Letitia Oliva

She was born in Harlem and lived in a brownstone on 123 St (between Pleasant Ave & 1st Ave) as a young girl. All three of her siblings were also born there, and then Grandma decided she wanted to go back to Italy. I remember Mom telling stories of when she was a child in Italy. Climbing trees (probably olive), running in the fields and living in a beautiful villa with her brother and two sisters in their hometown of Rutigliano, a suburb of Bari.

When Grandma and Grandpa moved back to NY, mom went to Textile high school in Manhattan and then went straight to work as a secretary for Avon. The family moved to the suburbs of Bayside, Queens by then, so mom was a commuter and career woman at the ripe age of 18.

Mom didn't marry until she was 28 - which was considered an 'old maid' back in the 50's. She had Susan a year after they were married, then Cathy Ann two years later, then Butch, fours years after that. At the age of 44, Mom thought she was 'done' with having children, but nine years later, baby Lisa arrived. This was quite a bold move for a woman to have a baby in her 40's - especially in 1968!

For the next 10 years, Mom raised her 4 children. In the late 70's, Mom and Lisa spent the summers in Ft. Lauderdale. Aunt Fil and Uncle Bill lived here and Susan followed right after her college graduation. Right after school ended, Mom used to drive Lisa and Butch all the way to Ft Lauderdale. Dad stayed home to run the family business.

In Aug 1978, Mom, Lisa and Cousin Paul were preparing for the drive back to NY after staying the summer in Ft. Lauderdale. We met Aunt Fil at Denny's for breakfast before we hit the road. Mom didn't feel too great after breakfast. Aunt Fil didn't like the way she looked and insisted that we go back to her apartment for a while. Thank God we did. Aunt Fil ended up taking Mom to the ER at Broward General. She suffered a major heart attack. At that time, heart surgery was not widely done, so medication therapy was her only option. It took her over a month to be strong enough to go back to NY.

Life changed for Mom over the next years, as well as for the rest of the family. Slowly but surely, she rallied back to health. She became a travel agent with Aunt Tina and they traveled the world together for over a decade.

Dad retired in 1989 and sold the Bayside home. Mom, Dad and Lisa moved to Ft. Lauderdale. Lisa moved back to NYC a year later, but Mom and Dad loved living on the beach in Ft Lauderdale. Mom and Dad enjoyed a lovely 12 years of retirement. They walked and swam almost every day until we lost Dad in 2002. It's ironic that Mom and Dad's cardiologist told Dad soon after they moved to Florida that he didn't expect Mom to live much longer. She had a weak heart and there was nothing they could do for her.

All the kids were very concerned about Mom after Dad died in 2002. At 78 she was in pretty good health, but went through a tough time caring for Dad. Once again, Mom rallied. She continued her walking two miles and swimming for one hour every day. That was AFTER she went to 8 am mass every day. Then she added a weekly bible study class to her busy schedule. She even threw herself a huge 80th birthday bash in a restaurant in NYC - inviting 80 of her closest family and friends.

Lisa decided to move to Florida in 2007. Mom was 83 and still going strong. Driving, cooking, cleaning, and going to church, doing her bible study homework, going to lunch and dinner with her girlfriends. After two years of graduate school, Lisa decided to stay in Florida. At 85, Mom was slowing down slightly. Over the next three years, Mom had a lot of health challenges - pneumonia, by-pass surgery, multiple v-tach storms from her defibrillator, heart ablation surgery, critical low sodium levels, back surgery - she weathered through all without much complaint and recovered from each and ever one of these. Her doctors called her a medical miracle. Mom made the decision in March 2012 to have her defibrillator turned off. She did not want to get any more shocks. We all felt that she was very clear about her decision and supported her 100%. The doctors cautioned all of us that once the defibrillator is turned off, her heart will not be resuscitated if it goes into failure. As sad as it sounded, we all respected her wishes and accepted what the near future would bring.

Life was good for Mom after her defibrillator was turned off. Her breathing got better; she got stronger, had a good appetite, and wanted to do things. All was good. It took the rest of us a bit of time to get used to the idea that she could go at any moment. Cathy Ann stayed for over a month helping to take care of Mom and help around the house. Butch made a couple of trips to visit - always making Mom laugh and smile. Susan was consistent with all of her help and Lisa had a great deal of flexibility with her job to be around much of the time.

Somehow we all got it into our heads that Mom would be gone in a matter of weeks after her defibrillator was shut off. How wrong we were! The take away from this is - it's all in God's hands. Not even the most brilliant doctor can predict when it is your time. SO, enjoy every moment you have with your loved ones and don't look past today. Mom never did and no one else should either!

Once I freed myself of the burden of her imminent passing, I relaxed more and was able to just enjoy being with Mom. I even went back to work part time, which made me feel even healthier and valued my time with Mom even more.

My co-workers would always ask how Letty was doing and I would always reply - still going strong, just like the energizer bunny!

Everyday was not a perfect day. We all have our moments. I went through bouts of resentment and worry that my life is on hold indefinitely. But then I would always find the strength deep within myself to overcome these negative feelings and remind myself that Mom sacrificed for us too. She raised us, cleaned our diapers, bathed us, washed our clothes, cleaned the house, and cooked all the meals for decades without an utter of remorse. Once I put her contribution to our lives into perspective, I was able to gladly do whatever it took to make Mom comfortable and put aside my worries.

Anyone can look at Mom's life and learn from it. She was a woman of deep faith, loved her four children dearly, adored her six grandchildren, loved to travel and explore, always open to learning new things - no matter what age she was, loved to buy shoes and never gave up on the ability of her body - even after her doctors gave up, and always, always had a smile on her face - no matter how poorly she was feeling.

From February 2013 to the present, we added a service dog, Harley (a longhaired Chihuahua) to the family. Mom loved little Harley and it brought her out of herself. She was truly engaged with him and worried about his feeding and walks. It was amazing!

I'll end with one last story - every night before Mom went to sleep, I would say, 'I Love You' and she would ALWAYS respond, 'I Love you more'.....

My family and I would like to thank some people who have been an enormous help and support system for us.

MaryJo - Lisa's third sister and lifelong friend and Mom's adopted daughter

Canonica, Lisa's boss - who encouraged Lisa to go be a daughter and never made her worry about her job

Carla - Mom's fourth daughter

Peggy - kept Lisa healthy and brought humor (and chocolate) to Letty all the time

Jenny - Mom's fifth daughter

Maureen & David - the best neighbors anyone could ask for

Nick, Connie & Elodia - Mom's lifelong friends

Greg, Ellen, Jack & Kate - always brought sunshine to 'Grandma Letty'

All our neighbors at the Shore Club

Mom's St. Pius X friends and Rev. Harry Ringenberger

Mom's bible study friends

All the nurses and doctors at Holy Cross Hospital - especially Dr Walker and Dr Anand and Dr Zachariah

... And last, but certainly not least, Mom's angels - Susan, Bex, Ching and Jing. God sent you four to her and you not only touched her life, but all of ours too. We could not have made Mom's life any more beautiful without you all. You will never be forgotten!