Hi PJ, it's me again. God, this never gets easier. You would be so proud me of and the girls. Megara and Mazikeeen graduated Kindergarten in the 12th and I'll be graduating college after I finish my finals! I'm taking my last two today! I worked so hard and almost gave up so many times. I know that isn't what you would want for me, though.  It certainly isn't the example to would want me to set for the kids. Auron is getting so big, too. His ADHD and anger are really bad, but I'm working on it. Amunet, oh that sweet, crazy baby. You would love her so much, you would love all of them. Amunet is not walking yet because she is choosing not to, I'm going to spend the summer working on it with her. RJ and I miss you so much. I'll always love you, dad.

It'sfunny John. Thread is supposed to be people giving there condolences to the family. Instead it's out diary to you.

Damned I miss you! They say it gets easier with time. That's not true. Day to day gets easier because we are aging and time passes quicker. Every year though, it's the same thing. I turn into an absolute nut case. It can't be 5 years already. It just can't.   1,825 days ago. 1,826 days too many. I wish you'd come back to me. I still pray for it daily.

I love you John. Forever. I will always be your baby girl. Always.

Another year without you and it doesn't get any easier. I miss you just as much every time. Sometimes more. The girls are five now, Auron is three and Amunet is almost eight months old. My doctor said I can't have anymore babies. It's too risky for both my life and a baby. Amunet and I went through a lot and I almost didn't get to go home with her. I like to think you played part in why I survived. I swear you were there. I love you. Thank you for always being around. 💜

I came across this picture yesterday trying to pretend the 4 year mark hadn't come and gone. Rasputin waiting in the top of the closet for you to get home to pounce on you. What I wouldn't give to see that again. I still wait for the pain to get better but it doesn't.  I have less days totally consumed with the pain than I used to but the hurt from the pain is still the same. I still try to barter with God for him to bring you back to us. He still thinks he has a better idea. I want to go home Papa. To our home. I want to cook dinner together, clean up the kitchen then watch you roll your eyes at my crazy ideas and tell me no. While all the while we both know I  will get it or do it the next day. I'd even behave to have just one more day with you. 1 more dinner, 1 more time cleaning the kitchen, 1 more time you rolling your eyes and telling me no. Just 1 more.

I'll see you at the gates. I love you 💚

PJ, you've been gone for, four years and it never hurts less... the girls are SO big now, so is Auron, he's crazy and wild and so silly, you'd love him. We're having baby number four, her name is Amunet, I'm due November 1st. We're so excited and so blessed, she is going to be our last baby, it's so bittersweet. We just wish you could be here to see us now.. we miss you and love you so much..🥺🩵

Hey PJ. I'm not okay, and that's okay. I swear this gets harder every year. I miss you so much... I am working today and I don't want to. I just want to cry all day but I know you wouldn't accept that. You'd tell me to stop crying and get to work, I just can't seem to help it today. It's so much harder, the kids are growing and you're gone.. They won't ever get to know the only man I was ever proud to call my dad. My heart hurts so, so much today.... I love you and I miss you and I just want to be able to not be okay but I have to be and it sucks. 

I was driving today when I smelled food and it made me crave taco pizza. I haven't had taco pizza since we had it last and I don't remember when that was. It made me cry. I'm still crying. It's the silliest little things we miss and wish we had cherished not just liked. I would really love to eat a taco pizza right now and argue over the tomatoes. Or just over argue over a tomato or a pork roast. We never really argued but the ones that came close were always about food. Amazing how memories can hurt so much as they make you laugh out loud. I always told you I hated pictures because they have memories and I hate memories. I don't know if I hate them still or pray for more with even more detail. I love you John, but DAMNED YOU for leaving me! I can't wait to chew you out on the other side.

Well PJ, I finally recently started therapy. I had a session today that stressed me out more than it helped me. My therapist literally sounded like he was falling asleep on the phone and it made me feel super invalidated. The New Year is bringing in a lot of changes already. Auron is trying to walk already, he is still fully breastfed but of course I introduced food. He hates baby food, he literally gags every time, he likes the good stuff.🤣 The girls are speaking in full sentences and won't let me help them with ANYTHING anymore. Mazikeen literally took it upon herself to dump her potty chair into the toilet after using it today and than put her hand in it afterwards, that was a blast.🥴😅 They are also making the transition to their own room, I'm not ready but they are and it is important to them so it's important to me, too. I miss you so much, I love you. We all do.🧡

Well Papa another New Year came. I didn't want it to. The more New Years that come, the longer I've been without you. In the beginning I wanted it to be years since you left. Now I want to go back to just days because I would not feel so apart from you. 

I'm still so angry you left but I still love you deeply everyday. 

♥️M

John, it's almost silly, still writing to you on this, but I'm missing you alot today. I did it, I hope you're proud of me. I got a good paying job and I got a home for Kassidey, Auron, Mazikeen and Megara. They're getting so big, I wish they could see you, and I also wish you could meet the little guardian. He's getting stronger with each passing day and already ahead of where he should be, Kassidey is such an amazing mother and I know you'd be proud of her too. There's so much I wish I could talk about with you, and now that you're not here, I'm realizing how much I took you for granted, and I'm so sorry for that. I don't care what anyone tells me. PJ, I miss you so much. I wish you could've seen us now. And yet, I know you're in a much better place than this. Take care, Old Man. Know The Grober Clan loves and misses you very much. 

Hearts and stuff,
R.J.

Well 2 years came and went. I couldn't  post on that day.  I don't want to post now. I want you to come home from work and tell me stories about your day. I so miss everything about you and mostly the things that drove me bonkers. Things like how messy you left your car, how you never got all the hair picked up when you shaved and your God awful instance that everyone be awake when the rooster crows. You left us too soon. Know that you are loved, missed, thought of and talked about often. The memories of what you brought to everyone's life you graced lives on. I love you, Baby Girl

Hey PJ, I can't believe it's been two years already. Where has the time gone? In the time you have been gone RJ and I got a place of our own with the girls, they are two now, and I just gave birth to baby number three on April 22nd of this year (2021). A healthy, happy baby boy. His name is Auron. I know you'd love him and I know he would love you just as the girls before him, do. We miss you and love you every day. For an entire year I kept the last drink of a two liter of squirt in the fridge waiting for you to finish it.. You never did.. RJ said it was finally time to let it go and so I had to. I love you so much. Please keep watching over us all as I know you have been. We need you. 💙💙

Hey PJ, I know it's late but Happy Birthday. Life has been so crazy and exciting lately. The girls are getting so big and I know you'd love their wild and free personalities. We all love and miss you so much. I'll talk to you soon.
All my love,  SassyPeas💖💖

Well, I made it through your birthday. Tomorrow will be tough. Our Anniversary. Don't think that will ever quit. Then my birthday. I miss you John. So,so much. 


PJ, today is hitting me extremely hard, I still miss our end of day vaping on the back porch, BSing and talking about our day. I may not have known you long, but you will always be one of the best father figures I've ever had. I miss and love you old man. 

Hey PJ, I can't believe it's been a year already. We miss you and love you so much. The girls are getting SO big. You would've loved them so much.💖💖 it's going to be a rough day. I hope you're dancing. 💖💖

I smell coffee Nana and I hear...nothing. The silence was your time. Little did we know, we'd cherish it before him. 

Here’s a song for you… Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler
https://open.spotify.com/track/2Pxqs0WmxxHTV5QaTdmt3Q?si=x3NgQCjCSnWOxFbFjZNdww

His name is John. John William Kimball. The most incredible Papa John that will ever be! The most incredible example of superior work ethic and stepparent ever. For God's sake, when your adult stepchildren give more accolades to you than their own father, you did something right. Be very, very proud John. See all that you gave us and see that my kids appreciate and respect you every day for it. Even while the cuss at you lol. I want you physically back now but I know you haven't and won't ever leave me.

I love you! Your baby girl always, M
 

Worst New Years ever. I pray so hard for the nightmares to end. 

Oh PJ, the girls, myself, and RJ miss you so much. Your grandbabies love you dearly and they have such mixed emotions when they see your picture. It makes me cry, you can never hold them again, you can never feed them again or kiss them again.. You won't get to see them take their first steps or hold their hands so they don't fall over. I wish you could see how much they're growing into their identicality, but I know you'd be able to tell them apart when no one besides me can. We love you with all of our hearts and we can't wait until you finally come home from work. We miss you PJ.
-love, the Grober clan.💖💖

Oh Papa, It's our anniversary. Just celebrated your birthday, now our anniversary and then my birthday. I'm so, so very unhappy that you aren't here to do all the silly things you said you were going to on my 50th. I am still in awe that it's only been 10 years. We both knew we were soulmates from day 1! Even the kids are still devastated as to them, you were their dad. You are the most AMAZING man ever. I know we won't be united soon enough for me however, I KNOW when I reach those pearly gates, you will be there to guide me home. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! So, so much!!! Side note, the twins are doing well. Mazikeen is definitely your granddaughter, she LOVES all things food. Megara, not so much. They see your picture everyday and I know you hear them talking to you. 9 grands Papa.....Yep, we did well. I LOVE YOU 😚

Pt 3
but the look on my father's face was amazing.  He was so proud to help me, he took me to his safe and handed me money.  I told him that I would pay him back as soon as I got paid, and he told me no.  I hadn't seen my dad that happy in a long time.  He wanted to feel needed by me so much, and he told me that Chris and I never asked him for anything, and he wanted to be there for us. I made a point to visit my father as much as I could.  I would always help him move into a new place and he helped me move last year. 
The last time I saw my father was a week before he passed, and he looked like he was in so much pain. He was moving bricks into the garage of his new house. I wanted to take him home with me and let him just relax, but he was so stubborn.  He told me he couldn't stop moving because then he would be done. 
I saw my father work so hard to make other people happy, and I wish I could have made him more happy. 
 I will no longer have him with me to go fishing, or go on walks, or simple just see. 
He won't be able to walk me down the isle if I ever get married, and if Chris or I ever have kids he won't be there to see them, and I know he would have made an amazing first time grandpa.  
I will love and miss my father everyday for the rest of my life. 
And I hope to see him again. 

Love, 
You're daughter. 



Pt 1
Thinking about the good times a had with my dad. 
I still remember him tucking me into bed, and sitting with me until I fell asleep.  My dad always woke up early to watch the news and drink his coffee (his peace and quiet time). I remember being young, but I would also wake up early just so I could sit on his lap and watch the news with him.
I was never an easy child, and both my parents really had to keep an eye on me. Mostly because when I was 3 or 4 my dad gave me a quarter and I decided to walk myself from Jackson street to the old Safeway (now it's a probation office) on west main street.  I got a bouncy ball with my quarter, and during this time my parents were frantic looking for me.  I remembered being afraid of cars, so whenever I saw one go by I would always hide.  Apparently my father was riding with an officer looking for me, and my father saw my little leg sticking out of a Bush at mcloughlin middle school. I Got in big trouble for that one, but my dad let me keep my bouncy ball anyway.  I did walk pretty far to get it. Lol. However,  He did nail my window down afterward. 
My dad and I went on walks often, he taught me how to tie my shoes,ride a bike, and how to defend myself against a bully who would never leave me alone.  And of course being my father's daughter, I punched the bully right in the face.  She never bothered me again.  
As I was getting older I felt like I needed every animal I could catch, it didn't matter if it was a cat, bird, snake, frog, literally whatever a caught I would bring home.  I even found a snapping turtle in an open field. I hid it in my room for about a week before my dad found it.  He said to me "how the hell did you catch this turtle " I mean, the sucker was huge! I was very upset with my dad for letting it go.  There was another time when I caught a salmon that was swimming up river. I was maybe 9 years old.  The fish was really big, and I caught it with my hands.  My dad was at work, but I was so excited to show 

I got this Papa! Just as you knew I would. The twins are safe, I'm safe and I'm bringing you home soon. I LOVE YOU UNTIL MY LAST BREATH!

Your only Babygirl 😚

We rose above all together. I know you remember me blowing you that kiss. Steak lunch day as a matter of fsct.

I couldn't write at the 1 month mark. I slept for 3 days straight before that day. Then that day, I got up and did what you loved the most about me...I got my mind set and got a job you'd approve of. Yes, it's bartending however at Red Lobster. My heart hurts EVERY DAY. I still wake up every morning they minute you leave. I still have a panic attack if I'm not home in time to cook dinner. Your lunch is by the coffee pot and you better clean your coffee mess! I LOVE YOU, I NEED YOU! Always. YOUR #1 Baby Girl

Dammit PJ....no one to have quiet and coffee with. My coffee pot broke..humm wonder why. I said dammit you hate to hear me swear...you are sorely missed. Mak misses you so much.

John, I can't understand WHY this happened... When you came by last month it was sooo weird that I didn't recognize you til you TOLD ME that you were JOHN, EXHUSBAND... EVEN THO WE Split, I will FOREVER KEEP the good memories... Like the time you MADE ME BELIEVE THAT IT WAS LESS THAN AN HOURS WALK FROM FISH LAKE TO ASHLAND!!! I recall being SOOO mad that I actually LAUGHED instead of going crazy--woman on you... SOOO MANY MEMORIES... 22 YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND EVEN LONGER AS MY BEST FRIEND. YOU weren't perfect, neither was I. BUT you DID YOUR BEST, you were always there to pick me up, and you LOVED BOTH OUR CHILDREN EXACTLY THE SAME... EVEN THO CHRIS WAS ALREADY 3 WEEKS OLD WHEN YOU PROPOSED, YOU NEVER EVEN ONCE ACTED LIKE A STEPDAD, I ALWAYS SAID IT WAS CHRIS THAT YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THAT FIRST NIGHT... THAT FIRST NIGHT WSS THE FIRST TIME YOU SAVED MY BUTT ALSO... THE 1ST BUT DEFINATELY NOT THE LAST... DON'T WORRY THO, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT OUR CHILDREN ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU... NOW YOU CAN FINALLY BE WITH YOUR DEAR MOTHER AGAIN, IN PEACE WITH NO MORE PAIN OR SADNESS...  

By God you will live on through me, as I strive to embody all of the things I love about you, and learn from the blunders you've gone through.

Dad, I will be the man you hoped I would be.
I'll be the man I know you strived to be.
I love and miss you so much, and I'll do everything I can to fill this huge gap that was made when you left this place.

Most fathers don't choose their children, but you chose me, and I will always have a huge amount or respect and love for you...I choose you, forever.
I have at least some peace in this knowing that I loved and love you with all I could, and that you loved me just as much.

I love you dad. I hope I see you again in a dream soon. Look over the rest of our family and help me keep you alive in me until we can meet again.

We will never stop missing you, and we will never stop loving you. The world just isn't the same without you in it, and I hope you know it.

Dear dad, losing you has been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my entire life...
I was only weeks old when you came into my life and took me on as your own...you're the only father I've ever known, and someone who despite whatever flaws you may have had, made endless sacrifices for a desparate, young, single mother and a child you had no responsibility to care for. You raised me as your own, under your name, and treated me with just as much love and consideration as your own biological daughter, my little sister. Anyone you loved you would do anything for, literally anything, and the people who knew you admired this about you.

You were fearless...even when some fear would have suited you better. You taught me that being a man means standing up for the people you care about, regardless of if it is uncomfortable or even painful. You taught me how to defend myself, and to learn the difference between sport and survival.
You taught me that love is sometimes difficult, sometimes ugly, but always worth it. You taught me to be analytical of the world and the people in it, but at the same time to give them a chance. You taught me the difference between love and firmness, and the importance of both. You taught me the value of independence, and about the benefits of self sacrifice and the perils of immediate gratification. 

Dear dad, you taught me the value of life, and it's cold brevity. You've left your mark on me. You've impacted me. People who saw us together would tell me how much we looked and acted alike, which was always both surprising yet kind of obvious.

I know that I will never see you again. I will never see your full potential, and you will never see my full potential, my kids, my mistakes, and all those little events that make up the highlights of human life. I will never hug you again, or see that smirk you'd get when you'd taunt me and tell me you could still "take me on"...but I will never forget you.
By God you will live on through me.

John I want you to know just how much I love you, you are the only man that made my siblings and I feel like our mom was in good hands with, you always had her best intentions in mind, all the time... You and I are VERY VERY close, you always knew you could and did confide in me, I offered you a safe place to share your struggles, and love unconditionally, you brought out the best in my mom, as she did for you, I'll never forget the times we have shared together, laughing, crying, yelling, sharing, it never mattered we always have that Unconditional love, so nothing could ever keep us apart for long, I want you to know that I look up to you, in many ways and I learned so much from you, and I was ALWAYS able to make you smile, I'm going to miss you for all of my life, but I know you are in a better place, and I know your not in pain anymore, but I'll tell you what, I can never, ever forget that half-cocked smile of yours....when you would try not to smile, and how you ALWAYS had the most clutch line to say and make everyone laugh, I'll miss the way you laugh, I'll miss your vibe, I'll miss your additude, I'll miss you so much so much....we were very close, I will miss it when you get disappointed in me the most, because it just shows how much you loved me, and care for my well being, and same for my siblings there is so much more I can say and story's to tell that this post can never fit and that makes me very happy too, but above all, I'll miss that half cocked smile...I am so happy it is burned into my brain...I Love you John you are an amazing man.
   

Oh PJ, where do I start, so many wonderful memories it's so hard to choose just one. I can definitely say one of my favorite memories is when you would stand at my bedroom door and just wait for the girls to move even the slightest bit while they were sleeping just so you could have an excuse to come in and hold them and lay on the bed with them. They may not have gotten a lot of time with you but my goodness the time they got, they loved every second of it. We miss you so much PJ and we love you so much. Watch over us up there, we need you.❤❤

PJ was always there for me and my family, he called me out on my faults but no matter what he always ended our conversations with a smile on both our faces and he backed and supported me on everything I needed to do in my life. I'm going to miss him more than I can fathom, but i still have my talks with him on the back porch vaping, just like we always did for a day recap or just talking and joking with each other. Love and miss you John, and I know you're still with me.

An amazing man. I have no words to describe him. I love him with all my heart and soul. Your lunch is waiting.

AVIS DE DÉCÈS

John William Kimball

21 août 1967 – 17 juin 2019

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