Manouchehr Dehghan

LILLIAN'S EULOGY FOR MANO 6/12/07

Thank you for coming today to be with us, to share with us our sadness, grief, and memories of our dearest Manouchehr.

So many of you have reached out to us to offer your prayers and support to us since last week. I would like to share with you a few e-mails and words that have come to me since Mano’s fall and then passing.

….I pray that Manouchehr can fight this battle.

….I pray that the Lord’s strength be with you at this time.

….Oh my God help, please help. May God bring him back!

….I wanted you to know that my heartfelt prayers are with you during this trying time. I pray for a miracle that Mano will recover and for God’s will. I know the Lord is with you. I pray He sends angels to comfort you and guide you.

….All my love and support, best wishes and God’s divine plan go out to you and Mano.

Mano fought this battle. God brought him back, not to us who grieve for our loss, but to Him whom created him. Angels came to comfort and guide me. I have seen them in the faces of friends, family, and strangers. No one could have received better care than Mano with the nurses at Tampa General. In my weakest hour, strength came to me to persevere.

I prayed too for miracles and blessed him with Holy Water given to me from someone’s trip to Lourdes. We received miracles and comfort. They came not in the sounding of trumpets, but in the voice of a child telling me Daddy and pointing to the angels in a painting, in a beautiful full and then double rainbow that began to form out the hospital window immediately on the passing of Mano from this life into the next. It comforted us to watch it slowly create its arch and to hear his sister Jaleh say “Mano loved rainbows as a boy. He used to always chase them.”

And then the love that has poured out to both families… It came locally, across the state, across this country, and from countries all over the world: Germany, France, Iran, Canada, and the United Kingdom. What they called to share was the deep heartfelt grief they felt for someone who was loved so deeply because of his kindness and sincere acceptance of all of us for who we are. Mano met no stranger. He navigated among all people no matter who they were. He never paused to help anyone. “Ask and you shall receive.” Mano gave. This included the beggars on the street that have handwritten signs of “WILL WORK FOR FOOD” that the rest of us pass by. He felt deeply for all mankind.

He was not a shy and meek man. He loved to have fun and all of us can remember a story or two that he embellished to make us laugh. He dearly and deeply loved his family and would never say a negative word about anyone.

Mano never gave up if he really wanted something. Coercion is not a word he knew. He was going to do things his way and in his time. He listened to council, but always made up his own mind. In his 51 years, he was a citizen of 3 nations, most recently becoming a U.S. citizen because he wanted to. It was a very happy day for him.

Mano deeply and dearly loved his friends, family, myself, and Maryam. I believe he loved Maryam the most. True to his character, he loved her for who she is and looked at Maryam with blinders and only saw her heart. She was blessed to have her Daddy care for her and love her from birth, as Mommy went back to work. She is a happy and secure child because of her Daddy. He often said, She looks so much like you, searching for features of his own. He would say, “She has my eyelashes and toes.” She has her Daddy’s tender heart for others and his strong will.

So the miracles of comfort came to us all from so many people. Here are some of their words.

….Our hearts and prayers go out to you, Maryam, and his family during this sad time. The loving memories you have of your times and years together will be a salve on her (Maryam’s) hurting heart.

….I hope this is the last sadness in your life. May God give you patience and forbearing.

….Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I will pray for you and your family.

….I was deeply saddened to hear the news about the death of your husband. I hope that your fond memories of Mano will give you comfort. He was a kind, gentle, warm, and loving man.

Here is a poem I would like to share with you.

So Be It

Life holds us in a fragile web,

Its links are torn and broken,

And oftentimes it just gives way

And pain becomes the token.

Yet through the pain we find the core

Of courage in the heart,

We build again the broken threads

That life has blown apart.

No easy task confronts us now

As one by one we weave

The tangled memories of love

Which dimly we perceive

And through the weeping in our souls

The web grows strong again,

And life begins to whisper peace

And we can pray “Amen.”

Lois Tiffany

And finally, to you Manouchehr, I say some of the few words I know in Farsi. “Khrali, Khrali, Duest det Dehran.”

ROYA'S EULOGY FOR MANO 6/12/07

Hello. My name is Roya and I am Manu's youngest sister.

It is with a deep sadness in my heart that I am standing here today,

struggling to come up with words and tell you about my dearest brother

Manouchehr Dehghan, who left us all way too early and so suddenly. The

prince of our family has departed and gone to the unseen. The only son, the

only brother, the only kind Manu we have ever known, decided to free himself

from this life, so he could be a rainbow, so he could unite with the sun,

with the moon and become the shiniest star in the heart of the darkest sky.

It is not difficult to talk about Manu's fine qualities. It is not

difficult at all to remember his kindness, his innocence, his generosity,

the deep love he had for his family, and his peacefulness. What seems to be

so surreal, is the fact that from now on we must live only with his

memories. Although I am sure that most of us here, can easily find an

unforgettable moment which we have shared with Manu.

What I personally remember, mostly goes back to my childhood. I remember

Manu being a big brother, extremely kind, protective, handsome, strong and

funny. Very funny. Unfortunately Manu left me too early twice in his life

time. Once when I was just a little child crying and begging him not to

leave, when he had made a decision to live in England, and once, when I was

still the same little child in the body of a grown up woman, again begging

him to stay just a little longer and this time he had made a decision to

live in a rainbow. We all saw it. As soon as Manu's soul escaped the

prison to his body, we looked outside from the big window in the room and

noticed that a small rainbow was forming from one corner of the sky and in

just a few minutes it turned into a full rainbow. The most beautiful

rainbow I had ever seen. Manu was dancing and swimming between the colors

and crossing the sky from one end to the other. My dearest brother,

Manuchehr, you will be in my heart forever.

Your dear wife Lillian and your beautiful daughter Maryam will always remind

us all of the precious Manu we once had and will carry on your legacy.

My eldest sister Jaleh, has asked me to share with you a memory of her

childhood with Manu. Jaleh had always been very imaginative. She remembers

being maybe seven. Manu was just five. Every night, in the heart of

darkness, when everyone was sleeping, Jaleh would quietly get up and leave

through a crack in the wall or a hole in the ground. Every night she

visited the Other World. The mysterious Paradise. Every morning she would

wake Manu up and tell him all about her journey in the Other World. What

she had seen, what she had done. Jaleh would tell Manu about the largest

ferris wheel, the beautiful angels with blue lacy dresses, the most

delicious cotton candy and ice cream, the largest balloon and the mysterious

garden with pomegranate trees and cherry blossom. The total peace and

quiet, the calmness. With tears of excitement in his eyes, Manu would ask:

"why didn't you take me with you?" --- "Because you were sleeping." --- "

will you please wake me up tonight, so we can visit the other world

together?" --- Day after day, Manu would wake up in the morning, just to

learn that her sister did not wake him up the night before.

Many years have gone by since then.

Manouchehr, you are in the garden now, you are in the Other World. The same

Paradise that you did not get to see when you were five. Rest in peace,

enjoy the quiet moments. There is no more pain to endure. Explore the

eternity. Your sister will come to you in time.

JOHN'S EULOGY FOR MANO 6/12/07

I have known Mano, more than half my

life - 27 years - Mano was more than a friend

he was a brother – a brother from a different mother

a kind soul much loved by everyone here

and in the U.K.

my funniest memories in life were shared

with Mano

Mano mike and I have known each other

for more than 75 years – a lifetime –

Mike unfortunately could not be here today

and is deeply saddened at losing a

brother –

I have been truly blessed to have been part

of Mano’s family life and friends and when

you have known someone more than half your

life – they are more than just a friend – they

are like brothers, an ally someone you can

trust your life with and this is how I

felt about Mano – he is still with us in

spirit and will never be forgotten -

FR. LEN PLAZEWSKI'S HOMILY FOR MANO'S FUNERAL SERVICE 6/12/07

In the days since Mano’s death, we have received many phone calls and messages – even from people who never met Mano. I hope that this is a great source of consolation to Lillian and Maryam, to his mother, and sisters. There was one that very brief email that I got from a priest in Minneapolis on Sunday that I would like to share with you as I think it sums up a great many. Fr. Wilson writes “I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your brother-in-law.  Please assure your sister, his mother, and his sisters of an army of prayers from across the country.”

Before I share my remarks, I want you to know of my prayers and condolences as well. I also want to say publicly of how proud I am of my sister, especially over the last week. Her quiet strength and dignity in the face of death is truly remarkable. My deepest condolences to Mano’s mother, Mrs. Dehgan. Words, whether they are spoken in English or Farsi, fail us in times like these, but hopefully the presence and support of so many here will give you strength in this most difficult time and in the days ahead. Lastly, I want to say to Mano’s sisters (Joli, Nuchen, & Roya) how sorry I am for your loss. My brothers and I know only too well the hurt that comes from the loss of a brother. Mano did not die alone and what a wonderful gift you were given to share those final moments with him. I hope and pray that the last few days you were able to spend with him will help to bring you peace and healing.

51 years. Depending on your age, that may seem like a lot or it might seem like not much at all. For those in the single digits of life or even in their teens, 51 years may seem like an eternity. For those who have gone through some of life’s ups and downs, 51 years seems like so little time at all. But regardless of personal perspective, that it what we have here today before us…51 years. We can divide those years: 51 years as a son and brother. 20 years living in Iran. 17 years in England. 15 years in the United States. 12 as husband. 6 ½ as a father. 5 days in a coma. No matter how we do the math, it still only adds up to 51 years. Though that may seem long to some, today it seems oh so short. Not even the greatest engineers in the world can calculate what might have been or what could have been. Those 51 years are the reality of Mano’s life here on earth. It is not my intention to eulogize my brother-in-law.

I can say this – I have reflected and prayed quite a bit this past week. I too must ask those deeper questions and ponder their meaning especially when confronted with a life cut short. My prayer this week (& hopefully every week) is to accept God’s will. The will of God is one of those things we often talk about or hear about, yet can be so hard to understand. How do we understand God’s plan in all of this? How are we to make sense of this? I am reminded of a story of the great theologian St. Augustine who at one point was endeavoring to write a book that would totally explain God. One night in the midst of this endeavor he had a dream and in the dream he found himself walking along a seashore. As he walked further along he came across a little boy who seemed to be playing in the surf. Upon further examination, Augustine discovered that the lad had dug a large hole in the sand and was running back and forth with a pale, dumping sea water into the hole he had dug. Back and forth, he continued to do this. Finally, after a few moments of this, Augustine asked the boy what he was trying to do. The boy responded, “I am trying to put all the water from the Ocean into the hole I dug.” Augustine laughed and said “That’s ridiculous; you’ll never be able to get all the water from the ocean into that little hole of yours!” To which the boy replied with a smile “And you’ll never be able to get the full concept of God into that little head of yours!”

The reality of God and his will in our lives is ultimately a mystery. We are so small before God. We have no idea how many years we will be given. Much of my work as a priest, especially in my present responsibility, is with individuals who are trying to understand what God is asking of them. I have discovered that initially many people don’t really like reflecting on “God’s will in their own lives.” Why is this? I think it is because unwittingly we have made “the will of God” a negative or even scary term. Think about it! Think how we most often use this phrase. Usually, it is when something sad or tragic happens. Even today, we might have already said, “it must have been the will of God!” It seems to me that when something unexpectedly good happens, most people usually don’t refer to God’s will. I’ve yet to hear someone exclaim after getting an unexpectedly large tax refund, “It must have been the will of God!” No wonder then why people are so afraid to accept God’s will. But despite our sorrow today, we should not fear God’s will – in fact we should seek it above all else!

The truth of the matter is that for all our scientific achievement, for all of our advances in medicine and technology, for all that we are able to accumulate in this life, the reality of life is that it comes to an end on this earth at some point for us all. That is why we must look beyond the certainty of death and into the awesome mystery of God and his love for us, and in fact, his loving will for us. God’s will is not about pain and death for surely, above all else, God wants to welcomed us all into paradise. The hope of eternal bliss in which we are freed from those things that hold us down in this life has less to do with the number of our years, but rather how we choose to live them.

That is what we have just heard in Scripture (Psalm 51) - God’s word to us this day. We know that we are all poor sinners. We know that we are so small and fragile before God. We should not try to make excuses, but rather simply ask for God’s mercy. We must allow God to speak to us – in the deep recesses of our hearts, for surely God is calling us all. We need not present a resume to the Lord when he calls. We come to him as who we are - yet asking to be transformed. We ask the Lord to cleanse and purify us so that we may be able to enter his sight. In the end, it is not some offering or sacrifice, but rather a humble and contrite heart that pleases the Lord. That is what the Psalmist reminds us today.

Mano was not a person who ascribed to a particular religious faith, but he did believe in God. No doubt he would be hard pressed to explain why he believed in God or exactly who this God is, but that does not take away the essence of belief. Sometimes even in our own daily lives we have a hard time explaining the actions of those closest to us or knowing exactly who they are, but that does not take away from our awareness of their presence. God never abandons us even when we turn away from him. We might find ourselves disappointed or even distraught that God did not seem to answer our prayers – that there was no miracle, that Mano did not recover. Why did this have to be God’s will? We might be tempted to despair, to not believe in or trust God, to turn away from him, to make the fatal mistake of preferring our own wills instead. But perhaps in the end, that is the way that this quiet, gentle, and unassuming man would want it, to slip out of this life in relative peace with the sign of the rainbow to remind us of the promise of God’s mercy. Make no mistake about it, God always answers our prayers, but, as any good parent knows, “no” is also an answer. It may not be the answer that a child wants to hear, but as long as it is the right answer, what does it matter? And this time, at least from our point of view, even though the answer was “no” – this does not mean that God has abandoned us, but rather that God’s providential will did not coincide with our own personal wishes. This then requires us to look deeper, to seek God all the more in our day to day lives and most of all to trust God – to continue to respond to his will in our lives.

Mano’s 51 plus years in this life have come to an end. We pray that God will have mercy on him and on us all and that when our years here come to an end that we too will be welcomed by the angels into paradise!