Erlinda Donato Tengco

Erlinda often told her children stories about her youth – how she helped her own Mom and Lola in the kitchen, cooked with fire, and walked to the store to buy groceries. She bragged that she was her Lola’s favorite and received candy because she helped in the family store. Erlinda also had a competitive nature about her. She played volleyball, softball, and ran track in high school. She was studious and admitted she did well in school and was only second in her class to the teacher’s daughter.

After graduating from Ilocos Sur High School in 1957, Erlinda moved away from home. She worked at IBM Philippines in Makati while attending the University of the East in Manila, where she earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration in 1962. She met Danilo Tengco, in March of 1962 while they were both working for the Bureau of Internal Revenue in Quezon City. Although Danilo left the Philippines and enlisted in the U.S. Navy in January 1964, they occasionally corresponded and maintained somewhat of a long distance friendship. Danilo finally came to his senses, returned to the Philippines in 1969, and proposed to Erlinda. They were married on December 28, 1969 in San Roque Church in Pasay City, Philippines. Erlinda admitted that Danilo was the only one for her; she never entertained the thought of anyone else, never dated anybody, in short, she never loved another man. Erlinda avowed that Danilo really was the love of her life, “Unlike many Filipino men, he cooks and cleans; he took me away from the Philippines, gave me three wonderful children, showed me the world, and has given me a better life.”

Like other military wives, Erlinda followed her husband’s career. She immigrated to the United States in 1970 when she followed Danilo to Indiana, then moved to San Francisco, returned to the Philippines, transferred to San Diego, and relocated to Cleveland, before settling and calling South San Diego home. Despite several moves and Danilo’s naval deployments, Erlinda always carved a home for her children, making them feel safe and loved.

Erlinda exemplified what a mom is supposed to be … caring, selfless, kind. She was also one of those old-fashioned, stay-at-home moms who sewed her children’s clothes, volunteered at school, and cooked food from scratch. If you have ever perused through family photos, you can see the Tengco children dressed in matching outfits and crocheted tops. She made clothes from Vogue and Simplicity sewing patterns, quilted comforters by hand, and knitted scarves.

Erlinda was always with her children – volunteering in the classroom, working as a teacher’s aide and school receptionist, staying at sports practice, and always keeping an ever watchful eye. She never left her children in the custody of others. The principal at Dewey Elementary recognized Erlinda for volunteering 525 hours during one school year. She boasted about her children’s scholastic achievements to her friends. All the kids at school knew her, and the ones that were family friends were lucky enough to sample her cooking.

“C’mon anak, you eat,” was a phrase often repeated by Erlinda. Guests knew Erlinda for always having various cookies and cakes in her home. If you told her what food you liked, she made sure she baked it – Russian teacakes, pecan tassies, German chocolate cake, or babingka – whatever you liked prepared for you when you came after school. Erlinda cooked everything from scratch. She would say, “You have to use fresh food, use the best ingredients; homemade is the best.” In fact, eating pre-packaged food, TV dinners, and fast food was not the norm in the Tengco home; those were only eaten on rare occasions. Even after a long day at work, Erlinda always took time to cook dinner for her family. During family parties, Erlinda and Danilo were caterers; they rolled lumpia the night before, and started cooking at 6AM so everything would be ready by 12 noon. They did this not only for their children, but for their grandchildren as well. Erlinda was a fantastic cook – she knew it, family and friends knew it. To this day, her children still do not like eating other people’s Filipino cooking, whether it is at someone’s house or a restaurant.

One of Erlinda’s greatest passions was gardening. She loved her roses and orchids. When she lived in South San Diego, Erlinda tended to over 50 rose bushes and 500 orchid plants, yes 500! Her children dreaded when their parents went on vacation because they tasked them with watering the plants, not with a hose, but with a watering can individually by hand. Erlinda was distraught when she moved to their new home in Chula Vista because they could only fill one U-Haul with plants and could not take all of them. Erlinda’s flowers gave her great pride; she cared for each one, and knew their scientific name and common name. Although Danilo joked about Erlinda possessing too many flowers and throwing them away, Danilo indulged Erlinda by taking her to orchid shows and building a protective veranda to shield her delicate orchids from direct sunlight. Erlinda would give visitors a smile and ask them, “Do you want to take a look at my garden?” Thereafter, she escorted guests around the garden and introduced each plant, “This one is an oncidium, but it’s called a dancing lady. Do you see the petals? It looks like a lady wearing a gown dancing at a ball.”

During her retirement as an Intermediate Clerk Typist, Erlinda was asked to return to work by the Department of Health and Human Services four times, accepting three on a part-time basis. Erlinda participated in aerobics to improve her health. She attended a computer class so she could learn how to e-mail, attach photos, and reconnect with her relatives and friends in the Philippines. Erlinda’s other pastimes included watching tennis and old western movies. Erlinda enjoyed traveling with Danilo to Italy, Spain, France, Portugal, Scandinavia, Eastern Europe, England, Russia, and a few others states and countries. Erlinda wished she had more time to see other parts of the world. Even in her travels, Erlinda was always a Catholic girl at heart. She looked forward to visiting grottos in honor of the Virgin Mary, bought rosaries and statuettes as souvenirs, and collected holy water from foreign countries. Erlinda truly devoted herself to her faith, maintained an unwavering belief in God’s divine plan both in good and bad times.

Well, cancer was one of those bad times. In June 2011, Erlinda was diagnosed with liver cancer which metastasized to her lymph nodes. While Erlinda’s body quickly deteriorated, her spirits stayed positive. She was happiest in her garden and surrounded by her family – Danilo, who remained by her side until the very end; her children who made her proud to be a mom; and especially her “apo”, her three grandchildren, who breathed new life into her.

Erlinda was admitted into home hospice care on September 13, 2011. Her family is thankful our Heavenly Father watched over her, released her of physical pain, and let her sleep peacefully through the night, so she could awaken in his divine kingdom. On September 14, 2011 Erlinda was finally reunited with her parents, and older siblings, Salud and Alfredo.

Erlinda D. Tengco is survived by her husband, Danilo J. Tengco, of 41 years; three children Joseph D. Tengco (Laraine R. Roberto) of San Diego, CA, Jennifer D. Tengco (Kyle R. Carlson) of Dongducheon, South Korea, and Juliet D. Tengco of Chula Vista, CA; stepdaughter Rhonda L. Salinas of Las Vegas, NV; three grandchildren Sienna T. Boyd, Camren T. Carlson, and Talia T. Carlson; and numerous cousins, nieces, and nephews.

Erlinda, we love you. You graced our family as a nurturing and supportive Mom and dutiful wife. Erlinda, you are right as always, we will miss you when you are gone.