Elizabeth P. Kilkelly

Hi everyone, I’m Bernard, as Mom would say, although most of you know me as Bernie. On behalf of our family, my brothers Mike and Frank and my sister Eileen, our wonderful spouses Susan, Maureen, Annie and Chris, and all the grandkids, I want to thank you all for coming today to celebrate the life of our Mom and Nana, Betty Kilkelly.

Today’s date, January 25, is a very special day for Mom and Dad since it is their wedding anniversary. 67 years ago, Betty McHugh married Frank Kilkelly at St. Jerome’s Church in the South Bronx. We are comforted to know that today they are celebrating together again in heaven. On their 50th anniversary in January 2008, Mom and Dad renewed their vows here at St. Kevin’s Church, which was very special in their lives.

Mom was born in 1934 and she was a fighter from the start. She told the story about being born very small, possibly premature, and in those days before incubators they would heat up bricks and put them in the crib next to the baby. She grew up on 141st Street in the South Bronx, the daughter of Lizzie and Michael McHugh, who were both proud immigrants from Ireland. Mom was an only child but her cousin Brian McHugh, who lived with them as a young boy, was like a brother to her. She also had many close friends from the Irish families that lived in her apartment building and nearby. Many of her friends became friends for life. They kept in close touch as they grew up, married and had families who we came to know well. Friends like Noreen Leonard, Jeanette McCartin, Mae Duignan, Roseann O’Donnell, and Sally Dolan. Mom and her friends loved spending time in the summers at Rockaway Beach. Mom’s parents had a bungalow on 100th Street where they eventually lived when they retired. Mom was devoted to her parents and she took great care of them as they got older. Both Pop and Nana McHugh came to live with us in Flushing before they passed.

Family was very important to Mom. She was close with her cousins on her mom’s side, the Bruens, Rowans and later the Bernards in Ohio. When she was 20 years old, her father Michael took her to Ireland to meet her McHugh cousins, which was a big deal to fly there in 1954. She met several cousins, including another Betty McHugh, who became Betty O’Connell, and who she stayed in touch with and later visited several times in Ireland.

Mom was a good student and she skipped a year in grammar school, then graduated from Cathedral High School in Manhattan in 1951 before she turned 17. She went to Katherine Gibbs School to become a secretary and worked in Manhattan, where she told us about working on a high floor of the Chrysler Building.

Mom’s life soon changed thanks to a friend from the South Bronx, Frank Reilly, who was a student at Fordham Law School. One of his classmates, Frank Kilkelly from Astoria, needed a date for a Law School dance. Frank Reilly said he knew a great girl to ask, and you don’t have to worry, it’s just for one night. Well they went to the dance and according to Dad, when he got back to Astoria late that night he told his Aunt Dora that he met the girl he wanted to marry.

For his only daughter, Michael McHugh spared no expense on their wedding day and a fine reception was held at the Roosevelt Hotel in Manhattan. Later that night Mom and Dad went to see a Broadway show, My Fair Lady with Rex Harrison and Julie Andrews. They both had a lifelong love of the theater, which they passed on to all of us. We enjoyed going to see shows with them whenever we could. Mom also passed on her love of Irish music and dance, and she tried many times to teach us some of the reels like the ‘stack of barley’ that she learned when she was young.

After my brother Mike and I were born, Mom and Dad moved our growing family to Flushing, where my brother Frank and sister Eileen soon followed. Our first house in 1961 was on the other side of Northern Boulevard on 193rd Street. In 1968 we moved to 192nd Street, close to St. Kevin’s. Dad worked long hours in Manhattan and that meant Mom was in charge. She ran a tight ship. She made sure we did our homework and studied, and she encouraged us to do well in our grades. Sometimes she strongly encouraged! But she also made sure we participated in lots of after-school activities, including sports, piano lessons, and dancing for Eileen. We spent summer days at Rockaway Beach with Mom’s parents, but she always made it home to Flushing to have dinner with Dad when he got home from the city. We also have wonderful memories of our summer vacations in Sag Harbor, spending time with Mom and Dad’s longtime friends Doris and John Kennedy.

Mom was a very social person and made friends with many neighbors, including regular card games playing po-ke-no with the ladies. She became a member of St. Kevin’s Rosary Society, where she made lifelong friends like Pat Pettit, Charlotte Alsheimer, Ellen Schiavone, Betty Hoey, Nell Wrynn and so many others. She was active in many of the charitable activities at St. Kevin’s, including making Thanksgiving food baskets and cooking meals for the homeless. Mom also watched out for her neighbors and the neighborhood, whether it was fixing a broken sidewalk or getting a stop sign put in. She wrote so many letters and made calls to the community board and local politicians that they all knew her by name!

As we got older and went to high school and college, Mom and Dad continued to be our biggest supporters. I know they made many sacrifices so that we could have great educations. Mom went back to work, first part-time as a legal secretary and then full time as a claims administrator for a Teamsters local health and welfare fund. She enjoyed her work and the friends she made there, finally retiring in 1998 after 22 years.

In her retirement, Mom embraced her favorite role as the beloved Nana to her 13 grandchildren. She and Papa attended every baptism, first communion, and confirmation they could, not to mention countless dance recitals, concerts, plays, basketball games, track meets, tennis matches and more. They went wherever the grandkids were, whether it was Wakefield, Stamford, Maryland, Tennessee, Hanover, Lynbrook or Point Lookout. Nana was their biggest cheerleader. She loved having them stay over in Flushing and even living with them while they were in grad school or working in the city. She loved spending time with them at the beach and getting sand between her toes, whether it was at Cape Cod, Point Lookout or other vacation spots. In recent years she was incredibly proud to see her grandkids graduate from college, start careers, get married and make her a great grandmother 8 times.

Eileen reminded me that Mom would always say that after growing up as an only child she was thankful to be the matriarch of such a large family. The only Christmas present she always wanted was for all of us to get together so she could get a family portrait taken that she could hang in her home and show her friends. She was especially happy when everyone gathered at Woodloch Pines to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, and then again for their 55th and 60th anniversaries.

Above all, Mom was incredibly devoted to Dad and took great care of him, even sometimes when he didn’t want to be taken care of. In his last years Dad also took good care of Mom. Their love for each other was a true inspiration and example for all of us. We are very grateful to their neighbors, especially Roi and Ilia Argenas, who were so good to Mom and Dad. We are also thankful to all their friends at St. Kevin’s who gave them love and support. I know that Betty, our beloved Mom and Nana, is smiling down at us today. She will forever be our special angel, always looking out for us.