Always my love and respect sweet loving sisters-in-law

When I saw Barb's name in the Memorial section of the latest Hiram alumni magazine, my first reaction was disbelief--then sadness and shock. I first met Barb when we lived on the same floor in Booth Hall at Hiram during our freshman year. She and I quickly became good friends, and her humor and intellect and creativity inspired me. She introduced me to my future husband, Darrell. I left Hiram before our senior year, but Barb and I kept in touch off and on over the years and got together three or four times. Each time, it was as if no time had passed....Darrell and I spent one Thanksgiving at her family's house in the early 70s. We stayed up all night talking and then slept until 4 the next afternoon, rising just in time for the turkey feast....When Barb and I attended our class's 20th reunion at Hiram in 1989, Barb and I spent a lot of time together. One night she and I ended up sitting on swings at the nearby elementary school and talking for hours. When she contacted me in November 2011 via email, we reminisced about that and other good times. My last contact with her with December 7, just two weeks before she died. I'm heartbroken that this loving, passionate friend is gone. As she often said in admiration for other women, "What a Dame!" I miss you, Barb....

Barbaram hacked a movie poster. That's me!

I met Barbara Ayres online in a social network late in 2010, and we quickly became good friends. We shared movies and music and lore in general about entertainment and the arts. We drew close through that electronic medium. I met her face to face only a couple of times. She knew a lot about pop culture and taught me about Fred Astaire, Walt Kelly, Fritz Peerenboom, Edward Everett Horton, Cole Porter, and many others. But it was her kindness and humor that made her wise.

Barbara explained her afflictions briefly, not wanting to dwell on them. Plainly she was ill and often in distress. She seemed to know that her time was short. We agreed to meet in another lifetime, make popcorn, and watch old movies. (When we were young, we had to stay up late to watch a favorite movie.)

What, you don’t believe in an afterlife, or reincarnation, or second chances? I guess I don’t either. Yet there is a chamber of our heart where there are no becauses and no therefores, where love is not assigned to yesterday or tomorrow, where we are still young. Want some popcorn?

Myron
I am so sorry for your lost. I lost my wife 6 years ago due to cancer. My thoughts are with you.
William To

I wrote this just a few days after Barb's passing

Many of us have lost loved ones and often the loss of life happens too soon. Some pass too young and some pass too quickly, unable to speak to their loved ones for the last time. Unable to hear for the last time how much they were loved.

For myself the latter occurred just before Christmas 2011. On Tuesday, December 20, 2011. I invited my aunt Barbra out for dinner at one of our favorite meeting places. Just as dinner was concluding Barb began to choke on a piece of steak from her meal. Myself and two other men tried in vein to perform the heimlich and early the next morning, due to complications from aspiration, my beloved aunt passed.

She was no spring chicken. She was 65 and had a plethora of health concerns but there was something inside me that said she would make it. When I received a call from her sister at 9:23 that morning, my world slowed to a grinding pace. It couldn’t be. I was just at dinner with her. We were laughing, planning Christmas, and congratulating my son over his recent 4th place finish in his school’s spelling bee.

She had made it through polio as a child, heart disease and two heart surgeries, diabetes, Ramsey-hunt syndrome and a myriad of other health concerns. Surely the words on the other end of the phone were wrong, surely she would make it. As I rushed to the hospital however it began to sink in on me. The words were not incorrect my aunt, whom for so long served as my rock, my go to girl so to speak, would soon pass. All I could do was get there in time to say goodbye.

Barb had no children of her own and had often referred to herself as my pseudo father, as my single mother raised me. Her adoration for me knew no bounds and when my child entered this world, she saw it her duty to become pseudo grandfather as well. The morning she passed, as I tried to cope, her husband said something I will never forget. There was nothing we could do as for after aspiration, for someone in her health, there wasn’t much of a chance. As that sunk in on me he said to me; “ Michael, I’ve been thinking. She was with her three favorite people in the world and couldn’t have been happier."

He was right and over the next week I received phone calls, emails, and facebook posts that would express understanding and support in this time of need. None of the words they shared, despite all their authenticity and heart, fully being able to understand the feeling that resided inside my heart and mind. It is then that I decided to focus on how she had lived, on who she was, and on how I became who and what I was to her, rather than how she passed.

No one had or should come to support me with the passion that Barb displayed.  No matter what bump in the road I would encounter, Barb would be there to ease me past.  Many people know Barb as the loquacious voice that would appear at the other end of the phone after a current event.  I however, I knew Barb as simply, the voice at the other end of the phone.  Current event or otherwise, there was no one that looked to support me so strongly, no one that I looked to so frequently for support.

At times, as many of us do, Barb and I would come to differences.  Though it seems that even in these times, we would look to each other as the familiar voice whenever something whimsical amused us.  We would laugh, share our thoughts, and snicker over how trivial our previous squabble had been.  In many ways, she WAS my (psudo) father.  Always giving me her two cents, always weary of my rash decisions, always eager to shape my opinion, always proud I had shaped my own, and always there to hash out whatever life had thrown our way.  

Life leaves many questions unanswered. Many of us will find ourselves lost or unfulfilled on different occasions. It is important to remember that the trials and tribulations we face do not define us. It is how we deal with them and, the love that we receive from and give to those who are closest to us that does.

Barb dealt with all of her trials with grace and jubilation. She approached life as an actor o

Not a day has gone by since Dec. 21st that I have not had the urge to call or email Barb about something I've heard on TV or read in the paper or on the internet. She was such a big part of my every day life even though we didn't see each other face to face every day. We were connected and have been since the 3rd grade. She was such an influence on me as we were growing up. Her political and social activism and her participation in the arts opened my eyes to things I might never have become aware of or cared about. I owe her a lot. I miss her terribly and always will. My heart goes out to Myron, Marcia, Susan, and all the rest of the family. I hope good memories bring you lots laughter to go along with the tears during this awful time.

Eulogy for Barbie

On December 20, 2011 my sister, Barb choked while eating dinner.  The squad was called and she was taken to the hospital, but despite the best that medicine could do her lungs were badly damaged and the next day she died.  

Some of my earliest memories are of going to the doctor with my mom and my sister.  Barb suffered many health problems throughout her life.  She lost the vision in her right eye before she was 3 years old to toxoplasmosis.  My dad, a physician, felt terribly guilty when the eye doctor discovered the vision loss.  And I remember waiting for hours and hours in the waiting room of Dr. Moses’ office downtown for Barb’s eye appointments.

When she was still in elementary school she began having bouts of hives.  Initially these were diagnosed as “neurotic excoriations” and she was sent to Dr. Hugh Miseldine, a child psychiatrist.  These continued and got worse and worse throughout her childhood and adolescence and caused many absences from school because when she had hives the pressure of her clothing was intolerable.  Eventually they found out she had allergies to aspirin and house dust.  

When she hit puberty she began to have migraines.   These were terrible and debilitating and she missed more school.  She had horrible migraines for many years, they finally subsided and quit after she went through menopause.  But still she did well in most subjects and eventually graduated with her class and was accepted to Hiram College.

In her last year at Hiram, she began to have terrible stomach pain as well as the migraines and hives.  The day after she graduated from Hiram she was admitted to the hospital and her gall bladder was removed.  

In the late 1960’s or early 70’s she was finally identified as having cyclothymiacs disorder (manic depression) and began treatment.  She continued to see a therapist for years and ultimately uncovered an early childhood incident that had scarred her self esteem for life.  

While she was in her 40’s she had her first cardiac double bypass.  Not far into her 50’s she had a benign growth removed from around her spinal cord in her lower back.  She had another double bypass and then had her lower back fused before she was 60.  And she had many cardiac scares and several cardiac catheterization procedures in the subsequent years.

A few years ago she had a bad earache for a couple of days and then suddenly the right side of her face drooped.  The doctors finally discovered she had an obscure shingles-like virus called Ramsay Hunt Syndrome.  They recommended a nerve release surgery that involved opening her skull to relieve the pinching of the swollen and damaged 7th facial nerve.  Her face never did completely recover and was painful for her much of the time.  This also caused her to have difficulty swallowing.

More recently, only about a year and a half ago, she had a root canal and then had swelling of her neck.  It became so swollen that she could hardly breathe and in the OR they told her it was Ludwig’s Angina, an infection in her throat and that she needed emergency surgery immediately to drain the abscess and she would need to be intubated for 5 days afterward.  This caused more difficulty swallowing.

So, this was my sister’s life.  I often said Job had nothing on my sister!  And looking at it all together it is amazing that she survived all this without becoming bitter and angry.  But when asked by one of her friends, “Barb, don’t you ever get mad at God and ask, ‘Why me?’”  She replied, “And God would say, “Why not you?”’  

Instead Barb lived a life of passion and abundance.  She loved extravagantly, she gave extravagantly, and if she was on your side, she was there as our nephew Michael said,”Sometimes even when you didn’t want her to be!”  I admit, sometimes she was so supportive, that it occurred to me that her support of me was more about her than it was about whatever she was supporting in me.  

Because of her early trauma Barb truly knew the vulnerability of children.  She would do anything to protect the children in her life.  Her deepest

Barb and I were friends for years and years.  I had not seen her since I moved from Columbus to Western Masschusetts to take a new job.  In the past several years I have thought often of visiting  friends in Columbus; Barb was a special friend.  She suffered a great deal, with grace and humor....most of the time.  I am so glad I talked to her on the telephone about a month ago.  My thoughts and prayers are with you, Myron.

Margaret A. Barry

Barb was my best and dearest friend from college, generous and kind, inspirational and encouraging throughout our 43 year old period of knowing each other.  She gave so much of her heart, soul, and mind and handled her illmesses with incredible grace.  Myron, I am so, so sorry for your loss.  You have been a wonderful lhusband to a wonderful person.  We will stay in touch and hope to come to the service.

Much, much Love, Nancy and Stew Rafert

Myron and family, my thoughts are with you during this time. It is an honor serving your family.

AVIS DE DÉCÈS

Barbara J. Ayres-Kaliski

1 juin 1946 – 21 décembre 2011

Schoedinger Midtown

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