Anthony Michael DeFilippo

Anthony is survived by his wife Bunnie of 46 years; daughters Joann DeFilippo, Jeanette Pepe, and son Vincent DeFilippo; sisters Josephine and Madeline; brother Frank; as well as, his loving grandchildren, Tomasa, Thomas, Brittany, Stephanie; and nieces, nephews and extended family. Anthony was a loving father, husband, grandfather, uncle, brother, and friend to everyone.

He worked as an A-Mechanic with Brooklyn Union Gas for more than 25 years before it was eventually acquired by National Grid, and he was forced to retire. Anthony was always there to help relatives and friends with household projects or whatever else people needed him for. He always gave himself to others and loved to make people happy.

Anthony was a playful guy who loved to joke around with everyone, often putting smiles on all the faces he touched each day. He loved baseball, where his favorite teams were the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Mets, he also spent his free time watching various sports games live and on TV, and he loved to play poker with his family and friends almost every weekend. He also enjoyed movies and reading the newspaper to keep up to date on current affairs.

Upon writing this obituary I stopped and thought to myself, do these short paragraphs really offer insight into the man I called Dad? Do they give people an idea of how special this man really was? Can a few short paragraphs justify a person’s life? Then I started to realize how much my Dad really meant to me, and it hit me hard that he is not here with us any longer. A sadness filled my heart, and my life felt so empty without him.

I also couldn’t stop thinking of my heartbroken Mother. How she suffered in her life, first with the loss of her youngest child, my brother Thomas, and now her one true love, her beloved Husband of 46 years, Anthony. I sobbed for her and wished I could take her pain away. I couldn’t.

When thinking of my Father, I started to think about what it meant to be a Dad. How important that role was to a child. What my Dad had meant to me growing up, and how our relationship evolved over time. I wanted to honor him and share my Dad with the world. I wanted people to know who he was as a person, and why I loved him so much.

My Dad taught me so many lessons throughout my life. Perhaps all of our Dad’s do. My Dad also showed me “what being a dad really means.”

1. Friend: My Dad was my first real friend. He played games with me, put together my new toys, taught me to ride a bike, play sports, and figure out life as I went through it. He taught me how to drive, how to love, and to stay out of trouble. He was there when I needed him and gave me space when I needed it. My Dad protected me and stuck by my side no matter what obstacle I was faced with.

2. Love: My Dad gave me pure and unconditional love built on selflessness. He sacrificed his own happiness for my betterment. He gave up materialistic desires, so I can have everything I wanted. He stood by my side even when I disappointed him as a son or failed at one of my business pursuits. He loved me without expecting anything in return, and never asked for me to reciprocate.

3. Recognition: My dad made me feel the greatest sense of accomplishment. He would often tell me how proud he was of my accomplishments in my career, and how strong I had been throughout my life’s journey. He would tell his friends and family members about how great I treat him and my Mother. My Dad would never stop thanking me for being a great son. I didn’t want any praise or awards. I never asked or expected it. This simple recognition by my Dad brought tremendous joy to my heart, and overwhelming satisfaction to my soul. I would often tell my Dad that the greatest accomplishment I could achieve was knowing that my parents were happy, healthy, and safe. “So, smile and tell the world, life is good.” When he smiled and when he was happy, I knew life was very good.

4. Purpose: I asked my dad, “how do you do it?” I continued to say, “you work so much, and never do anything for yourself.” He turned and said, “you are my true purpose and direction in life. My family is my life, my happiness and my purpose.” I finally understood this after I had a child, and family of my own.

5. Responsibility: My Dad provided us with everything a father could. He never complained about the enormous weight on his shoulders. Even though he was tired, he got up each morning and went to work. Rain or snow, he never missed a day of work because he knew what it meant to his family. When I was a young man I didn’t realize how many responsibilities my Dad made himself accountable for. When I became an adult, and more aware, my respect for my Dad grew and I understood the true meaning of responsibility.

6. Understanding: My Dad always had an understanding heart. I have made many mistakes in my life, but my Dad was always there to listen with an open heart. He never judged me, and always supported me. He helped me evaluate my mistakes and learn from them. He tried to understand me and help me even though I may have disappointed him with my decisions.

7. Support: My Dad was my source of strength and support. Throughout my life, I had fallen many times, but he never failed to be my rock, and give me the support that I needed to fight my next battle.

I would like to take a moment to tell my dad something that I didn’t get a chance to before his passing:

1. Thank you, Dad, for your bravery. You fought every obstacle in life and survived some devastating health issues against all odds. You fought to be with us longer. You are a true hero.

2. Thank you, Dad, for your sacrifices. I can’t thank you enough for all the hours you worked in the cold night, digging holes in the hard ground. You did this, so our family could eat, we could have a roof over our head, clothes on our backs, and your children could have toys to play with.

3. Thank you, Dad, for your examples. Through your many lessons, you have taught me to become the man that I am today. You taught me to become a good Dad myself.

4. Thank you, Dad, for your devotion. Your loyalty to me, and commitment to my well-being was always appreciated. Without it, I would have never overcome the obstacles I was faced with throughout my life.

5. Thank you, Dad, for your unconditional love. You loved me unconditionally, accepted all my mood changes as well as my many mistakes in life. You accepted me for who I am and allowed me to grow as a person.

6. Thank you, Dad, for your patience. You had patience while I figured out who I was as a person and who I wanted to be as a man. You waited patiently for me to find myself and watched as I achieved the success you always knew I could achieve.

7. Thank you, Dad, for believing in me when no one else would. Dad, you pushed me to follow my dreams, and never allowed me to give up on myself. You told me I could accomplish anything I wanted and made me believe in myself even though so many people thought I would fail.

8. Thank you, Dad, for being my rock. Whenever I was down, whenever I lost my focus or belief in myself, I could always rely on you. Whenever I was afraid, I watched how strong you always were, and how you overcame so much adversity. Your example inspired me to be better.

9. Thank you, Dad, for being my idol. We sometimes idolize the wrong people, and put athletes, movie stars or unique personalities on such high pedestals. When we look closely, its apparent that the people we should idolize are right in front of our eyes, and they always have been. Dad, you were always the greatest role model, and my biggest idol. Following your example and learning by watching you in action was the greatest gift my idol could give me.

10. Thank you for being my Dad. I couldn’t ask for a better Dad. The love you gave me, the sacrifices you made for our family, and the selfless nature you bestowed on so many people are a true testament to the very special person you were.

Unknown Author:

“As we look back over time

we find ourselves wondering…

Did we remember to thank you enough

for all you have done for us?

For all the times you were by our sides

to help and support us…

To celebrate our successes

to understand our problems

and accept our defeats?

Or for teaching us by your example,

the value of hard work, good judgment,

courage and integrity?

We wonder if we ever thanked you

for the sacrifices you made.

To let us have the very best?

And for the simple things

like laughter, smiles and times we shared?

If we have forgotten to show our

gratitude enough for all the things you did,

we’re thanking you now.

And we are hoping you knew all along,

how much you meant to us.”

I was very fortunate to have wonderful memories with my Dad, and over the past 15 years of his life, I was lucky to have the opportunity to become closer to my Dad. It gave me an opportunity to really understand him as a person, and it built a more meaningful bond between us.

I’d like to share what I learned about this man with you as well as some of my inner most feelings about my Dad, the person who inspired me the most throughout my life.

When I was a child, I never understood my Dad. Sometimes we just couldn’t see eye-to-eye. It seemed that I was always being yelled at, quite often in trouble, and punished more than I liked. Perhaps I was just a typical teenager, maybe even a little wild or difficult to handle. I didn’t make it easy for my parents and I’m sure I drove my Dad crazy at times.

It wasn’t until later in life, when I started to become more mature, and look at things differently, that I really started to understand my Father. Then, when I had my first child, I really started to understand what it meant to be a Dad, and how difficult that role can be. I finally understood the unconditional love a parent has with their children, why my Dad pushed me to be better, and why my Dad worried so much about my well-being. I look at my relationship with my Dad as a journey, with different stages throughout our life together that brought new meaning, more understanding, and a deeper love between us.

Now 45 years old, I can look at my story with my Dad in three parts, 15 years each. The first 15 years of my life, my Dad filled many roles. He was a teacher, a provider, a protector, and a disciplinarian. The second chapter of our story saw my Dad’s role adapt to my ever-changing personality as a rebellious teenager and young man. He still disciplined me when I did something wrong (and I did a lot of things wrong at this stage) but he also taught me to work hard for what I wanted, and pushed me to be better than what I was at that moment. He was my motivator, and he showed me by his own example what it meant to work hard, and provide for a family. When I entered my 20’s my Dad encouraged me to chase my dreams. He had patience with me as I made so many mistakes, while I tried hard to figure out who I was as a person, and what role I played in our world. The last 15 years, and final stage, saw my relationship with my Dad grow into something more meaningful and a stronger bond developed. I had an in-depth understanding of my Dad, his life, and who he was as a person. My love for him grew, and I felt how much he loved me as well.

As our relationship evolved, and my love grew for him, I wanted to know more about my Dad. I wanted to know what he was like as a child, what it was like for him growing up, and what his dreams were. My Dad was not a perfect man. He made mistakes, like we all do, from time-to-time. He had a rough childhood, and was never given the same opportunities he bestowed upon me. His Father never told him he loved him. He was beaten quite often, and even thrown out of his family home at the young age of 12. He never received an education, and instead, was forced to work early on in his life, under difficult conditions most times. His health suffered because of this. His Father was demanding, and never gave him the love or attention that all children require. With an 8th grade education, a broken home, and poverty surrounding him, it seemed my Dad had the cards stacked against him from the very beginning of his life.

But my Dad was a superstar! He possessed countless skills and knowledge. What he lacked in formal education he made up with ingenuity and hard work. I learned so much from him, sometimes just by watching him at work. He molded me into the man I am today, and gave me the talent as well as character traits that enabled me to become a successful business man. Throughout my life he gave me valuable lessons and skills that I hope to pass onto my own children. My Dad was so many things to me, and an important role model throughout my life.

My Dad was my Coach: He coached me to be the fastest kid in the neighborhood. For those of you who didn’t know me as a child, I would have been considered a bad kid. However, when I was acting naughty, my Dad wouldn’t hesitate to grab his belt, a stick or anything he could hit me with and chase me all over town. If I got caught, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. So, I learned to run fast, very fast, because my Dad was not a slow guy either. I believe this early training eventually helped me steal the most bases on my little league baseball team, and also make the high school track & field team where I won several medals for sprints, and relays.

My Dad was my Advisor: He taught me that it was OK to make mistakes. He told me that no one is perfect. He made me realize that I can learn from my mistakes, and improve my life. He told me that mistakes were part of life, just use them to grow as a person, and do your best to avoid them repeating.

My Dad was my Teacher: Even without formal training, I watched my Dad pull motors out of cars and rebuild them in a few days. I watched him build our family home with his two hands, and learned so much from him as he just figured things out on-the-go. He was gifted with his hands, and had a talent for fixing things. My Dad taught me how to ride my first bike. Later in life, he taught me how to drive, even with a stick-shift. My Dad even taught me the basics of plumbing, carpentry, electrical work, mechanics, painting, laying tile on floors, and sheet-rocking a house. Although for safety reasons, I would much rather hire someone else to do the work today. (hahaha)

Life Lessons

by Joanna Fuchs

You may have thought I didn’t see, or that I hadn’t heard, the life lessons that you taught to me, but I got every word.

Perhaps you thought I missed it all, and that we’d grow apart, but Dad, I picked up everything, it’s written on my heart.

Without you, Dad, I wouldn’t be the man I am today; You built a strong foundation, no one can take away.

I’ve grown up with your values, and I’m very glad I did; So here’s to you, dear father, from your forever grateful kid.

My Dad was my Philosopher: My Dad may not have been an educated man but he taught me the most powerful lesson of all. He instilled in my mind and made me believe that anything was possible in life. He made me believe that I could learn anything new, and accomplish whatever I set my mind to. He told me if you believe in something, never give up. Keep moving forward and continue to fight for what you wanted. Everything he learned was self-taught, and he was good at so many things. I learned that I could teach myself certain skills and become a better man by just doing it. By trying hard to improve, having a positive attitude, and believing in myself, I could accomplish anything I wanted.

My Dad was my Comedian: My Dad loved to joke around. He was a funny guy with a playful spirit. He taught me how powerful a good sense of humor, some laughs, and a great personality can be. I would use that to get out of trouble on more than one occasion. He also taught me a lot of bad-natured jokes that I guess should be left between a Son and his Dad. One funny lesson I remember from my childhood was when my Dad would get lost while driving. (We didn’t have navigation back then). He would never like to ask for directions but eventually he would give-in and stop the car after we complained over-and-over. He would always use the same line on every stranger he approached. He would say, “hey chief, can I ask you something?” To my surprise, these perfect strangers would be polite and try to help. I learned early on that you can call anyone chief and they would most likely respond favorably, lol. However, there was an exception to the rule. If it was a female, it was OK to say, “hey babe, can I ask you something?” And for a while, when I was much younger, I even thought all women were named babe. Obviously, this was before the “me too” movement. (hahaha). My Dad was a simple guy, and a natural comedian.

My Dad was my Love Guru: Most of these lessons shouldn’t be discussed in public. However, I can discuss the most important lesson. My Dad taught me about lightening striking, and finding a great love. He told me when he saw my Mother it was love at first sight. He knew he wanted her and he approached my Grandfather to ask permission to speak to her. When my Grandfather asked what his intentions were, he stated very directly, “I want to marry her.” Once I asked my Dad, how he does it. I asked, “how do you stay married to the same person for so long?” He simply said, “we have a great love.” He continued to tell me, “don’t you forget that your Mother always takes great care of me.” (then he gave me a lecture on how I should treat her better). That love would last more than 46 years, until his final breadth.

My Dad was my Singing Instructor: Benny Goodman and Rodney Dangerfield may have been the King of one-liners in comedy but my Dad mastered the art of singing only one line of his favorite songs. He would walk around the house and suddenly just blurt out, “I left my heart in San Francisco.” Or, “I did it my way.” He wouldn’t sing anything else, and he would continue to do whatever he was doing like nothing happened. I would sit there quite bewildered as I waited for more of the song but it never came. Other classic hits we would sing were, “strangers in the night.” Or “And I love you so.” He only sang those lines and then moved on. At first, I thought this was sought of strange but then I found myself singing the same tunes in the shower, while walking to the kitchen or during work. It was contagious in a way, and quite funny to experience.

My Dad was my Hero: My Dad was a fighter. He suffered so much in his life, and had to endure so many obstacles. Health issue after health issue, he never gave up. He had a strong fighting spirit and a very strong heart. It’s ironic that in the end, it was his heart that would fail him. My Dad taught me the importance of a positive attitude, and to always look at the brighter side of things. He taught me to never give up, no matter how difficult things are or how bad they look. Five years ago, when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I asked my Dad how he does it. How he stays positive under such difficult circumstances. He told me to take one day at a time, and to do it with a smile on my face. I was always amazed at how much he had to overcome throughout his life, and how he was able to deal with the pain each day. He fought through the pain, and gave us more time to be with him. He suffered so we can share more memories together, and have a little longer time to be with him. Whenever I feel down, or want to quit at something, I think about my Dad, my hero, and what adversity he had to go through in his life. It pushes me, and helps me through the most difficult times.

My Dad was Everything to me….My trusted confidant, my teacher, my best friend.

I was lucky to have wonderful memories with him throughout my life. I was also very fortunate that we had the opportunity to live in Manhattan, New York; Clermont, Florida; Hermosa Beach, California; Sherman Oaks, California, and Las Vegas, Nevada. We experienced so much together. I was able to share tasty meals at great restaurants in each city, and even great dance clubs in Vegas. The highlight of our travels together was when we had our entire family meet in New York City in 2017. We ate, drank, danced, and laughed together during the entire holiday season. It was a special moment and I was very fortunate that my Dad could experience that blessing with us all.

One of the best memories I had was when I spent four months with my Dad during the Summer in Hermosa Beach, California. He would wake up every morning to walk along the beach, to exercise his heart and lungs. He never missed a morning, even though I would sleep late every day. I was quite impressed with his discipline. One day I finally woke up early enough to walk with him, and I uncovered his secret. Each morning, there were 25 – 50 sets of people (mainly female) that would practice beach volley ball in the early hours of the day. It amazed me to see how many people would wave to my Dad and how many girls he actually knew. Now I knew his motivation to get up early each day. Try to picture this, my Dad briskly walking along the beach path, pulling his oxygen tank behind him, waving hello to pretty girls in bikinis playing volleyball, while saying good morning babe! Hi babe! Have a good day babe! I was dumbfounded!, as all the girls waved too, and said good morning babe back to him. It was a priceless moment, and one I will cherish all my life.

My Dad always had an easy time making friends. He had a great personality and would never hesitate to help someone in need.

My dad was someone who got up every day and did whatever he could to put a roof over his family’s head, clothes on all our backs, and food on our table. He had to dig ditches in the cold, complete odd jobs on weekends, climb up and down ladders to set-up local festivals, and sacrificed material desires for the sake of his children’s happiness. He didn’t own a suit or tie, and did this without wearing his super-hero cape. He taught me the value of hard work as well as right from wrong, and never complained about any of the difficulties he had in his life. He did what he had to do for the benefit of all of us.

My Dad did the best he could with the cards he was dealt. He was an excellent provider, and gave us a loving home to grow up in. The highlight of this home each year was during Christmas. My Dad would work so many extra hours, even side-jobs in order to be able to buy us all as many presents as he can afford. Each Christmas, our home was filled with toys, great food, and happiness. On Christmas morning, I would wake up early and run from my bedroom downstairs toward the living room. To my astonishment, the Christmas tree was surrounded by presents for us all. It was such a joyous occasion. My Dad never had so many Christmas presents and never experienced a loving Christmas like he provided us. He gave us everything we could desire and wanted nothing for himself.

Every time I returned home from my business travels I looked forward to seeing my Dad. He would be sitting in his usually spot on the couch, playing his online poker game. When he saw me, he would jump up, and come to hug me. We would hug hello, I would kiss his head, and then he would ask me how I was. I would tell him I’m OK, and I’m happy to be home. He always worried about me, even though things were going quite well. Upon this return, there was no hello, no hug, and my Dad was gone. The house felt so empty without him. My life feels empty without him. Perhaps this is the normal process of grieving because part of me knows that he is always with me. I found a short poem By Helen Keller that can sum up what I believe.

Our Loved One Will Always be Part of Us

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose,

for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.

I believe and feel my Dad is not gone. He will always be with me. Dad, you are in my heart and on my mind always. Your spirit lives within me, through my fond memories of you, our experiences together, and the lessons you taught me throughout my life. I will pass on these lessons and keep your memory alive. In doing so, you will live for eternity.

William Shakespeare:

When he shall die,

Take him and cut him out in little stars,

And he will make the face of heaven so fine

That all the world will be in love with night,

And pay no worship to the garish sun.

The family would like to extend their sincerest gratitude towards Palm Eastern Mortuary, Las Vegas, and Scarpaci Funeral Home, Staten Island for being very accommodating and understanding during this difficult time.

Visitation will be at Scarpaci Funeral Home located at 6389 Amboy Road, Staten Island, NY 10309 on Thursday, September 13 between the hours of 3:00PM until 8:00 PM, and on Friday, September 14 between the hours of 4:00PM until 9:00PM.

Funeral services for Anthony will be a St. Joseph’s Catholic Church in Rosebank on Saturday, September 15 from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM. Anthony will be laid to rest at Moravian Cemetery located at 2205 Richmond Road, Staten Island, NY 10306.