Vanessa Caroline Beltran

Hey there whoever you are, you’re going to have an insight of my life and whom I’ve become till this day, my name is Vanessa, I’m currently 22 years old and the one thing you should know is I’m a city girl, the one who can’t handle the countryside. Another source you should know I have become immune to people hurting me that I’ve realized, I never understood love or hurting anyone, all I knew was my happiness came first before I met him. Mid-February, the day of love and all that garbage, I never understood why people were always excited, women and girls would be excited waiting for flowers, bears and chocolate candy. For me you ask, well you can say I’m different I was more excited to dance my heart out, live the night at the club, that’s where people never understood me, yes it’s clubbing but it’s not just that; the dim lights, the foggy room, different masterpieces of drinks but the people they were more intriguing, grinding on each other like it’s the last time they’ll see the person it wasn’t even that I didn’t care to dance with others it was more like an art gallery, different colors of clothing and the unique style. Most of all the vibrations of the music and the beat of the rhythm would make you feel like there is no one there dancing, it’s just you and the dance floor heading moving, hips moving and most of all your hands would just go with the movement. I was never much of a dancer, I can especially do the sprinkler dance where you put your left hand on your head and your elbow is bent and your right arm is straight out, it’s like you’re a robot moving once twice and three times. It’s like my sisters says “if a guy ever asks you to dance with them tell them first, if you do the sprinkler I will dance with you” I will never forget the day she told me that.

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Fast forward in the past, I will combine it all and explain the story of my sister and me. My sister’s names Melissa, she’s 1 year older than me, we almost look alike. Big poopy brown eyes, brown lightest hair, her lips are more thicker and plump, and having tinier lips does not help me, anyways off track, and what you should know is that we’re totally different people. Melissa’s tough, generous and hardworking what you should know about me all of those are opposite of me. When we were in high school together people knew me as “Melissa’s little sister” or “Melissa’s baby sis” I was never known for my own self which was hard to claim. I was always following her footsteps since I was a kid; looking up to her for all positive motives, to be like her, putting makeup on, asking her for help for little things and till this day I may not be the same as I was a kid, but even till this day looking up to her for positive motives is something I’ll always do. We always had our dislikes towards each other, the thing about Melissa she’s stubborn, but what I realized it’s that she had always love sticking up for me and you can tell in her eyes even though there poopy brown and dark it made sense she cared for me a lot she has never not helped me once, she was there when I fought a girl my age and in my grade. When I found out the girl named Kaitlyn hated me and talked behind my back I didn’t want to let it go, I went to go alone, but the thing was my sister came to help and face the music with me. Not alone, but with her. My parents have always loved her a lot she has accomplished things I never will. I have become so angry and mad at her that I didn’t realize I couldn’t compete with her, never. And the thing was I love her with so much hatred that I’m learning to accept that it’s okay, I’ll always appreciate what she’s done for me since I was born from a baby, a child, to becoming a tough hard-headed teenager and young adult you name it. Melissa is the only sister and family I have. Before me and my sister were born, we were supposed to have a brother older than my sister 24 to be exact, he passed away though in my mom's tummy he didn’t have enough blood, so my mom had a miscarriage. Till this day we would have named him Brandon a little half American half Filipino boy, maybe blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. My mom had his life all set for him wearing; flannel shirts, khaki pants and fancy shoes. Brandon was going to be the military son as my mom says. The thing was I felt like he was going to do more than just being in the military, he was going to go to college meet an amazing girl have a good job and you know all those jitter jitter blah, blah, blah. I will always miss him even if I wasn’t meant to be here. If he was born I wouldn’t be here, my parents planned two kids and that was enough but if he didn’t pass away things would be a lot different.

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Here’s a little story about me I have grown up with two parents and sister. I’m not rich, but I can get around, money was never something that made me happy. They say love will always carry you wherever you are. Happiness is the essence of life, but also loving someone takes lots of effort and fighting. War is love, without war there is no love. There are times where I think, for instance, about life; where will I be in 10 years, who will I marry, what person will I be in the future, will my kids be better than me? These are all questions millions of people ask themselves, how come we question ourselves though, in life we all question many things without thoughts or questions we wouldn’t be a person or even a human. Life is like music, it can be hard and rocky, it can be classical with smooth rhythms and beautiful music, there can be times where it can be edgy and a little twisty, but life has many music tones, vibrations and rhythms without these lives doesn’t have music or steps. Life’s an obstacle course we just have to keep moving forward in order to open a new door for ourselves.

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I’ve realized life comes in a package; love a great happiness or ether a terrible sadness, death becomes the worst fear anyone can have, school is the one biggest thing that everyone struggles but there are one out of five people who make it to a university you tell me what is the worst to feel, lastly working the hardest in life trying to make eighty hours in two weeks making money for your wants and needs. Life is funny how come we have our wants and our needs.