost done, that didn't take that long – what about a coffee, yea I can get it - I don't have to go up to your room anymore. As I leave, here comes the first elderly gentleman I've seen so many times. Down the hallway I go – I don't have to go up those elevators to your room. I walk the hallway to the main lobby as I did the last time I was here – when you were in that room on the first floor – your body was there, but you were with your Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ. I miss you.

It was Friday, 1:30 in the morning when you woke me up – your back pain was back. Thursday evening we got your pain under control by a hot shower, pain meds and back rubs. By 8 pm we were both in bed. But the pain was back. This morning we're going to see the back doctor to get some relieve from the pain – but that is at 9. So some more meds, more back rubs in hope that the pain would go. It seems like 9 am will never get here. It helped a little. I dosed off at times – but you didn't – the pain wouldn't let you. Finally I see the light through the window. How will we get you in the car – you're so weak from not eating because of the pain and the episode we had when I gave you too much rich foods to build up your low 84 lb weight– you couldn't handle that because your gall bladder was removed – so you lost weight because you couldn't eat. You've been battling pain, weakness, sore throat, celiac problems related to glutten for 2 weeks, since you left the hospital – seems like it'll never end for you. What a miserable 2 weeks for you – but I wouldn't miss the last 2 weeks at home with you for anything. I had an opportunity to show my love for you – you called me your rock – put up a good front – I miss you, miss you, you.  We left a little after 8 – you barely made it down the steps to the van. We get to the doctor's office hoping for relieve from this back pain – if only the pain would go then we can focus on increasing your weight. “Josephine, you have more problems than back pain – you need to go the ER.” That same ER that she entered just 4 weeks earlier – where she stayed from the 4th to the 19th - where she had issues with water in the lungs and around the heart after she entered the hospital – lots of IVs – where in the ICU, she was put on a respirator for a week – that same ER. We reluctantly left, feeling very lost, not knowing what to do next. On the way out of the doctor's office, you threw up – it was dark green – we now needed an ambulance. You got some relieve in the ER from your back pain after they gave you some meds – they had taken x-ray's of your lungs. Over an hour later you were back and your heart rate started spiking high – your blood pressure was spiking high and low – it took a while before both were stable – more IVs. Guess the x-ray's came back - three doctors came in at different times, each with the same questions: “do you want her on the respirator”; “do you want here resuscitated”. I held the bed rail and started to cry – as you patted my hand you said “It'll be alright. It'll be alright” – your rock was crumbling.  In the ICU, they gave you oxygen thru a mask and your O2 saturation was holding in the low 90s – they made you comfortable and you were resting. I left around 8 in the evening. I was home in bed and didn't get the message – didn't hear the 11:30 pm phone message. I called when I woke at 3 am to find out how you were doing – “resting comfortably, saturation in the lows 90's, besides the O2 mask, we added the O2 tube in the nose” the nurse said something else – what was it. “I'll be in,  in the morning”. The phone rang around 7:30 - “We got the results of the x-ray's we took this morning and we need to put her back on the respirator” the doctor said. “I'll be in, in 15 minutes could you please wait?” “No, we need to do this now”. ….. Hoping for the same results we had the first time she was on the respirator, I reluctantly agreed -“it has to be done now – it can't wait”.  When I got there, there you were – tube in mouth, sedated and resting – and that's where you remained ‘til the tube was taken out 10 days later when you passed away – your body was not accepting the proteins that you needed for the water in the lungs/heart, was not responding to the steroids for the lung inflammation, was being overwhelmed by the infections due to the respirator. Would I have done anything differently? Would I still opted for the respirator – hoping for the same results we saw last time, yes I would. But what was it – why did I feel so bad – I should have been there that final morning at 3 before she went on that respirator – I should have been there, I should have been there…… You were in the ICU from the 2nd to the 12th. We had a family meeting with the doctor on that Monday, the 12th, to decide what to do – we knew what had to be done – we had to come together – your sisters and your children and myself came together. The doctor and nurses on your last day this side of heaven were very caring, very understanding – they provided support as needed - they provided refreshments for us. You went to be with your Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, on that Monday just before 9 in the evening. The funeral home was chosen and the next day made preparations for you to be laid to rest. Some days later there it was – that 11:30 pm message “Hi, it's Nora the RN. Jo's is resting and is comfortable. Her saturation levels are good. She was asking for you to come in …………”.  Oh no! No! No! What deep sorrow, what pain, what anguish – I should have been there – she wanted me there – I should have been there – your rock, NO! I would have kissed you and said I loved you.  I would have asked you what you wanted to do. I would have…., I should have……. The tears began – the questions – the guilt. Now here I am, 3 weeks later, looking back wondering where to go from here – the emotions, the tears, the sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness. I draw on God's goodness, His mercy, His grace.  He is sovereign – this did not take Him by surprise – He allowed it for His glory, for His purposes. He could have healed her on that hospital bed, He could have raised her from that casket – but He chose not to – He knows the beginning from the end – He is wise and has the power to carry out anything He desires. My personal prayer to God, my Father, as His adopted son, was that He would heal Josephine, that He would raise her from that casket – who knows if Papa would say yes – just because it's 2013, doesn't mean He couldn't heal her – Jesus the Son of God healed thousands of people, raised many dead – why not Josephine. It wasn't His will – He has something better. He is good – He sent His Son Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Son of Man, to die for my sins, for Josephine's sins, to pay the wrath of a Righteous and Holy God so that a way of mercy and grace can be provided to sinners. God the Father raised Jesus His Son from the dead and right now He is seated on God the Father's right hand – and Josephine is with her Saviour – absent from the body is present with the Lord – “It'll be alright, It'll be alright”.

Not sure when I'm going to deal with the bedroom – your stuff. Shoes and pictures and…underneath the bed, in the closet are your dresses, your sweaters, your shoes – the bedpost still has your sweater and purse, the dresser – not sure what's in them drawers – lot's of personal items. The card shop keepsakes on the wall that I got on your birthday or special occasions when money was tight that you said will be valuable collector's items one day – the little boy knelling holding a flower to his sweetheart – the boy and girl sweethearts together having an ice cream soda – the boy and girl at the beach building a sand house. Yes they are valuable collector items – to me. Miss you babe.

"Come on babe, let's get it, come on". "No hun, we spent too much" you said. It was the last Sunday at home. You had enough strength to sit in the chair for about an hour. You loved that TV home shopping network. I would check our back account statement from time to time and find another TV network charge – “It's for the kitchen.”, “The ring looks just like a diamond – it's beautiful”, “Those shoes were not that much”, “The sweater was designed by ___ . He designs for all the Hollywood stars”. But now it was my turn. We got that low weight vacuum cleaner for the first floor so you wouldn't have to lug that other one we have from one floor to the next. We also got a mattress cover with foam padding that contours to the body – that would help your bedsore. We started looking for that pots and pans set we wanted the next day but you could only last half an hour on that seat before you had to go back to bed. We were planning for when you get better. Next time I turn the TV on, I'll have to look for that pots and pans set. Miss you babe.

It rained today on your resting place - the grass is starting to grow - they take good care of your resting place. Babe, I miss you. They took the funeral flowers away - you know the spray we had on the casket and the 2 flower arrangements on either side - they were white and yellow - don't ask me to name them - you would know. We had placed one of the flower arrangements on Joyce's resting place - she is right next to you - she would have liked it - guess you both are gabing up a storm up there with your Saviour, The Lord Jesus Christ. The remaining flowers are the purple mums Jason, Colleen, David & Natalie left and the yellow flowers I got - don't ask me to name them - you would know - somebody told me that the purple flowers were mums. Today is Jason's birthday - they're having a combined one for Natalie & Jason at 4 - guess I better get going. Miss you babe.

"How did we get here?" you said after the doctor just left. There was a shadow on the lung and he didn't know the cause - could it be an infection, fluid or cancer - we had been there just a few days, yea today was Tuesday and we came in the previous Thursday, Independence Day. We knew the drill, we've been here before - we'd find out the cause of what brought you in the hospital, that GI infection - you'd be here a few days and by Satuday I'd be taking you home with medication for that GI infection. But when I came in that Saturday morning, you were in distress - you had a hard time breathing and your back had severe pains - they took a blood sample and found your O2 level was low - so you went to the ICU that Saturday and was put on oxygen thru the nose - your O2 levels improved on the weekend so they sent you to the PCU - but by Tuesday things had changed. Your lungs and heart were fine when you came here that Independence Day - no signs of any issues prior to lungs or heart - but now there was possible fluid in the lungs and around the heart. Your weight had already increased by over 20 lbs by the amount of fluids they gave you. Since the doctor did not know the cause, your options were to give you a regement of antibiotics, put you on a respirator and take a sample of fluids for lab tests or do a biopsy - the last option was out because of your weakened , low weight condition. In that early afternoon decision, we opted for the regement of antibiotics. I kept watching that O2 saturation level - it was slowly going down and was now at the mid 70's by early evening - our option just went down to one. The doctor rushed you to the ICU where they put you on that respirator and took the sample for the lab. It was a long week - the first time your were on that respirator - that tube in your mouth, under sedation, at times uncomfortable when the sedation wore off. I couldn't stay there all day - I had to focus on work while the doctors focused on you. It was an awful week - not knowing the outcome - coming after work to find you laying there with that tube to find out the progress - sitting there in that room doing what I could - cooling your head, your feet - talking to you hoping you could hear thru the sedation - praying and holding back the tears - didn't want you to see me crying - it would not be good for you. "You can fight this babe! Fight this thing!" I'd say thru the sedation. I'd call every morning to see how you were doing - 1, 4, 6. The RT keep lowering the respirator O2 levels - not to fast. By Friday, the lab test did not show any signs of infection - it must be fluids. By Saturday the respiraor level was in the 50's. It had to be at 35% before they'd start weaning you off that respirator. By Saturday there were signs on the x-ray's that there was a slight improvement - come on Sunday. There was an improvement on Sunday - Yes! Let the weaning begin on Monday. "We have to give your wife 2 units of blood - do we have your permission?". Monday came and went. One week later you were off that respirator and out of the ICU. By Friday, in your weakened condition, you came home and was home for 2 weeks before you had to go back again, into that ICU, on that respirator. "How did we get here?"

guess what babe - it rained again yesterday and is raining right now - oh yea that's right, we're in Binghamton.

decieded to go to the dollar store to get some cards and drove down the streets we used to drive - brought back memories - when we went to coury's to buy furniture, went by olums to look for furniture, went to mama's attic for, you guessed it furniture - you were always wanting to change the home to make it different, to make it better - your talent was in home remodelling - it'll be a while before i go into some of those stores - felt so empty, sad. missing you.

yesterday was 2 weeks and it rained for the first time last night - a nice gentle rain, the kind we heard when you were home for 2 weeks before your last time to the hospital - you/we enjoyed listening to the rain even though you hurt - it was calming - miss you babe, miss you, miss you.      I went to work today for the first time since your passing - worked only 6 hours. LAC had a lunch at work - it was good - speides. Had some people come and pay their condolences - very nice; others say nothing - what's to say - guess they don't want to open old wounds. I'm tired, didn't sleep well last night. miss you babe.

It's been 2 weeks today - seems longer than that - this side of heaven I feel sad, so sad - I can't express how I feel at this moment - the house is filled with you: the curtains, the couches, the bat cave - you remember, when you "kicked me out of the basement"  and claimed that as your woman cave, alias bat cave. I miss you babe.

Happy birthday babe - sang our usual out of tune "happy birthday" - had cake, ice cream & Bella pizza - went to see you - played back old phone recordings from Jason & Rosaire's phone , such as "Hi it's just me, nothing important, call you later" - miss you babe.

Tom (and family),

So sorry to hear about Jo's passing.  It was quite a shock to those of us in Texas who knew the two of you.
May God bless and support you through this sad time.

Tom and family, I'm so sorry to hear about Jo's passing.  I loved her and have been praying for her.  I will continue to pray for you and the family.  I know you have comfort in knowing that she is Home with our Lord. 
Love in Christ,  Barbara & Craig Ettingoff

Miss Jo,  as my boys called her,  was a great woman.   She will be missed.   My thoughts and prayers for her family.

Tom and the Lewis family,

We are terribly saddened to learn about Jo's passing. May she rest peacefully in the arms of the Lord. We will lift you up in thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if we can do anything at all.

Tom, I am so sorry to read this about Jo. She was a lovely lady and I always enjoyed our little chats when I delivered product to her. God Bless you and the children during this very difficult time.

Sylvia, Rosie and Family.  Our deepest sympathy to everyone.  
Blaine & Ginny

JD, Colleen & family....we are so sorry for the loss of your Mom.  May your memories comfort you during this difficult time.

Mr. Tom:

Mrs. Jo watched took care of our boys, Gabriel and Nathan for a few years and I know the lessons they learned from her will last a lifetime.  I was truly devastated to hear the news, as I am sure the boys will be.  Our hearts go out to you and your family and we hope you know how much she meant to us.

Jason and Collen so sorry to hear of your loss. You are in my thoughts an prayers. My best to you and your family.

Dear Ones:
Our Deepest and Heartfelt Sympathy.  When you lose someone very precious, no one else can really know all that you feel...But, please know that many caring thoughts are with you during this time of sorrow.

Love always,
Connie & Jack Vance; Aunt Evie (Knisely); and Matt, Emily & Avery Vance.

My heart goes out to you at this time and in the days ahead.

We are so saddened by the loss of such a fine lady.  You have raised wonderful children who will carry on your legacy.  Our sincere heartfelt sympathies are with each and everyone of you during this most difficult time.  The Reed Family

To Jo's family and friends, I know Sylvia and Rosie and have met Nancy.  Please hold fast to your good memories of Jo. Know that she is always looking over you.  Sincerely sympathy and prayers, Kit and Earl Gee

May your hearts soon be filled with wonderful memories of joyful times together as you celebrate a life well lived.

Dear Lewis family,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Josie's death came just one day short of Larry's death 3 years ago, and I sure know what a hole it leaves. You'll be in my prayers.

AVIS DE DÉCÈS

Josephine A. Lewis

23 août 1949 – 12 août 2013

Wm. R. Chase & Son Funeral Home

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