Gabrielle O'Neil

Gabrielle McCarthy O’Neil —a woman of extraordinary strength, intelligence, courage, faith and grace who loved to laugh and laugh — died on Tuesday, December 3, after nearly 90 years of living a very, very good life. She was the mother of 11 children, all of whom adored her, looked up to her, and were so proud to be her kids. They — and her 15 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren — were her defining achievement.

But her story didn’t start in Florida, where she made her home for 55 years and where she won the fierce admiration and love of generations. It began in Yonkers, New York, on December 9, 1929, when Gabrielle Marie McCarthy entered the world. She and her older sister and brother, Finette and Jud, grew up in a three-story house with a library, music room and gymnasium. From her bedroom, she could watch the George Washington Bridge being built. For decades to come, she and her sister always got a big kick out of singing an old Irish song but substituting their hometown in the title, as in: “Yonkers Must Be Heaven Because My Mother Came From There.” In many ways, it was an ideal childhood. But tragedy struck when Gabrielle was not yet a teenager, when her father drowned in the Atlantic Ocean as he battled ferocious rip tides to save her life. In just one of many examples of the bravery she showed throughout her life, Gabrielle never let that crushing trauma define her —she may have personally avoided the water during her decades in Florida, but she didn’t pass on any fear to her children, who virtually lived in boats, on fishing piers and in the ocean.

Gabrielle graduated from the Ursuline School, a Catholic middle and high school in New Rochelle, New York, and then became a math major at the College of New Rochelle. But she switched over to French when she sensed there was a chance she could spend her senior year abroad at The Sorbonne, also known as the University of Paris. And so she did, as a member of the first class after World War II to make the trip. She received her certification in French Studies there and forged lifelong friendships with her fellow travelers that continued up until her passing. Little did she know that, as she was pursuing her studies and eventually becoming an elementary school teacher, the future love of her life had returned from Germany — where he participated in the liberation of a horrific concentration camp — and was finishing up his post-war degree at the University of Notre Dame. Thomas Francis O’Neil first met Gabrielle McCarthy in a club in New York City. He asked her out on a date. She said she was busy.

Tom O’Neil may have been shy, but he wasn’t stupid. Through mutual friends, he made sure to run into her again. And he asked her out again. This time, she said yes. So, on the spot, he asked her for a second date, too. Mr. and Mrs. Thomas F. O’Neil were married in February 1951 in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Manhattan. They moved into Stuyvesant Town, a massive collection of cutting-edge apartment houses, when it was first built. And the babies started coming!

Tom and Kevin were born in New York. Patrick came along in Ohio, where the young family moved for a short stint. Barney, Terry, Mary Francis — at last, a little girl! —Hugh and Brian all were born in Fort Worth, Texas. Chris, Nial and Colin were Florida babies.

Fort Worth was a fun time for the O’Neils. They lived in the only house on a golf course, which Gabrielle loved because her boys could run as a pack without too many outside influences. She always said that she especially loved the summers, when she got to weed out the bad words and annoying behaviors the boys had learned at school. On November 22, 1963, Mrs. O’Neil packed up her kids and the nuns from their school to see John F. Kennedy, the nation’s first Catholic president, as he greeted the crowds before he and Jackie left for Dallas. She even filmed a home movie.

Fort Worth also was notable for an historic moment in O’Neil family lore — the day that Darnetta Prince came into their lives. Darnetta helped Mom with her growing brood — Netta always called Terry her “baby” because he was the first one to be born under her watch —and she never left. When the family decided to build a house in Sea Ranch Lakes in Florida, Netta asked “Mom and Dad” — that’s what she always called them — if she could come, too. They were thrilled and immediately changed the blueprint to build a room for her. Netta remained a major part of the family until the day she died, with Mom at her side.

The O’Neils created a wonderful home in Sea Ranch, full of laughter and love. The house was swarming with babies and teenagers, as well as dogs, cats and gigantic salt-water aquariums that the kids replenished just about every day with fish from their trips to the beach. Tom delighted in mischief and pranks, including scaring his kids silly whenever he could. Gabrielle kept the house humming along. A highlight of her week was to see her children, all cleaned up and dressed up, filling a pew at Sunday Mass.

And oh, what a neighborhood of great, fast friends the O’Neils helped to weave together. No locked doors. Lots of potluck dinners for the kids. And lots of more adult-like merriment for the parents. Gabrielle was one of the shining stars. She was known for writing parodies of old standards to entertain at parties. Everyone liked to dance and sing, and Gabrielle was often at the piano. Whenever she and Tom went to a certain hotel nightclub on the beach, the pianist there would immediately stop whatever he was playing and switch to “Hello, Dolly.” It was her theme song. And it always will be.

Suddenly, inexplicable tragedy struck again. Gabrielle was only 47 when Tom O’Neil was diagnosed with melanoma. Just six weeks later, he was gone.

Stricken with grief, she persevered and became a successful real-estate agent. With unflagging faith in God, Netta’s guiding spirit, and tremendous generosity from family and friends, she soldiered on. It was an epic accomplishment, as hard-fought and exhausting as anyone might imagine. And it instilled in her family an overwhelming sense of awe and gratitude. Her strength had made the difference in all their lives.

Gabrielle gave back in many other ways. She often went to funerals for strangers to make sure someone was there to help them grieve. She was big on inviting near-strangers to holiday celebrations, if she thought they might be alone. It was her idea of an extended family. Thanksgivings were big and Christmases were even bigger. And the open houses at 2 Mendota Lane on Christmas Eve were legendary. She kept smiling through the bedlam.

In 1999, she sold the family home — she didn’t need six bedrooms and six bathrooms anymore — and moved across the street to a condo on the ocean. She took great delight in keeping up with her children’s and grandchildren’s activities throughout the country, and she loved to recount their escapades to everyone within earshot. She hung a favorite photo of her husband — so handsome as he stood near a castle in Ireland — on a wall in her bedroom, near her favorite green chair. She reveled in her lifetime of memories, recalling names, faces and places with staggering specificity. She was always there for all of us, with a beautiful laugh, a piece of advice, an ugly Christmas sweater, a sparkle in her blue eyes. She taught us how to be strong and resilient, how to be kind, how to be respectful, how to be cheerful no matter the odds.

And she always ended each conversation with “I love you dearly.” Well, Mom, we love you dearly, too. With all our hearts. Thank you for everything.

Survivors include Thomas and Sylvia O'Neil of California; Kevin and Deirdre O’Neil of New Jersey; Patrick O’Neil of Arizona; Barney O’Neil of Florida; Terry and Debbie O’Neil of Florida; Mary Francis O’Neil of Vermont; Hugh and Regina O’Neil of Florida; Brian and Angela O’Neil of Florida; Christopher and Jill O’Neil of Florida; Nial and Scott Ingerto of Florida, and Colin and Sandy O’Neil of Florida. Grandchildren include Molly Ransone; Jennifer Martucci; Tom Powell; Adrienne, Hugh, and Gabrielle O’Neil; Riley and Kelly O’Neil; Lauren O’Neil; Michael, Kelsey and Kate Ingerto; and Connor and Shannon O’Neil. Great-grandchildren are Vincent Martucci IV and Cole and Ramona Ransone. Mrs. O’Neil is predeceased by her husband, Thomas F. O’Neil; her grandson, Kellen O’Neil, and the family’s great treasure, Darnetta Prince.

The family will receive visitors on Friday, December 6, from 6 to 9 p.m. at Kraeer-Fairchild Funeral Home, 4061 North Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale, Fla. 33308. Mass will be celebrated on Saturday, December 7, at 11 a.m. at Assumption Catholic Church, 2001 South Ocean Boulevard, Lauderdale-by-the-Sea, Florida 33062.

Online tributes at: www.kraeerfairchild.com