Ruth Gilberti

Ruth Gilberti passed into the arms of the Lord on April 1st, 2016 with her daughter Michele and her niece and nephew Lori and Matthew Montgomery at her side at JFK Hospital in Lake Worth, Florida. She was in the hospital for only one week, and at her side from the moment she entered on March 23rd was her grandson, Michael.

Amazing Grandma, Mother, Sister, Aunt, Friend. Her grandson Christian called her “one of the strongest, smartest women” he ever has known. A cousin said Ruth “was like an angel” who came in to help a person who was sick, stayed by their side, did what had to be done, and “then moved on to help the next person.” Inspiring, funny, the best cook in the world, courageous, independent, devoted….are the words that her family and friends use to describe Ruth. Where did this beautiful soul come from?

Ruth’s story begins on February 14, 1927—the day she was born in Paterson, New Jersey to the name Roccina Maria Valentina Tinella. “Roccina” for the name of Santo Rocco, the patron saint of Palagiano, Italy, where both her father, Guglielmo (William) Tinella and mother, Maria (Mary) Chiefa were born. “Maria” for the name of her paternal grandmother. “Valentina” for the saint on whose name day she was born, St. Valentine. Ruth Marie Tinella was her Americanized name. She was the first born child of William and Mary who had both come to America at different times from Palagiano, and who then met in Bristol, Connecticut, where William’s brother Pete had settled. Also living in the house was Mama NIna, Ruth’s grandmother (Anna Chiefa), who lived until 1965, helping to take care of the growing family as Ruth’s sisters Anne and Lucille and brother Joseph were born.

Ruth was a fantastic story-teller and it is from her that most of her family – including second and third cousins – know our family history. She loved to talk about her childhood and her two “Sissy’s”. The stories she told made us laugh and cry: from sharing one pair of roller skates with oldest sister Anne, to coming home at age 13 to find a new baby in the house: Lucille, when she didn’t even know her mother was expecting, to the tragic death of her brother, Joey, who passed away from rheumatic fever when he was 9 years old. She was a handful as a child. One time, at about four years old, she walked home from her Aunt’s house because she wanted to play with her friends, leaving her parents frantically looking for her. Another time, she found a catalog of gifts that you could get when you saved enough trademarks from the La Rosa pasta boxes. Mama Nina was saving the roses to get a big pasta pot. Ruth and Annie took the roses and walked down to the catalog store and redeemed them for a pair of roller skates!!!!!! They had to share those roller skates, scooting down the sidewalk on one skate each. When she was 14, she lied about her age so she could get a job working at Paterson Pastry Shop--the renowned bakers of delicious, perfectly formed and presented Italian pastries. She learned a lot there. Enough said.

In 1946, she started going out with Michael Gilberti, a fellow she had known all her life. Mike’s sister, Toni (Armero) was Ruth’s best friend, their mothers – Maria and Mary -- had been great friends. When Toni’s daughter, Barbara, was born in 1945, Ruth was the godmother and used to go and visit the new baby and in 1946, Michael, the handsome Marine who had just returned from service happened to be there many times. They started dating and were married at St. Michael’s Church in Paterson in 1948. In 1950, their first baby was born: Michele Jo; and in 1955, their son, Steven Sabino was born. The kids were Ruth and Mike’s pride and joy. They were “everything to me,” Ruth said. Michele and Steven went to School #5 in Paterson, and played on Maple and Walnut Streets, where Ruth’s lifelong friends and their kids live in close vicinity. Michele was quiet and studious; Steven was a “pistol” who could argue his point of view like a lawyer from the time he was five years old – especially when it came to important things like eating candy, staying out late, going to the movies. “Let’s discuss this….” Steve would tell Ruth. “No! we don’t `discuss.’ I’m the mother!” she’d answer to no avail.

For Steven and Michele, fondest memories of the 1950s were the vacations at the Jersey Shore—especially the boardwalk at Seaside Heights and Wildwood. Groups of families and friends all went together renting small cottages in early July, where Ruth and her sisters, cousins, and best friends, would cook together, and take care of the growing gang of children—usually about 15 of these dynamos all born between 1950 and 1958. It was a happy circus!

Ruth and Michael worked hard. After marriage until she started her family, she worked in the blueprints department of the Wright Patterson defense company. Later she worked at Western Electric and they saved enough to send the kids to college. She was a talented, versatile, outgoing person and ended her work career at Wayne General Hospital, working in reception/admissions/scheduling before the days of computers. That’s where she retired in 1989.

In 1967, Michele went off to college, met Jeffrey Steinberg, graduated, and got married. When Michele graduated college in 1971, parents, grandparents, and aunts on both sides of the family were there to witness and celebrate. That’s how the family was. In 1968, Ruth and Mike moved to Wayne, and Steven grew to love the new neighborhood, the schools and new friends who he kept all his life. Steve lived at home till his late 20’s and then, in 1986, married Maria Lombardo who he met where both of them worked at BASF.

In 1993, grandson Michael was born, and in 1995, grandson Christian came along. One could say that life began again for Ruth and Mike with those grandkids. If they were happy with their kids, they were in “7th heaven” with those two grandsons. Mike passed away in 2002 after a long illness but saw his boys play Little League baseball, and various sports at the Boy’s Club. Ruth saw them grow into men, watching them excel at Football and Lacrosse, graduate high school, and attended Michael’s graduation from US Marine Corps Basic Training at Parris Island, South Carolina in May 2012. He was the second Michael Gilberti to graduate from there. His grandfather had been at Parris Island at the start of WWII.

The happiness of Ruth and Mike’s extended family is impossible to summarize. The Tinellas and Gilbertis merged into one huge clan in Paterson. And as each of the Tinella girls married, the family got bigger. They added the Portellis of Paterson when Anne married Sam, and the Brillantes of Paterson when Lucille married Joe. Then in 1971 came the Steinbergs when Michele married Jeffrey, and in 1986, the Lombardos of Wayne, NJ when Steven married Maria. Holidays, birthdays, weddings, vacations, cookouts, the Jersey Shore, were all joyous occasions.

In 1989, Ruth and Mike moved to Toms River, NJ, near the shore, and in 1991, they became “snowbirds,” spending half the year in Florida. They bought their condo at Pine Ridge South IV, and moved there with five other couples that they had known since they all were married in the ‘40s and ‘50s. “It Don’t Get No Better than This” was the slogan adopted by this gang from Paterson. In 1997, Ruth and Mike moved full time to Florida. Ruth made every effort to attend every important family event, even through her husband’s illness, and later, her own delicate health. In 2002, Michael passed away, then she lost her dear youngest Sis, Lucille, in 2005. Anne passed away in 2010. Ruth was devastated by these losses, but she remained a source of joy and strength to the whole family.

The most challenging time of Ruth’s life began in 2010, when Steven was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Steve’s valiant struggle with cancer, where he maintained a sense of humor and overarching love of his wife and family that was unbelievable through years of difficult treatments, took its toll on Ruth and after Steven passed away on May 5, 2014, Ruth wore the memorial bracelet saying “Forever in Our Hearts,” until the moment she was wheeled off to the heart operation that could not fix her problems.

Ruth died after only one week of serious illness. She spent the week before she got sick on vacation in Pompano, with Maria, Michael and Christian She loved every minute. Her last week in the hospital was spent with grandson Michael, and with Michele and Jeffrey.

Every day she prayed the prayer of St. Francis. : Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace; Where there is hate, may I bring love; Where offense, may I bring pardon …. Help me to learn that in giving, I may receive, in forgetting myself, I may find life eternal. That is how she tried to live. That’s how she wanted us to live. May her soul and the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.