Elly Anne Kane

Today we celebrate the indomitable spirit, wisdom, humor, intelligence, fierce independence, and pure love of life, friends, and her beloved family that underscore the amazing life of Elly Anne Kane. We invite everyone who was graced by Elly’s astonishing, ever-ready smile, her eternal optimism, and her abiding love to share in those recollections with us.

Elly was fiercely proud to be a first-generation American; yet, she always respected and cherished the customs and traditions of her German and Hungarian ancestry. Her mother prized education for women, and working two jobs, began saving for her only child’s college education. In their home, there was no other grade but an A, and Elly fulfilled their expectations, skipping a year in school. Skilled at drawing and painting, her murals decorated the walls of her grammar school for decades. Music was a large part of the Kirsten household in pastoral Ridgefield, New Jersey. The keys of their upright rarely cooled. Rousing Sousa marches her father favored and romantic Strauss waltzes her mother preferred could be heard through the open windows of their Dutch colonial every summer. Though classically trained, Elly soon learned to love the chords of her generation, with tunes like “Desiree” and “Tangerine.”

Elly was shy. Very shy. Dating was particularly difficult, and on one occasion, Elly actually hid in the hall closet when the hapless young man rang the doorbell. Her mother calmly opened the closet door to reveal her daughter standing amidst the coats and galoshes. “I don’t think she wants to go out with me,” he said. But for some reason, Elly’s timidity disappeared at the Roseland ballroom, where she and a good friend won trophies for their surprisingly hot lindy-hop. She was always a great ballroom dancer.

Growing up, Elly savored the culinary skill for which her mother had become legendary, was showered with unbounded love, enjoyed music, dance, and frequent trips to the ’39 World’s Fair. Hers was a very happy childhood with no realization that she was born a mere two years before the Great Depression.

Thanks to theirs sacrifices, Elly’s parents saved the money necessary to send their daughter to college. Their “dimpled darling” as Elly was named in her Dwight Morrow High School yearbook was, however, so grateful for the start in life her parents provided that after high school she chose to go directly into business to help contribute to the family’s finances. She began her financial career at Bankers Trust on Wall Street, quickly transitioning to a fast-track executive accounting program. Every day, she took a bus to the ferry across the Hudson River to Wall Street. On the bus trips, she caught the eye of a handsome young veteran, Charles Kane, and they were married. Two years later, despite the assurances from her obstetrician that she was having twin boys (“Scott” and “Glenn”), their daughter Bonnie was born. Elly was elated, showering her with love and giving her daughter all that was within her power all her life.

Every week, Elly, Charlie, and Bonnie ate Sunday dinner at Elly’s parents home. But one weekday in 1960, Elly took Bonnie to surprise her mother, who was on the phone when they arrived. Elly heard her mother conclude the conversation with, “Thank you, Nurse.” Her mother went with God on Memorial Day. Elly was heartbroken and never missed a day since telling her mom how much she loved and missed her.

Sadly, Elly’s marriage also dissolved soon after, and she found herself at just 33 supporting a young child and an elderly father in the early stages of dementia. The emotional and financial responsibilities were Herculean. Returning to Wall Street was out of the question—she had to be close to them. In those days, the first question women were asked on interviews was if they could they type. Elly could, so despite her financial acuity, Elly began working for 3M Company as a secretary, remaining with the “Scotch tape” company until her early retirement. She did return to banking, ending her working career at NCNB providing financial advice as a representative to their wealthy clientele.

Elly created miracles. On a secretary’s wages, Elly built a lovely split-level home in Cresskill, New Jersey, her only goal to give Bonnie a safe environment and the best education, to assure a college education at the school of Bonnie’s choosing. Thus, her Bonnie lacked nothing that her friends with both parents enjoyed. There were dances, gymnastics and twirling lessons, a house filled with friends, surprise birthday parties, and music from Elly and her dad tinkling from the spinet in the living room. Somehow Elly moved mountains to celebrate every milestone with her daughter. Bonnie knew that if she were in a play, recital, or receiving an award, her mom would be in the audience cheering for her. Elly never missed a parade or a Cresskill football game, home or away, to watch her daughter twirl. The costumes, the equipment, the travel—Elly made it a reality. Unbeknownst to Bonnie, she even took a second job when Bonnie went to college, working all day at 3M and evenings and weekends in retail.

Elly lost her dad, who lived to the age of 92, at which point she was forced to face certain realities. She did so with characteristic courage. Her only child and living relative was 1500 miles away in Minnesota. She had capped out at the highest secretary’s salary for the 3M branch where she worked. She had few alternatives, and made up her mind that a move to Minnesota would create opportunity for her and bring her closer to her child. She sold the house in Cresskill, bought a hot 340 Duster, and moved to St. Paul. Not shy with the gas pedal, Elly frequently made the 3-hour trip from St. Paul to Duluth in under 2 hours. “Was that fast?” she’d ask, innocently.

When Bonnie fell in love with Manville, Elly insisted that Bonnie have the formal wedding she never had. It was a beautiful affair, and in true Elly-fashion, spared no expense within her ability. Upon Bonnie’s marriage, Elly instantly became grandmother to adorable 7-year-old Manville III, and several years later, to her precious Stephanie. The two instantly became “best friends” and were inseparable—their life-long relationship full of bouts of giggles, games, tears, and unlimited love. Stephanie adores her “Nans.”

Elly’s family and extended family were also showered with demonstrations of her love throughout her life, and they returned it in kind. She knew she could count on Stephanie, on Manville III and his wife Ellen, and on Stephanie’s childhood friend, Nina whom she adored, for her every need. She cherished her great grand-children, Manville IV and Caroline. Manville’s family in Miami included her in every family gathering, which she attended when she was able. Lourdes and Willy, Meme, Lourdesita, Patricia, Willy Anthony, and their spouses and children all were touched by her unconditional love. She was always happiest surrounded by family and friends. And family to Elly was her doctors, her caretakers, her neighbors and those she cherished. She loved everyone, and everyone loved her.

What many people don’t know is that Elly’s generosity was not reserved for those she knew. For decades she collected eyeglasses for the blind. She volunteered at Boca Community Hospital, sharing her sunny smile and delightful disposition. She supported the U.S. Olympics, Disabled American Veterans, World Wild Life Association, Colonial Williamsburg. She was grateful, as well, for the peace she enjoyed at Hospice-by-the-Sea of Palm Beach County.

We, her family, are blessed with memories: holidays, trips, vacations, and family dinners. Was there anything better than her meatballs? Her lasagna? Her rib eye? Her chocolate chip cookies? Her spectacular apple pie? Her joy of life is within each and every heart. And though Elly would be extremely uncomfortable with praise or admiration, she earned and deserves the respect of everyone who wishes to honor her memory today. Elly loved to give and gave selflessly with her whole heart. On every life she touched, she made an indelible impression, and none of us will ever forget 3M’s “Sweetheart,” our dimpled darling, Elly, Nans, Mom.